


Adrift

by Sandmann, SHTWSPNSH



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bounty Hunter Magnus Bane, Car Accidents, Cutting, Drugged Alec Lightwood, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Trauma, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Law Student Alec Lightwood, M/M, Medical Procedures, Near Drowning, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Jace Wayland, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Scars, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, alternative universe, detailed medical writing, medical writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 112,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21743248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandmann/pseuds/Sandmann, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHTWSPNSH/pseuds/SHTWSPNSH
Summary: Alec Lightwood is a law student.One night out with his siblings changes his life forever.This is a very dark, very graphic AU story about redemption and healing. Of undergoing a traumatic event and having to find a way to overcome it.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 756
Kudos: 824





	1. Authors' Note

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: We do not own any of these characters.

This is what happens when two like-minded souls find each other on AO3 and start to write together, combating time differences and shared-document glitches...

It all started with a very basic idea that soon spiraled out of control.

Countless hours of brainstorming, writing, rewriting and then some more writing later... And here we are, ready to share our story with you.

It includes the darkest and most graphic content either of us have ever attempted, and it’s definitely trigger-worthy. Believe us, we even triggered ourselves writing it!

Please read the tags carefully and proceed with caution, if you choose to proceed at all.

Most importantly, we ask you to keep in mind that this story isn’t just about the gratuitous hurt, although there is plenty of it for those of you who enjoy such things!

This is ultimately a story about redemption, and healing. Of undergoing a traumatic event and having to find a way to overcome it.

It’s about finding healthy coping mechanisms and trusting your loved ones to be there for you when you’re ready to open up about your hardships.

Our goal is to reach out to those who may have experienced something similar, struggled with the emotions that our characters feel, or even know someone who does/has. 

And above all, to let you know that you’re not alone.

Trauma can be caused by a lot of different events – it doesn’t necessarily have to be the scenario we are painting in our story. There are numerous facets to it.

We have every intention of handling these sensitive matters with the utmost respect and hope you will find it in your hearts to do the same. 

The comment section for this story will no longer be moderated by us, so please share your thoughts as you read along, but also please be respectful and we will gladly respond in kind!

We’ve tagged everything we can think of to warn you all sufficiently, but if you come across anything we may have missed, please let us know and we will rectify it immediately! 

Each chapter will include a specific list of warnings as well, so check those first before continuing, or skip the chapter entirely if you prefer.

It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but we assure you that it WILL have a happy ending when all is said and done.

Should you be struggling with the aftermath of a traumatic experience of any kind, do not hesitate to ask for help. You are not weak for reaching out and wanting assistance or guidance.

Talk to a close friend, your family, your GP. Call a helpline. Whatever it takes!

There are people out there who do not judge and who are willing to listen.

Please take the trigger warnings we give seriously. We don’t want to cause any harm with our writing.

Take care of yourselves, and each other!

And now, on to the official chapter one...

Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	2. Introspection

November 27, 2019

“Ah, if it isn’t the elusive Mr. Lightwood...” the therapist chuckled as he addressed his last patient of the day. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Doctor Spencer.”

“Alec,” the twenty-six-year-old countered as he reluctantly shook hands with the old man who beamed at him over the rim of his spectacles.

“Come on in, Alec.”

The eldest Lightwood cautiously stepped into the room, stuffing his fists deep into his jacket pockets to hide their trembling as he came to a stop just shy of the clichéd couch.

He definitely did NOT want to be here. He was handling everything just fine on his own, thank you very much. 

Meddling with his head and dredging up the past wasn’t going to do any...

He flinched noticeably as the door snapped shut behind him with a loud click, leaving him trapped in the small office space with the total stranger.

Alec’s heart skipped a beat in panic.

_There was a heavy fire door leading out to a raised platform, then stairs down into a dark alley, lit only by the single bulb above the exit._

_He was manhandled outside, then the door latched shut behind them, swallowing the music and flashing lights from within the club and plunging the alley into a deafening stillness._

Feeling exposed and vulnerable with his back turned, Alec quickly spun around and watched warily as the therapist advanced into the room a few steps before veering off towards his own small armchair.

Just as Dr. Spencer was about to sit down, he realized that Alec was still standing awkwardly. The man motioned towards the couch opposite him in invitation.

“Please, have a seat.”

Sitting was quite possibly the _last _thing Alec wanted to do at that moment. 

He had too much nervous energy coursing through him, and pacing sounded like a much better option for ridding himself of the jitters, but the man was watching him intently, preparing to gauge his reaction so he could act accordingly.

Alec was sure it had to be a test. 

In fact, everything that was going to happen during the course of the next hour was likely to be a test. And if he failed to impress, the doctor would no doubt order more sessions.

He had to hold it together. Had to prove to this guy that he was fine. And maybe then, they’d all leave him alone to deal with his pain in his own way.

Alec wasn’t a fool. He knew it was the therapist’s job to get him to talk. But he had zero intentions of feeding the doc anything that could ultimately be used against him.

This was nothing more than a chess match of wits. Alec would have to do his best to keep his guard up and choose his battles carefully if he were going to win.

No way in hell was he laying down on that couch though... He was pretty sure that only happened in movies.

He perched himself on the very edge of the soft cushion and glanced around the small office, taking in the details as a form of distraction while the therapist flipped through his notepad and prepared to begin.

“I’m glad you decided to make it today,” the man announced, picking up on Alec’s barely contained anxiety and attempting to break the ice with some small-talk. “That shows you’re ready to take the first step towards healing.”

Alec shrugged nonchalantly, trying to appear calmer than he felt. “I was in the area,” he muttered back.

In truth, his brother, Jace, had left work early to pick Alec up, then forced him to attend this rescheduled (for the third time) appointment. 

The first time Jace had scheduled a session for him, Alec had sat down with his brother and explained that it was too soon, fully prepared to beg for more time if that’s what it took to put it off. 

Back then, it had only been a month since “the incident” and he wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened to him. 

Eventually, Jace had relented, as Alec knew he would.

Another month went by without any mention of therapy and Alec thought he was in the clear, but then Jace told him his new appointment was coming up, and this time, he had to go.

The older boy’s recent behavior and steady decline in mental and physical health were worrying Jace, and he refused to let it snowball any further.

To keep the peace, Alec had agreed to give therapy a chance. But once he arrived in the parking lot, the panic had taken hold. 

He got back into his car and drove around town until the hour had passed and he could breathe properly again.

When he got home, Jace asked how the session had gone, and Alec was too ashamed of his weakness to admit the truth, so he had lied. 

He said everything went smoothly, and he didn’t have to go to any follow-up sessions. All was well.

Then the therapist’s office called Jace back and asked if he wanted to reschedule the appointment for the second time since no one had showed.

Busted.

Jace accepted the next available spot- a month and a half out- then watched Alec like a hawk until the fateful day arrived.

He had practically frog-marched Alec to the door and shoved him inside, promising he’d wait by his motorcycle to take Alec home after the hour-long session was over. 

He’d said that the fresh air would do him some good, but Alec wasn’t fooled. 

He knew Jace was sticking around for the sole purpose of making sure that Alec didn’t go running for the hills the first chance he got.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t clocked all the potential escape routes on his way in. 

The large bay window across from the door was the most promising if he needed a quick exit, and by the time Jace knew anything was afoot, Alec would be long gone.

Dr. Spencer had no doubt seen the blond loitering outside and knew that Alec wasn’t here of his own free will, but he didn’t call Alec out on his bullshit.

Instead, he gave him a broad smile, which increased the amount of wrinkles near his eyes and mouth tenfold. 

He seemed friendly enough, but then... New acquaintances tended to at first.

Alec dropped his gaze and fiddled with his hands in his lap, counting the seconds in his head as they ticked by audibly thanks to the loud clock on the wall behind Dr. Spencer’s desk.

As the silence stretched on and made Alec’s skin start to crawl, he chanced a glance back up and found that the man was still staring at him, assessing him.

It seemed he was perfectly content to let Alec make the first move. The problem was, he had no idea what he was supposed to do or say.

“So uh...” He cleared his throat when his voice cracked. “How exactly does this work?”

“Well, typically we’d start off with simple conversation and build up a rapport over time. Get to know one another until you’re comfortable enough to delve into the deeper stuff. 

“But something tells me once you walk out that door again, you don’t plan on coming back. Am I right?”

Alec stiffened at the accusation, unnerved by its accuracy.

Was he really that transparent? And if so, what else was he revealing to others without proper consent?

Instead of justifying the posed question with an answer, his eyes drifted towards his window exit again. 

He drew his lower lip into his mouth and bit down on it to keep himself from admitting his desperation out loud.

“It’s alright, Alec. I understand your hesitancy. A lot of people have trouble opening up, especially about difficult subjects. But if this is to be our only session together, then I suggest we make use of this time and jump right into the heart of the matter.”

“Which is?” Alec hedged nervously, wondering how much the man had already been told.

Dr. Spencer shuffled some things around and pulled a manila file folder out of the stack of paperwork in his lap, then held it up for Alec to see.

It looked innocent enough with its neatly-typed label and small coffee stain in the lower right corner. 

But as Alec had found out the hard way, looks could be deceiving.

“What is that?” he asked tentatively, not sure he really wanted an answer.

“This is a police file, dated June 15, 2019. Does that date mean anything to you?”

Alec’s cheeks flushed in a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “If you’ve read the file, then you know full-well that it does.”

“I _have _read the file. And I do know the basics of what happened to you that night. No sense in beating ‘round the bush. The evidence found at the scene paints a rather gruesome picture.”

Alec’s jaw flexed with tension as he dug his fingernails into his palms and remained silent.

“But I also discovered that there is still quite a bit missing from this file,” the therapist continued. “For instance, your actual police report. Why haven’t you chosen to file one yet?”

_For a very good reason_, Alec thought to himself, feeling his heart picking up pace again. He wasn’t about to put anyone else’s life in jeopardy for the sake of his own peace of mind.

His attacker had made that threat perfectly clear when he caught him for the second time that early July night in the park...

_“Hello again, Alec. Apologies for ruining your nightly jog, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re planning to talk to the police tomorrow morning. Is that true?”_

_Alec struggled against the two men holding him down on his knees inside the large black van, his arms wrenched painfully behind his back._

_“I suggest you have a change of heart, bruv, or I'll be forced to apply more pressure.”_

_Alec’s left arm was yanked painfully higher, and he had no choice but to bow down obediently or risk dislocating his shoulder._

_The man sauntered closer and raised Alec’s head with a finger beneath his chin._

_“As I’ve just proven, my people can get to anyone, at any time. I have resources high up, far beyond your imagination. Be smart about this, Alec, and keep your mouth shut. Or maybe next time, I’ll arrange a little visit with one of your siblings instead...”_

Alec shook himself mentally and tried to keep his expression calm.

“I didn’t file a report cause it wouldn’t do any good,” he replied steadily.

“And why is that?” Dr. Spencer inquired as he poised his pen over the pad in his lap. “Surely any information you can give to the police would help them track down the man who assaulted you?”

“Yeah, well... I can’t tell them what I don’t know.”

The doc frowned at him over the rim of his glasses.

“Are you saying you didn’t see his face? Was he wearing a mask?”

Alec shrugged again. “Maybe. I don’t remember.”

The therapist was studying him, searching his expression for a lie.

“I don’t think you’re being completely honest with me, Alec...”

Alec stared resolutely back, not even daring to blink.

“Believe whatever you like. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t remember much of that night. The whole thing is a bit of a blur.”

Without realizing what he was doing, Alec extracted his right hand from his pocket to subconsciously sooth away the phantom ache in his left shoulder.

“I see... Did he threaten you to keep quiet?” He gestured towards Alec’s arm. “Maybe even induce more pain to make sure the message was received?”

Alec froze, falling completely silent.

The man gave him a knowing look. 

“That’s not uncommon in cases like yours. For the attackers, it’s always about establishing dominance.

“But the only way for you to truly feel safe again is by putting him behind bars where he belongs. To do that, you need to let the police know everything that you can remember.”

“Like I said, I don’t remember much.”

Unsure of what to make of Alec’s declaration, Dr. Spencer pressed for more details.

“What about the simple things like hair color, eye color, height... Did he have any tattoos? Any distinguishing marks or scars? An accent, perhaps?”

A close-up image, clear as day, flashed in front of Alec’s eyes.

_Short, curly black hair, dark eyes, nice suit, and a blindingly white smile..._

_Alec had just let out a heavy, forlorn sigh when the man had approached him._

_“Uh oh. I know _that _sound well...” came the sultry British voice from his left. “_That _is the sound of unrequited love.”_

Alec blinked.

“I. Don’t. Remember.”

“Is that perhaps because you don’t _want _to remember what happened that night?”

“No, it’s because I was _drugged_,” the boy stated sharply, barely keeping a leash on his rising anger.

If the therapist truly _was _trying to bait him into an outburst, he just might get his wish.

“And how did he drug you?”

_A strong hand on his shoulder, a charming smile, polite conversation..._

_A sickly-sweet shot, a bitter aftertaste, dizziness, confusion._

_Alec groaned in dismay and steadied himself with his hands on his knees as he doubled-over._

_“Easy now... Don’t fight it, Alec. You’re only making it harder on yourself.”_

Alec swallowed hard before replying.

“He uh... He put something in my drink. At the bar.”

“Your brother’s bar, correct? The one he works at?”

“Yeah. _Pandemonium_.”

There was more scratching of the pen on the pad, setting Alec’s teeth on edge.

“And how often do you drink, Alec?”

The boy looked up at that, wondering if the man was accusing him of something, or just trying to get more information out of him.

“I _don’t_. That night was meant to be a celebration of sorts.”

“Ah. What were you celebrating?”

Alec let out a put-upon sigh for theatrics.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything, but it was the end of the school year, and the start of a new internship at my father’s firm.”

The therapist’s eyes widened a bit in pleasant surprise.

“Seems like congratulations are in order then! How is the internship going so far?”

“It’s not. I quit a few months ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like to discuss what happened?”

“Not particularly.”

“Alright then. How about you tell me what you _do _remember about that night?”

“Look, doc... I get what you’re trying to do here, and I’m telling you, it’s not necessary. The fact is, I’ve come to terms with everything that happened back then, and I’ve moved on.”

There was a glint in the man’s eyes that screamed _Checkmate_.

“How can you come to terms with something you don’t remember though?”

Alec gaped at him like a fish out of water before snapping his mouth shut again.

Unsure of how to respond without backing himself into a corner, he chose to keep quiet instead.

Undaunted, the therapist pressed further.

“If you don’t face what happened, Alec, you’ll never truly be able to heal. It will haunt you for the rest of your life. This is your chance to get it off your chest.”

Dr. Spencer was clearly trying to provoke him into an emotional reaction, and Alec refused to waltz into his trap.

“Like I said, I’m fine.”

“Fine, huh? Judging by the injury report in this dossier, you were in that man’s clutches for quite a while before the paramedics arrived. And the amount of trauma you suffered at his hands tends to leave lasting scars, both mental and physical ones.”

Images of that night assaulted Alec’s mind once again.

_Being shoved up against the brick wall, a sinister laugh in his ear, rough hands everywhere, the man’s hot tongue on his neck, the stench of sweat, blood, urine, and spicy cologne..._

_And an eerily whistled tune that made the hairs all over his body stand on end._

Alec shivered, then blinked hard to push the memories back down.

Dr. Spencer was still watching him closely, noting his quickened breath and the light sheen of sweat along his forehead. He leaned forward conspiratorially.

“Where did you just go, Alec? What were you thinking about?”

Alec shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

“I... N-nothing. ‘m just tired.”

Alec pressed a thumb and forefinger against his eyelids hard enough to see stars. Anything was better than these damned flashes.

“And why’s that? Are you not sleeping at night?”

In truth, he hadn’t slept through a night since the attack in June.

This was all hitting a bit too close to home for comfort. It was too much, too fast.

Alec started getting more defensive in response. 

He slumped back into the cushions to put more distance between himself and the therapist, then crossed his arms over his chest, creating a physical barrier between them.

His eyes darkened defiantly as he locked gazes with the man.

“I sleep like a baby,” he stated flatly.

“Really?” Dr. Spencer prodded skeptically, unfazed by Alec’s attitude. “No insomnia then? No nightmares waking you at all hours?”

Alec’s mouth went dry.

_Damn it... What had Jace told this guy?_

“Nope. All good.”

The therapist’s gaze raked over Alec’s body, making the boy shrug deeper into his jacket in discomfort.

“Your red eyes and twitchy behavior say otherwise.”

Dr. Spencer stared pointedly at Alec’s right knee, and only then did he realize that it had started to bounce up and down of its own accord at some point during the questioning.

He quickly brought it to a stop, hating himself for the slip-up.

“What is it you want to hear, Dr. Spencer? That I wake up every night screaming? That I rock myself to sleep in the fetal position?”

“If that’s the truth, then yes.”

“Well, it’s not. Sorry to disappoint.”

“And the fact that you can’t remember everything that happened to you... That doesn’t bother you at all?”

Alec pursed his lips and shook his head.

“Not even a little. As far as I’m concerned, I'm better off not knowing.”

“Then why are you getting so defensive?”

“...I’m not.”

Alec didn’t realize what he was doing, but he dropped his arms into his lap and began tugging his shirt sleeves down into his sweaty palms.

Dr. Spencer didn’t miss the tell though. 

“Alec, you’ve been through a horrific trauma. The longer you try to deny that instead of facing it, the more damage you’re going to do to yourself. The kind that leaves permanent scars.”

Alec froze, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why did you say that?”

“Because it’s the truth. Tell me, when did you start cutting?”

“Did my brother tell you about that?” Alec demanded, feeling the stirrings of betrayal burning through his gut.

“No, son. You did. Just now.” He jutted his chin towards Alec’s nervous habit, and the boy released his sleeves with a frustrated sigh and crossed his arms again.

“I only did it once. And it barely counted. More of a scratch than a cut.”

“And your brother... He knows about it?”

“Yeah. One of the main reasons he made me come here today.”

“I’m glad he did. But I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves here, so why don’t we take it from the top? Bring me back to that night. What is the first thing that you _do _remember?”

Alec glanced over to the loud clock and inwardly groaned. 

Only fifteen minutes had passed so far. If he wanted to make it out of here with minimal damage, he’d have to stall for time.

There was only one play left for him to make; Switching from defense to offense.

If the doctor wanted details, then he’d give him details. Every boring one of them.

“The first thing I remember was being at my apartment, talking to my sister, Izzy...”

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoyed this very first chapter of many more to come!
> 
> We love to hear your thoughts and are grateful for any feedback!
> 
> Sandmann&SHTWSPNSH


	3. A Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is at the therapist's office and starts to tell him more about that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the next chapter of Adrift.  
Please read the tags to our story carefully.  
If needed, there will be special trigger warnings for each chapter as we post them. Those will be found in the notes at the end of each chapter! Make sure to check them out to avoid reading any unwanted content.  
We hope you enjoy accompanying Alec on his journey to his past.

_June 15, 2019_

_“I don’t want to go, Iz. You know the club scene really isn’t my thing,” Alec groused as he leaned against his bedroom wall, arms crossed while his sister raided his closet for an appropriate outfit for him to wear._

_She had taken it upon herself to stop by her brothers’ apartment on the way to said club to try and convince Alec one last time to join their group for a fun night out._

_As expected, Alec was still adamantly refusing. He _always _refused._

_“You don’t have a _thing_, big brother,” she retorted, rummaging as far back as she could reach._

_The poor guy had zero fashion sense._

_She had already nixed most of his daily apparel, tossing the rejects onto his bed with criticisms like “too drab,” “too ugly,” and “I love you, Alec, but you can’t wear a sweater to a rock concert...”_

_Alec bit the inside of his cheek, resisting the urge to rehang the shirts before they started to wrinkle and he’d have to iron them all again._

_Little sisters could be so frustrating at the best of times._

_“You’re right,” he began, giving Izzy pause. “Why focus on useless things like schoolwork and a future career when I could be out drinking myself into a stupor with the rest of the alcoholics?”_

_He flashed her a fake smile and she huffed at him._

_“Sarcasm does not become you, Alec.”_

_Izzy threw another shirt onto the bed before turning her full attention to her brother._

_“Listen, you’ve been sitting at that desk with your nose stuck in your law books for the entire semester. It’s time you got out into the real world and enjoyed yourself! Especially since your internship is about to begin and we’ll be losing you to an office cubicle for the next three months...”_

_Alec rolled his eyes, having heard this speech many times before. _

_“I’d be much happier staying in with some drinks and take-out, so don’t try and pretend this inevitable disaster you’re planning for tonight has anything to do with me.”_

_“Did you ever stop to think that this might actually be fun?”_

_“Not particularly, no.”_

_Alec’s upper lip curled in disgust as Isabelle pulled a flashy shirt from the back of his closet (a shirt that she had bought him years ago and he did his best to hide), and held it up against his chest as a visual aid._

_He glanced down and the obnoxiously vivid colors made him cringe. Clearly, he should have gotten rid of it when he had the chance._

_She quirked an eyebrow up at him in question, but he shook his head._

_“Definitely not.”_

_She sighed in disappointment. “You can’t wear black all the time, Alec. You could use a little color in your life.”_

_“There’s a difference between ‘a little color’ and a shirt that looks like a unicorn sneezed rainbows and glitter all over it.”_

_“Oh, please... You’re exaggerating. I think you’d look good in this.”_

_“Izzy, not even Elton John could pull that off.”_

_“Play your cards right, big brother, and maybe someone else will pull it off for you!”_

_She winked at him, and he glared back stubbornly. “I said no.”_

_“Alright, alright...”_

_She pouted as she gave the shirt one last longing look, then added it to the heap on his bed before digging around in his closet for another._

_“Listen, Alec... I know clubs are outside your comfort zone, but we’re doing this to support Simon, remember? This is his first gig at a big venue.”_

_Alec grimaced as if the very thought pained him._

_“Is that supposed to be incentive?”_

_She punched him on the arm playfully. “Be nice! He is your brother-in-law, after all.”_

_“I already have a real brother, remember? One who isn’t so... chatty,” Alec finished with distaste._

_Izzy chuckled at him._

_“I bet you guys would actually get along if you took the time to get to know him.”_

_“Think I’ll pass, thanks.”_

_“Then do this for Jace. Are you really going to make him put up with Simon all on his own? Cause I don’t see that ending well, do you?”_

_Alec let out a huff of annoyance. _

_“And how is that my problem?”_

_She flashed a big, endearing smile at him._

_“Because I’m your little sister and you love me?”_

_Alec pursed his lips, then finally caved, just as Izzy had anticipated he would._

_“Fine. I’ll go. But I’m picking my own outfit.”_

_Isabelle squealed in delight. “Deal!” Then she gave her brother a bone-crushing hug. “Find something fast though, because we’ll be heading out as soon as Jace gets home!”_

_She practically skipped out of his room, leaving Alec to clean up the mess of clothing on his bed. _

_He took his time doing so, inwardly hoping she’d give up and just take off without him._

_Unfortunately, Izzy was nothing if not persistent._

_“You better not be lollygagging in there!” she called from the other room._

_After putting the last shirt back in his closet, Alec skimmed through his options._

_He was already wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt. A bit monochromatic, but whatever. He liked black._

_Alec reached into his closet and pulled out a denim button-up, deciding it was good enough._

_If Izzy had a problem with it, he’d happily offer to not go again._

_Just as he was fastening the last button, he heard the loud bang of the front door, signaling that his brother, Jace, had arrived. _

_Alec could hear his sister excitedly informing Jace that they were all going together now. Moments later, Jace popped his head into Alec’s bedroom._

_“She finally wore you down, huh?”_

_“Turns out Izzy might actually be more stubborn than I am.”_

_“Well there’s a terrifying thought...”_

_Alec snorted, then caught Jace looking him up and down curiously. He raised an eyebrow at the blond. “What?”_

_“Nothing. Just... Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”_

_Alec shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, why?”_

_“...No reason.”_

_“Oh, Alec...”_

_Izzy stepped around Jace and into the room again, coming right up to Alec. He was just about to unleash his argument about not going when she beamed at him._

_“Blue is definitely your color,” she finished, and Alec ducked his head a bit, hoping they couldn’t tell that he was blushing._

_“It’s just a shirt, Izzy,” he mumbled, then frowned in confusion when she reached up and began undoing the buttons he had just finished fastening._

_“What are...? What are you doing?” he stuttered, sounding flustered as he attempted to bat her hands away unsuccessfully._

_“Unbuttoning your shirt a little. What does it look like I’m doing?”_

_“Why?” Alec demanded, finally managing to capture her wrists before she could undo the fourth button._

_“Because, believe it or not, you’re actually a really attractive guy, Alec. It wouldn’t kill you to show that off once in a while.”_

_Alec turned to his brother for help, but Jace just smirked at him. “She’s right, you know. It does look better that way. More casual. You’ve gotta learn to loosen up a bit, dude.”_

_Izzy pulled free of his grip, then stood on tip-toes and ruffled his strategically combed hair, making his bangs fall loosely onto his forehead and the rest of his hair look unkempt._

_“Stop it!” Alec ordered, jerking back before reaching up to try and flatten his hair again with no luck._

_“Much better,” she preened before turning around to head for the door. “Okay. We can go now!”_

_Jace snickered at his brother’s blatant sulking._

_“Come on, buddy. Let’s just get this over with, shall we? First round is on me.”_

_***_

_Much sooner than Alec was prepared for, they arrived at Pandemonium. _

_Jace had been working there as a bartender for over a year, and it was thanks to his pull with the manager that Simon even had this gig tonight._

_Though, as the blond repeatedly insisted, he hadn’t done it for Simon. He only did it to get Izzy off his back._

_Jace had the night off so he could attend as a patron. According to him, there was no way he’d listen to the “Musical Bears” sober._

_They passed Simon’s empty “Rock Solid Panda” van in the lot before entering through the backdoor so they wouldn’t have to pay the coverage fees._

_Izzy headed for the VIP rooms to check on Simon while the boys headed straight for the bar._

_Maia was working Jace’s shift tonight._

_She smirked at him as he approached. “Well, if it isn’t the slacker...”_

_“Thanks for holding down the fort, Maia. I promise to be your best customer, if that helps.”_

_“Leave a decent tip, and you’ll be forgiven. So what’ll it be tonight, boys?”_

_“Whiskey. Neat,” Jace replied immediately._

_Maia nodded, having anticipated as much. “And for your friend?”_

_“Brother, actually,” Jace confirmed. “Maia, this is Alec. Alec, Maia. The biggest pain in my ass since I started working here,” he finished with a loving wink._

_She snorted at him. “Nice to meet you, Alec. I can see which one of you got the good looks in your family... Probably all the common sense too.”_

_“And you just lost your tip,” Jace teased her while Alec blushed, uncomfortable with the casual flirting._

_Maia swatted Jace with a bar towel, then handed him his drink before turning back to Alec._

_“What can I get you tonight, handsome?”_

_“I uh...” _

_In all honesty, Alec wasn’t much of a drinker. He had never acquired a taste for liquor, not even during his early college days. _

_But now that he was being put on the spot, he blurted, “I’ll just have what he’s having,” and pointed to Jace._

_His brother’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but he didn’t say anything to embarrass Alec, for which the older boy was eternally grateful._

_“You’ve got it!” Maia replied, and then Alec found himself with his own glass of the amber liquid._

_Jace held his drink up for a toast. “Cheers, to finally getting you out of the apartment.”_

_“I’m already regretting it,” Alec muttered back, but he clinked the glasses together anyway._

_Jace watched gleefully as Alec raised his drink, then sniffed it cautiously. It didn’t smell promising._

_“You are so going to hate that, by the way...” Jace informed his brother._

_Alec took a tentative sip, then pulled a face. “Ach!”_

_“Told ya!”_

_“How can you drink this stuff?! It tastes like burnt rubber!”_

_Jace laughed heartily, then took a rather sizable gulp of his own._

_“True, but it does the trick! If you want something else, I’ll gladly finish that one off for you...”_

_Alec happily slid his drink across the bar. “It’s all yours.”_

_***_

_Jace knew his brother was embarrassed about his lack of drinking knowledge, so he called Maia back over and ordered his “specialty”._

_Alec wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that, but Maia chuckled and went about making it anyway. _

_What she brought back was dark red, more like wine, and smelled fruity. It even came with a little umbrella, which Alec quickly tossed aside with a blush._

_“You’ll like that one, I promise,” Jace stated._

_Trusting his brother, Alec took a swig of his new drink and his eyes lit up in pleasant surprise._

_“Wow, that’s actually not bad! What is it?”_

_Jace waited until his brother was mid-gulp before informing him that he was drinking a “Sex on the Beach.”_

_Alec instantly started choking, and Jace had to slap him on the back a few times._

_When Alec glanced back up through watery eyes, he noticed a man sitting across the bar, watching him intently. But when he dabbed at his face with the back of a sleeve and looked up again, the man was gone._

_“You alright?” Jace laughed._

_“I hate you...” Alec rasped in reply, earning another chuckle from his brother._

_“Nah, you love me.”_

_Jace was clearly still teasing him, but the flippant response hit a bit closer to home than it was intended to._

_As much as he tried to deny it, Alec had been falling for Jace for some time. And he was confused and disgusted at himself for it._

_Sure, they weren’t blood-related, Jace being adopted and all. But that was no excuse._

_Jace had had a rough childhood with his abusive, alcoholic father. But when the blond boy was ten, his father’s liver had finally given out, and the frightened little boy came to live with the Lightwoods._

_Alec’s mother, Maryse, had been close friends with Celine, who had died giving birth to Jace. Valentine never let his son forget that fact, and the poor kid had the scars to show for it._

_But somehow, that tiny spark of light in Jace grew and then flourished with the support and love from Alec’s family, and Jace became the strong, confident man he was today._

_Alec was so proud of him for overcoming such odds, and somewhere along the way, that fraternal love he felt became something much deeper._

_“Might wanna slow down there, bro,” Jace suggested, interrupting Alec’s thoughts. “I know it tastes like juice, but trust me, it is _not_.”_

_Alec looked down to find that he had almost finished his first drink already. How had that happened?_

_“Right. Sorry.”_

_Jace gave him that grin that always set Alec’s heart aflutter._

_“Don’t apologize. I’m certainly not saying you should stop. In fact, forget what I just said, and screw the pacing. I would love for you to be irresponsible for once in your life and actually get drunk.”_

_“I’ve been drunk before...” Alec grumbled._

_“No, you haven’t. You’ve been slightly tipsy on two occasions. _Two_, Alec. Now I’m not saying you should turn into a raging alcoholic like my old man was, but it might do you some good to actually kick back and give that brain of yours a rest for a change.”_

_“Hey, I’m plenty relaxed.”_

_Jace’s hand shot out and gripped Alec’s bouncing knee, bringing it to an abrupt halt._

_Alec stared down at Jace’s hand, a pink hue spreading across the tips of his cheekbones._

_“You wanna tell me that again?” the blond asked smugly. “Go ahead and finish your drink. I have a feeling it’s gonna be a long night, and we could use all the liquid courage we can get to survive it.”_

_There was a crashing sound of symbols from the stage area as Simon tripped over one of the many wires and nearly took out the whole percussion section as he tried to catch himself._

_Jace winced. _

_“Like I said... long night.” _

_He contemplated what was left in his own glass, then downed the last swig before rapping his knuckles on the wooden countertop._

_“Hey, Maia! Can you make another specialty for my brother?”_

_“Just a sec!” she called back from the other end of the bar._

_“Jace, no. One is plenty. Seriously.”_

_“Relax, will you? Second round is on me too. Besides, it’s not like we’re driving home.”_

_Izzy had already deemed herself the designated driver, mostly in hopes that Alec would actually let loose and have some fun for a change._

_Alec turned to Jace to protest further, only to find a petite blonde girl with the curves of a model sauntering up between them, her perfectly manicured hands pawing at Jace’s chest as he turned to acknowledge her with an appraising gaze._

_“Hi, gorgeous,” she started by way of drunken introduction. “Wanna dance?”_

_Jace smirked at her, completely unperturbed by the situation, unlike Alec who was gaping at her like a fool. _

_“That depends,” Jace stated confidently. “Are you insisting?”_

_“Damn right, I am,” she giggled._

_“Then it would be rude of me to decline.” _

_He chugged Alec’s abandoned whiskey, then let out a guttural groan as it scorched all the way down his throat. _

_The sound he emitted did things to Alec it really shouldn’t have and made the older boy grind his teeth together._

_Jace returned the empty glass to the counter before clapping a hand on Alec’s shoulder. He leaned in closer to speak directly into Alec’s ear as the band began to blast their first song._

_“That’s my cue, dude! Don’t wait up!”_

_Then he turned back to the girl, waving her forward with a broad sweep of his hand. “Lead the way, m’ lady!”_

_Elated, she took hold of Jace’s leather jacket and tugged him away from the bar before guiding him towards the dance floor._

_Alec kept his eyes glued to the pair, trying to convince himself that he was just being protective of his brother when, deep down, he knew that pit in his stomach was actually born of jealousy._

*****

November 27, 2019

“Alec? Alec!”

Alec blinked, temporarily confused by his surroundings. “Huh?”

“You drifted away on me there,” Dr. Spencer informed him, seemingly concerned. “You said you were having drinks with your brother. Then what happened?”

“He uh... He went off with this girl. To _dance_, I think,” he quickly clarified once he noticed the man’s raised eyebrow.

“Alright. So you’re alone at the bar now. When did the stranger first approach you?”

Alec was starting to feel antsy again. 

His stalling tactics didn’t take up nearly as much time as he had hoped. They were barely halfway through the session, and he was already out of mundane facts to exploit.

He couldn’t talk about Victor. He swore he wouldn’t. The safety of his siblings relied heavily on him keeping his mouth shut.

But he had to say something to appease the therapist and make it seem like Alec was cooperating. Maybe some of the minor details wouldn’t hurt... Like the conversation he and Victor had before the whole night went south.

He wouldn’t give Dr. Spencer his attacker’s name, or any of the descriptive details that were permanently seared into his mind. Just some of the topics that normally came up when you first meet a stranger. That seemed innocent enough.

He could do this. He could toe the line for Jace. Show that he’s making an effort, but keep everyone safe at the same time. He just had to be really careful going forward.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, then continued his story.

“The guy showed up shortly after Jace left.”

Alec slowly slipped back into the memory...

*****

_June 15, 2019_

_Alec sank onto the open stool beside him with a heavy sigh as he watched the colorful strobe lights flash across Jace’s cocky grin._

_“Uh oh. I know _that _sound well...” came a sultry British voice from his left._

_Alec whirled around to find the stranger who had been eyeing him earlier from across the bar._

_Short, curly black hair, dark eyes, nice suit, and a blindingly white smile. Not a bad looking man, all things considered, but not exactly Alec’s type either._

_“_That _is the sound of unrequited love,” the man finished. “Here,” he offered, placing a shot on the bar in front of Alec. “To ease the pain.”_

_Alec stared at it blankly in confusion. He might not know much about drinking, but he was pretty sure whipped cream didn’t belong in a shot._

_The stranger frowned at his expression. “What’s wrong? You’re not lactose intolerant, are you?”_

_“No, I just... What is this thing?” he questioned as he picked up the glass and examined it from all angles._

_“It’s good. But trust me, you don’t want it to sit around too long. Best to down it as quickly as possible before the cream starts to melt!”_

_Alec wasn’t sure how to respond. What would be the proper etiquette for this type of circumstance? _

_He didn’t particularly want to accept a drink from a total stranger, but if the man had already paid for it, would it be rude not to take it?_

_His brother would’ve known what to do, but Jace was clearly preoccupied with the blond who was practically groping him out on the dance floor._

_As Alec watched, the girl’s hand slid underneath his brother’s shirt and settled just above his left hip, in the exact place where their matching tattoos were hidden._

_The boys had gotten them when Jace turned eighteen. They had been discussing it for years, wanting a symbol that marked them as blood-brothers, regardless of their DNA._

_Jace had chosen the design. Some sort of ancient rune that he had come across in a book._

_Alec didn’t much care what it looked like. It was the meaning behind it that mattered._

_And now this random girl was defiling it. _

_Alec felt his own skin crawl at the sight. His brother obviously didn’t seem bothered by her wandering hands though._

_Numbing the pain suddenly sounded like a wonderful idea._

_After one last longing glance towards Jace, Alec resolutely picked up the glass and tossed the shot back._

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no specific trigger warnings for this chapter. 
> 
> If you liked what we wrote please let us know! Comments are greatly appreciated.  
We love to hear from you!  
Please share your thoughts, ideas, theories... 
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	4. Breach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Spencer keeps pushing Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with another chapter! The ride is about to get rather bumpy.  
Please read our tags and the trigger warnings in the notes at the end of this chapter!

November 27, 2019

“That’s when everything starts to get blurry,” Alec lied, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember much after that.”

In truth, he remembered quite a bit more. 

He simply didn’t want to tell this man how quickly things had escalated from there, or how naïve Alec had been to not realize what was truly happening at the time.

“That’s alright,” Dr. Spencer reassured. “You’ve done really well so far, but it feels like we’re barely scratching the surface of all this. I’d like you to try something different for me, Alec.”

_That _sounded ominous as hell.

“...O-kay...”

“I want you to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and try to relax. Can you do that?”

Alec started to shake his head. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he was right back in that alleyway again. That’s why he couldn’t sleep through the night, or get a single moment of peace.

But with the way the therapist was watching him- _challenging _him- Alec realized it wasn’t really a request at all. It was an instruction; one that was expected to be followed. 

And if he refused, he doubted he would enjoy the consequences, or any suggested alternatives.

Against his better judgment, Alec swallowed hard and reluctantly allowed his eyes to drift shut, his brow furrowing at the effort of keeping them closed while he was feeling so vulnerable.

“Good. Just like that. Now listen to my voice, and let me guide you along, okay?”

Alec gave a short nod, then fell perfectly still again, his hearing automatically sharpening as it compensated for his lack of sight to alert him if the doctor made any moves toward him while he wasn’t watching.

“I want you to focus on your senses, Alec. Use them all. And let’s travel back to that night. 

“Remember how loud the music was, feel the vibrations of the bass. Look around the bar in your memory. See the faces surrounding you. Hear the hums of their chatter and laughter. The glasses clinking together, the smell of the alcohol...”

Alec was latching onto each familiar detail despite himself, rebuilding the memories he was trying so hard to repress. 

His brows drew tighter together as he started drifting deeper into his mind, the pristine office around him fading into the lively nightclub.

Dr. Spencer was watching him intently, noting every subtle cue of discomfort Alec’s body made.

“We’re going to start off nice and slow, okay? I want you to pick up right where you left off. This man you met bought you a shot, and you decided to drink it. Describe for me how it tasted.”

“It was... weird,” Alec mumbled breathlessly, suddenly feeling the sugary coating on his tongue mixed with the odd texture of the whipped cream.

“Weird in what way?”

Next thing Alec knew, he was right back at the bar, fully immersed in the illusion. Every detail was as sharp as it had been the night of the assault.

*****

_June 15, 2019_

_The drink wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t particularly good either. _

_Alec could detect hints of banana and orange, but for the most part, it tasted like flavored coffee. And it was incredibly messy._

_The man’s eyes darkened as he watched Alec lick the stray smudges of whipped cream from his lips._

_“Not bad, right?” the guy prodded after a moment._

_Alec shrugged as he finished wiping his mouth with a napkin. _

_“It was okay, but I’ve had better,” he added, trying not to sound like a complete novice._

_The man chuckled at him._

_“I don’t doubt it. I’m Victor, by the way.”_

_The stranger held out a hand, and Alec felt compelled to shake it._

_“Alec. Thanks for the drink.”_

_Maia made her way over with Alec’s second Sex on the Beach, and she smirked at him when she saw the empty shot glass sitting in his hand._

_“Did you enjoy your first Blowjob?”_

_Alec blushed profusely at the question. “W-What?” he spluttered._

_“The shot,” she pointed out. “I can tell by the way you’re inspecting it that you’ve never had one before. Awkward name, I know, but they taste pretty good if made right.”_

_Alec turned back to Victor accusingly, but the man laughed and patted him on the back like an old friend who just played a harmless prank._

_“No offense meant, bruv. It’s simply a conversation sta’ter. Plus, it looked like you needed something a bit stronger than whatever _that _thing is.” _

_He motioned towards Alec’s beverage of choice, which only made Alec burn a brighter shade of red._

_Maybe he should’ve just stuck with the whiskey after all._

_Completely mortified by his lack of manly choices, Alec grabbed for his fresh drink and started washing down the... _

_Nope. He wasn’t even going to think it._

_He started to wash down ‘the shot’ with a wince._

_The two flavors definitely did not mix, but at this point, he’d just as happily drink gasoline if it got him out of this mess._

_He not-so-subtly checked his watch. What were the chances that his siblings wouldn’t notice if he took a cab home?_

_Instead of getting the hint, Victor pressed his advances, striking up a conversation as he took the empty stool next to Alec._

_“So, you come here often, Alec?”_

_“Not really,” the boy replied, feeling obligated to be polite. “Just here to support my family.” _

_He chanced a glance at the stage, only to find Simon doing some sort of twerk move which, in Alec’s opinion, never should’ve been invented. _

_He grimaced and looked away. _

_“Definitely regretting that decision now though...”_

_Victor looked over at the band, then back at Alec with a smirk. “What, you don’t like the music here?”_

_“More like the musician.”_

_“I see. Is he an ex of yours?”_

_Alec appeared completely scandalized by the thought. “Hell no! He’s my sister’s boyfriend.”_

_“Ah. Your dissention is understandable then. In that case, I’m guessing that means you’re not the band’s manager, so what do you do for a living, Alec? No wait, let me guess...”_

_He studied Alec carefully, attempting to make an educated deduction._

_“Accountant?”_

_Alec snorted._

_“Close. Just finished with my second year of law school. Following in my father’s footsteps.”_

_“A lawyer! That’s a respectable choice. Good for you.”_

_“Not sure I’d call it a choice,” Alec mumbled back miserably._

_“Family obligation, I take it?”_

_Alec nodded, swirling his beverage around in his glass to give his hand something to do._

_“Getting a juris degree is a lot of work for a profession you have no interest in.”_

_“Sure is.”_

_“Then why do it?”_

_Alec sighed, shifting around uncomfortably. “Kind of a long story. Not sure now is the time to get into it.”_

_“Right. Of course. Bit too personal for a night of casual drinking, yeah? My apologies.”_

_“It’s fine.”_

_“On a lighter note... If you could be whatever you wanted to be with no consequences or judgments, what would you choose to do?” Victor inquired._

_Alec stared down at his drink until the swirling liquid came to a standstill. “Anything else,” he answered honestly before taking a few large gulps of the cocktail._

_An awkward lull fell over the conversation as he finally set the nearly empty glass back down, but Alec sure as hell wasn’t going to ask any questions of his own and give Victor the impression that he was actually interested in talking._

_Maybe the man would eventually get fed up with the silence and walk away. A guy could hope... Alec just wanted some peace and quiet to deal with his thoughts._

_But inevitably, Victor found another topic of inquisition and did his best to continue chatting Alec up._

_Alec was trying really hard not to be rude. Victor seemed friendly enough. But the younger boy’s attention kept drifting the longer the man droned on._

_Speaking of, what was he even talking about now? _

_Something about his job maybe... Or was it his car? To be honest, Alec had stopped listening a while ago._

_The guy was clearly rich, and his attempts to impress Alec with his wealth were a total turn-off._

_Besides, at this point he was only hearing half of what Victor was saying. The music was getting unbearably loud and it was pounding through Alec’s skull._

_Then again, the alcohol might’ve had something to do with that as well. _

_He glanced around the room, feeling the numbness spreading along his nerves until he felt lightheaded. _

_There were gyrating bodies grinding against each other everywhere he looked, causing heat to rise up in his core at their obvious displays of intent. _

_His brother was one of those bodies, moving perfectly in sync to the beat of the throbbing bass._

_The girl he was with had turned around. Her head was now thrown back on Jace’s shoulder, her bright red lips a mere centimeter away from his neck as his strong hands guided her hips in tandem to his own._

_Her left hand was slightly curled, raking her polished nails up the side of Jace’s jean-clad thigh as she arched her back against his chest. _

_Her right hand was reaching up to cradle the far side of Jace’s neck, applying just enough pressure to bring his soft lips down closer to hers._

_Alec’s hands were getting sweaty just from watching..._

_*****_

November 27, 2019

The memories were so pure, so strong in Alec’s mind that he was having trouble staying grounded in the present.

He sank his fingernails into the cushion he was sitting on, biting his bottom lip and squeezing his eyes shut even tighter as he fought back the visceral emotions that threatened to take over.

He had to get a hold of himself.

Alec’s stomach clenched in fear once he realized that he had nearly slipped up and told the therapist about his feelings for Jace. 

He was losing control of the situation, and needed to bring himself back out of this replay mode before he said something that he’d regret.

His body had gone rigid as he fought against the pull of the memory, desperate to break free of it.

Dr. Spencer immediately noticed the change in his patient’s state and endeavored to talk him back down from his sudden panic.

“It’s alright, Alec. You’re safe here. These are only memories that we’re exploring. No one can physically harm you. Don’t try to hold back or alter the events in your mind. Just watch it play out like a movie, and describe for me what you’re seeing.”

Alec struggled to regain control of his breathing as the memories continued to progress without his permission. He kept his mouth firmly shut though, refusing to reveal his deepest desires to the man sitting in front of him.

*****

_June 15, 2019_

_Victor finally noticed that he had lost his audience to the dancing couple._

_“The blonde one belong to you?” he questioned, following the boy’s haunted gaze, and Alec flushed a bright crimson at being called out on his obvious desire._

_“W-what? No, of course not! That’s... That’s my brother!” he squeaked indignantly._

_Victor’s smile widened as if Alec had just fallen straight into his trap. “I was talking about the girl he’s dancing with.”_

_“...Oh. Shit. Sorry.”_

_Just when Alec thought the night couldn’t get any more embarrassing..._

_“Don’t sweat it, mate. I don’t judge. As far as I’m concerned, life is too short. If you see something that you want, then you’ve gotta go for it. Right?”_

_“I... yeah. Sure...”_

_Hang on, did this guy just condone his incestual thoughts without batting an eye?_

_The air was getting thicker by the second. Alec found that he was struggling to breathe, like the walls were closing in on him._

_The lights from the dancefloor were flickering and flashing all around him, and Alec’s stomach started clenching uncomfortably._

_He probably should’ve paced himself a bit more with the alcohol like Jace had first suggested..._

*****

November 27, 2019

“Alec? What’s happening?”

“I, uh... I think the drugs are kicking in...” Alec muttered, remembering all too well how disoriented they had made him feel.

He swayed slightly on the couch, a small sound of protest bubbling up from his throat as he dove headlong into the next scene, his brain screaming at him to abort now before things got any worse.

*****

_June 15, 2019_

_Alec swallowed hard, then closed his eyes for a moment, hoping it would help orient him and stop the spins._

_“Is something wrong? You look nauseous...”_

_He was vaguely aware of the stranger next to him asking a question and he blinked heavily, trying to bring the guy’s face back into focus._

_“W-what?”_

_“I said you look like you’re about to be sick!” Victor leaned in and shouted to be heard above the noise of the club. “Are you alright?”_

_Alec shook his head as his vision swam._

_“I um... I don’t feel so good.”_

_“Look at me,” the man instructed, gripping Alec’s chin and redirecting his wandering gaze. The boy’s pupils were clearly dilated._

_Alec sluggishly knocked Victor’s hand away and the Brit allowed it before standing up and taking hold of Alec’s upper arm instead._

_“I think you could do with some fresh air, mate. Come on. Up you get. Let’s step outside for a bit.”_

_The room spun as Victor pulled him to his feet, and Alec’s free hand shot out to steady himself against the bar._

_The sounds around him began to overtake the volume of the band. _

_He could hear people laughing obnoxiously at one another, incessant chatter coming from all directions, glasses clinking together, the drunk frat guys catcalling a group of rowdy bachelorettes..._

_It was too much. Everything was too much._

_He felt like he was panicking, but his heartrate was still steady. He could tell because it was throbbing loudly in his ears along with the bass._

_He turned to look for Jace again, but it felt as if he were moving in slow-motion. The figures around him blurred into a giant mass of color that ebbed and flowed like the tide._

_Victor only gave him a few seconds to orient himself before dragging him away from his stool._

_“Hang on...” Alec breathed out, barely above a whisper. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs to project over the deafening noises around him. “Jus’ lemme find... find m’ brother firs’...”_

_Jace would worry if he looked up and discovered that Alec was gone._

_Alec tried to pull away from the man’s grip, but his muscles were sluggish to respond, as if he were moving underwater._

_Victor didn’t hesitate or show any signs of having heard Alec’s protests as he manhandled the boy towards the back door and away from the crowd, an arm wrapped securely around Alec’s waist._

_The eldest Lightwood’s wobbly legs tried to keep up, but they continued to stumble beneath him, completely uncoordinated._

_“Almost there,” Victor encouraged. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”_

_*****_

November 27, 2019

Alec couldn’t face this again. It was still too fresh. Still too soon.

His eyes shot open and he found himself trembling on the edge of the couch, sweat trickling down his temples and between his tense shoulder blades. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he declared, his gaze darting towards the closed door, fully prepared to fight or flight if it came down to it.

Dr. Spencer held up a hand as if trying to calm a wild animal.

“It’s alright, son. I get why you’re afraid to push past these walls that you’ve built up in your mind. After all, you built them for a reason, right? But I do think it’s crucial to your healing process that you face what happened _after _the man brought you outside.”

Alec swallowed hard, then shook his head. 

No way was he revisiting that today. Or ever again...

“Like I said, I don’t remember,” he rasped out through a tight throat.

“I think you do,” Dr. Spencer countered sadly. “I think you remember every single haunting detail of that night, and trying to suppress them isn’t going to make the nightmares go away.”

_The nightmares..._

Alec cringed at the thought of having to stomach those for the rest of his life, then tried to take a breath to respond, but the air around him was getting thicker by the second, suffocating him as the walls began closing in. 

It felt as if he were breathing through a pen cap, forcing him to relegate most of his efforts towards inhaling as deeply as possible. He was already starting to feel light-headed and dizzy.

Another drip of sweat trickled its way down his temple and made his skin itch uncomfortably. 

What if he could never move past this? What if Victor was always going to be lurking in the back of his mind, just waiting to seize the moment when Alec foolishly let his guard down again?

The thought was terrifying.

“Talk to me, Alec. What did that man do to you once he got you alone?”

The boy’s knee started bouncing agitatedly once more, but he was too nerve-wracked to stop it this time.

“I... I don’t know. I blacked out,” he stated, the same lie he had been telling himself for months.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t chip at that wall._

“What was the man’s name?” Dr. Spencer pressed, hoping the boy was sufficiently off-kilter enough now to respond. “Tell me what he looked like. Tell me who hurt you.”

Alec was shaking violently now, every muscle in his body taut with coiled tension.

“No, I... I c-can’t...” he panted out, his eyes widening in distress as his lungs refused to function properly- his chest tightening even further.

_Can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t breathe..._

He had to get out of this room. Had to get outside where there was plenty of fresh air. Outside where Jace was standing guard, waiting to take him home.

Alec’s heart was pounding painfully against his ribcage and his hands were starting to go numb. He felt as if he were having a heart attack.

Or as if he had been drugged again.

_Nonononono!_

He had to get to Jace. His brother would protect him. His eyes shot towards the door again and the doctor leaned even closer, forcing Alec to turn his attention back to him.

“I’ve seen the crime scene photos, Alec. I’ve read the witness statements from your siblings. You know full-well what he did to you that night, so just say it. Say it out loud...”

“Stop!” Alec yelled, unable to take it anymore. “Just stop it!”

He tried to stand up quickly but his vision blurred and the room spun violently around him.

A firm hand against his chest was the only thing keeping Alec off the floor.

“Easy, easy... You’re okay, son,” Dr. Spencer soothed as he guided the boy back down to the couch, the man’s demeanor instantly changing from abrasive to apologetic.

Alec had made it perfectly clear that he would be of no use to the police investigation, and Dr. Spencer refused to risk the sanity of his patient by pushing him any further.

“I don’t remember what happened... I don’t remember,” Alec babbled, squeezing his eyes shut against the relentless flashes that continued to ooze out of the holes in the wall he had so carefully constructed five months ago.

He wrapped his arms around his head for protection, hiding in the darkness. He whimpered when the past found him anyway, imprinting on the backs of his eyelids.

“It’s alright, Alec,” Dr. Spencer reassured, massaging the boy’s upper arms to try and ground him to the present while still holding him steady. “You don’t have to remember anymore, okay? Just stay with me...”

When Alec started swaying forward listlessly, the therapist gently pressed him into a supine position- the very position Alec had outright refused to be in when he had first entered this office.

“Come on, kiddo. You need to breathe...” 

But Alec couldn’t, and eventually, the dizziness overwhelmed him.

His eyes rolled upward, then everything went blissfully quiet.

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warnings:**   
_ Mention of panic attacks/anxiety attacks _
> 
> We would love to be let in on your thoughts on _Adrift_ !  
We are getting into pretty dark territory very soon...
> 
> Sandman&SHTWSPNSH


	5. Damaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still with Dr. Spencer and more memories return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We decided to upload this chapter a bit ahead of our usual schedule.  
Should you want to get additional content warnings please jump to the notes at the end of the chapter!  
And now… buckle up.

November 27, 2019

“Alec? Can you hear me? Come on, son. Wake up.”

Alec couldn’t remember where he was or what had happened, but there was a calloused hand slapping annoyingly at his cheek and another applying light pressure to the pulse point in his wrist.

He wearily cracked his eyes open, then found himself blinking up at the therapist who was hovering over him anxiously.

“That’s it... Good boy.”

Alec instinctively pulled his wrist free of the man’s grip and shifted himself away from the posing threat. He grimaced when he heard the leather fabric squeak beneath him. 

Damn it. He was laying on the stupid therapy couch.

Someone- most likely the doctor- had propped Alec’s legs up on a stack of pillows, redirecting the blood flow down to his head, which was throbbing mercilessly.

Once Alec realized how vulnerable he had become, he immediately tried to sit back up, but Dr. Spencer wouldn’t allow it, keeping him down with a strong hand against his right collarbone.

“Relax, Alec. You need to take it slow, or you’ll pass out again. Our session is over, alright? No more questions, I promise. Just wait a bit to get your bearings, and when you’re feeling more stable, you’ll be welcome to leave. Sound fair?”

Alec gave a feeble nod, still trying to figure out how he had ended up horizontal. The last few minutes before he had fainted were a complete blur.

“Wha’ ‘appen’d?” he croaked, raising a hand to massage his right temple.

“You suffered a vasovagal syncope. In simple terms, your emotional stress caused you to pass out. But don’t worry. You were out for less than a minute, and you’re going to be just fine.”

Dr. Spencer patted his knee in what was meant to be a comforting manner, then stepped back to give Alec some space to recover.

“I’ll go get you a glass of water, okay? Stay put, and I’ll be right back.”

The therapist left the room, no doubt to the small kitchenette Alec had passed on his way in.

Alec’s body was buzzing like a live wire. 

He felt like he was burning up, but was shivering at the same time. Every muscle ached from the unexpected neural reboot, and he was sure he was going to vomit at any second.

He thought the moment alone would help him calm back down and allow him to catch his breath, but instead, the panic was increasing again with every pounding heartbeat.

The lockbox in his mind was still torn wide open, and his nightmares were clawing at him in broad daylight, refusing to let him go.

The echoes of his past were ringing in his ears, and he couldn’t just lay there any longer. He had to move. Had to put some distance between himself and this office.

Alec rolled off the couch and onto his feet, then fought past the dizziness as he righted himself and staggered his way towards the door.

He didn’t care anymore if the therapist passed or failed him. He just needed to get away from it all.

He yanked the door open and his gaze instantly reduced itself to tunnel vision as it locked onto the front entrance on the other side of the reception area.

Even from here, he could see Jace outside, reclining back against his motorcycle and taking in the warm sun as he watched the cars go by along the distant highway.

Seeing his brother went a long way in helping Alec to calm down. He just had to make it a few more feet and he’d be home free.

But before he could take another step, the doctor’s hushed voice grabbed his attention from a room off to his left.

_“Yes, he’s here right now, so I can’t talk long. What the hell did you do to this kid, Vic? He’s completely traumatized! I thought you said he wasn’t supposed to remember anything?”_

Hang on... Vic? As in _Victor_? Alec held his breath as he listened closer.

_“Not now. We’ll discuss the details after work. But this is the last time I save your ass, you understand me? Consider my debt paid in full.”_

Alec was rooted to the spot with a mixture of numb disbelief and terror.

Had Spencer been working with his attacker the entire time? Was this all just some sick ploy to find out if Alec posed a threat to Victor?

He paled dangerously at the thought, then started replaying the entire session in his mind, desperately searching for anything he might’ve said that would inevitably put his family in danger.

The harder he tried to cling to those details of what he actually said out loud and what he only admitted to himself, the faster the facts slipped through his fingertips. 

He couldn’t be sure what he might’ve revealed to the therapist during his state of panic.

By the Angel... What had he done?

Jace. He had to get to Jace.

He forced his muscles to obey and abandoned the safety of the doorway, stepping out into the large open lobby area, feeling more exposed than ever as the eyes of the receptionist and other waiting patients followed his shaky progress with frowns of concern.

The second the heavy office door swung shut behind him with an echoing click, he found himself tumbling back into the thick of his darkest memories- this time without proper guidance- and he was completely helpless to stop his descent.

*****

_June 15, 2019_

_Victor kicked open the heavy fire door, then assisted Alec out onto the raised platform and into the brisk night of the early spring._

_The awful smells of the back alley immediately assaulted the boy’s senses as he pulled away from Victor and shakily descended the short staircase alone, clutching at the rusted metal railing until his feet managed to contact solid ground._

_As the world continued to spin around him, his stomach lurched and he curled forward, convinced that he was about to taste his drinks a second time._

_Victor waited patiently for the door to latch behind them, swallowing the music and flashing lights from within the club and plunging the alley into a deafening stillness, before following in the boy’s footsteps. _

_Alec welcomed the reprieve from the excessive stimulation as he tried to get ahold of himself. _

_The alleyway was intimidatingly dark, lit only by the single bulb above the exit- which was no doubt only installed for liability purposes- and a few scattered neon signs in the distance. _

_Alec focused on breathing through his mouth instead of his nose, but even then, he could still taste the thick stench of sweat, urine, and rotten garbage that permeated the tight enclosure._

_He stumbled further down the alley and away from the overly-filled row of dumpsters, hoping that a little fresh air would help clear his head._

_But to his horror, he quickly realized that the fog around his brain was getting worse by the second, not better._

_This wasn’t just from the booze. Something was wrong. _

_Something was very wrong._

_Alec groaned in dismay and steadied himself with his hands on his knees as he doubled-over._

_Then the man was standing directly in front of him, stroking a hand soothingly through the boy’s soft hair while his other hand squeezed his shoulder._

_“Easy now... Don’t fight it, Alec. You’re only making it harder on yourself. Just let the yin fen run its course.”_

_Yin fen?_

_Alec had heard that term before. _

_Jace had recently informed him that a new drug by that name had hit the streets and was becoming a wide-spread epidemic in the club scene._

_But Alec didn’t do drugs. He..._

_He glanced up at the man and saw the dangerous glint in his eyes. Then all the pieces clicked into place._

_Victor had drugged his shot before handing it to him._

_Shit shit shit..._

_Panicking, Alec shoved two fingers into his mouth and towards the back of his throat, desperately trying to force his stomach to expel the drugs before they completely took hold._

_“Uh uh uh,” the man scolded, yanking Alec’s hand away from his face and shoving him back-first into the closest brick wall. “It’s already too late for that, mate.”_

_“Oof!” Alec pushed haphazardly at the man’s chest as Victor crowded in against him. “What are you do...?! Mph!”_

_Alec’s sentence was cut off as Victor surged up and kissed him boldly on the mouth with so much force that it rocked the boy’s head back into the unforgiving wall behind him._

_He squeezed his eyes shut as pain blossomed through his skull, the firing neurons putting on a dazzling light show against the backs of his eyelids._

_There was nothing romantic about the kiss._

_It was violent. It was possessive. And it was meant to show dominance. Ownership._

_As he attacked Alec’s mouth, the man ran his hands blindly over the boy’s muscular torso, quickly finding the row of buttons down the center of Alec’s denim shirt._

_Instead of bothering to undo all the fastenings one-by-one, Victor simply yanked hard, tearing the shirt open and sending buttons scattering in all directions._

_Alec jerked in surprise at the violent movement, ultimately managing to break free from Victor’s vicious lip-lock. He gasped in a breath and regretted it instantly._

_The man’s spicy cologne, mixed with the sickly-sweet scent of the vanilla and caramel-flavored cigarettes he preferred, permeated the already putrid air and turned Alec’s stomach._

_The world tilted drastically and he felt his knees start to give out from under him._

_Victor yanked him back up by his lapels and pressed him more firmly into the wall, slotting his own knee between Alec’s shaking thighs to help prop him up._

_“You’re still fighting it, Alec,” he admonished. “The sooner you give in, the better you’ll feel. Trust me.”_

_“W-wait... I don’ want...”_

_“Shh...”_

_The man’s left hand encircled Alec’s throat, not enough to cut off his oxygen, but enough to trap him in place against the bricks._

_Alec’s eyes widen in panic as he clutched at Victor’s wrist with one hand and fisted the other in the man’s jacket, trying to keep him at least an arm’s length away._

_For a moment, Victor just stood there and stared at him hungrily, his gaze roaming up and down the boy’s quivering body before taking in the fear and confusion on his face._

_“Problem is, I really don’t care what you want,” he stated plainly, then knocked Alec’s restraining hand away and closed the short distance between them._

_The fingers around Alec’s throat moved up just far enough to grip the corners of his jaw before forcibly twisting his head to the right._

_Victor began planting a line of possessive kisses along the left side of the boy's strained neck, feeling the corded muscles twitch and flex beneath his lips. _

_“Get off me!” Alec rasped out, well-aware that his protests would fall on deaf ears but feeling the need to do _something _to protect himself. _

_“I think not,” Victor muttered calmly before sucking on one particularly sensitive spot over Alec’s carotid artery, applying his teeth to the pulse point until the boy hissed in pain and redoubled his efforts to shove him away. _

_Pressed this close against him though, Alec couldn’t get enough leverage to free himself or fight back._

_Victor licked a thick stripe up Alec’s long neck and moaned in delight. _

_The taste of the boy’s fear was absolutely intoxicating. _

_He smirked predatorily as he tugged the collar of Alec's tight black undershirt down as far as it would stretch, then began sucking on another patch of delicate flesh over Alec’s clavicle. _

_He could tell from the softness of his skin that the boy was going to bruise like a peach, and a wave of arousal flowed through him knowing that the kid would be sporting his marks for days to come, if not weeks._

_“Like I said earlier...” Victor continued, kissing his way back up Alec’s throat. “I saw something... that I wanted... and now... I’m taking it,” he finished with a sharp nip to the prominent jut of Alec’s jaw. “And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”_

_The boy went stiff as a board against him, terrified by the insinuation. _

_Taking advantage of Alec’s state of shock, Victor turned the boy’s head back towards himself and kissed him on the lips again, rocking his knee up into Alec’s groin and making him gasp._

_As soon as the boy’s mouth opened, Victor plunged his tongue inside, chasing the lingering fruity flavors from Alec’s drinks as he mapped out the contours and ridges of the boy’s palate._

_Alec thrashed against his hold, unable to close his jaw because the man was gripping his cheeks painfully hard._

_Eventually, Victor pulled back far enough to gaze into the boy’s defiant eyes, letting go of his throbbing cheeks in favor of reaching down for Alec’s belt buckle, tugging harshly to free the prong one-handed._

_In a move born solely out of desperation, Alec spit into the man’s face._

_Time seemed to stand still as Victor slowly wiped the saliva off on his shirt sleeve. Then he chuckled darkly._

_“Shouldn’t have done that, bruv...”_

_Victor stepped away and backhanded Alec hard across the face, watching in smug satisfaction as the boy immediately crumpled down the wall, his legs refusing to carry his weight now that Victor was no longer holding him up._

_Alec sat there stunned for a moment, his ears ringing loudly as blood trickled down his chin from his split lip, courtesy of Victor’s ornate ring. _

_“You wanna play rough?” the man sneered, unfastening his own belt. “Let’s play rough...”_

No no no!

This wasn’t happening...

_Alec had to get back up. Had to force his muscles to cooperate. Had to RUN!_

_He tried to find his feet again but failed. His legs felt like they had turned to jelly._

_Instead, Alec began to crawl away from the man, moving further down the alley and towards the loading docks behind Taki’s restaurant at the far end._

_“Where do you think you’re going, eh?” Victor teased, sounding amused as he watched the boy struggle. _

_“Stay back,” Alec whimpered, dragging himself forward another few feet._

_Victor laughed at him. “What's wrong, dah’ling? Am I not blond enough for you?”_

_Alec’s heart was pounding, fit to burst, as adrenaline flooded through his veins, expecting Victor to grab him again at any second._

_Frighteningly aware that he would never outrun the man at his current pace, Alec chanced a glance over his shoulder to find Victor following nonchalantly behind him._

_The man began whistling a song as he pulled the belt free of his jeans, maintaining a casual distance and clearly at ease with the whole situation._

_An icy pit of despair crashed over Alec as he suddenly understood._

_The man was just biding his time. Waiting for the drugs to take hold and put an end to Alec’s feeble resistance._

_Victor was the lion. The hunter on the prowl. Circling his wounded prey until it was too weak and injured to fight back._

_The song reverberated off the walls around Alec, and it took a while before the boy was able to recognize the tune. Alouette._

_As a kid, he used to sing the words without any regard for their meaning. It wasn’t until much later that he heard the translation and was utterly appalled._

_Once he realized he was singing about plucking the feathers off of a lark, one body part at a time, preparing it to be eaten, he never sang the song again._

_And at this point, he was starting to feel a lot like the lark._

_Alec spared another look back at Victor to see that the man was holding his belt by the buckle, swinging the other end through the air like a whip._

_Alec sped up as fast as his burning muscles would take him, crawling his way through trash and puddles of putrid fluid with a single goal in mind; Get to Taki’s and hope the cleaning crew was still there._

_Just when Alec caught sight of a busboy taking out the trash in the far distance and felt the slightest glimmer of hope, Victor made his move._

_He closed the gap within seconds, dropped to one knee beside the boy, looped his belt around Alec’s throat, and pulled it tight, cutting off the boy’s ability to breathe before he could call out for help._

_Victor yanked on the other end of the makeshift leash, forcing Alec up onto his own knees until his back was plastered against the man’s chest._

_Alec’s hands instinctively rose to his throat, scrabbling for purchase against the edges of the belt and trying to get his fingertips underneath the leather just far enough to grant himself some leeway._

_The belt was so constricting that the rough edges of it were cutting into Alec’s pale skin. _

_As Alec choked and struggled, Victor kept him in place with his other arm fastened securely around the boy’s lower abdomen._

_“Behave yourself, lad,” Victor threatened quietly, keeping an eye on the busboy as he went about his chores. “Or trust me, you will not enjoy the consequences. And neither will he.”_

_Alec froze at the implication, wondering how far this man was really willing to go in the grand scheme of things._

_Before Alec could gather up the courage to call Victor’s bluff, the busboy went back into the restaurant, and shortly after, the lights went out, dousing Alec’s hopes along with them._

_“Now then, where were we?” Victor mused aloud. “Ah, right. You said you liked it rough...”_

_He hardened his grip on the belt and pulled it tighter until the boy was sure his neck would snap._

_Alec reached back frantically with one hand to try and break the man’s hold while the other continued to claw at the leather around his throat. _

_After a few wild swings that barely made contact, the best he could manage was to grab a fistful of Victor’s shirt and hang on for dear life._

_Black spots were flashing in front of his eyes until he was so close to being unconscious that his raised hands dropped limply to his sides and his head slumped backward against the man's shoulder._

_Victor felt the change in him and eased the tension on the belt, permitting Alec to take in desperate gulps of air as he cradled the sweat-soaked boy in his arms._

_Alec couldn’t contain the broken whimper that bubbled up from the depths of his soul as the darkness slowly abated, abandoning him to his fate._

_The boy’s raspy inhales were music to the man’s ears as he watched Alec’s chest rise and fall heavily, his mouth opening wide to suck in as much air as his lungs could handle._

_“Stay with me, Alec,” Victor encouraged as he tugged the denim overshirt off of Alec’s shoulders and down to his elbows, restraining his arms by his sides._

_Then he turned the boy counterclockwise ninety degrees and eased him backward at an uncomfortable angle, resting Alec’s shoulder blades against his raised thigh and trapping the boy’s legs beneath his own weight._

_Victor brushed his captive’s slick bangs off his forehead, then tapped at his cheek until Alec forced himself to crack his weary eyes open, squinting up at the night sky in a daze, his head feeling completely disconnected from his body._

_“That’s it...” the man cooed. “Eyes open, love. Can’t have you checking out too early. After all, we’ve only just begun.”_

_Victor leaned back a bit and took a minute to admire his prize._

_The boy looked completely debauched already. _

_His lips were bruised and swollen, some of Victor’s marks that he had left along Alec’s neck were visible above and below the thin belt, and the blood from the cut in his mouth was smeared across his chin; a deep red tainting the pale white of his skin._

_Alec’s hair was a tousled mess, his clothes were torn, stretched out of shape and disheveled, and he was splayed over Victor’s knee, head thrown back and panting for air._

_Or perhaps, simply panting for more. _

_The boy was positively sinful to behold._

_Unable to deny himself any longer, Victor slid a hand down between Alec’s spread knees to cup the front of the boy's jeans._

_“There’s no need to fight anymore, dah’ling,” he stated softly. “I know what you _really _want.”_

_Alec whined beautifully at the brazen touch, his haunted gaze staring up at Victor as his head lolled back and forth against the man's thigh, a clear sign of denial that his assailant happily ignored._

_“Shh... I’ll take good care of you, Alec. Promise. So long as you cooperate, and do exactly as I say, I see no reason you can’t enjoy our time together too.”_

_“P-please... Don’t...” the boy begged._

_Victor’s lips curled into a wicked smile._

_Oh, the things he would do to this innocent Adonis..._

** **

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional warnings:**   
_Graphic description of violence and non-consensual sexual actions, forced drug use  
Please don’t read this chapter (or skip the flashbacks in italics) if you don’t want to be exposed to non-con-content._
> 
> If you can spare the time, please let us in on your thoughts and leave a comment! We are always thrilled to hear from you!
> 
> Sandmann&SHTWSPNSH


	6. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The session with Dr. Spencer comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support and patience! Today we are back with the next chapter.  
If you want to receive additional content warnings, please go to the notes at the end of this chapter before you start reading.

_June 15, 2019_

_Alec grunted at the mixed signals that his body was reporting to his brain when the man started caressing him expertly through the thick fabric, adding just enough pressure to make the sensation feel good. _

_“N-no,” the boy rasped, on the verge of panicking once more as he tried to close his legs and dislodge Victor’s hold on him. _

_He flat out refused to find any pleasure in this torture._

_But in response to his continued defiance, the man simply tightened the tension on the belt around Alec’s neck again as punishment._

_“Uh uh uh,” Victor scolded. “Settle. Down.”_

_Alec choked, then reluctantly stilled, hoping that by doing so, Victor would ease up and let him breathe again. _

_The man took his sweet time about it, but eventually- long after Alec had forced himself to let his legs fall open once more- Victor released the tension on the belt and allowed the boy to gasp in air, the whole alleyway spinning dizzily around him._

_Thankfully, the fear at least came with one small bonus... Alec was still soft._

_“That was strike one, mate,” Victor growled, looming over the barely conscious boy. “I suggest you learn to do as I say, because the consequences will get more severe if your disobedience continues. Consider yourself warned.”_

_“Please,” Alec forced out, shaking uncontrollably in Victor’s lap as the man went back to stroking him firmly, the tension in Alec’s lower gut starting to build once again. “Jus’ lemme go. I... Gah! I won’t tell anyone, I swear!”_

_“I know you won’t,” the man gloated in return. “Thanks to the yin fen, you won’t even remember any of this happened come morning. Bit of a shame, really.”_

_Victor slid his hand a bit higher and deftly popped open the button on Alec's jeans before drawing down the zipper._

_“But don’t you worry. I promise I'll cherish the memory enough for both of us. How you begged for it, how you moaned so prettily for me...”_

_Alec started shaking his head again, then yelped as Victor reached back down and squeezed his crotch painfully._

_“Don’t contradict me, boy!”_

_“O-okay! Ah! ’m s-sorry!” Alec hissed past clenched teeth._

_“Admit it, you prefer the pleasure to the pain, do you not?”_

_Alec only hesitated for a moment, but as Victor’s grip tightened even further, he began to nod frantically as tears fell from the corners of his eyes._

_“I can’t hear you...”_

_“Y-yes!”_

_“Good. That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”_

_Victor’s hand released its hold and shifted up to the boy’s navel, feeling the tension in his quivering muscles as he panted through the lingering pain. _

_Then the man yanked Alec’s black t-shirt up, untucking it from his waistband so that he could slide his palm over Alec’s chiseled abs, exploring his flushed torso._

_Alec was too high up to rest on his elbows, and too low to extend his arms fully, leaving his core muscles and shaking biceps to maintain his balance or risk cracking his skull against the pavement below._

_As Victor’s hand moved further up his abdomen and across his ribs, he caught a glimpse of a dark tattoo inscribed just above Alec’s left hip and lifted the shirt even higher up his chest to get a better view._

_“What do we have here, eh? Didn’t take you for a tattoo kind of guy...”_

_He stroked his thumb over the design, tracing the curved lines as Alec twitched away._

_“Don’t,” the boy grunted weakly, then thought better of the demand. “P-please,” he quickly added, afraid of potential retribution._

_“Let me guess... Another personal subject?” Victor chuckled gleefully. “As much as I love hearing you beg so prettily, I have better uses for that mouth of yours.”_

_He dropped the boy’s shirt and reached up towards his face, cupping his cheek and gliding the meat of his thumb along Alec’s parted lips, feeling his hot breath ghosting along his flesh with every exhale._

_The man leered down at him, then pressed his advantage, slowly infiltrating Alec’s mouth with the tip of his thumb._

_The boy instinctively tried to bite down, but Victor quickly pulled back on the belt, forcing Alec’s mouth to gape open again._

_“What did I say about behaving?” Victor demanded._

_Alec was starting to feel like a pet in training. He relaxed his jaw in order to ensure his ability to breathe._

_“Atta boy...” the man praised, then substituted his thumb for two fingers. “See, this part is typically more fun when someone else gets to do it.”_

_As Victor’s fingers slid in, stroking possessively over Alec’s soft tongue, the boy squeezed his eyes shut, trying to distance himself from the situation._

_His body tensed as the digits slowly approached the back of his throat, reminiscent of when he had tried to do the same to himself earlier that night, after finding out that he had ingested drugs._

_The probing fingers stopped just shy of activating his gag reflex, and Victor put enough tension on the belt to prevent Alec from getting any crazy ideas._

_The boy stayed perfectly still, hardly daring to breathe._

_“Good,” Victor stated. “You’re learning. Now suck.”_

_The tears continued to stream down Alec’s cheeks as he tentatively closed his lips around the man’s fingers and did as he was told. _

_Victor groaned in approval at the boy’s inexperienced attempts at pleasing him, imagining how Alec’s mouth would feel if it were wrapped around other parts of his body._

_Then after a moment or two, he started shallowly thrusting his fingers in and out, his nails repeatedly scraping the roof of Alec’s mouth before making their way towards the back of his tongue again._

_This time, they went even deeper._

_Despite his best efforts, Alec’s throat seized up and he gagged._

_The boy's entire torso was spasming reflexively as he choked, making his abs ripple and contract as they tried to force the foreign objects out of his throat. _

_Alec’s hips bucked up off the ground as he attempted to curl into himself for protection, but his legs were still trapped beneath his own weight and the awkward angle did nothing to ease his plight._

_“Relax,” Victor ordered as he retracted his hand slightly to avoid losing appendages, but he only gave Alec a brief second to regain control before shoving his fingers back in as far as he could reach, lingering for a moment, then retreating._

_Over, and over again._

_By the end of the night, the boy would learn how to control his gag reflex. _

_Victor would make sure of it._

_He had full control over Alec, and he used that knowledge to manipulate him like a puppet on strings, forcing him to alternately arch up and slump back down at his beck and call._

_He made the beautiful boy dance for him, and now, it was time for Alec to get his just reward for being so wonderfully responsive._

_Victor eased his wet fingers back out of the boy’s mouth and moved his hand down to Alec’s crotch again while his captive was distracted, coughing and gasping for air. _

_“You’ve done well, bruv. I do believe you’ve earned yourself a treat.”_

_The man reached into Alec’s boxers, and the boy’s jaw snapped shut on a grunt as Victor’s thin fingers wrapped around him. He ground his teeth together at the feel of skin-to-skin contact. _

_Two of Victor’s fingers were hot and moist from being in Alec’s mouth, but the rest of his hand was cool and dry, sending conflicting information to the boy’s already traumatized brain._

_The man shot him a disappointed look at his flaccid result._

_“Not even half-mast, eh? I’ve gotta be honest, I expected more from you, mate. No worries though. We’ll get you primed again in a jiffy.”_

_The Brit stroked him slowly and firmly, causing Alec’s hips to buck upward into Victor’s soft palm as it slid up and down his column of flesh._

_Alec whimpered in protest._

_As much as he didn’t want what was happening, his body couldn’t help but react to the physical sensations. He had a feeling the drugs in his system may have had something to do with it as well._

No no no... Please, no!

_“There we go...” Victor gloated, doubling his efforts to make the boy whine deep in his throat with shame as he hardened against his will. “I knew from the first moment I saw you that you’d be perfect for this.”_

_“Wh-what?” _

_“Admit it, Alec. You enjoy being dominated. You enjoy being used for the sake of someone else’s pleasure.”_

_“No, I don’t!” Alec sobbed, disgusted with himself for what his body was telling him was a blatant lie. _

_“Thou doth protest too much, methinks,” Victor stated gleefully._

_He added a slight twist of his wrist towards the head of Alec’s growing erection on every upward stroke until the boy was practically convulsing in his lap. _

_“I could see it in your eyes when your brother grabbed your thigh. You were hoping for more. So much more. Hoping that he’d slam you down against that bar and...”_

_“Ngh! S-stop!”_

_“Give me one good reason why I should.”_

_“I’m begging you! Please!”_

_“Very well,” the man acquiesced, pulling his hand back out of Alec’s pants, leaving him teetering on the razor’s edge of release with an agonized whimper. “But I reckon you should thank me now for being so understanding.”_

_Victor began tugging the boy’s jeans further down his thighs and Alec outright panicked. _

_“No! Wait!”_

_Ignoring the threat of the tight belt pressing dangerously against his Adam’s apple, the boy lunged for his pants, finally managing to yank one hand free of his restrictive shirt._

_He latched onto the waistband as tightly as he could and tried to pull his jeans back into place, but his disobedience only resulted in angering the man._

_Victor grabbed his errant wrist with a bruising hold, making Alec cry out in pain._

_“That’s strike two, lovey. I warned you there would be consequences for your disobedience, did I not?”_

_Victor gave Alec’s hip a hard shove, rolling the boy off his lap and dumping him to the ground on his stomach. _

_Alec was forced to relinquish his hold on his pants in favor of catching himself the best he could before he hit the tar, leaving himself vulnerable to Victor’s advances once again._

_Alec weakly tried to drag himself away, but Victor caught him by the waistband, tugging the boy’s pants down a few inches before Alec could get far._

_Then the man dropped a heavy knee onto the boy’s lower back, putting an unbearable amount of pressure against his spine to keep him still._

_As Victor leaned down to remove the belt from around Alec’s thoroughly abused neck, his knee shifted and sent bolts of agony throughout Alec’s nervous system._

_“Gah-ha!”_

_While the boy was momentarily paralyzed by the pain, Victor wrestled the denim shirt off of his other arm and tossed it to the side. _

_Then he rucked the black shirt halfway up Alec’s back, leaving his lower half exposed to the rapidly chilling night air._

_Victor stood up with a heavy sigh. “Just remember... You brought this on yourself, bruv.”_

_And with that, the man held the thin end of the belt and brought the buckle down hard against Alec’s bared back._

_The boy tried to shout, but his throat was so damaged from earlier that he barely managed an indignant squeak as the metal instantly drew blood to the surface of his skin. _

_He attempted to squirm away from the pain, desperately trying to escape the next blow, but Victor easily followed him._

_“Stay still, and I’ll keep the tally to a minimum,” the man bargained, then brought the belt down again. And again. And again._

_Alec stopped moving after the fourth hit, and stopped making sounds after the sixth, floating on the haze of fiery agony that kept him just this side of conscious._

_His fingertips scraped themselves bloody against the asphalt for some form of purchase, oblivious to the additional pain he was causing himself._

_Victor dealt blow after blow, spanning the distance between his shoulder blades and the upper half of his exposed buttocks, drawing blood on the harsher hits and leaving deep welts on his flesh before deciding Alec had learned his lesson._

_Then he knelt back down next to the broken boy, stroking his hand across Alec’s clothed and undamaged upper back in mock sympathy, feeling him trembling beneath his light touch._

_"That's two strikes now, dah'ling. Trust me, you don't want to see what happens if you reach three. Do we have an understanding?"_

_When Alec didn’t acknowledge him, Victor’s hand slid down lower, pressing torturously against his raw wounds._

_“I asked you if we had an understanding...”_

_The boy cried out softly, then forced himself to nod. _

_"Good. I reckon it’s time for you to make it up to me then."_

_Victor captured Alec’s splayed wrists and twisted them behind his back with little resistance, securing them together with the bloodied belt._

_“Consider this a preventative measure to keep you from getting into any more trouble.”_

_He patted the boy on the shoulder condescendingly, then stood, grabbed hold of Alec’s sweat-soaked t-shirt and bound arms, then yanked him up onto his knees._

_Alec swayed heavily as he tried to orient himself to being vertical again, but Victor kept him upright by grabbing a fistful of his hair._

_He stepped in front of the boy and was delighted to see the renewed fear in Alec’s dazed eyes as Victor reached down with his free hand and began undoing his own pants._

_“There’s a good pet... Let’s put those new talents of yours to use, shall we?”_

_The man pulled himself free of his confines and ran his palm along his growing length with a groan. There was no doubt that he was enjoying all of this immensely. _

_"The way I see it, I gave you a blowjob earlier,” Victor exhaled as he teased the head of his erection. “I think it's only fair that you return the favor now."_

_He stepped closer, rubbing himself against the boy’s tightly clenched lips._

_“Open sesame.”_

_Alec glared up at him weakly, keeping his lips firmly pressed together now that the belt was no longer a viable threat._

_Victor tutted at him with a mixture of disappointment and disbelief._

_“You just don’t know when to quit, do you?”_

_With one hand still buried in Alec’s hair, the other pinched the boy’s nose shut._

_Alec fought for as long as he could, but eventually, the need to breathe won out and his mouth gasped open in panic._

_Victor wasted no time shoving himself inside, enjoying the heat and moisture that suddenly surrounded him._

_The sultry sounds the man made were obscene, mixing in with the choking and gagging noises coming from Alec as he endured Victor’s punishing pace._

_The man hadn’t even given him a chance to acclimate. Just started ramming his way to the back of Alec’s throat as he had done with his fingertips earlier._

_Now that Victor had filled the boy’s mouth with his significant girth, he had made Alec’s jaw lock open, so even if he wanted to, Alec would not have been able to bite down on him. _

_A pleasured moan escaped Victor’s lips as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, basking in the moment._

_When he guided Alec’s head forward to meet his thrusts, the boy's eyes watered and his throat seized up painfully at the insistent prodding, much to Victor’s amusement._

_Silent tears ran down Alec’s already streaked cheeks as Victor rolled his hips and bottomed out, then began to swell deep inside the boy’s mouth. _

_Alec tried to pull back far enough to breathe, but Victor tightened the hold on his hair, keeping him in place._

_“Stay!” he commanded, waiting the boy out and relishing his involuntary attempts at freeing himself without the use of his hands. _

_After a while, the man finally withdrew far enough to let Alec gasp in a breath, only to press back in again immediately after._

_But his own desperation eventually put an end to his game. He started thrusting in earnest, constantly picking up speed. _

_And every time Victor shoved himself down Alec’s throat, the boy’s stomach clenched in revolt._

_Alec tried in vain to push Victor out with his tongue, to get his arms free, to unlock his jaw and bite down... Anything!_

_When all else failed, he attempted to swallow but found that he couldn’t even do that, so the saliva that had started to accumulate in his mouth began to drip down his chin, adding to his humiliation._

_Just as he started to taste the bitterness of pre-cum on the back of his tongue, Victor finally pulled himself free and dropped Alec to the ground, allowing the boy to curl onto his right side, gasping and spluttering._

_Alec felt like his brain had been short-circuited. His muscles were sluggish to respond, and he was having trouble holding onto coherent thoughts. _

_He was just floating through time, and only the pain in his body was preventing him from slipping away into the emptiness. That, and the growing desire to vomit._

_When Alec managed to crack his bleary eyes open again, it was to find Victor standing over him, gripping the base of his crotch tightly to ward off his impending orgasm._

_“You did very well, my boy. Almost a little too well...” Victor chuckled as he crouched down and stroked a hand over Alec’s upturned hip. “Nearly ended the night a bit early there!”_

_Alec whimpered at the man’s continued presence, pulling his legs in closer and trying to make himself as small a target as possible._

_"Why’re you doin’ this?” he rasped against his knees, his voice shot to hell and barely audible._

_Victor combed his fingers through Alec’s sweaty hair, basking in the moment as the boy cringed away from his touch._

_It appeared that he had finally broken the wild stallion._

_“Isn’t it obvious?” the man patronized. He leaned down till his lips were brushing against the shell of Alec’s ear. “I’m doing it because I can.”_

_Victor kissed the boy’s wet and salty cheek before sitting back up and staring at him fondly._

_“I must say I’m impressed by you, Alec. None of the others managed to fight off the drug for as long as you have. Perhaps I miscalculated the dose...”_

Others?

_Alec’s nausea returned in full force the second he realized that the man had just admitted to being a serial rapist._

_“Always love a good challenge though,” Victor continued, before reaching for his inner jacket pocket. “I think you’ve officially become my favorite. My little champion who can’t admit when he has lost. But I’m afraid all good things must come to an end.”_

_It took all of two seconds for Alec’s mind to jump to a horrible conclusion. _

_Victor was about to pull out a weapon and end his life. And there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it._

_Alec had seen his face. Knew his name (if, in fact, Victor truly was his real name). _

_And if no one had come forward before to put the man behind bars for his previous crimes, it was probably because they were no longer able to do so._

_“Are you... Are you gonna kill me?” Alec breathed out, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer._

_Part of him- the heavily drugged part- no longer cared if he lived through the night or not. It would be so much easier to just give in to the pull of blissful oblivion._

_But the other part of him, the part that loved his family more than anything, wanted to fight with every ounce of strength he had left._

_He had to survive. For them._

_Victor snorted in amusement. _

_“Kill you? What do you think I am, a sociopath? Dah’ling, I simply mean to up your dosage. Can’t risk you actually remembering all this, now can I? That would be too dangerous, for both of us.”_

_Instead of a weapon, he pulled a small vial of liquid out of his inner jacket pocket and unscrewed the cap, filling the dropper with a practiced squeeze before extracting it._

_He leaned over Alec and took hold of his chin, tilting his face upward and holding him steady as his other hand brought the dropper down to the boy’s abused lips._

_“Now then... Be a good lad and take your medication.”_

*****

November 27, 2019

The hand on his shoulder startled Alec so badly that he spun around defensively, ultimately knocking the glass of water out of Dr. Spencer’s other hand.

It shattered on the floor at Alec’s feet, bathing his sneakers in icy liquid.

The shocking sensation was enough to firmly ground the boy in the present and he trembled as he stumbled back a few paces to put distance between himself and the therapist.

The man frowned at him suspiciously.

“Are you alright, son?”

“I... I’m sorry, I just...”

Alec motioned vaguely towards the front door, taking another desperate step towards it before the doctor blocked his path.

“Hang on there, kiddo. You’re white as a ghost. I don’t think you should be standing just yet. Come on, why don’t we go...”

For one horrible moment, Alec was terrified that the man was going to drag him back to his office and prevent him from leaving. 

But as the doctor reached out to grasp Alec’s arm, the front door of the building chimed and swung open.

The boy nearly sobbed in relief when the best sound in the world reached his ears.

“Alec? What the hell’s going on in here?”

_Jace..._

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:**  
_Very graphic and detailed descriptions of non-consensual sexual actions (including a very descriptive scene with non-con oral sex), torture and forced drug use._  
Do not read this chapter unless you are ok with being exposed to this content. If you prefer, you can skip the italics (flashbacks) and jump straight to the end. 
> 
> This chapter concludes the flashback scenes for now, so the next few chapters will continue the story in present time.
> 
> This has been one of the darkest chapters we have ever written.  
If you can find the time please leave a comment and let us know what you think of _Adrift_.
> 
> Sandmann&SHTWSPNSH


	7. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace takes Alec home after his unfortunate meeting with Dr. Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to receive additional content warnings, please check the notes at the end of this chapter before you start reading.
> 
> **Due to the current coronavirus pandemic, we have decided to do our part in helping to keep those under quarantine (and everyone else) entertained by posting more often than we had originally planned. **
> 
> **We have a small handful of chapters backlogged at this time, and will upload them approximately every one to two weeks until we run out of material, at which point we ask that you please bear with us until we can get more content written. **
> 
> **In the meantime, we hope you all stay safe and healthy out there, and we’re here to chat if you feel so inclined to reach out!**
> 
> **All the best, SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann**

Alec practically tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to Jace’s side and as far away from the therapist as possible.

Dr. Spencer moved as if to follow, but the blond quickly stepped between them, his right hand held out towards the doctor in warning as his brother cowered behind him.

“Don’t come any closer,” Jace growled at the man, reaching behind himself with his other hand to grasp Alec’s left wrist, assuring himself of the older boy’s exact location and proximity without having to turn around.

He shifted his grip until he found Alec’s pulse, which was highly elevated and erratic beneath his fingers, and it brought out Jace’s protective streak like little else could. 

His eyes narrowed dangerously on the man responsible for upsetting his brother.

The therapist stopped in his tracks and attempted a placating smile, holding out a hand of his own for the newcomer to shake.

“You must be Jace. I’m Dr. Spencer.”

“Good for you.” Jace flat-out refused to shake the man’s hand. “I asked you a question,” he reminded the doctor, rather heatedly. “What the hell is going on here?”

The therapist cleared his voice uncomfortably. “Rest assured, everything is fine.”

“Yeah, looks like it...” Jace retorted, staring pointedly at the shattered glass all over the floor.

“Just a slight mishap. I’m afraid your brother is experiencing a bad reaction to his regression therapy. He really shouldn’t be on his feet just yet.”

“Alec?” Jace prompted over his shoulder, his suspicious eyes firmly locked on Dr. Spencer until he got some form of verification he could trust. “You alright?”

The older boy wanted so badly to tell his brother what he had overheard just moments ago, but there was no way he’d risk endangering Jace by putting him on Spencer’s radar as another potential threat.

If word got back to Victor, there was no telling what the man would do.

Alec had to play it cool. Their lives could literally depend on it.

“’m fine. Just tired,” he replied simply, wincing when his voice came out higher than it was meant to. “Can we go home now?”

The blond nodded once, releasing Alec’s wrist. “Yeah, buddy. Go wait by the bike,” he instructed. “I’m just gonna have a little chat with the doc first. I’ll be out in a sec.”

Alec gripped his brother’s forearm in desperation. “Jace, don’t. Let’s just go. Please?”

Jace turned to look at him for the first time, and the pleading in Alec’s eyes was enough to persuade him to let the argument drop. For now.

Reluctantly, he backed down.

“Alright. Come on. Let’s get you home.”

Jace put a guiding hand on Alec’s shoulder and led him out of the building, into the warm sunlight and fresh air.

Alec released a shuddering breath when they finally reached the safety of the motorcycle. The sooner they put this place in the rearview mirror, the better.

Jace handed him his helmet, watching him intently as Alec fumbled with the chin strap, his hands shaking too hard to be of any use.

Taking pity on him, his brother reached up and fastened it for him, frowning with concern. “You sure you’re alright to ride? I could call Izzy and have her come pick you up with the car...”

“No!” Alec shouted, then flushed with embarrassment at Jace’s raised eyebrow. “No, I... I’m fine. Let’s just hit the road.”

There was no way he’d be sticking around long enough for their sister to come to meet them.

“Alright. But give me a head’s up if you’re going to pass out or throw up on me, got it?”

Jace swung his leg over the bike and settled in, then knocked the kickstand back and brought the engine to life while Alec climbed on behind him.

“Hold on tight!” he yelled over the roar of the machinery, and Alec’s arms immediately wrapped around his brother’s waist. 

About a minute later, they were on their way.

As the scenery raced past, Alec felt the stirrings of nausea again. He closed his eyes, but every time the bike tilted beneath him, he lost his sense of balance and felt completely disconnected from his body.

The memories were pulling at him, threatening to drag him back into the darkness again if given half a chance. And now that the adrenaline was abating, there was precious little keeping him from spiraling into the abyss.

The motorcycle glided to the left as Jace switched lanes and Alec started listing sideways, suddenly feeling woozy. His heart leapt into his throat in panic, giving him just enough energy to correct his stance.

He pressed closer to Jace’s back, clinging to him with all the strength he had left, and prayed to anyone who would listen that he didn’t pass out and cause them to crash.

Jace felt the change in his brother’s grip, and his concern instantly went up another five notches.

“Stay with me, Alec,” he called to him, keeping his eyes on the road as he shifted to a higher gear, realizing they had to make it home sooner rather than later.

Jace’s words triggered another flashback for Alec; one of which he had no previous recollection. But oddly enough, it was a relatively fond memory, buried amidst the pain and humiliation.

Victor had already run off to avoid the police, and Jace had been cradling Alec’s broken and bleeding body in his arms, speaking words of comfort to him as the distant sirens approached the alleyway.

_“Stay with me, Alec. I’m right here...”_

Jace had kept up a constant litany until Alec could no longer decipher what he was saying, but he could still feel the reverberations of his brother’s chest against his otherwise numb torso.

And at that moment, he knew the worst was finally over.

Jace had found him, and that alone had restored a spark of hope inside Alec, giving him a reason to keep fighting.

Alec could now remember looking up into the younger boy’s multi-colored eyes, seeing the depths of sorrow and worry in them as Alec faded in and out of consciousness.

For the first time that night, Alec had felt calm. He had felt _safe_.

Not that that should’ve come as a surprise to him.

As far as Alec was concerned, Jace’s voice had always had that effect, ever since the blond boy had come to live with the Lightwoods at the age of ten, telling stories full of wild adventure and daring heroics to help Alec sleep on restless nights. 

And his voice still had that effect on him now, all these years later.

As long as Jace was around, everything was going to be okay.

Alec rested his swimming head between the younger boy’s broad shoulders, absorbing the sun-kissed warmth from his jacket and feeling the muscles in Jace’s torso shifting beneath his tight grasp as he expertly maneuvered them off of the highway and onto the back streets. 

Almost home then.

Alec breathed in deeply.

Even with the helmet on, he could still smell the leather and his brother’s familiar cologne through the visor, and the additional points of contact helped to restore his equilibrium and ground him in the present.

He sighed in relief as the world finally seemed to right itself, and he settled in for the last few miles, the tension in his muscles slowly bleeding away until he felt utterly boneless. 

He was so exhausted...

“Alec? Hey, buddy. We’re home.”

Startled, Alec’s eyes snapped back open. He had definitely lost some time there.

Jace was holding perfectly still, waiting patiently for him to get his bearings and dismount the bike first.

It took Alec a moment to realize that he was still wrapped around his brother like an octopus.

Jace had a hand on Alec’s encircling arms, making sure they stayed interlocked so that the older boy didn’t accidentally fall off the motorcycle before he could snap out of his trance.

Mortified, Alec quickly sat back up and retracted his grip.

“...Sorry.”

Jace twisted around and shook his head at him, his helmet already dangling from the left handlebar. “Nothin’ to be sorry about. You okay to walk?”

Alec wanted to scoff at the question. Of course he could walk. He wasn’t an invalid. And yet, the idea of making it to the front door seemed utterly daunting.

Nevertheless, he somehow convinced his wobbly legs to hold his weight as he stood and removed his own helmet.

Much to his relief, he was able to undo the clasp by himself and ran a hand through his unruly hair as Jace took the helmet from him and hung it off the right handlebar.

And although the walk to the door took much longer than it had any right to, Alec made it without assistance. But he was fully aware of his brother keeping pace by his side, just in case he was needed.

By the time the door to their small apartment fell shut behind them, Alec’s legs were shaking again.

Jace urged him towards the couch and he sank gratefully down onto it, burying his face in his hands with a frustrated groan.

Why did he feel so weak? All he did was talk for a while, not run a marathon.

He was distantly aware of Jace’s footsteps retreating, water running in the kitchen, then his brother returning, but he still cringed away when Jace gently gripped his shoulder to get his attention.

“Here. Drink up. You need to rehydrate.”

Alec grudgingly took the glass and instinctively began checking it for any signs of tampering before realizing what he was doing. 

He glanced up at Jace apologetically, but his brother took it all in stride.

He had been incredibly understanding throughout this entire process, and this was how Alec thanked him? By questioning his motives and integrity?

He really had to get his paranoia under control.

“Thanks,” he stated sincerely, then made a point of drinking half the glass. Not because he was actually thirsty, but because he owed it to his brother.

Jace sat down beside him, and when their shoulders and knees connected, Alec didn’t pull away. The blond took that as a sign of improvement.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” he asked quietly.

Alec stared down into his rippling water, debating on his response.

He didn’t like keeping secrets from his brother, but there were just some things that would do more harm than good if brought to light.

Jace deserved some form of explanation though, so Alec went with the obvious.

“I don’t think that session went very well...”

Jace snorted. “Ya think?”

Alec took another sip of his water as the silence stretched on between them. Jace was the first to break it.

“Listen, Alec... I’m sorry, man. I really thought talking to a professional would help.” 

“This isn’t your fault, Jace. I know you meant well, and it _did _help. Sort of. I uh... I remembered a lot more of what happened that night.”

Jace’s jaw flexed. 

He knew that bit was inevitable. Necessary even, for Alec to properly heal. But he didn’t like the idea of his brother having to face his past again. Especially not with a total stranger instead of himself.

“It wasn’t all bad,” Alec rushed out before Jace could apologize a second time. “On the road home, I... I remembered you.”

Jace glanced over at him with a frown. “Me?”

“At the end of it all. You were there for me, Jace.”

The blond boy dropped his gaze and hung his head in self-recrimination. “Yeah, too little, too late though.”

“No. You were there when I needed you the most. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t...”

Alec trailed off, swallowing down the bile that had crept its way up the back of his throat.

“Anyway... I’m sorry I forgot about that till now. I should’ve thanked you months ago.”

“Don’t.”

“Jace...”

“Alec, please don’t thank me. All of this was _my _fault. I never should’ve left you at the bar alone that night. Hell, you didn’t even want to be there in the first place.”

Jace’s words felt like a punch to the gut. 

Alec had been so absorbed in his own pain and fear, that he hadn’t realized how much guilt his brother had been carrying around with him for the past five months.

Alec hadn’t been Victor’s only victim. Both of their lives had been deeply affected. Izzy’s too.

But one thing was for certain. Alec had never blamed Jace for any of it, and it was time his brother received some absolution.

“Hey, none of this is on you, understand? It’s not like you could’ve known what was going to happen, Jace. Besides, according to Izzy, you nearly got yourself killed chasing after him, so I’d say we’re even.”

Jace ran a hand over his left side absently, his fingers tracing the small scar that was hidden beneath his shirt.

“She exaggerates. It was barely more than a scratch.”

“It required stitches,” Alec pointed out.

Jace shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

And Alec was abruptly reminded of the abuse Jace had suffered throughout his childhood at the hands of his own father. Abuse that had carried on for years.

What right did Alec have to complain about one night of brutality?

Sure, what Alec had experienced had been an entirely different form of abuse, but still...

If Jace had been strong enough to get past his demons at such a young age, then Alec should be able to manage it as an adult.

For the first time in months, he really looked at his brother.

He took in his sunken cheeks, the faint bruising around his eyes from lack of sleep, the lost look in his far-away gaze, and unless Alec was much mistaken, his clothes seemed to be a bit baggier on him as well.

Jace had been so concentrated on taking care of Alec since the attack, that he had been failing to take proper care of himself.

That was going to end today.

Alec glanced at the clock on the wall and grimaced. It was already noon. Having worked the overnight shift before taking Alec to his therapy session, Jace should have gone to bed hours ago.

“You should get some sleep,” he stated, nudging his brother’s knee with his own. “You’ve already been up for like twenty-eight hours, and you have to be back at work by seven.”

“’s fine. ’m not really tired,” Jace muttered, then had to stifle a yawn.

Alec snickered at him. “Obviously. Go, Jace. I’ll be alright. Really.”

“What are you going to do for the rest of the day?” the blond asked, giving him a searching look as if he expected a nefarious answer.

“I was thinking I might do some light reading.” Alec jerked his head towards a bookcase that was filled with his law books.

Jace’s eyes lit up in pleasant surprise. “Seriously?”

Alec shrugged. “Figure it’s time I start getting my life back on track. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do before I can apply for another internship.”

“Thought you hated the legal profession after working for your dad?”

“It’s not the job that I disapproved of, and you know it,” Alec grumbled back.

His father, Robert, had been getting increasingly friendly with his secretary within the past year, right in front of his wife, Maryse, who was his office manager.

Maryse, being the woman of class that she was, decided to turn the other cheek and take the higher road in an attempt to preserve her status in the local community.

To be fair, she and Robert had been drifting apart for years. This was just the icing on the cake.

But Alec couldn’t stand watching his father flirt so openly any longer, and with everything else he had been dealing with at the time, he up and quit the firm without giving any notice. 

Not before making a rather spectacular scene in front of Robert’s three partners though... 

His father still refused to talk to him, and Alec certainly wasn’t complaining. As far as he was concerned, the less time he had to waste on the man, the better.

It also made him feel more justified in his excuse for not having told his parents about what had happened to him. He had sworn his siblings to secrecy, and they had not broken his trust as of yet.

There may come a day when he is confident enough to open that wound again and face his parents’ reactions, but it would be on his terms. No one else’s.

Till then, his only plan was to make it through the rest of the day intact.

He got up from the couch and selected a law book at random, then plopped down into the armchair by the window for better reading light.

Jace stood from the couch and stretched with exhaustion.

“Guess I’ll leave you to it then. But you wake me if you need anything, got it?”

Alec nodded in agreement, then began flipping through the first few pages.

“I’ll be up again in a few hours to make us some dinner before I have to head back out.”

He clapped Alec on the shoulder as he passed, heading for his bedroom.

For a while, Alec was able to pass the time by refreshing his knowledge of the New York penal code. He lost himself in his self-appointed homework and realized how much he had missed this.

In all honesty, he had never wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, but being the eldest and dutiful son, he wasn’t given much of a choice.

The first year of law school had been intimidating as hell, but by the end of it, he discovered that he was actually really good at it, and he had applied himself more astutely to his studies.

And when he finished his third and final year at Columbia University this past Spring- graduating with high honors nonetheless- he had begun the internship at his father’s firm for some practical experience so that he'd be better prepared for taking the bar exam in February.

Unfortunately, the internship had begun on June 24th, just over a week after Alec had been brutalized, so he hadn’t exactly been in a good headspace for starting a new job.

It also didn’t help that plenty of people at the firm thought he was only there due to nepotism and did not deserve the opportunity for which he had worked so hard.

Alec tried to keep his head down and focus on the work, and this went on till the end of July. But between their snide- and occasionally lewd- comments, and his father’s blatant promiscuity, Alec decided he couldn’t stay there any longer.

On the day he quit, the pain, disgust, and inner turmoil he was struggling to suppress had bubbled over, and that same afternoon was the first time he had cut himself.

It hadn’t been intentional. He was clearing out his office space, throwing all his supplies hastily into a box just to get away from it all as soon as possible, and he had sliced his forearm on the edge of the cardboard.

He cursed at the initial pain, idly wondering why a cardboard cut hurt so much more than a papercut, but as he pressed some tissues to the three-inch bleeding wound, he realized that for the first time in months, he had felt calm.

After that, using pain to steady himself had become an addiction.

Whenever the nightmares woke him from a restless sleep, or he jumped at a friendly touch, he would dig his thumb into the slowly healing cut until it reopened and bled anew.

That relief had been his only salvation for the following weeks, and the more he fought that craving to harm himself, the more antsy and withdrawn he had become.

At that point, Jace had noticed that Alec was getting increasingly restless and had convinced the older boy to go for long runs with him to burn off that pent up energy.

Alec ran until his lungs and leg muscles burned, and that was a suitable enough pain for him to allow the cut on his forearm to finally heal properly.

Then his second scheduled therapy appointment rolled around and he was too ashamed of himself to go and ask for professional help. It was better to just keep his weakness a secret, or so he thought.

But when Jace found out that Alec hadn’t gone, and even worse, that he had lied to him about it, the guilt of disappointing his brother had led Alec to cutting himself for the first time on purpose.

The pain in his chest had overwhelmed him to the point at which he needed to let it out.

So he had locked himself inside his en-suite bathroom, unboxed the expensive and engraved old-fashioned shaving kit his father had given him as a graduation present, and drew the blade carefully across his wrist.

He felt the internal and external pains finally balance out as his blood sluggishly dripped into the sink below.

But the relief hadn’t lasted long. 

Once he realized what he had done, he panicked and immediately began cleaning up after himself, repackaging the shaving kit, bandaging the wound, and rinsing out the sink.

He returned to his room and sat down on the bed to lace up his boots so that he could bag all the grisly evidence and take it out to the dumpster before his brother got home from work.

Unfortunately, when he tried to stand back up, he was hit with an overwhelming dizziness that dropped him back to the bed. Seconds later, everything went black.

He had passed out from the combination of blood loss and total exhaustion, and he never heard Jace’s return.

When the blond came in to check on him later that morning, he found Alec still unconscious, fully dressed and half off the bed, his feet still on the floor.

Jace shook him and called his name until Alec started to resurface with a miserable groan. A quick touch to the forehead revealed that his brother was sweaty and feverish.

The younger boy headed to the bathroom to wet a cooling cloth and discovered the bloodied tissues and bandages that Alec hadn’t been able to dispose of the night before.

Terrified that there had been some sort of accident in his absence, Jace ran back to Alec’s side and began checking him over for injuries until he found the tight bandage on his brother’s left wrist.

Alec had finally come round at that point and jerked his arm free of Jace’s grasp, but the damage was already done. 

The blond confronted him right there on the spot, and the older boy had no choice but to break down and confess his sins.

Jace had been completely stunned that his brother had felt the need to resort to such measures, and he knew that he was out of his depth.

Alec clearly needed professional help. Which led to the third rescheduled appointment wherein Alec had finally met Dr. Spencer...

And although Jace only had Alec’s best interests at heart, Alec’s mind was now a whirlwind of confusing thoughts and emotions because of it, and all he wanted to do was go into his en-suite bathroom and use that old-fashioned razorblade to calm his mind.

He couldn’t do that to his brother again though. Not when Jace was trying so hard to make everything better for him.

So instead, Alec resituated himself in the armchair and forced himself to focus on the law book in his lap.

But after an hour had gone by and he still found himself rereading the same passage over and over again, he knew he needed a better distraction.

Glancing towards the front entrance, he saw his sneakers waiting for him by the side of the door and he bit his lip in thought.

Last time he had gone for a run on his own, he had been caught by Victor’s thugs. Ever since, he only ran when Jace was available to go with him.

His brother had told him repeatedly that if he ever felt the urge to harm himself again, or needed anything in general, that he was to wake Jace, regardless of the time or circumstances.

But Jace needed what little rest he could get, especially since he had switched to taking the overnight shifts so that he could be there for Alec during the day.

Also, because those shifts paid more. And with Alec not working, Jace was the sole breadwinner when it came to paying their monthly bills. Not that the internship had paid very much to begin with...

But the least Alec could do in return was let his brother sleep a few hours without interruption.

Besides, it was mid-afternoon and the city would be bustling with people. Not even Victor would be brazen enough to try something in the light of day.

So, with that comforting thought in mind, Alec donned his sneakers and slipped quietly out of the apartment.

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:** _Mentions of past self-harm._
> 
> We hope you enjoyed this chapter, and we'd love to hear your thoughts if you can take the time to comment!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	8. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec goes for a run after the therapy session with Dr. Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! We are back with the next chapter.  
We hope you all are ok out there, wherever in the world you are right now.  
Stay home. Stay safe. Read fanfic.  
Please go to the notes at the end of this chapter for **additional warnings**!

Alec didn’t have any particular destination in mind when he set off at a light jog. He simply turned right and headed up the sidewalk.

It wasn't long before he fell into a steady pace, his footfalls echoing the pounding of his racing heart. And the faster his heart beat, the faster he ran.

But no matter his speed, he couldn’t outrun his own mind. The harder he tried, the more frustrated he became.

He ran until his muscles screamed at him to stop, and the stitch in his side made it painful to breathe.

Alec’s gait petered out as he reached the end of the sidewalk at a four-way intersection. He doubled over, gasping for air and willing himself not to puke.

Jace never let him push himself this hard. He kept him at a steady and manageable pace and stopped him for a water break whenever Alec showed signs of discomfort or fatigue.

But this... _This _was what he really needed.

Not to be coddled or placated. Not to be babysat or kept under control. 

He needed the pain, the sweat, the over-stimulation. The fire in his muscles, the ache in his chest, the ringing in his ears...

Because only then were the memories silenced. Only then could he find peace.

He closed his eyes and breathed out a long sigh of relief, the world slowing to a stop around him. The hectic sounds of the city faded into the background, and for a brief moment, no one else existed. Nothing else mattered.

He was free.

Then some asshole who was too busy texting to pay attention walked right into Alec with a muttered apology, and just like that, the spell was broken.

He was back in the middle of a bustling neighborhood, surrounded by strangers going about their day.

Damn. That had been a lot of effort for such a fleeting moment of serenity.

He checked his watch and realized with a pang of panic that he had been gone for almost two hours, and he still had to make his way back to the apartment before Jace woke up and found him missing.

With a weary groan, he crossed the street and began a light jog in the opposite direction, his legs already starting to feel like wet noodles beneath him. He shouldn’t have strayed so far.

He pushed on though, and about twenty minutes later, he came to one of the many entrances to Central Park.

Alec froze, chills running up and down his spine at the large expanse of greenery beyond the iron-gated entrance.

It had been in that very same park that Alec had taken a late-night walk to clear his head- only two weeks after his assault back in June- when Victor’s men had grabbed him.

Against his better instincts, Alec had decided earlier that night that he was going to file a police report and put Victor behind bars before he could hurt anyone else.

He announced his decision to Jace, and while the blond hadn’t been overly thrilled that Alec was putting himself in danger again by doing so, he supported his brother nonetheless.

The younger boy had put in the call to the precinct because Alec had been too nervous to do it himself, then he asked to be patched through to Detective Luke Garroway.

Luke had been the first cop on the scene outside of Jace’s bar that horrible June evening, and therefore, it was his case to conduct. But more importantly, he was also an old friend of the Lightwood family.

He used to come by the house a lot when the kids were growing up. Alec, being the oldest, remembered him best. And his memories had been fond.

Luke was a kind man. Someone he could trust. And unless Alec was very much mistaken, he and Maryse had a romantic history together, most likely during their college days. 

Why she chose to marry Robert over Luke was beyond Alec’s comprehension.

Maybe his father hadn't always been the bully Alec had known him to be. But as far back as he could remember, the man had been narcissistic and cruel.

Alec had a vivid memory of the last time he had seen Luke at his childhood home. 

Garroway had only been a beat cop back then, but he had responded to their residence for a noise complaint made by one of their neighbors.

When he knocked on the door, it was little Izzy who answered, her face streaked with tears. She pointed towards the shouting, and when Luke entered the living room, he had found Robert pinning Alec against the wall by his throat.

Alec had failed an English exam, and Robert had been demanding to know how a boy who spoke English fluently had managed to flunk such a test.

Alec’s response had been something along the lines of “If you bothered to come home after work once in a while and acted like a real father, I wouldn’t have to spend my nights cooking, cleaning and caring for Izzy! Maybe then I’d have time to study and read the assigned books!”

Lightwoods break noses and accept the consequences.

Robert had let his fist fly and the first hit was nearly enough to knock Alec out cold. The man was never one to pull his punches.

Maryse had tried to hold her husband back and calm him down, so Robert had shaken her off with a backhand to her right cheek.

That’s when Alec had lunged for him. He managed to hold his own for a bit, but it didn’t take long for his father to get the upper hand again.

By the time Luke had tackled Robert to the ground, the poor boy had ended up with a bloodied nose, a black eye, a bruised larynx, and a concussion.

Luke got in a few good punches as well till Maryse pulled him off her husband. She had been furious at her old friend for intervening in their family affairs, and told him to get out and never come back.

Clearly, Luke had taken her words to heart because he never visited that house again.

Alec had been thirteen years old. 

That had hardly been the first time Robert had laid into him, and it certainly hadn’t been the last.

But two years later, Jace had come to live with them, and because he was coming from an abusive home life, the Child Protective Services were keeping a close eye on his new family situation.

Robert had managed to get his anger under control to avoid a public scandal, and he never touched Alec again. He even started acting like a real father in the brief moments that he was home between work and sleep.

But Alec hadn’t let his guard down for a second. 

Robert was nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and Alec had seen his teeth bared enough times to know that the man was more dangerous than he seemed.

The young blond had a propensity for trouble, and Alec had watched his father like a hawk to be sure that the boy’s antics didn’t result in any kind of backfire.

Till this day, Alec had never told Jace that Robert used to be heavy-handed. The boy deserved to feel safe for once in his life.

Only after he and Jace were able to afford their own apartment, and Izzy had moved in with Simon, did Alec finally feel ready to leave the past in the past and start trusting people again. 

And then he ran into Victor...

Alec had spent the majority of his life protecting his family, and this situation wasn’t going to be any different. He knew the only way to keep them all safe was to stand up against the man who had abused him and file a full report.

Luke was relieved to hear that one of Victor’s victims was finally willing to talk, and he happily agreed to take Alec’s statement at the precinct bright and early the next morning.

Jace had told him to get some sleep in the meantime, but Alec couldn’t sit still. His mind was racing. So after his brother had gone to bed, Alec had snuck out of the apartment and eventually found himself drifting through the middle of Central Park.

Alec had grown up in that park. Knew it like the back of his hand. And it had always been a haven for him when he needed to venture out and get some air.

He loved his siblings dearly, but ever since Victor, they had been hovering constantly. He couldn’t even get up to use the bathroom without them questioning his intentions.

He needed some time and some space to think.

Not once did he ever consider that Victor’s thugs would be watching his apartment. Or that they would follow him at a distance, biding their time till he reached the seclusion of the park.

That’s when they had come up behind him, appearing out of the shadows like in a horror film, and between the two men, they had Alec subdued within seconds.

They dragged him down a path towards a large black van that was parked a few feet away and wrestled him into the back.

The overhead light had blinded him at first, but Alec didn’t need to see the man standing before him to recognize the familiar voice that had haunted his dreams.

His blood had instantly run cold.

_“Hello again, Alec. You're looking... tired. Having trouble sleeping, are we?"_

__

_"Victor..." he whispered, his fight or flight instincts reduced to mere trembling as the man approached him confidently._

__

_"Ah. So you do remember me. How unfortunate. For you, I mean. Apologies for ruinin' your nightly stroll, bruv, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re plannin’ to talk to the police tomorrow morning. Is that true?”_

_How the hell had Victor found out about that so quickly? Jace had only made the call a few hours ago..._

_Alec struggled against the two men as they held him down on his knees, his arms wrenched painfully behind his back._ _His still healing injuries protested vehemently._

_“I suggest you have a change of heart, dah'ling, or I'll be forced to apply more... ‘pressure’.”_

_Alec’s left arm was yanked painfully higher, and he had no choice but to bow down obediently or risk dislocating his shoulder._

_“Gah! Wait! Please!”_

_The man sauntered closer and raised Alec’s head with a finger beneath his chin._

_“I don’t know how you still remember anything from last night, or what you _think _you remember, but listen very carefully. Are you listening, Alec?”_

_The terrified boy jerked his head once in acknowledgment._

_“Excellent. As I’ve just proven, my people can get to anyone, at any time. I have resources high up, far beyond your imagination. So be smart about this, Alec, and keep your mouth shut. Or maybe next time, I’ll arrange a little visit with one of your siblings instead.”_

_That threat alone had Alec clamming up instantly. Victor had to have a connection within the precinct, and if Alec stepped one foot inside those doors, the man would find out about it and Alec’s family would end up paying the price._

_“I won’t say anything. I’ll call it off, I swear.”_

_“See, I want to believe you, love. Truly, I do. But you’ve given me your word before, and yet you were about to go back on it, weren’t you? So why should I believe you this time, eh?”_

_“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep my family safe.”_

_Victor held his gaze for a moment, then patted him on the head condescendingly. _

_“Now _that _I can believe. I suggest you run back home to your brother before I decide to let my boys get a little taste of what you have to offer. Their chances were rudely interrupted last time our paths crossed. I won't deny them a third time, so you best behave yourself and stay out of trouble, yes?”_

_Alec was jerked upright again just in time to see the leering gaze from the thug on his left. They tossed him out of the van and onto the tar walkway where he landed hard, scraping his palms and bruising his barely healed knees._

He hadn’t waited to see if anyone got out behind him. He just pushed himself to his feet and took off towards his apartment, and he didn't stop running until he reached the safety of his bedroom.

When Jace had gotten up the next morning to drive Alec to the precinct, he found his brother curled up over the toilet, being violently sick.

Alec had tried to blame it on his nerves, but Jace wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the mud all over Alec’s shoes, the cuts on his hands, and the stains on his jeans.

Something had rattled the older boy terribly; enough to change his mind about making a police report. 

And considering how much conviction Alec had had just a few hours ago that filing a report was in everyone’s best interest, there was only one explanation that made any sense to Jace...

Someone must have gotten to his brother and threatened him. Again.

Jace had called Luke back and told him that Alec had changed his mind. It was too dangerous to go up against someone who thought he was untouchable.

And now here Alec was again, on the outskirts of what used to be his favorite park. 

If he cut through it now, he’d be home in half the time and distance it would take to go all the way around.

Alec consulted his watch again and grimaced. He’d have to pick up the pace if he were going to make it back before 5pm.

He drew on his remaining reserves and took the long way home. As he entered his apartment complex, he could hear his brother stirring across the hall. 

Alec quickly staggered into his own bedroom and into the shower, washing away any evidence of his secret excursion. 

The hot water did wonders for his protesting muscles, and by the time he joined Jace at the dinner table, he no longer felt like his skin was crawling.

The meal passed pleasantly enough and Alec offered to clean up the dishes afterwards, just to give his hands something to do while Jace got ready for work.

“Sure you’re gonna be alright on your own?” the blond asked worriedly, pausing in front of the door to take a good look at his brother’s weary appearance.

“I’ll be fine, Jace. Feeling pretty exhausted, to be honest. Think I’ll just head straight to bed.”

“Alright. But if anything comes up, you call me or Iz. Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I’m only working a half shift tonight, so I should be back around two.”

Alec gave him a half-hearted salute, and then found himself alone. 

It was still pretty early in the evening, but he hadn’t been lying. He truly was exhausted. And for once, he hoped he might actually be tired enough to slip into a dreamless sleep.

Unfortunately, he was never that lucky.

He startled awake with a desperate scream, struggling against his sheets as if they were restraining him. 

For a moment, he was completely disoriented. He had no idea where he was, what time it was, or if he was alone.

As his wide eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, he realized he was safe in his own bed, then bolted for the bathroom to throw up the remnants of the wonderful meal Jace had made earlier.

Unsurprisingly, it had tasted much better the first time around.

He sat on the cold, hard floor, arms hugging his knees as he rocked himself for comfort.

When was this going to stop? Would he ever be able to sleep through the night again? Or was he just going to go insane from lack of sleep and end up in a psych ward, drugged to the gills?

The thought alone sent him scrambling for the toilet again.

Ever since his unwanted experience with yin fen, he flat-out refused to take so much as an Advil, preferring to suffer through his pain and exhaustion rather than risk losing any control over his own body.

‘Fool me once...’ had become his latest motto.

When there was nothing left in his stomach to bring up and the dry heaves had abated, he eased himself back up onto his throbbing legs and staggered over to the sink.

The good news was that Jace clearly wasn’t home to witness his meltdown. 

The younger boy had attuned himself to the sound of Alec’s nightmares. One small whimper, and he’d be at Alec’s side within seconds.

After all the racket he just made, his brother was definitely still out. That meant it wasn’t even two in the morning yet.

It was going to be a very long night.

Alec splashed some water on his face and rinsed his mouth out. Then made the mistake of glancing up into his mirror.

The face staring back at him was pale, drawn, and haggard. 

He looked weak. Breakable. And it disgusted him.

Dropping his gaze, he reached for his toothbrush, then hesitated.

Inches away from his fingertips was the old-fashioned shaving kit. Inscribed on the shaving bowl were the words “_Dura lex, sed lex_.” 

The law is hard, but it is the law.

He had sworn he would never do this again, but as if he were moving in a trance, he found himself picking up the razor blade, clenching it tightly in his right hand.

The metal was cold and heavy in his palm; a tangible weight that was already steadying the tremors in his body.

He needed this. He _wanted _this.

His brain was screaming at him to stop. To call Jace. To call Izzy. _Anyone_. And yet, he was already rolling up his left sleeve.

Alec ran the blade gently over the smooth expanse of skin along his forearm, an inch higher than the faint scar he had carved into his wrist a few months ago.

His right hand was trembling, but not with fear, with desire.

The temptation was too great. 

He repeated the move, but put more pressure on the blade, feeling the sharp edge slice its way through the top layers of his skin, leaving a thin river of red in its wake.

_‘Stop, stop, stop...!’ _his conscience screamed at him.

But he didn’t want to stop. Not really.

He savored the bite of the pain, continuing his downward angle until he ran out of pale skin and the blade drifted seamlessly off the other side.

Alec shivered once, then breathed a heavy sigh of relief as the ever-present tension finally left his body.

He felt high as endorphins flooded his system, turning the acute pain into a twisted form of pleasure.

He watched in wonder as the red rivulets dripped down his raised forearm, staining the pale flesh as it went.

Alec was floating again, like he had been at the end of his run, but this time, there was no one else around to drag him back down to reality.

He basked in the release, feeling his pulse slow as his adrenaline rush gave way to peaceful bliss.

He had just started to consider how easy it would be to dig just a little deeper and quiet his mind once and for all when he heard the front door open and close.

Jace was home.

By the Angel... His brother must have been on his way back to the apartment before Alec had even woken up.

If he had just been strong enough to hold off a little longer...

How could he have betrayed Jace like that? Betrayed _himself_ after swearing he’d never give in to that impulse again?

Jace was going to be so pissed.

Alec’s brain stuttered back into gear, and the full extent of his predicament caught up with him.

Eyes widening in horror, Alec glanced down at his bloodied arm again, and what he had previously perceived to be beautiful, living art had now turned to heinous gore. 

He glanced around himself in numb disbelief and felt his stomach clench at the sight of all the blood.

He hadn’t cut deeply enough to do any serious damage, but there were enough red splotches all over the floor and sink to make it look like a Jackson Pollock painting gone terribly wrong.

The blade slipped from his shaking fingers and clattered into the sink, the sound echoing loudly in Alec’s ears as he stumbled backward, as far away from the weapon as the small room would allow.

There was a pause in his brother’s movements down the hall, then his footsteps began to get draw closer. It seemed he had heard the blade fall and was coming to check on him.

Alec held his breath, running his hands through his hair in panic.

There was no way he could clean up the mess in time. Jace was going to see what he had done.

There was a gentle knock on his bedroom door, and Alec’s heart jumped into his throat.

“Alec? You awake, buddy?” the blond asked softly, then listened patiently for a response.

Part of Alec wanted to call out to him. To be found. To crawl to Jace and beg him for forgiveness.

But all he managed to do was cover his mouth with both hands to prevent the broken sob from escaping his tight throat and giving him away.

He clenched his eyes shut, feeling the hot tears of failure slipping down his flushed face, and waited in complete silence.

Eventually, Jace gave up and moved off quietly towards his own room, closing the door behind himself.

Alec didn’t dare move a muscle for at least another ten minutes until he could hear the soft sounds of his brother snoring.

Then he slid down the wall, buried his face in his arms, and let the silent sobs wrack his body until he was completely spent, curled up on the cold bathroom floor, his blood continuing to drip steadily onto the ceramic tiles.

Alec had no idea how long he had sat there. But it had been long enough to get streaks of blood all over his clothes, face, and hair from constant fretting. He must’ve looked like a horror movie extra.

The black sky outside his bedroom window was already giving way to the early morning light.

Jace would be getting up again soon to go to Izzy’s and begin preparing the turkey. No way was he about to let their sister ruin a perfectly good bird. Not again.

They had learned that lesson the hard way last year. Thank the Angel for last minute pizza deliveries...

Alec had to pull himself back together and clean the bathroom up before his brother came to check on him again.

But first thing’s first... He had to bandage his forearm. Otherwise, one wrong move could easily reopen the tacky wound and he’d have an even bigger mess on his hands.

He stood up on numb legs, grimacing at the pins and needles that began to attack his limbs as the blood flow quickly returned. 

When he reached the sink, he leaned heavily on the porcelain for a moment, allowing himself a chance to reorient and prepare himself for the daunting task ahead.

Then he retrieved the abandoned blade from under the faucet, and before he could talk himself out of it, he tossed the instrument of temptation into the trash bucket.

He thought the decision to do so would’ve been harder to make, but in that moment, his anger and self-disgust were strong enough to aid in his resolve.

With a heavy sigh of relief, he turned his focus to washing the blood from his arm, taking care to clean the slice thoroughly, then wrapped it tightly with a gauze bandage.

All he needed was a long-sleeved shirt to wear to dinner later, and his little slip up would remain a secret.

Feeling more confident than he had in quite some time, Alec scrubbed the bathroom clean, finished washing himself up in the sink, tossed his bloodied clothes in with the razor, then took all the bagged evidence out to the trash.

He only hesitated there for a moment, his fingers briefly gripping the bag tighter with indecision, before he became resolute and dropped his heavy burden into the dumpster.

Alec had just crawled back into his cold bedsheets when he heard Jace’s alarm start to beep in the next room over. 

He rubbed at his exhausted eyes with a weary groan. If he could just get through this day with a smile on his face, all would be well.

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional Warnings**:  
_ detailed description of self-harm (cutting), anxiety, mental breakdown. _
> 
> We hope you liked this chapter. We always love to hear your thoughts, if you can find the time, do leave a comment! 😉
> 
> We will try to be back with another chapter next week!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	9. Busted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving dinner with the Lightwood siblings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the next chapter!  
For this chapter, there are no additional warnings.  
We hope you like how Thanksgiving plays out for the Lightwood siblings.

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Day

Alec was already dressed in jeans, a fresh white t-shirt, and a blue flannel overshirt from bringing the trash out a few minutes earlier, so he relaxed on his bed for a while longer, envisioning how the day was going to go.

Eventually, he ambled back into the bathroom to brush his teeth and check his complexion before facing his brother.

The reflection that stared back at him was pale and drawn, but at least he had managed to wash the blood streaks out of his hair. 

Alec slapped at his cheeks to bring some color back into them, then splashed his face with water to wake himself up a bit more.

The result was still not great, but it would have to do for now.

Jace was in the process of gathering his necessary supplies for cooking (Izzy had melted the only pot she had ever owned three years ago while attempting to make soup) when Alec finally padded his way out into the kitchen.

The blond glanced up to greet him, then frowned with concern. “Hey, buddy... You alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” Alec quickly replied, feeling more self-conscious than ever under Jace’s watchful eye. “Just didn’t sleep well.”

Jace knew better than to ask what had disrupted his brother’s slumber. It was always the same answer.

“Can I make you some eggs?” he offered instead.

Alec’s stomach flipped at the idea of food and he swallowed reflexively before answering. “No, thanks. I uh... I don’t want to ruin my appetite.”

Jace was far from convinced, but it seemed he was willing to let it slide. For now, anyway. 

He would no doubt be keeping track of Alec’s plateful later on to make sure he had a sufficient serving of all the important food groups.

Jace shouldered his bag, then turned towards Alec.

“Alright. I should head out then, before Izzy finds the turkey. I asked Simon to hide it in the garage until I got there.”

“Smart move.”

Alec picked up the box of brownie mix from the counter and began reading the list of ingredients off the back, even though he already knew them by heart. 

It was just a good excuse to not have to look his brother in the eye.

Since Jace needed Izzy’s oven for the turkey, Alec was tasked with making the dessert, which he would bake in their own apartment and then join his siblings at Izzy’s later in the day.

“You sure you’ll be okay here on your own?”

Jace eyed him critically again and Alec shifted uncomfortably beneath the scrutiny.

“Think I can manage to bake brownies without burning the apartment down, Jace. They even come with idiot-proof instructions, look...”

He turned the box around and tapped the recipe for Jace to see.

He knew that wasn’t what Jace had meant, but he wasn’t prepared to discuss his mental state right then, and he didn’t want to lie to his brother if he could avoid it.

Jace hesitated for a brief moment, but then decided to let it go.

“Okay then. See you when you get there, I guess.”

Alec nodded, and when the door finally fell shut behind Jace, Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

So far, so good. He could do this.

With no one else home, Alec was able to let his guard down. He found himself enjoying the preparation process, and all too soon, the batter was in the oven.

This was where the real danger lingered, because he now had close to an hour’s wait for the double batch, and nothing to do during that time but reflect on the night before.

Part of him was glad that he had thrown the razor out, but he was already starting to feel that itch beneath his skin and he was fully aware that the dumpster outside wasn’t going to be emptied on the holiday.

He _could _still go out and retrieve it if he really wanted to...

No. No, he made a promise, and this time, he was going to keep it.

Alec felt a sharp throb race up his left arm, and only then did he realize that he had been digging his thumb into the fresh wound.

He hissed and let his forearm go, but it was too late. He had already reopened the slice and the bandage was quickly morphing from white to red.

Damn it. He’d have to re-bandage it before he left.

He took care of the cut while he waited for the brownies to finish cooking, and by the time he finished taping the new bandage on, the smell of melted chocolate was permeating the apartment.

Alec used to love that smell, but on an empty stomach, it just made him feel nauseous again. He lingered in the bathroom for as long as he could, willing his insides to cooperate for once. Then the oven timer went off.

With one more nervous glance towards the toilet, Alec left the safety of the bathroom and pulled the brownies out of the oven.

The good news was that he didn’t burn them. 

The bad news was that as soon as the smell hit him full force, he had to toss the pan onto the stovetop and race back to the bathroom.

He definitely was not looking forward to entering a house full of the scents of Thanksgiving...

*****

All too soon, Alec found himself parking his car right in front of Izzy’s place upstate.

She had moved out of the city to buy a more affordable house with Simon about a year ago. 

Alec was never particularly fond of the geeky singer, but he saw how happy the kid made his sister, so he tried his best to tolerate him. 

However, he had not been devastated to hear that Simon was not going to spend Thanksgiving with them. He was performing in the Macy’s Day Parade downtown, then going out celebrating with his band mates.

He’d be gone most of the day, but promised to make up for it by spending Black Friday out shopping with Izzy.

For that alone, Alec had a bit of sympathy for the kid. He himself had been dragged shopping numerous times by his sister over the years, and it had been horrible.

He didn’t envy Simon in the least.

Personally, he planned to spend Black Friday safely tucked away on his couch, binge-watching something mind-numbing with Jace.

Speaking of his brother... Alec had delayed his arrival long enough. If he dragged his feet any further, Jace would start pinging his phone.

So Alec gathered up his plate of perfectly cut brownies and made his way to Izzy’s front door.

He paused long enough to consider knocking, but he knew better than to bother. The door was always unlocked.

He freed up a hand and let himself in.

The house was already filled with more aromas than Alec could identify. 

He hesitated for a moment in the doorway, worried that his stomach would object. But to his utter surprise, it growled in approval.

Huh. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually felt hungry.

He didn’t have long to dwell on it though before Izzy appeared out of nowhere and practically tackled him into the coat rack.

“Big brother! Glad you finally made it!”

“Hey, Izzy. Sorry I’m late.”

With one hand still balancing the plate of brownies, he patted her awkwardly on the back with the other until she let him go.

“Smells good in here,” he announced as she led him into the kitchen where they found Jace in his element.

Not only had he prepared a spectacular roasted turkey, but there were also bowls of corn, carrots, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, cranberry sauce, stuffing, butternut squash, and a green bean casserole.

“Hope you brought your appetite,” Izzy snickered. “He’s been like this since the moment he arrived.”

“Carefully, Iz... That almost sounded like a complaint,” Jace shot back, pausing his carving of the bird to glance up at them with a smirk.

“Not at all,” Izzy disagreed. “I just wish you’d let me help once in a while.”

Jace raised his eyebrows at her.

“You’re kiddin’ me, right? I love you dearly, sis, but we all know cooking isn’t one of your strong suits.”

“Maybe not. But I’m good with aggression. I could’ve mashed the potatoes for you. Pretty sure not even _I _could screw that up...”

She leaned over the counter and scooped up a fingerful of the fluffy mashed potatoes, then popped it into her mouth with a groan of relish.

“Hey!” Jace reprimanded, brandishing the carving fork at her. “Back off. Dinner isn’t ready yet. Alec, keep her out of my kitchen until it’s time to eat.”

“Excuse me, _whose _kitchen is this?” Izzy retorted, chucking a carrot at his head which Jace easily dodged.

“Semantics. And don’t waste good food.”

Alec found he couldn’t keep the warm smile off his face. He had missed the comfortable banter between his siblings.

They had been too well-behaved since the incident with Victor, afraid of upsetting him or causing any undue stress with their typical bickering.

But this... This was the way it was always meant to be. This was home.

The oven timer beeped and Izzy instinctively started to round the counter. “I’ll get it!”

Jace quickly side-stepped to block her path. 

“Don’t even think about it. Alec, can you grab the buns out of the oven and toss them into that basket over there for me? I have to finish cutting the turkey.”

Izzy crossed her arms and pouted; a sight that was very reminiscent to when she was five.

Alec couldn’t resist giving her shoulder an apologetic squeeze and a gentle kiss on the top of her head as he passed by and entered ‘Jace’s sacred space.’

The older boy was far from a master chef like his brother, but Jace at least trusted him with the menial tasks when he needed an extra set of hands.

Alec donned some oven mitts and retrieved the hot pan, his stomach growling again at the scent of freshly cooked dough.

Maybe he’d be able to eat a decent meal for once after all...

“Come on,” he whispered as he passed his sister again on the way to the dining table. “You can help me fill the basket.”

Izzy’s face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning and she practically skipped across the room behind him. “Yes! See? This is why you’re my favorite brother.”

Jace smirked as he shook his head at them, disapprovingly. “I heard that!”

He had just finished placing the last slice of turkey on the platter when he heard Alec gasp in pain, followed by a loud metallic clatter.

He was across the room in two seconds flat. “What happened?!”

Simple observation filled him in. 

The hot pan had been precariously balanced on the edge of the overladen table, and as Izzy peeled the last bun off of it, she had caused the pan to fall.

And their brother had apparently tried to catch it. With his bare left hand.

“Alec, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?!” Izzy fussed.

“Don’t worry about it,” Alec grunted past clenched teeth. “It was an accident.”

“Let me see,” the blond demanded, catching hold of Alec’s wrist.

The last thing Alec wanted was for his brother to inspect his left arm. 

In a moment of panic and self-preservation, he twisted free of the grip with a barely audible hiss.

The move sent a sharp pain radiating through his cut, no doubt reopening it again. Alec quickly hid the limb behind himself as he turned to face the other boy head-on.

“Jace, it’s fine. Really.”

“Great. Then you won’t mind me taking a look,” his brother pushed, stepping closer.

Alec retreated a step until he was backed up against the table, his heart pounding in his chest.

Izzy, who was still on the other side of the table and directly behind her big brother, suddenly gasped in horror. “Alec, you’re bleeding!”

Jace’s wide eyes locked with Alec’s, then darkened with anger and betrayal as he read the truth in his brother’s apologetic gaze.

_Busted_.

“Show me,” he demanded, holding out a hand.

“J-Jace... I’m sorry. Please...”

“_Now_, Alec.”

The older boy swallowed hard and reluctantly surrendered his arm.

Jace’s grip was surprisingly gentle as he took hold of the trembling limb and eased Alec’s shirtsleeve up to reveal the bloodied bandage.

“I thought we had a deal,” he stated in a deadly calm voice.

“We did! I mean, we _do_! I just...”

“You lied to me.”

“No, Jace. I didn’t plan to do it. It just sort of happened!”

“Can someone please fill me in here?” Izzy interrupted, coming around the table to see Alec’s mysterious injury herself.

“Do you want to tell her, or should I?” Jace questioned.

Alec chanced a glance over at his sister’s concerned expression. “I...” he began, but his words trailed off. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t disappoint her too.

“Alec’s been cutting himself as a coping mechanism,” Jace finished for him, keeping his voice low as if that would somehow soften the blow.

Izzy’s eyes widened in shock and she reached up to grip Alec’s right elbow, beseeching him to say it wasn’t true.

“Alec?”

The older boy’s breath caught in his throat and he shook his head in denial, unable to confirm the dark truth and upset his sister even more.

“I only did it twice,” he mumbled. As if that fixed anything.

“Oh, Alec...” Izzy simpered, running her hand soothingly up and down her brother’s trembling arm. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Alec squeezed his eyes shut and felt the tears trickle down his cheeks at what he perceived to be a concealed reprimand.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly.

“Hang on... Why didn’t _you _say anything?!” she barked angrily, punching Jace in the shoulder.

“Oww! Hey!”

“Why am I always the last person to find out about this stuff?!”

“Because I thought we had an agreement,” Jace explained flatly, absently rubbing his shoulder. “I promised I would keep his secret as long as he never did it again.” 

He turned his attention back to his brother.

“You were supposed to come to me if you felt the urge to self-harm again, Alec. Why didn’t you?”

Alec was squirming beneath all the attention, trying to extract his wrist to no avail. Jace wasn’t going to let him get away as easily this time around.

“I’m sorry,” Alec repeated, at a loss for what else he could say to try and fix the situation.

He certainly wasn’t going to inform Jace that he cut because his brother wasn’t home to stop him. 

The younger boy was already giving up the majority of his life to babysit Alec. He wasn’t going to put his job at Pandemonium in jeopardy too by making him take more time off.

Jace sighed heavily, trying to rein in his emotions. Anger wasn’t helping anyone right now. “What did you use, Alec? The razor Robert bought for you?”

Alec’s throat was too tight for speech so he just nodded.

“Alright. It’s going in the trash as soon as we get home.”

“It already is,” he managed to croak out.

“What?”

“It’s already in the trash,” Alec clarified, a bit louder. “I threw it in the dumpster this morning.”

Jace clenched his jaw and decided to focus on the fact that his brother was being pro-active, rather than the idea that he had tried to dispose of the evidence before he got caught.

“Okay.” He ran a hand through his hair and finally released Alec’s wrist. “Why don’t you go get that cleaned up before we eat?”

Alec was pretty sure everyone had lost their appetites by this point, but any excuse to get away from all the attention was fine by him.

“Bandages are under the sink,” Izzy supplied helpfully as she gave her brother’s bicep one last comforting squeeze, then let him go.

Alec knew they were probably going to talk about him behind his back, but he didn’t care. He made a beeline for the bathroom and didn’t exhale again until the door was shut securely behind him.

Alec took his time with cleaning and re-bandaging the wound. He wasn’t in any rush to face his siblings’ disappointment or the awkward silence as they all sat around the dinner table.

It was official... With one stupid mistake, he had ruined Thanksgiving for everyone.

As he ran the cold water over his minor burn, he couldn’t help but seek his reflection out in the mirror, and what stared back was a shell of the man he used to be.

He had let Victor win. Again. 

And there was nothing he could say or do to regain the trust he had just lost.

Jace was willing to let the first attempt slide, but he wasn’t going to be as forgiving this time around.

How could Alec have been so stupid?!

His brother’s trust meant everything to him.

If only that had been enough to stay his hand last night.

Alec decided in that very moment that he would do whatever it took to mend what was broken between them. Even if he had to spend the rest of his life making up for what he had done.

He washed the tear tracks from his face, then gently towel-dried his throbbing hand. He hadn't held the pan for long, but his fingertips were surely going to blister.

Once he finished, he prepared himself for the fallout. He didn't want to leave the safety of the bathroom, but he had already lingered long enough. It was time to face the consequences of his actions.

Alec was already forming an apology speech in his mind when he stepped out of the bathroom and headed back towards the kitchen. Maybe he could find a way to salvage some of the holiday spirit, at least for his siblings.

But when he arrived, he found the room empty.

Feeling a nervous tension starting to build in his stomach, he wandered around the first floor of the house until the sounds of voices caught his ear. He followed them towards the stairs that led up to the bedrooms, then paused, listening intently.

_“Just take them home with you, Jace!”_

_“No. We’re not doing that again, Iz. I already told you...”_

_“Well what other choices do you have?! You can’t watch over him 24/7. I can take some night shifts while you work if that helps, but we both need sleep too.”_

_“I can handle this.”_

_“Oh, clearly...”_

_“Don’t.”_

_“Jace, it’s for his own good, okay? He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks!”_

_“I know! But I’m not drugging him this time! We can figure something else out!”_

Alec felt the air leave his lungs like he had been punched in the gut. What did Jace mean by ‘again’?

_“You heard what the doctor said. They won't hurt him, and he needs proper sleep to recover. I’m just saying, it really seemed to help after he got home from the hospital.”_

_“And I’m telling you it didn’t. Alec gets these really bad nightmares, and when he’s sedated, he can’t wake up to escape them.”_

_“If you give him a strong enough dose, he won’t remember the dreams in the morning anyway!”_

_“I said no, Izzy. We’ll find a better way.”_

_“Before or after he cuts deep enough to bleed out when there’s no one there to stop him?”_

_“...”_

_“Just take the pills, Jace. Please.”_

_“...Fine. But only until we can find a better solution.”_

No...

Alec stumbled away from the stairs, his heart racing in his chest.

Jace knew how he felt about being drugged. He _knew_! How could he do this to him? And how many times had he done it before?

All this time he had felt guilty for betraying his brother’s trust... But Jace had been the first one to break it. And the doctor who had examined him the night of the assault... He had trusted her too, and she had gone behind his back.

Head spinning and ears ringing, Alec staggered towards the front door.

He had to get out of there.

He fumbled his keys out of his pocket and jumped into his car. It took him two tries to get the engine of his beaten-up Oldsmobile to turn over, and when he looked up again, Jace was standing in the doorway calling after him.

Alec shifted into reverse and guided his car backwards down the winding driveway.

Jace began running towards him, waving his hands as he tried to catch up, but as soon as Alec’s tires met with the tar of the connecting street, he shifted into gear and sped off into the night.

His mind was spinning the entire drive back towards the city. 

Jace and Izzy had conspired against him right from the very start. He remembered all too well how lethargic he had been the first few weeks after getting home from the hospital.

He had chalked it up to the stress and exhaustion of his recovery. 

Not for a second had he considered the fact that he was being drugged by the only two people he still trusted on the entire planet.

Even his therapist had ulterior motives.

Alec was halfway home before he realized that he had nowhere else to go; no place where he felt safe anymore. No one else he could trust.

His cellphone started ringing and he fished it out of his pocket, blinking away the fresh tears in order to see the caller ID.

Jace.

He declined the call. 

He wasn’t ready to talk to his brother just yet. He needed some time alone to clear his head first.

Alec lowered his phone to tuck it back into his pocket when movement from in front of him suddenly caught his eye.

He was coming up on a crosswalk, and there was a pedestrian with oddly spiked hair carrying a gym bag and crossing the road. Alec was going too fast to stop in time.

The man looked up at him, mid-text, and froze in place.

Alec dropped his phone into the footwell out of shock and gripped the wheel with both hands, turning it violently to the left as he stomped on the brakes hard with both feet.

So much pressure built up in the brake lines that the worn hoses ruptured and the pedal went all the way to the floor.

Piece of crap car...

He had been meaning to get the lines replaced for months and never got around to doing it. Too late now.

His vehicle careened off the side of the road, over the embankment, and down towards the mighty Hudson River below.

Oddly enough, his last fleeting thought before his tires left the ground was that he had never before seen a male who wore so much eyeliner...

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This is a Malec story! We are getting there!!  
We hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.  
If you find the time to review - please do! We are always thrilled to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Sandmann&SHTWSPNSH


	10. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec crashes his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the next chapter!  
More Magnus! ;)  
We hope you enjoy reading it.
> 
> Please go to the notes at the end of the chapter for additional (minor) content warnings.

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Day Continued

For a moment, Alec’s vehicle seemed to be suspended weightlessly in the air. Then the front end started to come back down and the right side of the car connected with the steep decline first, sending the tin can into a heart-stopping roll.

Funny, he thought, how there were no more sounds when the world began to flip upside-down.

He watched in numb fascination as the lights of the distant city spun around him like a disco ball until his car tumbled far enough down the embankment where the lights could no longer reach him.

He was helpless to stop his descent towards the dark, murky river below, but felt oddly calm as everything around him moved in slow motion, stretching mere seconds into centuries. 

Alec could’ve counted every shard of shattered glass as it hovered in front of his wide eyes, glistening beautifully and unaffected by gravity as the crushed vehicle completely left the rough terrain again and soared gracefully through the air.

But time finally caught back up with itself the moment the roof of the car connected harshly with the ground again.

The sounds came rushing back as well, and the grating screech of twisting metal churned Alec’s stomach more than the barrel-roll had. 

The sparkling diamonds that had once been his windshield were suddenly pelting his skin like hundreds of angry bees.

He instinctively released his death-grip on the steering wheel and raised his arms to protect his face, but losing that anchor cost him greatly.

Alec grunted in pain as the left side of his head and shoulder connected harshly with the driver’s side door as the car flipped again, sending fiery pain shooting up and down his arm as the car continued to tumble, tossing him about like a ragdoll.

Eventually, the vehicle came to a stop on all four tires with a sickening squelch as it landed firmly in the deep riverbed.

Alec, battered and bruised but still miraculously clinging to consciousness, blinked heavily to find himself slumped forward against his seatbelt, his face less than an inch away from impacting the steering wheel.

He had been meaning to get that faulty airbag replaced too...

It took longer than it should’ve for Alec to realize that the continued spinning was only in his head and that he was no longer falling.

He sat up gingerly with a pained groan and tried to take stock of himself.

His head was throbbing, his ears were ringing, his heart was pounding, his back and left arm were burning, his chest felt bruised and raw from the seatbelt that had no doubt just saved his life, his skin stung where the shards of glass had cut him, and...

And with rising horror, he realized that he couldn’t feel his legs. They were completely numb.

The first thought that went through his mind was that he had damaged his spine in the accident and was now paralyzed from the waist down. 

Unable to see through the oppressive darkness, he reached for his right thigh, then drew his hand back in surprise after his fingers came into contact with the soaked fabric of his jeans.

It wasn’t the warm, tacky texture of blood though. It was smooth, and ice-cold.

Alec blinked hard a few times, trying to force his eyes to adjust so that he could see his surroundings. 

In the meantime, he tentatively reached down again until his palm connected with the freezing liquid once more, and this time, his muddled brain connected the dots.

_By the Angel... I landed in the Hudson._

And his car was clearly taking on water. 

The freezing fluid had now reached his waistline and was continuing to creep up his body at a steady pace, stealing the very breath from his bruised chest.

It had to be flowing in through every crack and crevice in the busted vehicle.

Adrenaline surged through Alec, clearing his mind of the remaining cobwebs and awakening his nerves.

Sensation began to return to his lower limbs, and after a brief struggle, he was able to inch his right knee away from the indented dashboard.

The bones would no doubt be bruised, but it didn’t seem like anything was broken.

He nearly sobbed in relief at the fact that he wasn’t actually paralyzed. 

If he could swim, he might just make it out of this alive.

Alec shifted his left foot next and hissed in pain as a bolt of lightning shot straight through his hip. 

He didn’t have time to dwell on it though. The car was quickly sinking into the thick mud below, and the water level was rising at an unnerving rate.

Alec needed to get out of the car, _now_.

He fumbled for the seatbelt release with the shaking fingers of his right hand, but the water-logged mechanism wouldn’t eject. 

He attempted to reach across himself with his left hand so that he could pull at the belt while holding down the release button, but trying to get his left shoulder to move was excruciating and nearly caused him to black out.

Apparently, he had dislocated it when he had been slammed into the door.

_The door..._

Changing tactics, Alec lunged for the handle with his right hand and yanked on it, only to find that the frame has been so badly damaged during the fall that the warped door was trapped in place.

_Shit_, _shit shit... Come on!_

The dark water was licking its way up his ribs now and Alec was finding it increasingly difficult to inhale, which didn’t help his panic in the least. 

He needed to calm down and think.

His systems were quickly shutting down from shock and what had to be the early stages of hypothermia. Of course he would choose one of the coldest nights of the year to take an impromptu swim...

The car dipped dangerously forward as the moving water displaced the air pocket and dragged the metallic beast further into its depths, sending more water rushing in through the busted windshield in a giant wave.

It surged up his chest, beyond his shoulders, then over Alec’s head within seconds. The shock of the temperature forced him to gasp in a mouthful of the liquid.

His numb feet scrabbled uselessly against the floor mat, seeking purchase to lift himself higher.

After a moment, the deluge ebbed away just far enough for him to break the surface again.

Alec choked and spluttered, resulting in a painful coughing fit as his lungs fought to divest themselves of the icy fluid.

It was taking all the strength he had left to keep his head above the water.

If the car slipped any deeper, he’d lose what little remained of his small air pocket, and it would be game over for him.

He needed to get free of his seatbelt if he were going to make it out of this alive.

The dark, obsidian water prevented him from seeing anything beneath his neck, so he fumbled blindly for the belt release again, clawing at it desperately, but to no avail.

The damned thing simply wouldn’t let go.

A bright light suddenly illuminated the floor and he glanced down to find that his cellphone had started ringing between his feet.

The glass was cracked and spiderwebbed, but Alec could still tell that the caller ID said ‘Jace’ again.

The phone struggled to keep the connection for a brief moment, then gave in to the inevitable and died from the waterlogged circuits, plunging him back into darkness.

_Jace..._

Alec couldn’t hold back the sob as it erupted from deep within his core at the thought of his brother; at how they’d never get the chance to work things out now.

The car drifted with the current a bit before catching on something, no doubt a rock beneath the surface.

The slight jarring motion was enough to knock Alec’s tentative foothold out from under him and down he went again, as did the car.

This time when he tried to reach for the air pocket, it was no longer there.

This was it. He was going to drown in his piece of crap 1987 Cutlass Ciera.

And ironically, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t want it to be over.

Not like this. 

The realization surprised him, especially considering the way his evening had gone.

He thought he would’ve embraced the opportunity; the chance to escape from the hellhole in which he was living.

But in that moment, all he could think about was the people he’d be leaving behind.

His family would be forced to identify his body, if in fact his body was even recovered in the first place and not just swept down river and out into the Atlantic Ocean.

No matter how pissed he was about the drugging situation, his siblings certainly didn’t deserve to have to go through that.

His lungs started to burn from the lack of oxygen and the urge to open his mouth and take a deep breath became overwhelming.

Franticly, he forced his mouth to stay shut with all his will and not to give in to the overpowering impulse to inhale.

Then out of nowhere, an arm was thrust in through his shattered driver's side window.

A hand slid across his chest from left shoulder to right hip, then tugged at the belt keeping Alec trapped in his seat. When it failed to release yet again, the hand retreated, taking the remaining dregs of Alec’s hope with it.

But seconds later, it returned, and a glint of metal passed in front of Alec's face before aiming for his lap. 

It took all of his remaining willpower not to panic and start fighting back at the sight of the knife.

There was a muffled tearing sound, and the next thing Alec knew, he was free.

His lungs were screaming for air and his head felt like it was going to explode if he didn’t reach the surface again soon.

Before he could reorient himself and devise an escape plan, the hands latched onto his shirt and yanked him out the window.

Alec shouted in pain as his rescuer pulled on his dislocated shoulder, bubbles of precious air escaping from his lips as water rushed in to replace it. 

But to his immense relief, the joint snapped back into the socket as he was dragged upward through the water.

Thankfully, he hadn’t driven into the deepest parts of the river, which he had read once to be over 200 feet. 

He had only sunk a few feet by the time he had been cut loose, and it was just a matter of seconds before they both breached the surface and Alec drew in a gasping breath.

Between the icy cold, the oxygen deprivation, and the bulky weight of his drenched clothes, he was too tired to swim his way against the current and back to the shore.

But the arm that firmly encircled his chest was alarmingly muscular and pulled Alec securely against his rescuer’s torso.

Alec’s instinct was to struggle and try to swim on his own, but he didn’t have the strength. Instead, he focused on not passing out and allowed the stranger to do the bulk of the work.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you,” a gentle voice stated next to his ear, and Alec didn’t know why, but he felt comforted by it.

When they reached the shore, Alec was dragged up the embankment until he was a safe distance from the water. 

He coughed and convulsed on his hands and knees, inching away from the stranger as he brought up all the fluid he had ingested while in the river.

The man said something that Alec couldn’t hear over his own gagging, then gave him his space and wandered off for a moment, searching the ground close by to where Alec’s car had landed.

“Aha! There you are...”

A small but powerful light was suddenly switched on behind Alec, cutting through the surrounding darkness and casting ominous shadows everywhere.

The circumstances felt so horribly familiar that Alec forgot where he was and what had happened. Instead, he was back in that alleyway behind Pandemonium. 

He was on the verge of passing out and bent over something wooden; The loading dock behind Taki’s.

And Victor... Victor was standing right behind him. Alec could feel the man’s warm hands digging painfully into his bare hips.

_Alec was just about to surrender himself to the second dose of drugs and to the awaiting darkness when the back door of the club swung open at the other end of the alley._

_The blinding, psychedelic neon lights that flashed to the throbbing beat of the music lit up the brick walls, disorienting Alec even further. _

_Then a familiar voice called to him._

_“Alec? You out here, dude?”_

Jace.

_His brother had come looking for him, restoring a spark of hope inside Alec. Giving him a reason to keep fighting._

_The boy, now clinging tightly to consciousness at the prospect of a rescue, attempted to respond to his would-be savior, only to find a strong hand wrapped firmly around his mouth. _

_Victor leaned over him, pressing him so thoroughly against the loading dock that Alec was struggling to breathe._

_The new angle forced a muffled whimper from his clamped lips._

_“Shh!” the man hissed at him, a small pocketknife suddenly appearing at Alec’s throat. “Don’t make another sound, or it’ll be your last.”_

_Jace squinted through the dark, waiting impatiently for his eyes to adjust. His ears assimilated faster, and they picked up his brother’s distant sound of pain._

_He stopped abruptly, listening intently._

_“Alec?”_

_Izzy nearly walked into Jace as she followed him out into the night. The door slammed shut behind her, plunging the alley back into darkness._

_“What’s wrong?” she pressed. “Did you find him?”_

_“Thought I heard something… Where’s your phone, Iz? You take that side, and I’ll try this way.”_

_Jace started moving to the right, away from Alec, and Izzy took the left, following in her big brother’s footsteps as she passed the aromatic trash bins with a hand under her nose._

_A smaller- and brighter- light than the club’s seemed to shoot out of his sister’s hand._

_It flickered rapidly across the far wall as she adjusted her hold on the cellphone, and Alec felt his stomach clench with nausea as the world tilted with it._

_Once she was within hearing distance, Alec managed another muffled sound of protest, and then Izzy’s hand was directed right at him. _

_The entire alleyway was suddenly flooded with light, searing into Alec’s sensitized pupils. He slammed his eyes shut against it, then heard Izzy’s sharp inhale._

_“Jace! He’s over here! Help!”_

“...J-Jace...?” Alec called out in confusion as the light came closer, raising one shaking arm to try and protect his eyes from the painfully bright glare.

“What’s that?” came the response, and the voice was certainly not his brother’s.

The stranger reached out to him and Alec jerked away, landing on his right side with a groan of pain.

“Easy, easy... Try to stay still,” the man soothed, running the artificial light over Alec’s splayed body to take a quick inventory of any visual injuries. “That was quite the stunt you just pulled.”

“Wh-what?” Alec asked, grunting as a shiver raced up his spine. 

He was too focused on attempting to see past the light to the silhouetted face behind it and missed what the man had said.

“Trying to get your car to fly? Darling, if you wanted to get my attention, all you had to do was ask.”

Before Alec could protest, the man gently took hold of his chin and tilted his head to the right, inspecting the left side of his face. 

The man hissed through his teeth as he took in the mottled bruising that was already forming high up on Alec’s cheekbone and around the outer edges of his eye, not to mention the small gash above his temple that was sluggishly bleeding into his hairline.

He’d need some butterfly bandages at the very least, if not a few stitches.

“That’s a pretty nasty cut you’ve got there. Can you tell me your name, handsome?”

“I... I’m...” Alec began weakly, then coughed and started gagging up water again.

The man winced and rested a comforting hand on his back as Alec curled himself into a miserable ball.

“You know what? On second thought, why don’t you just focus on breathing and let me do the talking?”

That sounded like a great idea. Alec’s head was pulsating with every cough, and the less he had to talk, the better.

He closed his eyes and focused what little energy he had left on keeping his chest functioning, expanding and contracting it steadily as he tried to slow down his panting.

Then both of the man’s hands were on him, patting down his shirt and jacket pockets as if searching for something.

Alec wanted to protest, but all he managed was a miserable whine as another shiver wracked his body and jostled his battered frame. 

Why did it have to be so damned cold out? 

The wandering hands shifted down to his soaked jeans, and this time, Alec tried to push them away. But his feeble attempts were easily thwarted when the man captured and held Alec’s hand gently in one of his own.

“It’s okay. I promise I’m not getting fresh, and I’m not going to hurt you,” the stranger stated sincerely as he successfully managed to locate and extract Alec’s wallet from his back right pocket. “And for the record, I’m not planning on robbing you either.”

The man angled the light down towards his own lap and Alec squinted his eyes open just in time to see the guy pull Alec’s license out of his wallet, using what appeared to be a cellphone’s flashlight app to read it.

He must have left his phone on the shore before diving in to rescue Alec.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood... Is that your name? You can just nod if that helps.” 

The light was redirected to Alec’s face. He grunted in pain and raised his good arm to block it from his eyes again.

“’s too bright...” he complained.

“I know, and I’m sorry for that. But I need to get a good look at you so I can report your injuries to the paramedics. Does anything hurt aside from your head, Alexander?”

In all honesty, he was too cold to feel much of anything right then. He shook his head slowly, hoping the action wouldn’t make the nausea worse.

“’s Alec,” he managed to mumble out.

“Sorry?”

“M’ name. ‘s Alec.”

“Ah. That’s a shame. I quite like Alexander. Very masculine. I’m Magnus, by the way. Magnus Bane.”

The man tilted the light up towards his own face and smiled broadly down at Alec. It was the first time the boy had gotten a good look at him.

His hair was slicked back from the water, but there was no mistaking that eyeliner. This man was the pedestrian Alec had almost hit with his car.

His car... Which was now somewhere beneath the surface of the Hudson River.

Alec’s eyes widened as the reality of it all came rushing back to him and he attempted to push himself up onto his elbows.

“I... You! By the Angel... I almost... Gah!”

As he shifted, he felt a sharp pain lance up his left hip and across the small of his back.

Magnus quickly pressed him back down to the dirt with a hand against his chest.

“Easy there. Just stay still while I call for help, alright? We’ll get you to the hospital in no time.”

The light went out as the man turned off the app and raised his phone to his ear.

Hang on...

_Help? Paramedics? Hospital...?_

“No!” Alec managed to croak out, trying to sit up again. “D-don’t! ’m okay!”

The man gave him a sad but sympathetic smile. 

“Darling, you just crashed your car into the Hudson, and it’s twenty degrees out here. You may be ‘fine’, but you’re far from okay...”

Alec was too panicked to make any sense of that statement. He reached up with his good arm and latched onto Magnus’s elbow, pulling the phone away from his ear.

“P-please! No hospital.”

The last time he had ended up in one, it hadn’t been a very pleasant experience.

So much poking and prodding, violating his privacy, asking questions he didn’t want to answer... He couldn’t go through that again. Not right now.

Magnus seemed to read the panic in his eyes and realized he wasn’t kidding. He hesitated for a brief moment, then hung up the phone.

“Alright. No hospital. _Yet_. But I can’t just let you wander off on your own like this either, so you’ve got to meet me halfway here. I live about two blocks down this street, and I’ve got a good friend who is a doctor. Let me call her and have her meet us there.”

“M-Magnus, I d-don’t need...”

The man shushed him with a finger against his blue-tinted lips.

“I insist. At the very least, she can take care of that cut on your head and make sure you don’t have any serious injuries that warrant medical attention. And the sooner we get out of this cold and into dry clothes, the better. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal, Alexander?”

Magnus held out his hand and waited for Alec to make his decision.

Alec didn’t know this man in the least. He could be a serial killer or be involved with a sex trade/abduction ring. But so far, Magnus had been nothing but kind to him.

Hell, he had just saved Alec’s life. He supposed he owed him a modicum of trust in return.

And anything sounded better than spending another night in the hospital...

Plus, he had nowhere else to go.

Reluctantly, Alec reached up and shook the man’s hand.

Magnus beamed at him. “Excellent. Let’s get you up then, shall we?”

He rose to his feet and tightened his grip on Alec’s fingers, leaning back slightly for leverage as he helped the boy off the ground.

Alec swayed dangerously and moaned as his body protested the sudden switch to vertical, but Magnus pulled him into his side, supporting him until he regained his balance.

“Do you think you can walk?”

Alec nodded wearily.

“Alright. It’s not far, I promise.”

Magnus sent off a quick text message to his doctor friend, then shoved his phone into his pocket so he could get a better hold on Alec.

“Ready?”

“W-wait... What about my c-car?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. After we get warmed up. Just take it one step at a time,” he encouraged, and off they went.

It was slow-going and painful as they struggled their way back up the embankment, but as they headed down the street towards a long row of brick apartment buildings, they fell into step quite easily.

Then they came to a stop in front of one building that towered over the rest.

Alec got dizzy just trying to look up at the top as he gaped in awe.

“Y-you live here?”

“Only when I’m not out chasing bounties,” the man replied with a smirk.

Alec frowned at him, wondering if that was some sort of euphemism.

By the time they ascended the front stairs towards the entrance, Alec was shaking violently, both from the cold and from the exertion.

A chilled breeze rushed past them and Alec gasped, finding himself nestling into the modicum of heat that was emanating from Magnus’s muscular body.

The man smiled warmly at him, turning them slightly to take the brunt of the breeze against his own back while he fished for the keys in his pocket.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside.”

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Conten Warnings**   
_description of a near drowning experience_
> 
> We will try and update again next week!  
Until then - if you can spare the time, please review and let us know what you think of our story!  
Comments make our day and are always highly appreciated!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	11. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes Alec to his place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everybody! We are back a bit earlier than usual with the longest chapter so far. We hope you enjoy it!  
Thank you for sticking with us and this story and thank you for all of your feedback! We always love to hear from you!

November 28, 2019 - Thanksgiving Night

As Magnus led him across the threshold and into the large, ornate elevator, Alec stumbled. He was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other now that his entire body felt numb. 

It was bad enough that the air temperature was just barely above freezing tonight, but add in the wind chill and the fact that he was drenched in icy waters, and Alec was not a happy camper.

“Almost there,” Magnus assured, tightening his grip slightly to keep Alec off the ground.

The boy was too out of it to pay much attention, but next thing he knew, the doors opened onto a spectacular view.

The penthouse. Of course this stranger would live in the damned penthouse... The candy dish on the end table probably cost more than what Alec made in a year.

Magnus led him out of the elevator and allowed the door to shut behind them, then shivered violently as well.

“Well that was... invigorating,” he huffed. “I’ll go grab us some towels and a change of clothes. Make yourself comfortable, Alexander.”

Too cold to move, and too afraid to track mud across Magnus’s expensive floors, Alec huddled further into himself and stayed by the door, steadily dripping onto the floormat instead.

He didn’t belong here.

He contemplated recalling the elevator and escaping while he had the chance, but the prospect of going back outside into the cold with no destination in mind was horribly daunting.

Before he could commit to a decision, Magnus returned.

He was already dressed in a dry set of gray sweatpants and a printed white t-shirt beneath a black vest hoodie with what appeared to be a workout towel draped around his neck to catch the river water that was still dripping from his hair.

Those arm muscles though... Alec realized he was staring and shook himself mentally.

_What the hell was that?_

In his hands, the other man carried a full bath towel, a folded pair of black sweatpants, and a sky-blue zip-up sweatshirt. 

He was too focused on checking the sizes of the clothing to pay any mind to Alec’s location. Or his mortified expression concerning his wandering thoughts.

“These pants may be a bit short for your lanky frame, but at least they’re dry!”

Magnus finally glanced up, then frowned when he saw that the boy was right where he had left him instead of sitting comfortably on the sofa like he had expected.

“Everything alright?” he checked, giving his guest a concerned once-over.

“Uh, y-yeah...” Alec trembled, hugging his arms tighter to his chest. “Jus’ t-tryin’ n-not to make a m-mess.”

“Oh, darling... That is truly the least of my concerns. Here.”

Magnus tossed the clothes onto the couch as he passed it, then shook out the large, soft towel and approached Alec, wrapping it around the boy’s frozen frame.

He gently rubbed up and down his arms to help get the blood flowing again.

“Th-thanks,” Alec mumbled, dropping his gaze so he wouldn’t have to stare into those mystifying brown eyes that were filled with nothing but kindness and compassion.

Seriously, what the hell was wrong with him all of a sudden?! Was this some sort of hero-worship because this guy had just saved his life?

Aside from his siblings, Alec hadn’t allowed anyone to lay a hand on him outside of professional doctors since the incident with Victor.

It was too uncomfortable. Too personal.

And yet, Magnus’s attentive nature made him feel warm inside. Perhaps a little too warm... Alec shivered again, but it had nothing to do with the cold.

Magnus tutted at him, misunderstanding the context.

“Look at you... You’re frozen to the bone. Take off those clothes and I’ll get a fire going in the hearth. You’re free to use the shower as well if you’d like, though it might be best to have the doc check you over first. She should be here soon.”

Alec snapped out of his stupor and shook his head, drawing the towel tighter around himself. 

“’m g-good,” he stuttered out. No way was he undressing in front of this stranger, no matter how genuine the man’s motives seemed to be. An invitation like that was just asking for trouble, and he had already learned his lesson the hard way.

Magnus stared up at him, clearly unimpressed by his stoicism.

“Your lips are still blue,” he offered in rebuttal. “And you’re shaking like a leaf. Add poor judgment to that list, and I think it’s safe to say you have mild hypothermia.”

_Poor judgment, indeed... _And his self-control wasn’t fairing much better.

“It’ll p-pass.” Alec really wished his teeth would stop chattering so he could speak normally.

“It’ll pass faster once you’ve changed. Bathroom’s right around the corner if you’re shy. I promise I won’t peek. Besides, you don’t want to keep dripping all over my nice wooden floors, do you?”

Magnus winked at him and Alec blushed.

That was hardly fair.

“F-fine,” he grumbled, then started to bend forward so that he could undo his boots and leave them by the door.

But then his brain short-circuited when Magnus suddenly dropped to his knees in front of him and reached for the laces instead.

“Please, allow _me_. You really shouldn’t be bending forward with a head wound. If you swoon into my arms like a damsel in distress, I’ll never hear the end of it...”

“I d-don’t swoon,” Alec mumbled petulantly.

“Perhaps not, but you sure are adorable when you blush.”

Alec bit the inside of his cheek and chose not to respond to that comment.

Instead, he leaned back against the wall for support and focused on maintaining his balance as Magnus eased each foot out of its sopping confine, removing Alec’s drenched socks while he was at it.

“I’ll get you a dry pair of these as well.”

Magnus sat back on his heels and looked up at Alec’s face.

“Think you can take it from here?” he asked sincerely, all teasing aside.

“Yeah,” Alec replied after clearing his throat. “I’ll just...”

He motioned with his left hand towards the clothes on the couch, then moved to step around Magnus.

But when Alec had extended his lower arm, something caught the older man’s attention.

Magnus threw his own arm out to stop the boy’s forward progress before rising gracefully to his feet.

“Alexander... You’re bleeding.”

“...Huh?”

Alec glanced down as Magnus pulled his towel away, dropping it onto the floor to find his buttoned overshirt now had a small but growing red stain on the left side.

“Oh,” was the only intelligent answer he could muster. He was so cold, he didn’t even feel the pain of the injury.

Alec’s shaking fingers automatically started reaching for the buttons to undo them, but he couldn’t get the frozen digits to function properly.

Magnus gave him a moment to try and handle it himself, but his worry won out. He calmly took Alec’s unsteady hands into his own.

The boy let out a small sound of frustration as his attempts were thwarted.

“It’s alright,” Magnus cooed gently, trying to keep his charge from panicking. “Let me help you.”

Magnus stayed perfectly still, watching the array of emotions that crossed Alec’s face until he received a small nod of consent, then lowered the boy's arms to his sides before picking up where Alec had left off, three buttons down from the top.

He eased each button through its captive hole, moving slowly and methodically as he went. If Alec’s skin had been pierced by something from the wreck, the last thing Magnus wanted to do was disturb the wound and make it any worse.

It wasn’t until the ninth button that he realized the boy was holding his breath.

“Breathe, Alexander,” he reminded him.

Alec exhaled shakily, laser-focused on Magnus’s steady hands until the final button was released. 

He was full-on trembling once Magnus carefully pulled the sides of the shirt open, revealing that while the stain on the outer clothing had been minimal, the white shirt underneath was significantly worse.

The boy groaned at the sight, swaying dizzily on his feet. Panic was starting to bubble up in his chest again, taxing his already spent system.

“It’s alright, you’re okay...” Magnus soothed as he gently gripped Alec’s waist and slowly backed him against the wall again, using the hard surface to keep the boy upright.

Alec flinched at the move but didn’t protest it.

Taking that as a sign of permission to continue, Magnus leaned down to get a closer look at the wound, stretching the rip in the t-shirt far enough to see the cut in its entirety.

To his immense relief, it didn’t appear to be very deep. It ran a jagged line from just under Alec’s ribs to the top of his waistline.

The boy had probably caught it on a piece of the broken window when Magnus had pulled him from the car.

Magnus cautiously palpated the skin around the wound, checking to see if any glass or debris remained in it.

Alec instinctively latched onto the older man’s shoulder to help ground himself, hissing as the cut was slowly pried further open.

He was certainly feeling the pain now.

Magnus tightened his grip on the boy’s left hip to hold him in place until he stilled again, then gently stroked his thumb up and down the pale expanse of frozen skin on Alec’s side, just above his waistband, giving him something else on which to concentrate.

“Easy, darling. It’s barely more than a scratch. I’m going to try and slow the bleeding though, so this may sting a bit...”

He tugged the small towel off his own shoulders with his free hand and pressed it firmly against the wound.

Alec cried out at the pressure, his right hand quickly covering Magnus’s as it shot to the epicenter of his pain while his other hand fisted the fabric of the man’s vest.

Now that he was starting to thaw a bit, all the aches and pains in his battered body were beginning to make themselves known, not least of which was the fire now blazing through his left side.

Alec’s knees started to tremble, then gave way and he slid down the wall till he landed on the floor.

Magnus followed him down, not letting up on the pressure for even a second.

“Just breathe, Alexander. Not much longer now, and we’ll have you all patched up properly. You’re going to be just fine, I promise.”

Seconds later, the front door alarm buzzed in warning before the new arrival let herself in.

The elevator began to climb and as soon as it reached the penthouse, she took one step into Magnus’ entryway, then froze when she found the two men seated on the floor to her right.

“Magnus?”

“Catarina! Perfect timing as always.”

The woman dropped to a knee beside them, already absorbing as much information as she could on first arrival.

“Cat, meet Alexander. I believe he is more in need of your services than we originally presumed.”

After cataloguing what bodily injuries she could with a quick glance, the doctor looked up at the boy’s face and blanched.

“...Alec?”

“D-Dr. Loss?”

Magnus didn’t think it was possible, but the boy paled even further as he stared up in shock at what appeared to be their mutual acquaintance.

“I take it you two already know each other?” Magnus asked, glancing between them, waiting for some sort of hint to help him fill in the blanks.

Alec swallowed thickly, his mouth having gone completely dry.

Oh, he knew her alright. 

Catarina Loss was the doctor who had performed his physical exam the night he was attacked by Victor. It was not a memory he had wished to revisit ever again.

*****

_June 16, 2019 - Early hours of the morning_

_When Alec managed to crack his heavy eyelids open, he found himself laying on a cot in an overly bright and crowded emergency room. _

_Thanks to the trauma and the second dose of yin fen he had received, he did not remember how he had gotten there, or why. _

_But one thing was for certain; his entire body was throbbing mercilessly._

_He rolled his aching head to the left and squinted around, trying to make sense of it all._

_Sick children were crying in their parents’ arms, adults were talking to each other in unnecessarily raised voices, and medical equipment buzzed and chirped from every direction._

_One guy with a broken finger was demanding pain medication, and a woman somewhere down the hall was wailing hysterically._

_The cacophony of sounds was overwhelming and set Alec’s teeth on edge. _

_It almost felt as if he were hungover. _

_But hang on... He _had _been drinking that night, hadn’t he? He had had drinks with Jace. Something fruity and embarrassing. At a bar? _

_No, at Jace’s club._

_Then the younger boy had gone off to dance with some girl, and Alec..._

_He couldn’t remember what had happened after that. The details up until that point were hazy at best, but the rest of the night was a complete blank._

_Alec could feel panic rising and his chest tightened uncomfortably as he searched his mind for answers and found none. _

_How much did he have to drink? Why couldn’t he remember? Why was he in the hospital? Why did he feel like he had been hit by a bus, twice?_

_Where was his brother? Was he alright? Was he in the hospital too?_

_Alec had to get up and find him._

_The second he lifted his head, the left side of his skull gave a particularly painful throb and his stomach flipped uncomfortably._

_Concussion? That could explain the memory loss..._

_He hissed through his teeth at the increased pain, reaching up with his left hand to prod at the spot gingerly, only to find some form of bandage taped to his skin, just below his hairline._

_Before he could attempt to remove the bandage for further inspection, a strong hand suddenly gripped his wrist and tugged it away._

_Alec’s heart instantly leapt into his throat at the unexpected contact and he jumped reflexively, igniting a fuse of pain that shot along every nerve in his body._

_He yelped as he whipped his head around to find his brother standing up from a chair that had been just out of Alec’s view._

_“Don’t touch it. Just leave it alone,” Jace instructed as he hovered over Alec, assessing him._

_“Jeez, Jace...” the older boy breathed out in recognition, waiting for his heart to slow back down to a normal rate again. _

_The blond gave his shoulder an apologetic squeeze. “Sorry, buddy. Didn’t mean to startle you.”_

_“’s fine,” Alec mumbled back as the sharp pain slowly ebbed away to a dull burning._

_Slightly embarrassed, he dropped his head back onto the pillow with a groan, his free hand coming up to massage his throbbing temples with a thumb and middle finger._

_“Welcome back, by the way. You had us worried.”_

_Jace’s gaze stayed firmly fixed on his brother’s face, trying to get any indications as to his mental state now that the older boy was finally awake._

_“Us?” Alec croaked out, only now realizing how much his throat hurt. It felt like he had swallowed shards of broken glass._

_“Izzy’s here too,” Jace explained. “She’s over at the front desk, terrorizing the intake nurse. You’ve been unconscious for quite a while, dude. How’re you doing? The EMT said you passed out the second they hit the road...”_

EMT?

THAT _caught Alec’s attention and brought him back to his current predicament. _

_He lowered his hand and blinked up at the younger boy’s weary expression until it came into sharper focus. _

_His brow furrowed as he took in Jace’s split lip, cut cheek, and blackened eye._

_His own pain was instantly forgotten._

_“What happened to you?” he rasped as he reached up and brushed his fingertips against the side of the blond’s battered face._

_Jace’s frown hardened as he caught Alec’s wayward hand again and lowered it back to the bed, his other grip on Alec’s shoulder tightening in concern._

_“You don’t remember?”_

_“...Remember what?”_

_Alec got the distinct impression that it had to be something bad, judging by Jace’s suddenly flustered state. _

_The young blond was spared answering by their sister’s return._

_Izzy shot a nasty look towards Jace as she approached. Apparently, she had overheard the end of their conversation._

_“Alec was on the verge of passing out when you decided to go all vigilante. _He _has an excuse for his ignorance,” she fumed as she came to a stop by Alec’s bedside. “_You_, on the other hand, are just an idiot.”_

_“Vigilante?” Alec directed at Izzy with a furrowed brow._

_“Yeah. Our brilliant brother tried to catch the guy who hurt you, and instead, nearly got his skull beaten in by the guy’s thugs,” Izzy explained._

_“Hey, I gave as good as I got,” Jace retorted. “I was actually holding my own until that giant asshat with the switchblade got in the mix.”_

_Alec’s head was swimming as he tried to make sense of the information. _

_He failed._

_“Wait, what guy? Whose thugs? Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?”_

_Izzy’s anger abated as she locked worried eyes with her older brother._

_“Wait, you don’t remember _any _of it?”_

_“Remember _what_?!” Alec demanded again, exasperated._

_“Alec... You were... You were attacked a few hours ago,” his sister hedged carefully._

_Well, that explained the excessive amount of pain he was in._

_“Attacked...” Alec repeated dryly, his gaze shifting back and forth between his two siblings, both of whom were avoiding his gaze now. _

_The pit of anxiety in his stomach grew._

_“Assaulted,” Jace clarified. “Pretty brutally,” he added in a pained tone. Then his eyes raised from his own feet to stare pointedly at Alec’s midriff._

_Alec slowly lifted his head again and followed his brother’s gaze to find that his belt was undone, his clothes in complete disarray. _

_He frowned in confusion._

_Looking at the belt now, a memory began needling at the back of his mind; an itch he couldn’t quite help but scratch. _

_He concentrated on it and tried to think back to the last thing he _could _remember._

_Jace had gone off with that girl, and... _

_And someone else had taken his seat beside Alec. _

_A man. The stranger had bought him a drink._

_That’s when a few scattered pieces of the night came rushing back to him._

_The man watching him from across the bar, chatting him up in Jace’s absence, the fruity shot he bought Alec, feeling dizzy, stumbling into the alleyway out back…_

He groaned in dismay and steadied himself with his hands on his knees as he doubled-over.

Then the man was standing directly in front of him, stroking a hand through Alec’s hair while his other hand squeezed his shoulder.

“Easy now... Don’t fight it, Alec. You’re only making it harder on yourself.”

Then he was shoved back-first into the closest brick wall.

“Oof!” Alec pushed haphazardly at the man’s chest as he crowded in against him. “What are you do-?! Mph!”

Alec’s sentence was cut off as Victor surged up and kissed him boldly on the mouth with so much force that it rocked Alec’s head back into the unforgiving wall behind him.

Alec thrashed against his hold, until the man pulled back far enough to gaze into his defiant eyes, then he reached down for Alec’s belt buckle, tugging harshly to free the prong one-handed.

“Like I said earlier... I saw something that I wanted, and now... I’m taking it. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

_Alec felt a renewed sense of panic as he looked back over at his brother._

_“That guy... The one from your club. Where is he?” he demanded, attempting to lever himself into a proper sitting position so he could scan the room more effectively, expecting to find the man lurking nearby._

_Jace grasped his shoulders and pressed him back against the poorly padded mattress._

_“Settle down. You’re safe here, dude. Just relax and try to stay still.”_

_“Where _is _he, Jace?” Alec pushed insistently. “Did the police catch him?”_

_His brother shook his head in dismay, unable to look Alec in the eye as he replied. _

_“No. He uh… He got away before the cops showed. The coward turned tail and ran before we could get to you, leaving his cronies to fight his battles for him. I’m so sorry, Alec. We didn’t even get close enough to see his face.”_

_Alec could feel his anxiety rising even higher at the news. _

_That man had targeted him in a crowd. Had drugged his drink. Had dragged him outside. Had... _

_Alec swallowed hard. _

_What _had _the guy done to him? It was pretty clear what he had wanted from Alec, but had his siblings intervened in time?_

_And according to Jace, the man was still out there somewhere, roaming free._

_Jace watched the color bleed from his brother’s face and frowned._

_“Alec... Hey, don’t worry about it, alright? I’m sure the cops will find the guy soon. He couldn’t have gotten far.”_

_“Yeah,” Izzy agreed, running her hand up and down Alec’s bicep soothingly. “You just focus on healing. Let us handle the rest, okay?”_

_Alec’s gaze swept the room again, clearly uncomfortable with his surroundings. He didn’t feel safe out in the open, surrounded by dozens of strangers._

_“I don’t wanna stay here, Jace. Can’t we just... go home?”_

_“Not quite yet, buddy. We gotta get you looked at first.”_

_“I’m fine,” Alec insisted, trying to brush his brother’s restraining hands away from his chest so he could get up and prove his point._

_He sat up quickly before Jace could intervene again, and much to his unpleasant surprise, bolts of agony shot across his back, forcing him to cry out and squeeze his eyes shut against the pain._

_His right knee jerked up off the mattress and his fists clenched handfuls of the bedding beside him as the flames continued to lick at his sensitized skin._

_Unbidden, more flashes of the earlier evening came back to him so abruptly and so vividly that it felt like a baseball bat had hit him squarely in the gut, knocking the breath from his lungs._

“You wanna play rough?” the man sneered, unfastening his own belt. “Let’s play rough...”

Victor rucked Alec’s black shirt halfway up his back, leaving his lower half exposed to the rapidly chilling night air.

“Just remember... You brought this on yourself, bruv.”

And with that, he held the thin end of the belt and brought the metallic buckle down hard against Alec’s bare back. Again. And again. And again.

_Alec came back to his surroundings with a few choice swears that apparently offended the mother of a little girl sitting across from him._

_The woman stood up with her daughter and moved to a different location, presumably out of earshot._

_Alec would’ve felt badly about it, had he not already been consumed by pain. It radiated all the way from his pelvis to his shoulder blades before starting to dissipate to a more tolerable level._

_The jolt had been sharp and acute, but thankfully, short-lived._

_“What did I tell you about staying still, huh?” Jace huffed, guiding Alec back down against the scratchy sheet and overly flat pillow, holding him steady with a firm hand against his chest while the room continued to spin around him._

_Alec grunted as his torn skin came in contact with the rough linen once more, then forced his tensed muscles to relax until the sensation diminished and he was finally able to breathe again._

_“You good?” Jace asked tentatively._

_Alec gave him a stiff nod. “Yeah. ‘m fine,” he repeated through clenched teeth._

_Izzy sighed._

_“No, big brother. You’re obviously _not _fine,” she stated. “But you _will _be, once the doctors have run all the proper tests, bandaged you up, and cleared you to leave.”_

_“T-tests? What kinds of tests?” he stuttered, his heart racing in his chest again at the mere mention of the word._

_“The kind that will make sure there’s no permanent damage,” Jace replied quietly._

_Alec’s eyes narrowed. “What is _that _supposed to mean?”_

_“Alec, we’re here at the hospital so you can get a sexual assault kit done,” his sister clarified bluntly, instantly increasing Alec’s state of panic. “It’s in your best interest, and it’ll help a lot with the police investigation.”_

No no no... This can’t be happening...

_"Izzy, I don’t need... I mean, I wasn’t... H-he never...”_

_But Alec couldn’t complete the thought, because now that the idea was in his mind, he couldn’t help but focus on the raw sensation in his midriff that left him with no doubts that he had been defiled by _something_._

_Izzy took his hand into her own, tears trickling down her cheeks as she leaned closer to him._

_“You were bleeding, Alec. A lot. I saw it with my own two eyes, so don’t try and tell me you’re fine again.”_

_Alec’s jaw began to tremble and he closed his eyes in shame. He had been raped, and his little sister had witnessed it._

_He had to swallow repeatedly against the bile rising up the back of his throat._

_“Even if you don’t go through with the kit,” Izzy continued once she regained control of herself, “we’re not leaving here until you get the okay from a doctor, so you might as well get comfortable.”_

_Alec reopened his eyes and shot his brother a pleading look, but Jace shook his head sadly._

_“Sorry, dude, but I’m with Izzy on this one. We don’t even know what kinds of drugs are in your system yet. At the very least, we’re staying until the tox screen comes back.”_

_Outnumbered and outgunned, Alec reluctantly submitted to his siblings’ will, fighting back the stubborn tears as he settled into the most comfortable position his abused body would allow._

_He’d stay for the tox screen, as Jace demanded, but that was it._

_Then he wanted out._

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you liked this chapter! If you can find the time - do let us in on your thoughts!   
Stay safe!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	12. SAFE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the next chapter!  
There are some minor additional warnings to this one. If you want to read them, please jump to the notes at the end of the chapter!

_ June 16, 2019 _ _ _ _ \- Continued _

_ An awkward silence fell over their small group, giving Alec a chance to take proper stock of himself. _

_ While his pants had been pristine when he left his apartment earlier that evening, they were now torn at the knees and covered in a lot of questionable stains. _

_ The button-up denim overshirt he had worn to the club was long gone, leaving him in his black t-shirt, still damp in places from sweat and what smelled like vomit.  _

_ Needless to say, the _ _ thin fabric did nothing to combat the cool, circulated air of the hospital.  _

_ A violent shiver raced up Alec’s spine, making him grimace as all the aches and pains in his body complained again. _

_ Jace frowned down at him in concern, having felt his brother’s tremor through the palm of his hand which was still resting on Alec’s chest. “You cold?” _

_ “A little, I guess.” _

_ “He’s probably still somewhat in shock,” Izzy reasoned. “I’ll go see if I can find him a blanket.” _

_ “Hang on…” Jace shrugged out of his leather jacket, pausing only for  _ _ a brief moment _ _ as pain shot through his left side. _

_ Alec, his mind clearly elsewhere, missed his brother's veiled wince. Izzy, however, did not. She raised an assessing eyebrow at him, but he purposefully ignored it. _

_ The blond leaned in again and draped the jacket over Alec’s chest and upper arms before slowly straightening back up. “There. That any better?” _

_ The jacket still contained the heat from Jace’s body. And it smelled like him too, which brought Alec more comfort than the warmth itself. _

_ He nodded in gratitude. “Yeah. Thanks, Jace.” _

_ “Don’t mention it.” _

_ Izzy watched the blond boy studiously as he carefully lowered himself onto the chair by Alec’s bedside to keep vigil.  _

_ He flinched when he first made contact with the  _ _ hard plastic _ _ seat and curled forward protectively, his left hand moving to press against his throbbing side. _

_ Only then did Izzy notice the bloodied tear in his black shirt, just below his ribs. _

_ “Jace...” she began, ready to start another argument, but her brother quickly shook his head with a warning glare. He didn’t want to worry Alec needlessly. _

_ Izzy dropped down into the seat next to him and resorted to silently seething in discontent, now having to watch over  _ both  _ of her stubborn brothers. _

_ Alec completely neglected to notice the exchange happening next to him. Instead, he stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the fuzzy details floating around in his mind. _

_ There were bits and pieces of the evening that were clear as a bell to him, like Izzy digging through his wardrobe and meeting the bartender, Maia.  _

_ The more he thought about it, the more he could taste the sickly-sweet drink the man had given to him, could still feel hands on his body as he was shoved against the brick wall, still hear the belt snapping against his tender skin, and the pain... _

_ He  _ _ definitely still _ _ felt the pain. _

_ But there were lots of holes in his memory as well, and those bothered him even more. He sure as hell didn’t want anyone else to be touching him right now, particularly where he hurt the most.  _

_ He was snapped out of his thoughts by his name being called from across the room. _

_ “Alexander Lightwood?” _

_ Alec was too nervous to respond, so Jace stood up and waved a hand to catch the nurse’s attention instead. “Over here.” _

_ The harried woman, a short and stocky nurse in light blue scrubs, took one look at Jace’s bloodied and battered face, then sighed in disapproval as she sidled her way towards them.  _

_ “Let me guess, bar fight?” she grumbled, tossing the unread medical chart onto the foot of Alec’s cot before taking hold of Jace’s chin and tilting his head to see his injuries more clearly in the overhead lighting. _

_ Jace jerked back in surprise. “What the hell are you doing?” _

_ The nurse put her hands on her hips in annoyance. “I don’t have all night, sugar. Did you come here to get treated, or are you just tryin’ to waste my time?” _

_ Jace’s eyes darkened in anger. _

_ “ _ I’m  _ not the patient.  _ He  _ is.” He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder in Alec’s direction, flinching as the action tugged on his injured side again. _

_ The woman looked Alec up and down, one eyebrow raised as if unimpressed.  _

_ “For that little head injury? He looks alright to me.  _ You’re  _ the one bleeding all over my ER,” she added when she turned back to Jace and noticed the dried red stain on his left side. _

_ She frowned and reached out to check the wound, but Jace batted her hand away. _

_ “I said I’m fine,” he insisted. “It’s just a scratch. It’s not even bleeding anymore.” _

_ The nurse shook her head in exasperation. “Whatever you say, sugar... But you really should get that looked at while you’re here.” _

_ She turned her attention towards Alec who shied away as she stepped closer to him. _

_ “And what seems to be the trouble with you, young man? Were you in the same fight?” _

_ Jace slid himself between them at Alec’s fearful look, cutting off her approach, and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look formidable. _

_ “Hold up... Did you even bother to read the medical report my sister just spent half an hour filling out for you people?” _

_ “Hunny, if you think we’ve got the time to read through all of that before attending to every patient, you’ve clearly never been in an ER before.” _

_ Jace picked up the file from Alec’s cot and shoved it at her. _

_ “Let me give you a summary then so you don’t strain yourself. My brother was drugged at a club tonight, dragged outside by some stranger, then beaten and raped in a back alley.”  _

_ Jace had kept his voice low, but hearing the words out loud mortified Alec, and he felt as if every set of eyes in the place were locked on him now, judging him.  _

_ He sank further under his brother’s jacket, using it as a barricade against the curious and sympathetic onlookers. _

_ “But hey,” Jace continued heatedly, “I’m sure your medical opinion of ‘he looked alright’ will stand up in court when I sue your asses for negligence.” _

_ “Jace, calm down,” Izzy scolded, stepping in to diffuse the situation. “Look, nurse… Anne, is it?” she began, reading the name  _ _ off of _ _ the woman’s tag. _

_ Anne nodded, giving Izzy her full attention as if she had finally found the reasonable one in the bunch. _

_ “Alec is in a lot of pain right now, and this overcrowded room is stressing him out. Do you think we can get him moved to a more private area and have someone  _ _ take a look _ _ at him? The sooner he gets taken care of, the sooner we’ll be out of your hair.” _

_ Anne shot a nasty glance over to Jace again as she considered Izzy’s proposal. _

_ “Fine. I’ll see if we have a room available and send someone over to do a blood draw for a tox screen. We can’t give him any pain meds until we know what’s currently in his system.” _

_ Jace rolled his eyes in frustration. “Someone already came and took his blood, like an hour and a half ago!” _

_ Alec slid his arms out from under Jace’s jacket and looked down at the crooks of his elbows in wonder, only now realizing that he had a ball of gauze taped to the inside of his left arm.  _

_ They must have done the draw while he was unconscious. _

_ Thank the Angel for small favors... He hated needles. _

_ “Even better,” Anne grumbled. “Means you’re that much closer to no longer being a pain in my ass…”  _

_ Jace’s glare was burning holes in her back as she walked over to the reception window, spoke with one of the nurses sitting behind it, and came back with a specimen jar. _

_ “You wanna move things along, hun, I also need a urine sample from you to send to the lab so they can narrow down which toxins to look for. But first, let’s get you somewhere a bit more comfortable. Here, you hold onto this, tough guy.” _

_ She thrust the jar into Jace’s bewildered hands, then moved to the head of Alec’s bed. She kicked off the stoppers so it could roll, then began pushing Alec down the hallway. _

_ “Lucky for you, one of our back rooms just opened up. You can wait there for the SAFE to arrive.” _

_ “Sorry, the what?” Izzy questioned as she hurried to keep pace with them. _

_ “The SAFE. The Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner. She should be in shortly.” _

_ “Hope she has a better bedside manner than you…” Jace grumbled as he kept stride with Izzy. _

_ “I heard that,” Anne muttered over her shoulder before pivoting the bed into a private room.  _

_ She set Alec up against the wall, locked the wheels in place again, then raised the head of the bed until Alec was sitting in more of an upright position. Jace’s jacket slid down into his lap, taking the warmth and sense of security with it. _

_ Alec grimaced as the new angle put additional pressure against the worst of his injuries, and he used his shaking arms to shift around a bit until he was able to settle himself into a more comfortable position. _

_ Anne patted him on the shoulder in a motherly manner before stepping away from the bed. _

_ “Bathroom is over there if you want more privacy for the urine sample, but I wouldn’t recommend going number two until you’ve been examined so you don’t hurt yourself or flush any important evidence down the drain.” _

_ She plucked the specimen jar out of Jace’s hand and passed it over to Alec. _

_ “Do you require any further assistance with this?” _

_ Alec, who had turned red as a tomato while the nurse so casually spoke about such private matters in front of his siblings, silently shook his head no.  _

_ “Very well then. Let’s have you stand up and leave your jacket on the bed. I’ll wait right outside the bathroom door, which is to remain open as a safety precaution, as well as a preventative measure against any possible tampering of the sample.” _

_ Alec’s face burned even hotter as he stared down at the small cup in his hands. _

_ “Y-you mean, like, r-right now?” _

_ “Well, as I said before, I haven’t got all night, sugar. And unless you’re planning on being here for the better part of tomorrow too, I’d say the sooner the better.” _

_ Under the weight of three heavy gazes, Alec pushed Jace’s jacket off to the right, then eased his legs over the side of the bed and sat up properly.  _

_ He instantly felt a sharp pain jolt from his anal region up the small of his back. He cried out and squeezed his eyes shut, clutching the edge of the mattress in his fists till his knuckles turned white. _

_ Any denial he has still been clinging to about having been raped were instantly dashed, and Alec couldn’t decide if he wanted to curl into a ball and cry or punch a wall in anger.  _

_ After a moment, he let out a deep, shaky breath and waited for the pain to ease. _

_ When he opened his eyes, Anne wrapped a hand firmly around his left bicep, preparing to help him stand. “Nice and slow now, hunny. That’s it…” _

_ Jace moved in to grip his right bicep, balancing him out, and the three of them worked in tandem to get Alec up onto his feet. _

_ He swayed unsteadily for a moment as the muscles in his legs adjusted to hold his weight. _

God, everything hurt…

_ “One step at a time now, okay?” Anne encouraged, guiding him towards the bathroom. _

_ When he reached the door, he paused. _

_ “I uh… I can take it from here,” he informed the others and they reluctantly backed off, allowing him to enter the room unsupervised. _

_ “We’ll be right outside the door if you need anything, alright, buddy?” Jace stated, ignoring the glare Anne sent his way for encroaching on her territory. _

_ Alec nodded, then slowly limped towards the toilet, taking one deliberate step after the next.  _

_ Considering he had the jar to fill, he didn’t  _ _ actually need _ _ to be in the vicinity of the bowl, but he was trying to make the situation feel as normal as possible for his own peace of mind. _

_ He took the lid off the specimen jar and left it on the side of the sink, then stared down at the empty container with disdain as if it had personally offended him. _

_ He didn’t want to do this. _

_ Unlike his brother who had all the confidence in the world and would have no trouble taking a leak in a room full of people, Alec was shy.  _

_ More to the point, so was his bladder. _

_ He knew he needed to go. It had to have been at least eight hours since the last time he had relieved himself.  _

_ And if memory served, the drink Victor had bought him hadn’t been his only one of the  _ _ evening _ _ . Jace had gotten him a few rounds as well. _

_ Now that he was standing, Alec could feel the pressure on his bladder and knew he had to go, but with the others standing just out of sight and perfectly within hearing-range, it was as effective as putting a cork in a wine bottle.  _

_ He wouldn’t be able to release if he tried. _

_ Maybe he could just turn on the faucet for background noise or something… _

_ He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot as he reached for his zipper. _

_ His hand was shaking as he undid his jeans, and between one blink and the next, he found himself back in that alleyway. _

The man reached into Alec’s boxers, and the boy’s jaw snapped shut on a grunt as Victor’s thin fingers wrapped around him, clearly disappointed with his flaccid result.

“Not even half-mast yet? I’ve gotta be honest, I expected more from you, mate.  _ _ No worries though. We’ll get you primed again in a jiffy.”

_ Alec suddenly dropped the container, and the loud clatter of it hitting the floor snapped him out of his reverie. _

_ “You alright in there, sugar?” Anne called from just outside the doorway. _

_ If he didn’t answer, Alec had no doubt she’d come stomping in after him. _

_ “Y-yeah,” he choked out. “Just… The jar just slipped out of my hand is all.” _

_ He stared down at the container that rolled about two feet away before coming to a stop. He did NOT want to bend down and pick it back up again. _

_ Maybe he could just get Jace to run in for a second and grab it for him… _

_ How pathetic would that sound? Alec ground his teeth together in frustration.  _

_ No. He didn’t need help. He could do this on his own. _

_ He took in a deep breath to steady himself, then let it out slowly. And as he exhaled, he carefully  _ _ knelt down _ _ to retrieve the jar. _

_ As he leaned forward and reached out for it, the hem of his shirt rode up and his unfastened jeans slid down his hips slightly, digging into the bruises mottling his skin.  _

_ He managed to wrap two fingers around the container and draw it back to him before the shit really hit the fan. _

_ Again, he found himself flashing back to the alley… _

The Brit stroked him slowly and firmly, causing Alec’s hips to buck upward into Victor’s soft palm as it slid up and down his column of flesh.

Alec whimpered in protest.

As much as he didn’t want what was happening, his body couldn’t help but react to the physical sensations.

_ No no no... Please, no! _

“There we go...” Victor gloated, doubling his efforts to make the boy whine deep in his throat with shame as he hardened against his will. “I knew from the first moment I saw you that you’d be perfect for this.”

“Wh-what?” 

“Admit it, Alec. You enjoy being dominated. You enjoy being used for the sake of someone else’s pleasure.”

_ Alec choked at the memory, the sound bordering on another sob, and he found himself frozen in place, curled up on his knees and unable to breathe. _

_ He had been wrong. He  _ COULDN’T  _ do this. _

_ Bile  _ _ rose up _ _ the back of his throat again as his stomach clenched painfully. His hands felt tingly and numb, and of all things, he was terrified he’d lose his grip on the stupid container again. _

_ Ignoring the  _ _ agony _ _ it provoked, Alec crawled his way back to the toilet and threw up what little he had in his stomach. _

_ Jace, who had been listening intently for any signs of distress, heard his brother retching and practically flew into the room. _

_ He crouched over Alec and rested a comforting palm on his sweat-soaked back, only to have Alec jerk away from him in fear. _

_ The older boy gave Jace a hard shove in the gut, then scurried backward until he came up short against the far wall with a whimper of pain. _

_ “No  _ _ no _ _ _ _ no _ _ _ _ no _ _ no…” he muttered beneath his breath. “Not again, not again…” _

_ Jace followed him cautiously, hands raised in a gesture of good will. _

_ “Alec? Alec... Can you hear me, buddy?” _

_ “Get away from me!” Alec shouted back before curling in on himself even more. _

_ “Shit. Hey, we need some help in here!” _

_ Alec raised his arms in front of himself as a defense mechanism when a handful of blurry shapes rushed into the room, multiple sets of hands touching him and loud voices giving orders as they tried to get him to calm down. _

_ “That’s enough!” came a fierce voice from the doorway. “Can’t you see you’re only making it worse? Give the poor boy some space.” _

_ The hands and dark masses suddenly retreated, but Alec wasn’t foolish enough to let down his guard just yet. _

_ “All of you, out. Yes, Anne, that means you too. I’ll take it from here, thanks. Close the door behind you.” _

_ Jace was reluctant to leave, but Anne took hold of his elbow, drawing his attention away from his terrified brother. _

_ “Come on, hun. Let’s go get that scratch of yours taken care of.” _

_ She redirected his gaze down to the cut in his side which had reopened due to Alec’s harsh shove. It wasn’t very deep, but it could probably do with a few stitches. _

_ Jace sighed in resignation, and although it went against every fiber of his being, he allowed the stout woman to lead him from the room. _

_ Alec heard the shuffling of footsteps slowly fade, and only after the door clicked shut  _ _ did _ _ he chance a glance from between his raised arms.  _

_ His eyes flickered over his surroundings in confusion. _

_ He wasn’t in a back alley. He was cowering next to a toilet in a brightly lit bathroom. _

_ And there was still one other person present. A woman he didn’t recognize.  _

_ He watched her warily. _

_ “It’s alright now,” she stated confidently. “No one is going to hurt you or touch you again without your permission.” _

_ She was crouched down to his height, but remained on the opposite side of the enclosure, giving Alec space to breathe. She saw him peeking out at her and smiled warmly in greeting. _

_ “Hi there,” she began softly. “Do you mind if I sit down?” _

_ She pointed at the floor above which she was hovering. _

_ “My calves aren’t as young as they used to be.” _

_ Alec didn’t understand why the decision was up to him, but he gave her a slight nod in response, lowering his arms a bit further to keep her in his sights. _

_ The woman’s smile grew in gratitude. “Thank you. Ah... Much better.” _

_ As she made herself comfortable, making it clear she had zero intentions of approaching him anytime soon, Alec caught sight of the large cardboard kit that lay on the floor next to her knee.  _

_ He was sure he didn’t want to know what was inside of it, but at the same time, his morbid curiosity wouldn’t stop filling his head with images of sharp and pointy instruments, designed to cause him more pain and embarrassment. _

_ He swallowed uncomfortably. _

_ “Now then... My name is Dr. Catarina Loss,” the woman stated, drawing his attention away from the kit and onto her. “But you can call me Cat if you’d like.” _

_ Her tone was much kinder to him than it had been to the others.  _

_ “And what’s your name?” _

_ Alec got the distinct impression that she already knew the answer to her question, and that she was just using this as some sort of test. Perhaps to gauge how truthful he was going to be during the rest of her inquisition. _

_ He also had a feeling the questions would get increasingly harder with time, but this one… This one he could answer. _

_ “A-Alec… Alec Lightwood.” _

_ Catarina beamed at him. _

_ “Nice to meet you, Alec. Though I’m sorry it had to happen under these circumstances. Can I get you anything? A drink of water, perhaps?” _

_ Alec’s mouth was dry and tasted of vomit, but he wasn’t about to accept a drink from a stranger again anytime soon. He had learned that lesson the hard way. _

_ Alec shook his head as he wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest as he tried to conceal his trembling. _

_ He was starting to feel a bit ridiculous about his little freak out episode, and… _

_ Oh crap.  _

_ Had his siblings seen him like that too? He had a vague memory of hearing Jace’s voice calling to him before he lost himself to the flashback. _

_ Just when he thought he had hit rock bottom with the night’s events, he went and found a whole new level of embarrassment. _

_ He could tell from the warm wetness on his cold cheeks that he had been crying, although he hadn’t realized it till now.  _

_ He wiped angrily at his face with the back of his right hand.  _

_ Not only had he lost control of his mind and what was happening around him, but now he had lost control of his own bodily functions as well.  _

_ Even more so than he initially realized... _

_ Only when he dropped his gaze to his lap in shame did he discover that his face wasn’t the only place that was wet. _

_ On the plus side, he didn’t have to go to the bathroom anymore. _

_ He pulled his knees in even tighter, despite the discomfort it caused, just to hide his degradation. _

_ Catarina politely pretended not to notice the darkened stain, but she couldn’t ignore the boy’s tears. _

_ “Are you in any pain right now, Alec?” _

_ The boy reluctantly nodded.  _

_ Sitting on the cold, hard floor sure wasn’t doing him any favors. _

_ He didn’t know why he felt so compelled to tell this stranger the truth, but something about her made him feel safe, and yet, completely exposed at the same time.  _

_ It was truly a conflicting experience. _

_ “Would you like me to get you something for it? I can’t give you any of the good stuff until the tox screens come back, but I think you’d be safe with…” _

_ “No!” Alec shouted suddenly, startling himself with how fervent his response was.  _

_ She watched him silently for a moment with interest until he felt obligated to explain.  _

_ “Sorry. I just… I don’t want any drugs.” _

_ She nodded in understanding. Unlike Anne, Cat had read the boy’s entire file before entering the room.  _

_ She had anticipated that he might have an aversion to narcotics, but he deserved the chance to make that decision for himself. _

_ “Alright then,” she acquiesced. “If that’s your preference, then that’s how it’s going to be.” _

_ Alec’s gaze flickered back up to her in suspicion. _

_ Cat leaned forward a bit, wanting him to see the sincerity in her eyes. _

_ “I’m not here to hurt or upset you, sweetie. I’m only here to help. Do you understand what forensic examiners like myself do?” _

_ The boy’s nervous gaze shifted back to the kit at Catarina’s side. _

_ “I think so,” he muttered back. “But I don’t particularly want to find out firsthand.” _

_ “I get it, kiddo. I doubt it would be the highlight of anyone’s day.  _ _ So _ _ tell me this, then... What is it that you would like to do, if given the option? No laws, no limitations. Shoot for the moon.” _

_ The question caught Alec off guard. He hadn’t expected anyone to care about what his preferences were. The answer was easy enough though. _

_ “I want to go home,” he stated, his voice cracking with emotion on the last word. “I... I want to take a shower. And then I want to go to bed, and when I wake up, I want to pretend that none of this ever happened.” _

_ Catarina nodded again. _

_ “Believe it or not, it’s rather common to feel that way in cases like this. You’re not alone, Alec. I’d quote you a list of statistics if I thought that would help, but suffice it to say, what you’re feeling right now...? It’s perfectly normal.  _

_ “And I  _ _ have to _ _ admit, given the circumstances, you seem to be handling everything incredibly well. You’re a tough kid.” _

_ Alec dropped his gaze again, his self-confidence at an all-time low.  _

_ For a guy who just wet his pants, he wasn’t feeling particularly tough. _

_ “You don’t know anything about me,” he mumbled back. _

_ “You’re right. I don’t. But I’d like to get to know you, if you’re willing to give me the chance.” _

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional warnings:**   
_Flashbacks, description of non-consensual sexual actions, panic attacks. _
> 
> We hope you liked this chapter and how we try to show what happened during that night in June...  
If you can spare the time, please let us know what you think! Feedback is highly appreciated!
> 
> Take care and stay safe!  
Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	13. History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still at Magnus' place with Cat while we learn a bit more about what happened in the hospital in June.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
We hope you are all doing ok in these challenging times!  
Here is the next chapter of Adrift! We hope it will help you pass the time.
> 
> Go to the end notes for some minor additional content warnings.

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night

“What is this?” Alec demanded breathlessly, looking between Magnus and Cat for an explanation, suddenly feeling oddly betrayed. “Why did you call _her_?”

Magnus frowned at him, taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor. “Cat is the doctor friend I was telling you about. She’s here to make sure you’re alright.”

“I don’t need that kind of doctor,” Alec growled, trying to shift to his right and out of Cat’s reach. “Nothing happened!”

“It’s okay, sweetie,” Cat soothed, holding up her hands placatingly. “I’m not here for that type of exam. Magnus told me you were in a car accident tonight?”

“I-I lost control,” he admitted, his mind racing too quickly for him to keep up with it. “I didn’t mean to...”

“I know you didn’t,” the doctor responded kindly. “Were you afraid you were going to be in trouble, Alec? Is that why you chose not to go to the hospital?”

_Refused _was more to the point, judging from the short recap that Magnus had messaged her, but she didn’t want to antagonize the boy if she could avoid it.

“No hospital,” Alec reaffirmed, leaving it at that.

“Alright. I hear you. But will you let me check you over and patch you up here instead? Looks like you hit your head pretty hard... And what happened here?”

She slowly started reaching towards the towel Magnus was still holding against Alec’s side, but the boy knocked her hand away, then gasped in pain as the sharp movement jostled his injuries.

“Don’t,” he grunted.

He had been weak and vulnerable the last time they were in the same room together, more susceptible to her wily words. He had fallen for her charm and accepted her friendship because he needed someone to tell him it was all going to be okay.

But he wasn’t that person any longer. He didn’t need her help, and he didn’t want her sympathy. It was her _job _to pretend she cared about him, nothing more. He had been foolish to believe otherwise.

And then Dr. Spencer had made it very clear that not even the supposed ‘professionals’ could be trusted.

“Okay, sweetie,” Cat relented, backing off enough to give him some space. “How about we just talk first? Can you do that for me?”

Alec felt a strong sense of déjà vu wash over him...

*****

_June 16, 2019- Continued_

_Alec’s eyes darted towards the bathroom door, and Cat could tell she was losing him. She chose her next words very carefully, proceeding with caution._

_“Look, let’s just forget about the kit for now, okay? Can we just talk for a while?”_

_Alec huffed out a resigned breath. “Talk about what?”_

_“Whatever you’d like. How about the first thing that comes to your mind?”_

_Alec drew a blank. The only thing that was on his mind was that damned kit. It was like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant._

_He looked up at her in frustration. And again, Cat was able to deduce the problem._

_“Maybe it’ll help if I explain how this process works... Take some of the mystery out of the whole thing?”_

_Alec shrugged a shoulder. “Maybe,” he admitted grudgingly._

_“Alright. Well for starters, you are completely in charge, and it’s important that you understand that. Whatever _you _say goes.”_

_“And what if I say I wanna leave now?” he hedged warily._

_“Then I can’t stop you. The door is right there,” she added, pointing to her right. “But at least hear me out first before you make your decision, deal?”_

_Alec hesitated for a moment, then nodded in acceptance._

_“What you went through tonight wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t your fault. Having to undergo all the tests that are related to such an event isn’t fair to you either. _

_“I know you’ve been through enough already, and I’m sure you’d rather be anywhere else but here, am I right?”_

_Alec bit the inside of his cheek and stared at his knees, stubbornly remaining silent._

_“I get it, sweetie. I really do. But I promise you, after all the tests come back, you’ll be able to sleep much better without all those pesky ‘what ifs’ floating around in your head. _

_“And if we’re able to collect enough DNA to put the douche-baguette who hurt you behind bars where he belongs, then all the better. Pardon my French…”_

_That earned her a tentative smirk from the boy. She was finally breaking through his defenses. Time to put all the cards on the table._

_“Now, I’m not going to lie to you. The collection process is going to be physically uncomfortable, and at times, a bit humiliating.”_

_Alec scoffed derisively. _

_“More humiliating than _this_?” he asked, sweeping his hand in a broad motion to encompass himself, curled in a ball, hiding in the corner of a hospital bathroom, and reeking of sweat, blood, vomit and urine._

_Cat smiled sadly at him, then gave him the honest answer._

_“It can be, yes. In order to collect all the evidence we need, we have to take samples and swabs from multiple areas of the body, conduct a rather thorough examination, and possibly even take photos of your injuries, if you’re willing to consent._

_“This can all be used in a court against your abuser should you decide to report the crime and testify.”_

_Alec shifted uncomfortably at the thought._

_“And if I don’t _want _to take this to trial?”_

_“Then that’s your prerogative. But at least the evidence will be preserved should you change your mind somewhere down the line.”_

_“...Would _you _testify?” he asked hesitantly._

_“If I were in your shoes? It’s hard to say,” she admitted fairly. “I’d like to think that I would though, because the world would be a better place without a predator like him prowling its streets. But I’m not here to judge. It’s solely your decision.”_

_Alec fell silent for a bit as he mulled this over in his mind. Then..._

_“What if I don’t consent to the photos? Or the DNA swabs?”_

_“Then I would still recommend the exam portion, just to make sure there’s no serious damage.”_

_As much as he tried to fight it, Alec’s gaze drifted to the infamous box again. _

_The words “Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Kit” were stamped boldly on all sides._

_“Will… Will any of it hurt?”_

_He was in enough pain already without adding to it._

_“It’s not meant to, but that will greatly depend on the amount of initial damage inflicted. I _can _promise you that I’ll make it as quick and painless as possible though. _

_“And the rest of the process is just paperwork and talking. That’s easy enough, right?” _

_Alec bit his lip as he considered his options._

_When the boy didn’t say no right off the bat, Cat knew she had him on the fence. She continued her explanation, determined not to give him enough time to talk himself out of it again._

_“If you do decide to go forward with the test kit, I will explain every step of the examination before proceeding. And if you need to take a break at any point, just say the word. _

_“You also have every right to refuse any part of the exam or the evidence collection process, as well as the right to stop this examination entirely at any point and without any explanations.”_

_It all sounded so clinical and rehearsed. Alec wasn’t sure if he found that comforting or disturbing._

_“Your blood draw has already been done, so we can tick that off of the to-do list, and hopefully some of the results will be getting back to us soon. _

_“In the meantime, we can discuss your options when it comes to antibiotics for preventing sexually transmitted infections, and if that is something you’d like to have, I’ll gladly get it for you while you’re here.”_

_Alec’s eyes widened. He hadn’t even considered that until now. _

_What if the guy had an STD or some other form of communicable disease? There was no telling how many partners Victor may have had over the years. _

_Or how many victims..._

_Alec’s head was swimming and there was a persistent buzzing in his ears. All he wanted to do was mentally check out so that he wouldn’t have to think about this anymore._

_“...Alec, sweetie? Are you still with me?”_

_Alec blinked, then ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Y-yeah. Sorry.”_

_“It’s okay. I know this is a lot to process. Would you like to take a break?”_

Yes_..._

_“...No?”_

_Cat could hear the hesitation in his voice. _

_“Are you sure? We’re not in any rush here...”_

_“If I don’t do this now, then I won’t end up doing it at all,” Alec replied honestly. “So I’d rather just get it over with.”_

_“Alright. If that’s what you want, then we can get started whenever you’re ready.”_

_Alec forced himself to look up at the woman who was about to become more acquainted with his body than he was himself._

_“What do I have to do?”_

_“First and foremost, I need you to consent to this exam if you want to proceed. The higherups do love to dot their ‘i’s and cross their ‘t’s...”_

_Alec sniffed and wiped at his face again, catching a few more errant tears. “And I can end this whenever I want?”_

_“Absolutely.” Cat held up three fingers together, mimicking the official girl scout salute. “Scout’s honor.”_

_The eldest Lightwood swallowed painfully, then forced himself to nod._

_“I need you to say it out loud, kiddo,” Catarina pressed gently._

_“Fine,” Alec ground out, resolutely. “I consent.”_

***

_Once Jace, Izzy and Anne made it back out into the hall and closed the bathroom door, Jace felt a wave of dizziness overcome him._

_He swayed heavily on his feet and flung out his left hand to ground himself against the wall, blinking heavily to clear his vision._

_“Easy now, tough guy,” Anne coached, making sure he wasn’t going to collapse before she stepped away to grab the nearest cot. “Don’t go anywhere.”_

_She needn’t have worried though. Izzy was right behind him, one arm wrapped protectively around Jace's waist, careful to avoid the wound on his side._

_“You’re such an idiot,” she chastised, though there was clearly affection in her tone. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”_

_“’m okay,” he replied, summoning the strength to right himself, leaving a bloody handprint on the wall in the process._

_“Clearly,” Izzy scoffed, keeping a tight grip on Jace’s bicep until Anne returned, rolling a cot along in front of her._

_“Alright, sit down before you fall down, and let me have a look.”_

_The two women helped Jace perch on the edge of the bed, then Izzy backed off just far enough to not be in Anne’s way._

_The nurse grabbed some gloves from a dispenser on the wall and tugged them on before reaching for the hem of Jace’s shirt._

_This time, he didn’t stop her as she lifted it high enough to see the four-inch long slice across his abdomen._

_She clucked her tongue at Jace in disapproval._

_“Dare I ask how you managed this?”_

_“Those assholes that I mentioned earlier...? They fight dirty.”_

_“Mhm... Blade or beer bottle?”_

_Jace flinched as she pressed above and below the wound, checking for depth and for any internal damage._

_“Blade,” he grumbled._

_“Thought so. You’re gonna need a few stitches to keep that closed, and a tetanus shot to boot.”_

_Jace groaned. “Fine. Whatever. Just make it fast. I want to be ready to leave whenever Alec is.”_

_“Oh, hunny... We’ve got plenty of time. Those exams can last up to five hours.”_

_Jace balked at her. “Five hours?! Seriously?!”_

_“There’s a lot of detail to go over, so most of it is just talking. Then there’s the actual physical exam and collection of evidence. Speaking of, did either of you witness what happened to that poor boy?”_

_“Just the very end,” Jace muttered, his hands clenching into fists at the memory._

_Anne nodded in understanding._

_“The doc might need to speak with you too then. Especially if your brother is having any trouble recounting the events.”_

_“We’ll help however we can,” Izzy assured._

_“Yeah, whatever he needs,” Jace agreed._

_“I don’t doubt it, sugar.” _

_Anne grudgingly had to admit that these kids were starting to grow on her. The blond clearly meant well, even if he initially came across as being an abrasive fool. _

_His love and worry for his brother were undeniable. _

_She patted him on the shoulder in a motherly fashion._

_“First thing you can do to help is lie back so we can see what we’re doing here.”_

_She guided him down to the thin mattress with her hands beneath his shoulder blades._

_He grunted as the pain flared through his torso during the repositioning and his hand shot to his side again._

_Izzy quickly pulled his hand away. “Stop touching it! You’ll just get it infected.”_

_Anne chuckled at the incredulous look Jace shot at his sister. _

_“Knew she was the sensible one. Now stay put while I go find you a doctor.”_

***

_Back inside the room, Alec was attempting to fortify himself for the process that awaited him._

_Not so long ago, he had been laying in the waiting room, adamantly against the very thing to which he had just agreed. _

_How on earth had this woman convinced him to change his mind so quickly?_

_Cat watched Alec’s face carefully for any signs of a panic attack. She had worked as a SAFE doctor long enough to know that everyone reacted differently at this stage._

_It was an important distinction for those who had been sexually assaulted to say the words “I consent” before the exam could progress. But sometimes, hearing that phrase spoken out loud could just as easily be a trigger._

_The boy looked incredibly nervous at the prospect of undergoing the rape kit, but his mind was still in the here and now, as evidenced by his determined eye contact._

_Cat nodded in approval._

_“Okay, Alec. We’ll take this nice and slow, and I will explain every step of the examination before proceeding. Sound fair?”_

_Alec went to nod again before remembering that she had asked for verbal responses. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s fair.”_

_“Excellent. Now typically, we’d start with the questionnaire. I’d have you go over your family medical history, any allergies, conditions, et cetera. Then spend some time recapping as much detail as you can remember from tonight’s events so I know what to look for during the exam, and where to look for it._

_“But if you’d prefer to get out of those clothes sooner rather than later, we can take care of that process first and go through the questions once we’ve got you into something dry and a bit more comfortable.”_

_Alec looked down at his stained and chafing pants. Between those and his sweat and vomit-coated shirt, he was feeling beyond disgusting._

_Even a flimsy hospital gown would be better than what he had on now, as much as he loathed the idea of being exposed again so soon._

_He was struggling to breathe past the revolting smell, and he could only imagine how badly it was permeating the room. Bagging up his clothes would be doing everyone a favor._

_“Option two,” he conceded._

_Cat beamed at him again, and Alec felt like it was a reward for making the right decision._

_“Alright then. Would you mind if my friend, Raphael, came in to help with the collection process? Then we’d be able to bag and tag more efficiently and move things along for you.”_

_Alec shrugged. “Sure. I guess.”_

_He didn’t really want another person being privy to his current situation, but he also didn’t want the process to last longer than it absolutely needed to. _

_The sooner this was over, the sooner he could go home._

_“Thank you. If you feel uncomfortable with his presence at any time, I can always ask him to leave. Just say the word.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“I’ll go get him, and then we can begin. Just give me one second, and don’t start without me, alright?”_

_This time, Alec did nod. His throat was closing up due to nerves and he didn’t trust his voice to hold if he answered out loud._

_Catarina didn’t seem bothered or attempt to scold him for this little slip, and he felt some of his tension ease up a bit in response._

_She stood up slowly so as not to alarm him, making a show of brushing her pants off as she did so, then she headed for the door._

_Instead of leaving like Alec had expected, she simply popped her head through the small gap she created and caught sight of Anne as she was walking back down the hall with Dr. Charlie Cooper in tow._

_“Hey, Anne? Could you page Raphael for me? I’ll need his assistance with the bagging and tagging.”_

_“Sure can, hun. It’ll be just a moment.”_

_Catarina craned her neck around the door to see Jace laying on a cot of his own a few feet away. She frowned in concern._

_“Everything alright out here?”_

_“Oh, it’s fine. The blond boy managed to get himself sliced up a bit. Nothing Charlie can’t handle.”_

_“Of that, I have no doubts. Just have Raphael knock when he gets here and I’ll let him in.”_

_“You’ve got it, sugar.”_

_Cat retracted her head back into the room and closed the door again._

_Any thoughts of bolting while she was gone died instantly in Alec’s mind. He should’ve known she’d never leave him in such a fragile state._

_“Alright, Raphael will be on his way soon, and in the meantime, I’m just going to spread a cloth out on the floor to catch any evidence that might fall from your person as you disrobe, okay?”_

_Another nod, then Alec’s heart skipped a beat as she bent down and began opening the ominous kit._

_The first thing he saw was a pair of bright blue vinyl gloves, which Catarina immediately donned. He flinched when they snapped into place around her wrists._

_She let out a soft chuckle at his expression. _

_“That sound does tend to get an unfavorable response from people... But I assure you the gloves themselves are completely harmless. You’re not allergic to vinyl, are you?”_

_“No.”_

_“Great. It’s the latex kind that tends to give people trouble. While we’re on the subject, any other allergies I should be aware of?”_

_“Just penicillin. And pollen.”_

_“Oof... I can relate to that last one. Hay fever season is a bear!”_

_She reached into the kit again and set some notecards aside, then extracted a sizable drop cloth._

_She shook it out, then laid it down on the floor._

_“There we go. Whenever you’re ready, sweetie, I’m going to have you stand right in the middle of this square, facing me.”_

_Alec struggled his way onto his feet with a grimace, then shuffled forward. His soaked pants clung to his skin uncomfortably as he moved._

_“Why don’t we get your family’s medical history out of the way while we wait?” Cat suggested as she picked up Alec’s sign-in form for verification purposes._

_“Sure.”_

_“Let’s start on your mother’s side...”_

_***_

_Out in the hallway, Dr. Cooper made his way over to Jace’s cot and introduced himself while Anne prepared the necessary tools and IV._

_“Hi, I’m Doctor Cooper. Anne tells me you need some stitches, huh?”_

_“My brother can be a bit reckless,” Izzy spoke up before Jace could. “I’m Isabelle, and this is Jace.”_

_Dr. Cooper did a double-take when his gaze landed on the beautiful brunette._

_“Isabelle... That’s a lovely name. It suits you.”_

_“Why, thank you, doctor.” _

_“Please, call me Charlie.”_

_Izzy smiled broadly at the man, distracting him until Jace cleared his throat loudly._

_“Hi. Bleeding patient. Pleasure to meet you, doc.”_

_“Right... Let’s have a look, shall we?”_

_Charlie reached forward and gently tugged Jace’s shirt up to mid-chest._

_“So there’s good news, and bad news. Bad news is you’re definitely going to need some stitches. But the good news is the cut isn’t very deep, and we can do this under local anesthesia. Shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes.”_

_“Great.”_

_“Before we get started, do you have any allergies to medications?”_

_“Not that I’m aware of.”_

_“Excellent. Let’s get you numbed up then! Nurse?”_

_Anne automatically handed over a spray bottle of disinfectant._

_“Okay, Jace... I’m just going to cleanse the area a bit. This might sting a little.”_

_As he sprayed the wound and the surrounding skin, Jace hissed and bucked slightly at the burn._

_“Gah! I thought you said a _little_!” he demanded accusingly, lifting his head to watch what the doctor was doing._

_“Quit being such a baby,” Izzy retorted, interlacing her fingers with Jace’s so that he wouldn’t be tempted to touch the cut._

_“Sorry,” Charlie stated with a sympathetic wince. “The blade that cut you must not have been very clean. But we’ll get you set up with some antibiotics to prevent infection.”_

_Anne wheeled a stand over to the side of Jace’s cot and hung an IV bag from it._

_Jace scowled at it. “Wonderful...”_

_“Excuse me for a moment,” the nurse implored, then made her way to the front desk, passing along Cat’s request for the page which went out over the loudspeaker seconds later._

_When she returned, she handed Charlie a thin but long needle. At first guess, Jace would say it was one and a half to two inches in length._

_“Time for the good stuff, bud. Small pinch here, and you might feel a slight burning sensation. Possibly some pressure as well.”_

_Charlie decided to start on the top edge of the wound._

_He steadily inserted the needle just under the skin towards the middle of the slice, running parallel to the wound itself, until the needle was in to the hilt._

_Jace grimaced, but did his best to breathe through it._

_The doctor slowly pressed down on the plunger as he retracted the needle, emptying half of the syringe’s contents along Jace’s tissue during the withdrawal. _

_When he was down to the tip, he changed directions and pressed in again, going in the opposite way along the same side of the wound. _

_This time, he pulled the needle completely out, accepted the second one from Anne, and repeated the process just below the cut._

_“There you go, champ! I’m going to go wash up and prepare to do the stitches, and Anne will get your IV flowing while we wait for the anesthetic to kick in. I’ll be back in a few.”_

_“Can’t wait,” Jace snarked with a big fake smile._

_As the doctor left, Anne finished setting up the IV line, then held out a hand to Jace who looked at it blankly._

_“I’m gonna need your arm, sugar...”_

_***_

_Alec was so focused on dredging up his family history that he jolted at the soft knock that came from the other side of the door._

_“It’s alright,” Cat soothed. “That’s just Raphael.”_

_She went over to the door and let the man in._

_He seemed surprisingly young. Only two or three years older than Alec. And at least six inches shorter._

_He was dressed in soft blue scrubs, similar to the ones Anne had been wearing. But when he smiled at Alec, the boy could tell this nurse was way more personable._

_Cat escorted Raphael closer to the mat, but the man stopped just shy of Alec’s reach. “Hi, there. I’m Raphael.”_

_He held out his hand to Alec, giving him a choice to come to him or keep his distance if he so chose._

_Alec debated for a brief moment, then took the extra step forward and completed the casual greeting. “Alec,” he replied._

_“Alec, if you have any questions or concerns throughout this process, don’t hesitate to voice them, alright? You’re in good hands with Dr. Loss. She knows what she’s doing.”_

_“I paid him to say that,” Cat jested, giving Alec a conspiratorial wink._

_Alec smirked at the casual ribbing. There was no doubt that these two were professionals, but they were also clearly friends with a mutual respect for one another._

_The nervous tension in the air was quickly dissipating as Alec felt included in their comradery, rather than talked about like a lab rat in some kind of science experiment._

_“Yes, she did,” the older man confirmed. “And I'm getting richer by the day.”_

_Raphael laughed as Cat gave him a playful shove, then he stepped back and went over to the opened kit, retrieving sealable brown paper bags for clothing and a pen with which to label them._

_Catarina moved closer to Alec, ready to feed him instructions on how to proceed._

_“Okay, sweetie... Let’s get you out of those clothes.”_

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **additional content warnings**   
_Some descriptive medical writing. Nothing major, just, be warned if you don't like medical procedures._
> 
> We hope you liked this chapter and will be back with us next week for another installment!  
If you can spare the time, we'd love to hear what you think! Getting feedback is always a great reward for us! :)
> 
> Stay safe and healthy, wherever you are in the world <3
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	14. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The exam continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back with the next installment.  
For **additional warnings**, please jump to the notes at the end of this chapter. 
> 
> We hope all of you are doing ok, wherever in the world you are. These times are challenging, even more so for mothers (parents) of young children.
> 
> Sunday is Mother's Day (at least where we live).  
This is for all the moms reading our story.
> 
> _ Dear Mom  
You are  
strong  
beautiful  
loved  
valuable  
worthy  
You are  
**enough** _
> 
> Go and let your mom know she is loved! ❤ (And your dad too, while you are at it 😉)

_June 16, 2019- Continued_

_“Is this everything you were wearing earlier tonight? You didn’t go home and change at all, correct?” Cat inquired._

_“No, I... This is the same outfit. Well, I had an overshirt earlier too, but it’s back at the uh...” _The crime scene? The alleyway where I was attacked?_ “Back at the club.”_

_“I'm sure it has already been logged into evidence then. Smart of you to come straight here.”_

_Alec scuffed a sneaker against the drop cloth. “I didn’t have much of a choice.”_

_Cat didn’t have any words of comfort for that remark, so she decided it was in his best interest to simply keep things moving forward in hopes of preventing his mind from moving backward._

_“Why don’t we start with your shoes and socks? Do you need help getting them off?”_

_Alec wanted to say no, but embarrassing himself by attempting to struggle out of them on his own would be even more humiliating. He had already learned the hard way that bending was not a pleasant experience._

_He gave a slight nod, and that was all the permission Cat needed. She dropped down to a knee as Raphael came back over with a handful of sterile bags. _

_He held one out to her, then stood near Alec’s right side._

_“Feel free to use my shoulder for balance,” he offered kindly._

_“Let’s do the left foot first, okay, Alec?”_

_As Cat gently lifted Alec’s left foot to slide his sneaker off, Alec struggled to counter the shift in his weight. _

_As he listed to the right, his hand instinctively shot out, finding purchase on Raphael’s arm. The man didn’t laugh at him or give him a smug look. In fact, he hardly reacted at all._

_Raphael was prepared to stabilize or catch Alec if the need presented itself, but as long as Alec wasn’t in any danger, he didn’t initiate any further contact._

_It was only a matter of seconds before Cat had his shoe and sock off, each article preserved in its own paper bag. _

_She lowered his bare foot back to the tarp and he fought the instinct to curl his toes when his heated skin touched the cold plastic tarp._

_“One down, one to go.”_

_She repeated the process on the opposite side, then stood back up, all four bags in hand. She passed them off to Raphael for labeling._

_“Thank you, Raph,” she stated as he traded her freshly filled bags for another empty one. Then she turned back to Alec. “Let’s take care of that shirt next.”_

_This time, Alec handled the removal on his own, albeit painfully. _

_As per Cat’s instructions, he crossed his arms in front of himself, took hold of the hem on both sides, then lifted it up his bruised back and eased it over his head, turning the shirt inside out in the process to preserve as much evidence as possible._

_The move left his tousled hair even more disheveled than before and took years off his appearance. _

_Cat was suddenly struck by how young this boy actually was, and it broke her heart that his childlike innocence had been so violently taken from him._

_Alec obediently dropped his shirt in the bag she held open for him, and felt a sense of relief watching her seal it shut._

_In all honestly, he wasn’t particularly upset to see it go, and neither was his nose._

_It may have been a rarity for him to walk around shirtless due to his conservative nature, but it wasn’t entirely unheard of. Especially during the dog days of summer._

_In fact, he had some rather fond memories of sitting with Jace out on their balcony in nothing but boxers when their air-conditioning unit broke down in the middle of August the previous year._

_The apartment had heated up like an oven from Hell, so they moved outside where there was a slight breeze, drank iced tea (or in Jace’s case, beer), and chatted about their day while listening to the new demo CDs Jace had brought home from work._

_Of course, being shirtless in front of his brother was very different than being shirtless in front of two total strangers, but still... _

_Given the circumstances, he knew the worst was yet to come, which made surrendering the shirt a bit less daunting._

_“Now the belt,” Cat encouraged._

_Alec pulled the accessory loose from his jeans and handed it over willingly. From what he had surmised, it hadn’t exactly done much to protect him in the first place._

_It was pretty clear what needed to come off next, so Cat didn’t bother prompting him again. She just held out the next empty bag._

_“Whenever you’re ready, Alec,” she promised earnestly, not an ounce of impatience in her tone._

_Alec hesitated, but only for a moment. Of the whole ensemble, his jeans carried the most stains and were the most uncomfortable._

_He let out a steadying breath, then his face twisted in disgust as he eased the plastered-on pants down past his bruised and scraped hips, fighting with the tight fabric as he peeled it away from his sensitive skin._

_Once his arms were fully extended down by his sides, he had no choice but to bend forward in order to continue. _

_Fortifying himself, he tried to be quick about it and let out a yelp as pain shot up his spine again._

_It was so intense, it made his knees buckle._

_Had two sets of hands not latched onto him to keep him upright, he would’ve hit the floor._

_“Breathe, Alec. Nice and steady,” Cat instructed. “Don’t push yourself if it hurts.”_

_The black spots behind Alec’s eyes finally dissipated after a substantial amount of blinking and he carefully rose back up to a standing position with a soft whine of discontent._

_“Do I have your permission to finish removing your jeans?” Catarina checked, watching Alec’s face for any signs of panic. All she saw in them was pain._

_“Y-yeah,” he forced out between measured breaths. He wasn’t foolish enough to try and do it himself again._

_She made quick work of it while Raphael took on the majority of his weight. _

_Although this would’ve been much easier had he been standing directly behind Alec, he was careful to stay on the boy’s right side, never out of his view._

_Cat carefully rolled the jeans up, bagged them, then sealed it before looking up at Alec sympathetically._

_“It sounds like you’ve got some significant injuries, sweetie. Do you want me to take a look and address them now?”_

_Alec adamantly shook his head, ignoring the fact that doing so made him dizzy._

_“No. No, I’m okay. It’s not that bad. Just... Just give me a second.”_

_“Take all the time you need.”_

_Down to one final piece of clothing, Alec could feel his panic starting to grow again. He wasn’t ready for this._

_While his boxers were also very stained and still moist, they were at least loose enough to not be too restricting, and they were all he had left for protection._

_The thought of being completely exposed, and then having to cross the hall to return to the exam room wearing nothing more than an open-backed hospital gown, was downright terrifying._

_Cat could read the dawning fear in his eyes. It was inevitable with every patient who had to go through this process._

_She watched in sympathy as Alec shivered and drew his arms around himself when the air-conditioning kicked back on. The poor boy was covered in goosebumps._

_She wished she could offer him scrub bottoms until he was ready for the exam itself, but unfortunately, she couldn’t risk that DNA evidence would be lost in the switch._

_All she could offer him was time._

_When Alec shied away from Raphael’s support, the shorter man respectfully drew back and gave him more space, though he stayed within reach in case Alec got dizzy again or passed out from the nerves._

_The boy stood there, trembling, with his arms crossed in front of his torso for the meager protection it provided._

_He looked so lost and scared that Cat wanted to pull him into a hug, but she knew better than to initiate any unwanted contact._

_Remaining objective was the hardest part of her job._

_“You’re doing really well, Alec. Just stay with me, okay?” she encouraged as his eyes started to glaze over and get that far away look in them that many victims shared._

_No. Not victims. Survivors._

_“You’ve got this, sweetie,” Cat stated so confidently, that she earned Alec’s attention back. Heat rose in his face, staining the tops of his cheeks a rosy pink._

_“I umm... I can’t do it. On my own, I mean,” he admitted, painstakingly. “I just, I can’t get them... I can’t lean down. Do you think you could...?” He blew out a frustrated breath at his own incompetence. “I need your help.”_

_Cat gave him another warm smile._

_“Of course I can help. In fact, I have an idea... How about Raphael helps you put on the hospital gown first, and I’ll help you slip your boxers off from underneath it? Sound good?”_

_Alec nodded numbly and Cat could tell he was still slipping away from her, mentally retreating from the situation so he wouldn’t have to face it. _

_She had to get him back or risk doing more permanent damage to his psyche._

_“A nod won’t cut it for this one, kiddo. I need to hear you say that you’re on board.”_

_Alec swallowed down his doubts, then looked Cat square in the eyes._

_“I’m on board.” _

_“Atta boy,” Catarina praised. “Now before we go any further, how do you feel about me taking some quick photos first?”_

_Alec took longer to answer this time, massaging the back of his neck anxiously as he considered her request. Then he let out a long sigh. In for a penny, in for a pound._

_“Okay.”_

_Cat beamed at him again, then retrieved the camera and began documenting the injuries she could see. She snapped a few full-bodied pictures from a distance, then moved in to get the close-ups of his front._

_Starting from the top and working her way down, she took photos of his head injury, his bruised and abraded cheek from what may have been a slap or a punch from a ringed hand, his split and swollen lips, the cuts along the roof of his mouth, the bruises and scratches around his throat that indicated brutal strangulation, a small nick on the side of his neck that was most likely made from a blade, a hand-shaped bruise around his right wrist, and impact bruising on both knees._

_For the most part, they were all rather standard injuries in these types of cases. Even the strangulation wasn’t unheard of. But when she circled around behind Alec, the sight of the welts and lacerations on his back tested her professionalism._

_She took a brief moment to collect herself, took as many close-ups as she could stomach, then stepped back and finished with a few wide shots, mentally noting the blood stains on the seat of his boxers. _

_Every single photo that she had taken made it that much harder for Cat to stay objective. This boy had a very long road to recovery ahead of him, both mentally and physically. But she would do her best to help where she could._

_“There is one more thing I’d like to do before you put the gown on. It’s called ‘debris collection’, which includes any loose hairs, soil, glass, tar, and things of that nature that might still be on your person. We’ll bag up what we can, then get you more comfortable. Is that alright with you?”_

_Alec didn’t like being exposed any longer than necessary, but if he got the collection out of the way now, maybe he wouldn’t have to take the gown off again later._

_He nodded solemnly and was grateful when Cat let the non-verbal cue slide._

_She switched out her gloves again, then worked as quickly as she could without jeopardizing the integrity of the collection process. _

_She stood uncomfortably close to Alec and scrutinized every inch of his skin that wasn’t hidden by his boxers. But she was very careful not to touch him unless she gave him a head’s up first._

_By the end of the search, she had bagged three hairs, a soil sample from each palm, a fragment of glass from a broken bottle that she found on his lower back, and a small pebble that had been embedded in his left knee._

_“That’s it for now, Alec. Thank you for being so patient. Raphael, if you could bring this gentleman his new cloak...?”_

_“Only the absolute finest fabric for you, sir,” Raphael joined in, shaking out the folded gown with a flourish like he was about to lay out the red carpet._

_Regardless of his light-hearted demeanor, he made sure to approach Alec slowly, holding the gown up and open so the boy simply had to lift his arms straight ahead to slide it on._

_Cat finished labeling the final sample as Raphael loosely tied the strings of the gown behind Alec._

_“Okay, kiddo. Last clothing item to bag...”_

_Raphael stayed nearby to help Alec with his balance again, but respectfully averted his eyes while Cat carefully eased the stained boxers down the boy’s legs, had him step out of them, and deposited them into the final clothing bag._

_“Alright, that’s it! Mission accomplished! How are you doing so far, sweetie?” Cat asked as she peeled off her gloves again and tossed them into the trash._

_“Ready to get the rest of this over with,” he mumbled back, his voice coming out hoarse and dry like sandpaper. _

_Alec winced at the sound, then coughed a bit to clear his sore throat._

_Cat had no doubts that the boy was dehydrated and in desperate need of a drink, regardless of his earlier dismissal. The bruising around his neck probably wasn’t doing him any favors either._

_“Why don’t we start with the first swab- just an easy one of the inside of your cheek for DNA purposes- and then you can wash your mouth out and have some water if you’d like?”_

_Raphael stood by patiently, waiting for Alec to agree, before going back to the box, putting on a fresh set of gloves, and retrieving the sample kit. _

_He could’ve had it all prepared already, but he didn’t want his actions to influence Alec’s decision or make him feel pressured in any way._

_When he returned to the edge of the drop cloth, he had two swabs- complete with matching containers- and a penlight in hand._

_Alec watched their every move warily as Cat slipped on her own fresh pair of gloves and she and Raphael easily fell into their standard setup routine._

_Cat caught Alec eyeing them intently and began to explain what they were doing._

_“These are just a few items we typically use during the oral exam. Nothing that will hurt, I assure you. _

_“I’ll start by taking a quick look in your mouth for any possible injuries, use these two floss picks on the off chance that you might’ve bitten your attacker, and then we’ll do the swabs. Alright?”_

_Alec nodded, but then found himself inadvertently clenching his teeth as Cat turned to him with the first floss pick in hand. _

_He had to force himself to relax, then tentatively opened his jaw when asked._

_The penlight clicked on and Alec was entranced by it as Catarina took a quick- but efficient- look inside his mouth for any signs of trauma, gently turning and tilting his head by his chin to get a good view from all angles._

_She didn’t react when her light illuminated the small crescent-shaped cuts on the roof of his mouth, or when she found the split on the inside of his lip when she gently rolled it down with her thumb._

_Cat did not come across these types of wounds often, but enough to recognize them for what they were; cuts from fingernails thrust into the orifice too harshly._

_Tilting the light to see as far back as possible, there was clearly bruising and swelling on the inside of Alec’s throat as well._

_Cat sighed inwardly as she mentally checked the box on the intake form for “oral sexual assault.”_

_She would have to ask more in-depth questions during the interviewing process, but until then, she would stick to documenting what she saw and taking swabs for further analysis._

_“Okay, Alec. I’m going to start with the first floss pick,” Cat warned. “Just like being at the dentist...”_

_She carefully lifted Alec’s upper lip with her thumb and began rocking the floss back and forth between his front teeth until she reached his gums. _

_Then she eased it back down and moved to the next spot until she covered all seven gaps surrounding his upper incisors and canines._

_Cat dropped the pick into a small plastic bag that Raphael held out for her, then lifted the second pick for Alec to see._

_“Doing the bottom teeth now.”_

_When she finished, she allowed Alec to close his mouth for a minute and rest his jaw while she retrieved the first two swabs and released them from their packaging._

_“Alright, open up one more time, sweetie. Here comes the first set of swabs.”_

_She twirled and rubbed the cotton tips against the inside of his cheek for eight seconds, collecting his DNA before locking the swabs safely away in their container to be processed later. _

_Then she reached her hand out to the side, never taking her eyes off of Alec, fully trusting Raphael to know what she needed._

_As expected, Raphael swapped out the used container for a fresh one without a word._

_“And the second set, a quick brush against your upper palate. Just tilt your head back a bit and look up at the light for me...”_

_Alec squinted as he did so and felt his bruised throat close slightly as the swabs started along his soft palate, just in front of his uvula, and moved forward in a side-to-side sweeping motion._

“Now suck.”

_Alec jerked back as the words reverberated in his head, clear as day. Where had _that _come from?_

_Cat pulled away and watched him intently. “Are you alright? That didn’t hurt, did it?”_

_“I... No. No, it’s fine. Just... tickled I guess.”_

_“Well, good news is we’re done with the oral exam!” Cat exclaimed proudly as she sealed up the second tube and handed it to Raphael. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”_

_“I guess not,” Alec admitted, begrudgingly._

_Catarina chuckled as she went to help Raphael pack up the kit._

_“Alright, we’ve done what we can from here, so let’s move you to the exam room and you can have a seat while we go through the paperwork. Sound good?”_

_Alec shifted uncomfortably on his feet as he eyed the door._

_“Are my siblings still waiting for me out there?”_

_“Not for long. I’ll have Raphael take them to the vending machines for a snack. It’s going to be a while before we complete the rest of the exam, and I’m sure they must be getting hungry.”_

_Raphael pulled off his second set of gloves and tossed them into the trash before heading for the door. “Coast will be clear in a minute,” he promised. “You did really good, Alec. Hang in there.”_

_Alec nodded his thanks, then the other man was gone._

_“What about you, sweetie?” Catarina checked, buying Raphael some time to move the Lightwoods to a different location. “Have you eaten at all?”_

_“I had dinner before going to the club.”_

_“And how long ago was that? Six, seven hours?”_

_Alec shook his head. “I don’t know. But I'm not hungry.”_

_Cat had no doubt nerves were wreaking havoc on the poor boy’s stomach._

_“Okay. How about that cup of water then? You really should stay hydrated.” Before Alec could deny her again, she added, “You can get it yourself if you’d like. Cups and sink are right over there.”_

_Even then, Alec hesitated. He couldn’t deny he was thirsty though._

_After a minute or two, he surrendered to his needs and made his way over to the sink. He poured himself a small cup, sniffed it suspiciously, then took a sip and swirled it around in his mouth._

_As he was swishing the water between his cheeks, getting rid of the vomit taste and cottony feel of the swabs, Cat appeared next to him with another empty specimen jar._

_He froze, blinking down at it in stupefaction. _

_She didn't expect him to need to go to the bathroom again already, did she? He hadn’t even swallowed the water yet let alone processed it..._

_“Spit it in here,” Cat supplied, and although it grossed him out, he did as he was told, then looked up at her through his bangs for an explanation._

_“We haven’t gone over all the details of what happened yet, but I want to make sure we’re not losing any important evidence for your case. That includes any bodily fluids that may have accumulated in or around your mouth.”_

_She glanced at the sample, looking for anything obvious or out of place, before deciding she was satisfied with it._

_“This should be sufficient enough to make the lab techs happy, so the rest of the water you can drink properly. Just take it slow.”_

_Cat tightened the lid on the container and scribbled on the label before adding it to the collection kit. _

_Alec watched her in numb fascination. _

_He had a feeling that no part of his being was going to be spared or overlooked during this process. But regurgitated water? Seriously?_

Wait, bodily fluid...?

_Alec’s eyes widened a bit as understanding dawned on him. _

_She wasn’t looking for _his _DNA in that container. She was looking for _Victor’s_._

_Alec’s stomach churned in protest._

_Using the tip of his tongue, he cautiously explored the roof of his mouth where Cat had just swabbed and felt panic rising in his chest when he found some notably swollen areas and several minor cuts along his hard palate._

_And then the memory hit him..._

As Victor’s fingers slid into his mouth, stroking possessively over Alec’s soft tongue, the boy squeezed his eyes shut, trying to distance himself from the situation.

His body tensed as the digits slowly approached the back of his throat.

The probing fingers stopped just shy of activating his gag reflex, and Victor put enough tension on the belt around his neck to prevent Alec from getting any crazy ideas.

The boy stayed perfectly still, hardly daring to breathe.

“Good,” Victor stated. “You’re learning. Now suck.”

_Cat gave Alec’s elbow a gentle squeeze for support when she caught him swaying heavily on his feet, struggling to breathe._

_“Alec? Are you still with me, sweetie?”_

_“I... Yeah. S-sorry. It’s just... It’s all jumbled in my head. I can’t remember how it all happened. Only bits and pieces.”_

_Cat eased her grip once he steadied himself and started rubbing his upper arm soothingly instead. She was pleased to find that Alec not only allowed it, but actually calmed a bit at her touch._

_“It’s okay if you don’t remember all the details right now. You’ve been through a lot tonight. We’ll go over what you _can _remember in a few minutes, and the exam will tell us everything else we need to know._

_“Until then, why don’t you drink some more water to settle your stomach, and then I’ll bring you back across the hall, okay?”_

_Alec opened his mouth to take a small sip, raising the glass to his lips, then found himself experiencing another flash of the evening..._

The man stepped in front of him and was delighted to see the renewed fear in Alec’s dazed eyes as Victor reached down and began undoing his own pants.

“There’s a good pet... Let’s put those new talents of yours to use, shall we?”

The man pulled himself free of his confines and ran his palm along his growing length with a groan.

"The way I see it, I gave _you _a blowjob earlier,” Victor exhaled as he teased the head of his erection. “I think it's only fair that you return the favor now."

He stepped closer, rubbing himself against the boy’s tightly clenched lips.

“Open sesame.”

Victor wasted no time shoving himself inside, enjoying the heat and moisture that suddenly surrounded him.

_When Alec came back to his surroundings again, he felt the sudden urge to cleanse his whole esophagus, and even though he wasn’t feeling particularly thirsty anymore, he started to chug down as much water as he could manage._

_He wished it had been something more corrosive, like rubbing alcohol. Or gasoline. He now felt dirty inside _and _out. And he feared at this rate, he’d _never _feel clean again._

_“Slow down, champ,” Cat admonished. “You don’t want to make yourself sick.”_

_Alec whole-heartedly disagreed with that statement. _

_If any “fluid” of Victor’s had made it into his stomach, he wanted it out. Pronto._

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional warnings:**   
_more medical writing, description of non-consensual oral sexual activities, flashbacks._
> 
> We hope you enjoyed this chapter. Magnus will be back soon!  
As always, if you can spare the time, please let us know what you think.
> 
> Thank you all for your support!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	15. Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec struggles with his trust issues while Cat and Magnus tend to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place entirely in the present, picking up where we left off at Magnus' apartment after Alec's car crash Thanksgiving night.

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night 

“Alec, can you tell me what happened tonight?” Cat pressed when the boy remained stubbornly silent. 

“Why?” he snapped. “So you can give my siblings more pills to drug me with behind my back? Think I’ll pass, thanks.” 

Cat’s eyes widened a bit as a few puzzle pieces finally fell into place. “Sweetie, I...” 

“Stop calling me that!” 

“Alec, please. The sedatives that I gave to your brother were meant to be taken at _your_ discretion only. I’d never authorize the non-consensual use of...” 

“Yeah, sure. And I bet you weren’t the one who gave Jace Dr. Spencer’s card either, were you?” he spat, sarcastically. 

If anything, she looked even more confused. “Dr. Spencer? I don’t...” 

“I hate to interrupt this little verbal sparring match,” Magnus stated imperiously, “but my arm is getting rather tired, so if we could maybe table the discussion until after the bandaging?” 

“Forget it. I don’t want her anywhere near-” Alec began, but Magnus cut him off too. 

“I understand that there’s more to this than meets the eye, but you and I had an agreement, Alexander. It’s either Cat, or the hospital. Take your pick.” 

“But I...!” Magnus silenced him with a look, and Alec slumped further down the wall in dejection. “...Fine.” 

“Thank you. Catarina, if you please...” 

Magnus traded off with the doctor who took over with the towel, then he stood. 

“I’ll step out and give you two some privacy.” 

“W-wait... You’re leaving?” Alec asked, his nerves overcoming his anger once more as Cat gently peeled the towel away to inspect the wound in his side. 

The man paused, towering over Alec and appearing larger than life, though Alec suspected it had more to do with Magnus’ personality than his actual height. 

“I was just going to call my contact at the police precinct to have him dredge your car from the river, but I suppose that can wait a bit longer if you’d rather I stay...?” 

“The p-precinct?” Alec squeaked. “You can’t!” he blurted out. 

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. “And why not? Are you a wanted fugitive, Alexander? I must confess, I do love a tall, dark, handsome man of mystery.” 

“I... Gah!” Alec’s hand shot out and latched onto Magnus’ pant leg when Cat prodded at his wound. “It’s a l-long story, okay? Just, please... T-trust me on this.” 

“Alright.” Magnus sobered quickly and knelt back down beside Alec, taking his hand into his own for support. “All joking aside, I have another friend who owns a tow truck company... Would you prefer I try him instead?” 

“No need. I uh... I actually have a connection of my own,” Alec reluctantly admitted. 

“Do you now?” Magnus sounded intrigued by the notion. 

This wasn’t exactly how Alec had planned to rekindle his relationship with Luke after all this time, but fate had a funny way of interfering with his life lately, and Luke was the only cop he knew he could trust. At least, he _hoped_ he still could. 

“You’re not the only one with friends in high places,” Alec muttered, then hissed as Cat began peeling his soaked t-shirt away from the ragged cut. 

“So it seems!” Magnus acquiesced, determined to keep the boy distracted. “Though to be fair, I’d say most of my acquaintances are on the lower end of the spectrum. Works well for me though, because the majority of them owe me favors.” 

“That’s... useful.” 

Magnus smirked. “Perks of the trade, I suppose.” 

“Right. Bounty hunter, was it?” Alec scoffed absently, more focused on the doctor. 

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, pretty boy,” came the retort. 

Alec snorted. “You really expect me to believe that crap?” 

“I wish he were kidding, but he’s actually not,” Cat chimed in as she searched through her bag of medical equipment, setting out the necessary supplies. 

Alec blinked stupidly at the man, completely taken aback. 

“Seriously? Isn’t that kind of a dangerous gig?” 

“How do you think I met Catarina?” 

Magnus chuckled, and the sound warmed Alec more than any blanket ever could. 

“Perp took a swipe at me with a broken beer bottle, then had his friends tag in. Turned into a bit of a barroom brawl. And twenty stitches later, Cat and I became best friends.” 

“If memory serves, Magnus, it was twenty-_eight_ stitches. Plus a concussion, two broken ribs, and a sprained wrist.” 

“Oh, I’m well-aware, darling. I was just trying not to brag.” 

“Since when?” Cat ribbed back as she finished inspecting the wound, then looked up at Alec. “Looks like you’re going to need a few stitches of your own, kiddo.” 

The boy inadvertently clung to Magnus’s hand even tighter, his body starting to shake again from the stress of it all. 

“Stitches? C-can’t you just, I dunno... g-glue it or something?” 

Cat remembered Alec’s aversion to needles all too well. She gave his knee a gentle squeeze. “It’ll be quick, I promise. But first, let’s get you off the floor and over to the couch where you’ll be more comfortable.” 

Cat and Magnus each took a side and prepared to lift Alec to his feet, but as Cat began to pull on his left arm, the muscles in his recently reset shoulder throbbed in protest, the joint threatening to pop back out of the socket again if tested. 

“Wait wait wait!” he yelled, and to his relief, she stopped immediately. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Shoulder,” he grunted, grimacing as she carefully lowered his arm back down to his side. “Think it was dislocated when my car flipped down the embankment. ‘s already back in place, but it still hurts like hell.” 

Cat winced. “I’m sure it does.” 

She strategically palpated the muscle around the joint, making sure that it was, in fact, back where it belonged and that none of the bones was broken. 

“We’ll test your range of motion after we take care of that cut. Anything else pressing that I should know about?” 

Alec hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. 

Cat also remembered that he hadn’t been particularly forthcoming when it came to listing his injuries when pressed. She would have to keep a close eye on him and do a thorough exam to know for certain. 

“Let’s try this a different way then.” 

She slid in closer and wrapped her arm around Alec’s back instead of putting any undue strain on his bad shoulder. 

Then she snagged a finger in the belt loop of his jeans to get a more secure grip, and with Magnus still waiting patiently on the other side, they eased Alec to his feet and helped him over to the couch. 

As they made their way across the room, Cat noticed that he seemed to be favoring his left hip as he walked. She’d have to be particularly careful while performing _that_ part of the exam, given his history... 

Once they reached their destination, Alec glanced at the couch longingly, desperate to sit back down but unwilling to do so while soaked with river water and mud. 

He wouldn’t even do that on his _own_ couch, let alone someone else’s. 

“Alright, Alec... Let’s get you warmed up, shall we? Starting with some dry clothes.” 

Alec had allowed their support in crossing the room, but he drew the line when it came to stripping him. Especially when he remembered the bandage that was still wrapped around his left wrist. 

He was afraid that if Cat realized what he had done to himself, she would stop humoring his wishes, drag him to the hospital and put him under a suicide watch. 

Wouldn’t _that_ just be the icing on the cake... 

“I can take it from here,” he asserted, essentially dismissing them. 

“Not with that shoulder, you can’t,” the doctor stated, instantly dousing his hopes. 

He watched warily as she retrieved her toolkit from the floor and started digging through it. 

“For now, you should keep your arm as still as possible,” Cat continued. “Plus, the bleeding in your side has mostly stopped for the moment, and I don’t want you stretching your abdomen in any way that might aggravate it.” 

Alec didn’t understand how he was supposed to disrobe without moving his left arm. Maybe he could just stay dressed and she’d... 

“Aha! Here they are.” 

Cat held up a pair of sheers in triumph as she returned to his side and Alec automatically took a nervous step back, colliding squarely with Magnus’s firm chest. 

He had completely failed to notice that the man was still behind him. 

Magnus caught him low on the hips in surprise, attempting to steady him, and Alec froze at the contact, hardly daring to breathe. 

This was it... The moment when Alec’s unfounded trust was going to be proven misguided. The moment when Alec would have to come to terms with the fact that the whole world was against him, and that people would always let him down. 

He fully expected Magnus to take advantage of the situation, but much to his confoundment, the attempt never occurred. 

Instead, feeling the tension that shot through the boy’s body like electricity, Magnus quickly released his grip and stepped around him, frowning in concern when he saw how deathly pale Alec had become. 

“Are you alright, Alexander?” he questioned softly, wanting to reach out to him but afraid of making his panicked state worse. Instead, he searched the boy’s glazed eyes for his answers. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

Alec blinked at him in confusion, then slowly shook his head, mouthing wordlessly. 

What had just happened? He felt shell-shocked as he swayed on his feet, feeling lightheaded as his heart pounded wildly in his chest. Why couldn’t he breathe? 

“Magnus...” Cat hedged, stepping closer in case she needed to intervene. “Maybe you should wait in the kitchen.” 

Magnus looked over at her and they shared a silent conversation. 

He knew that she mainly worked with trauma patients at the hospital, and it was quite clear that Alec had spent some time in her care before. 

Magnus himself had volunteered many free lessons at his gym, training young kids who were victims of abuse, most of whom had nowhere else to go. 

"Bane’s Domain” was a refuge for the lost souls of Brooklyn, and more of them seemed to turn up every week, continuously adding to his ever-growing flock. 

He knew the signs and broad range of abuse all too well, and judging from Alec’s reaction to touch, the boy was clearly a victim. How had he not seen it before? 

Magnus had thought the attractive stranger was simply uncomfortable with his persistent flirting; That perhaps Alec wasn’t quite decided yet on his sexuality. 

To be perfectly honest, Magnus had enjoyed making the kid squirm with his relentless teasing. But perhaps he had taken it too far. 

He was usually an excellent judge when it came to guessing people’s orientations, and he thought it had been rather obvious from the boy’s blatant staring and flustered blushing that Alec had an affinity towards men, albeit little to no experience in that area. But obviously, Magnus had completely misread the situation. 

Seeing the evening’s events in a whole new light, he realized that maybe Alec wasn’t just shy after all. Maybe he was afraid of men. 

Cat was right. It was probably best he took his leave. 

“Of course. I’ll just... I’ll go make us some tea.” 

Alec’s brain was moving a mile a minute. He was struggling to make sense of it all, but kept circling back to the same damned questions... 

Why on earth had he been so sure that Magnus would hurt him? Had he truly become so cynical that he expected the worst from every person he came across? 

This man may still be a complete stranger to Alec, but he sure as hell wasn’t Victor. 

Magnus could have taken advantage of Alec’s vulnerability at any point that evening, but instead, he was doing everything he could to help. And this was how Alec repaid his kindness? By making him feel unwanted in his own house? 

Alec chided himself on his unexpected bout of paranoia, but to be fair, it wasn’t exactly unfounded. 

Everyone in his life had abandoned or disappointed him over the course of the last few months, so there was really no reason for him to believe this total stranger wouldn’t do the same. 

But he had to trust _someone_. There was no way he’d make it through the darkest of his days alone. And at this point, he trusted Magnus more than he trusted Cat. 

Something about him just made Alec feel... safe. And maybe, just maybe, the man would be willing to help keep his cutting a secret. 

He reached out and caught Magnus’s shoulder just as he was passing by. 

“Hang on...” Alec requested, then hesitated. 

He hadn’t exactly thought this through yet. He was acting on pure instinct, but now the reality of the situation was hitting him hard. Was he really prepared to let this man see him at his most vulnerable? 

He glanced over at Cat again who was waiting expectantly for Alec to make his decision, sheers still held at the ready. And all Alec could think was _‘not her...’_

“Could... Could _you_ do it?” he asked Magnus meekly. 

Magnus’s eyes widened in surprise and he turned to Cat for advice. She seemed equally thrown by the request but recovered much faster than he did. 

“Are... Are you sure, Alec?” the doctor pressed, wanting to confirm that the boy was truly thinking clearly before he made any important decisions. 

Alec swallowed dryly. There was no going back now. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure.” 

“...Alright,” she conceded. 

She could understand his reluctance at being exposed in front of her again. The exam she had given him previously had been far from pleasant, not to mention mortifyingly invasive. 

But asking for a male’s assistance after everything he went through... It showed a lot of strength and courage on Alec’s behalf, and she had to respect him for that. 

And if the boy was willing to take that first step with Magnus, then he couldn’t have chosen a worthier candidate. There was no one in the world she trusted more. 

She handed the sheers over to her flabbergasted friend. 

“I guess _I’ll_ be the one making that tea then. Just give a shout if you need me!” 

And with that, she was gone, leaving an awkward tension in the air between the two men. 

Alec shivered again in the sudden void, and that seemed to push Magnus back into motion. He set the sheers down on the arm of the couch and approached the boy. 

“I suppose we should get started then?” he hedged tentatively. 

Alec didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded. 

The easy-going atmosphere they had shared earlier was gone, and Alec lamented its loss. He had to strain against his instincts to bolt when Magnus slowly reached up and began divesting Alec of his overshirt. 

He slid the fabric off of the boy’s stiff shoulders and down his biceps as carefully as possible, then let gravity take it to the floor with a juicy splat. 

As Alec had predicted, the man’s concerned eyes immediately locked onto the bandage around his wrist the second it was revealed. Alec held his breath as he waited for Magnus’s reaction. 

“_That_ certainly wasn’t from the accident... Unless you happened to find time for bandaging whilst trying not to drown?” 

He looked up at Alec for an explanation, but the boy didn’t say a word. He didn’t want to start things off with a blatant lie. Trust was a two-way street after all. 

Alec tensed as Magnus gently took hold of his hand and raised the limb towards himself, using his other hand on Alec’s bicep to guide him into bending his arm at the elbow, determined to avoid jostling his bad shoulder. 

Once he was sure Alec wasn’t going to fight him on the matter, Magnus slid his stabilizing hand down the boy’s forearm and slowly peeled the soaked bandage away to reveal the raw but clearly intentional cut beneath it. 

The man looked downright crestfallen as he connected the dots on his own. 

“Alexander...” he began quietly. 

“It was a mistake,” Alec muttered, just as softly. “Please don’t tell her,” he implored. 

The man considered him for a moment. 

“There’s no shame in asking for help,” he stated simply, his thumb caressing along the pulse point just shy of the two older scars he spotted further down. “We all have scars. You don’t have to hide them.” 

The boy’s skin was so soft and delicate beneath his touch, but still icy cold. Alec shivered again. 

As much as he didn’t want to let him go, Magnus refocused on his previous mission and released Alec’s hand in favor of picking the sheers back up. 

“Let’s make this quick, shall we?” 

Alec’s jaw was trembling now, and his breaths were coming at a faster pace, but he stood resolute, fists clenched at his sides. 

Magnus brushed his free hand down Alec’s right arm, trying to sooth him by reestablishing physical contact. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he declared as he moved forward into the boy’s personal space. Alec nodded again stiffly, then waited to see if the man kept his word. 

Cat had already separated the cloth from the wound earlier, so Magnus easily lifted the hem of the shirt away from Alec’s sensitive skin and began to slice through it, slowly progressing upwards until he neared the collar. 

Alec was steadily leaning back and away the higher Magnus went, trying to avoid having the blade near his throat. 

Once had been more than enough for that particular experience, thank you very much. He still had the small white scar on his neck to act as a daily reminder. 

Magnus paused around the center of the boy’s breastbone when he realized what Alec was doing. “Close your eyes,” he instructed. 

Alec’s questioning gaze rose from the threatening sheers to the man’s sincere expression. “...Why?” he croaked out. 

“It’ll be easier on you, I promise.” 

_In for a penny, in for a pound, right? Boy did this whole situation feel familiar..._

Alec sucked his bottom lip into his mouth nervously, then did as he was told. 

Magnus was able to progress without further incident, and Alec only opened his eyes again when he heard the final “snick” close to his ear and felt the cloth part. 

He let out the shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding as Magnus put the sheers down again in triumph. “Voila!” 

When Magnus turned back to the boy to take in his handywork, he felt his jaw drop. Alec was incredibly fit. There was no denying that. 

But what had really caught his attention were the deep bruises that were already forming across his torso, most likely made by the seatbelt. 

He reached out with shaking hands to peel the wet shirt off of Alec’s shoulders, taking in every inch of newly revealed flesh as he went. 

He also found extensive bruising on Alec’s left side, particularly on his shoulder and upper hipbone, peeking out just above his waistline; parting gifts from repeated impacts with the side of the vehicle as it barrel-rolled down the embankment. 

Magnus slowly circled around behind Alec and eased the ruined cloth down his muscular arms and off his thin wrists, revealing the entire portrait of blacks and blues, along with an assortment of laceration scars. 

They didn’t look fresh per se, but they weren’t from childhood either. 

If Magnus had to guess, he’d say they were made within the year. Maybe even as recently as a few months. And they were clearly whip marks, likely a belt buckle. 

The scars would continue to fade with time, but they would never fully disappear. The boy would carry them with him for the rest of his life. 

Magnus hadn’t seen _that_ level of abuse in over a decade. No wonder Alec was still so traumatized... 

The older man couldn’t help but reach out again and run his fingers lightly over the zigzag scars on Alec's lower back. 

The boy tensed immediately and jerked away, twisting around to face Magnus directly. 

“W-what are you doing?” he demanded, holding his left elbow close to his body with his right hand, forming a sling of sorts for his shoulder while also effectively providing himself some cover at the same time. 

Magnus held up his hands in apology. 

“I’m sorry, Alexander. I didn’t mean to overstep. I just wasn’t expecting... I’m sorry,” he repeated sincerely, though the second one wasn’t meant for his _own_ transgressions, but for what Alec had had to endure. 

The boy flushed all the way down to his chest and looked away. The poor thing probably felt like a zoo animal out on display. 

Magnus pulled himself together and retrieved the towel he had given Alec earlier, wrapping it around the boy’s coiled shoulders to give him a modicum of privacy. 

“Thanks,” Alec practically whispered as he hid behind the cloth. “I uh... I can manage the rest on my own.” 

Magnus couldn’t imagine how the boy was going to struggle out of his wet jeans without causing himself further injury, but it wasn’t his place to push. 

“Of course,” he replied supportively, backing away to give Alec the space he clearly needed. “I’ll go check on Cat. See if I can rustle up some hot water bottles as well. Just give a shout when you’re ready for her, alright?” 

***** 

Cat was leaning backward against the countertop, arms crossed and waiting for Magnus when he arrived in the kitchen. 

“How’s our patient doing in there?” 

“He’s a tough kid,” Magnus sighed wearily, settling in beside her. 

“He is,” she easily agreed. “And how are _you_ doing with all this?” 

Magnus waved a hand absently. “Oh, I’m fine.” 

She cradled the far side of his face and turned it towards herself. “Magnus, it’s me. I know when you’re lying.” 

He smiled sadly at her. 

“What I _meant_ to say was I _will_ be fine. It’s just... seeing those scars on his skin... It brought back some memories I thought were long buried. Just caught me off guard, I suppose.” 

Cat nodded in understanding. “I’m so sorry, Mags. I should’ve given you a head’s up, or insisted on helping him instead.” 

“Nonsense. They’re nothing more than ghosts from the past, and that’s exactly where they belong. Alexander is the priority here. I’m happy to help wherever I can. 

“Besides, as curious as I am about what happened to that poor boy, I would never ask you to forsake your doctor/patient confidentiality oath.” 

“You might not have to,” she teased. “I saw the way he looked at you in there. He trusts you, Magnus. Be patient with him, and I’m willing to bet that someday, he’ll feel confident enough to tell you the story himself.” 

Magnus perked up a bit at that. “You think so?” 

“I _know_ so. If anyone can get through to him, it’s you. I’ve seen the proof with my own two eyes. You’ve done wonders for those kids at your gym.” 

“Every child should have a place to go where they can feel safe. I only wish I could do more for them. Mentor them, as Luke so graciously did for me.” 

Catarina wrapped her arms around her friend and drew him into a hug. 

“You do all that, and more besides. You’re too good for this world, Mags.” 

He chuckled, happily returning the embrace. “Alas, it’s a cross I must bear...” 

***** 

Back in the living room, Alec found himself alone for the first time since he had crashed his car, and his thoughts were spiraling dangerously. 

What was he _doing_ letting a stranger get that close to him again? For that matter, why the hell did he let Magnus convince him to go home with him? 

He knew nothing about this man, aside from the fact that he was somehow acquainted with Dr. Loss. And so far, all evidence seemed to point to her being involved with the whole Victor conspiracy. 

Between the unsolicited drugs and setting him up with Dr. Spencer (who was undoubtedly working for Victor), Alec had no reason to believe she was innocent in all this. 

_‘But she had been so kind during the initial exam’,_ his mind argued, always playing devil’s advocate at the most inconvenient of times. 

Had that all just been a ploy to gain his trust? To keep him close and under control until Victor saw fit to come after him again? 

Or even to make sure any evidence against him that was collected during the kit would mysteriously get lost or destroyed before the case went to trial? 

And if she and Magnus were such close friends, then surely he was involved as well. After all, Magnus had been the one to step in front of Alec’s vehicle which sent him off the road in the first place... 

When Magnus had tried to call the precinct earlier, was it to alert his contact that he had Alec within his grasp? Was that what he was doing right now in the other room, out of earshot? 

The boy could feel his panic attack returning and every inch of his body was demanding he leave now while he still had the chance. 

His rationality supplied that he wouldn’t last ten minutes out in the elements if he stayed in his soaked clothes while hitting the streets again. He eyed the dry sweatpants beside him and made his decision. 

He would change first, then escape before the others returned. 

Alec struggled to undo his jeans one-handed. It was no easy task with his fingers shaking and the fresh dose of adrenaline flooding his system. 

It also didn’t help that he had worn his form-fitting jeans to dinner (the only pair of pants he had left that weren’t too baggy on his thinning frame), and those were hard enough to get off when they were _dry_. 

He knew he didn’t have much time though, so he bit down on the inside of his cheek and forced his throbbing left arm to assist. 

It was incredibly difficult- not to mention painful- getting the limb to cooperate. 

A giddy sense of euphoria made him lightheaded when the button finally released and the zipper soon followed. 

He glanced around the room once more to make sure he was truly alone, then removed the towel from his shoulders, folded it twice to create a decently thick barrier, and placed it on the edge of the couch cushion. 

Then he took hold of both waistbands- his jeans and his boxers- and shoved them down to his knees in one fluid move. 

The effort was nearly enough to make him blackout. 

Dark spots flashed across his vision and he dropped down onto the towel to catch his breath, waiting for the room to settle again. 

He clutched at his bad shoulder as it throbbed in protest and prayed that he didn’t throw up on Magnus’s fancy floor. 

Then Alec gave himself a few seconds to prepare before leaning over his knees and using his right hand to push the plastered-on clothing down to his ankles. 

It took longer than it should have, but he was proud of himself for managing nonetheless. 

Thankfully, Magnus had already removed his socks and boots for him, so all he had to do was lift his legs a bit and kick the sodden clothing off. 

His left hip protested as he shifted it, and he flinched when he caught sight of the bruising that snaked down the side of his leg. 

He’d have to ice it once he got back to his apartment. 

The idea that Jace might be there waiting for him gave Alec pause, but regardless of the drugging situation, he still trusted his brother more than anyone who might be associated with Victor. 

Now completely naked and feeling more vulnerable than ever, he grabbed the sweatpants that Magnus had left him and eased them most of the way up his frozen legs. Only one major hurdle left to go. 

Alec cautiously stood again and pulled the pants up over his hips. It took quite a bit of maneuvering with only one good arm, and the motion upset his tentative balance. 

He threw out a hand to catch himself on the back of the couch, and as he did so, he felt a sharp pain in his left side, followed by the warm trickle of fresh blood. 

He knew before he even looked that he had reopened his wound. 

Crap. That was going to complicate things... 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, folks! What do you all think about Magnus's backstory? We dropped lots of little hints in this chapter that will return in future installments! ;)
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support, and stay safe out there. More to come next week!
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	16. Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still at Magnus' place and gets treated by Cat while we follow him through yet another memory of the night in June.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We start this chapter in the present, later on we jump back in time and get more information about what happened at the hospital in June.  
The italics indicate the flashback / past parts of the story.  
We hope it doesn't get too confusing!
> 
> See **additional warnings** at the end of the chapter

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night

Alec quickly pulled on the sky-blue sweatshirt, leaving it unzipped, then grabbed the remnants of his mangled t-shirt and pressed it against the wound, cursing under his breath as the pressure increased the pain again.

He didn’t have time to dwell on it though. He had to leave. Now.

He limped his way over to the front entrance and began the tedious task of slipping his bare feet back into his soaked boots.

***

In the kitchen, Cat retrieved the whistling kettle and was just about to pour the cups of tea when they heard Alec’s gasp of pain and muttered curse from the other room.

Magnus sighed resignedly and held up three fingers for Cat to see. “Three, two, one...” he counted down slowly.

She blinked at him in surprise when they both heard the elevator call button buzzing.

“You knew he was going to try and make a run for it?”

“The lost ones always do,” he replied sadly, then caught Cat’s arm as she went to go after Alec. “Let me handle this, okay? Just give me a few minutes alone with him.”

She hesitated, but then nodded.

“Alright. Don’t take too long though. His injuries need tending, sooner rather than later.”

“Understood.”

***

When Magnus arrived in the doorway, he found Alec frantically pummeling the elevator button.

Magnus leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms calmly.

“Contrary to common belief, hitting the button repeatedly does _not _in fact make the elevator arrive any faster.”

Alec jumped and whirled around, panic written all over his face at having been caught.

“Especially since after 9pm you need a keycard,” Magnus continued, then consulted his watch. “And it’s currently... 9:06.”

“I... I was just...”

“It’s alright, Alexander. You don’t have to explain. I’d have been more worried if you _hadn’t _tried to bolt the first chance you could.”

Alec edged closer to the elevator doors, watching Magnus warily. The man smiled comfortingly at him, maintaining his casual distance.

“Good news is your survival instincts are still intact, as is my ego, thankfully. I’d like to think you wouldn’t go home with just _any _stranger who pulled you out of a sinking car, even if he _is _wonderfully fashionable and devilishly handsome like myself.”

Magnus winked playfully at him and Alec felt some of the tension bleed from his muscles despite his best efforts to resist.

“Look, Magnus... Thank you. For everything. But I... I really should be getting home now.”

“Of course. And you’re welcome to leave whenever you’d like. In fact, here...”

Magnus stepped closer and held out the keycard that would activate the elevator. He stopped a few feet away, letting Alec come to him if he chose to do so rather than cornering him against the wall.

The boy stayed where he was, his gaze darting between the keycard and Magnus’s eyes as if he were anticipating a trap.

“Just like that?” he asked skeptically.

“Just like that,” Magnus confirmed. “You’re not being held captive here, Alexander. Catarina and I only want to help.”

“Why though?” the boy demanded. “What is it you expect to get in return?”

Magnus shook his head sadly. “I want nothing from you.”

Alec’s eyes narrowed in distrust. “You’re lying. Everyone wants _something_.”

“I assure you, the pleasure of your company is the only payment I require, and the knowledge that I did all that I could to help someone out of a bad situation.”

Alec bristled at that. “I don’t need your charity. Or your pity.”

“No. You don’t. But it _does _seem like you could use a friend. Am I wrong?”

The boy teetered precariously on his feet, blinking hard to clear his wavering vision.

“...Why should I trust you?” he ground out between clenched teeth.

“Well, to be fair, _you’re _the one who almost ran _me _over earlier,” Magnus chuckled. “For all I know, that was your intent all along. But I choose to see the good in you, Alexander. Plus, I pride myself on being an excellent judge of character.”

Alec swallowed thickly and began blinking harder, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Magnus frowned. “Alec?”

The boy threw his right hand out to balance himself against the wall as his exhaustion and pain levels finally began to overtake him.

“M-Magn’s...” he breathed out in warning, then his legs began to fold beneath his weight.

The older man was beside him in an instant, slowing his descent and guiding him gently to the floor.

“What did I say about swooning in my arms, darling?” Magnus huffed as he laid him down flat on his back, cradling Alec’s cheek with one hand whilst brushing the boy’s damp bangs away from his eyes with the other.

A frightened whine escaped Alec's throat when he tried to sit back up and realized that he couldn’t. His muscles were no longer responding.

Of course, it didn’t help that the room was still spinning around him, keeping him disoriented and increasing his panic. He couldn’t breathe... 

What was happening? His entire body felt like it was shutting down. In fact, it felt terrifyingly similar to being drugged.

Alec clenched his eyes shut against the spins and weakly flailed his right hand out for some sort of purchase to ground him.

He felt a hand latch securely around his own and he desperately squeezed back.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Just stay awake, Alexander...” the other man commanded before calling for Cat over his shoulder.

Next thing Alec knew, the doctor was hovering above him, prying his eyelids open to shine a mini penlight into his pupils.

Alec hissed as his head gave a particularly painful throb, then he twisted his face away in protest.

“Looks like you’ve got a mild concussion, kiddo. You just can’t do anything the easy way, can you?”

Alec opened his mouth to respond but only a groan came out. He was pretty sure the question had been rhetorical anyway.

“Talk to me, Alec...” Cat pressed. “What else hurts?”

When the boy only managed to blink blearily up at her in confusion, Cat set aside the penlight and began a cursory body check, starting with his head.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Just try to relax and focus on your breathing, alright?”

She examined the cut over his left temple, then ran her fingers through his tousled hair, searching for any other lumps that might have escaped her visual exam earlier.

Satisfied that she hadn’t missed any serious injuries on that front, she skipped down to his abdomen, checking for any internal bleeding.

He was understandably sensitive around the wound near his stomach, which was continuing to drip sluggishly down his side and onto the floor. But as far as she could tell by touch, there was no fluid building up in his abdomen.

Still, he was exhibiting many of the common symptoms such as dizziness, weakness, acute vision problems and shortness of breath, just for starters. 

Most importantly, he had been in a high-impact collision. Abdominal trauma was quite common under those circumstances.

She’d feel more confident with her diagnosis after running a portable ultrasound on him, but first, she needed to make sure she wasn’t missing anything else major.

Cat continued the rest of the body check by moving back up to his neck and shoulders, taking extra care with his left arm. 

Even with the gentled touch, he still flinched drastically with a pained gasp as she rotated the joint enough to confirm that it was indeed in working order.

“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry. Just hang in there a little longer for me...”

Cat continued her check down his biceps and all the way to the tips of his fingers, palpating every bone as she went in search of potential breaks. 

Finding none, she moved back up to his sternum and across each rib.

She found plenty of bruising and tenderness across the expanse of his chest, but no evidence of broken bones.

When she leaned over him and pressed down on his pelvis though, he grunted and caught the hand that was digging into his left hip; The same hip he had been favoring earlier.

Cat could clearly see the deep bruising that disappeared beneath the waistband of his borrowed sweats.

Frowning, she moved to inch the fabric down far enough to get a better look, but Alec’s grip on her wrist tightened.

“D-don’t...” he pleaded, managing to raise his head high enough to make eye contact with her, his whole body trembling again. 

Judging by the fact that he had been walking earlier with only mild discomfort, she was relatively certain there were no fractures to be found in his hips; just the bruising from the seatbelt and possibly some mild impact trauma.

Painful, sure. But not debilitating.

Which meant his opposition to her handling was more likely to be mental rather than physical.

Cat backed off immediately.

“Okay, Alec. I hear you. And just like last time, _you’re _in control, as long as you’re cognizant enough to make rational decisions. Squeeze my wrist twice if you understand.”

She felt his fingers clench twice, as prompted.

“Excellent. I’m almost done with the cursory exam now, so if it's alright with you, I'd like to finish checking your legs for injuries. It’ll only take a moment, and there’s no need to remove the sweatpants.”

The boy hesitated, then gave a short nod before dropping his head back to the floor with a dull thunk. He didn’t have the muscle strength to keep it raised any longer.

Once she had Alec’s permission, the doctor progressed down to his thighs, his knees, his shins, then removed his unlaced boots again and finished with his feet.

Again, she found tender spots along the way that made him tense up, particularly around his knees- most likely from impacting the dashboard- but nothing major to cause any alarm.

After the crash Magnus had described to her briefly in his text, the boy was incredibly lucky to have walked away at all, let alone with minimal damage.

Cat wasn’t about to look _that _particular gift horse in the mouth though. This poor kid deserved a break after everything he had endured over the past few months.

“Good news, kiddo. So far, everything checks out. There’s one more test I’d like to run though, with your permission.”

Alec rolled his head tiredly towards her to show he was listening, though clearly unenthusiastic about the word “test”.

“I just want to make sure you don’t have any internal bleeding in your abdomen. That’s always a cause for concern after a crash like yours. Palpating helps paint the basic picture for what’s going on in there, but it’s not conclusive. 

“I’d feel better if I could get a visual as well. It’s a very simple procedure, completely painless and non-invasive. Just a little gel on your stomach and an imaging scanner. Does that sound alright to you?”

Alec shuddered when she mentioned getting “a visual”, remembering all too well how poorly that had gone last time. He didn’t know why, but he found himself looking up at Magnus for his opinion.

Magnus settled into a more comfortable position beside Alec, then leaned closer to him, giving the boy’s hand a brief squeeze while resting his other hand reassuringly on Alec’s chest. 

“She’s one of the good ones, Alexander. I assure you, Cat only has your best interests at heart.”

There was a time where Alec had believed that too, but a lot had changed since then.

*****

_June 16, 2019- Continued_

_It wasn’t long before Raphael returned to give Alec and Cat the all-clear for moving._

_“Your brother is getting some minor injuries of his own tended to, and your sister is about to head to your apartment to bring you back some fresh clothes for later. We can switch rooms whenever you’re ready.”_

_At Alec’s somewhat hesitant nod, Cat escorted him back across the hallway, but much to Alec’s surprise, they entered the exam room that was adjacent to the room he had originally exited. Then she closed the door securely behind them._

_Alec stopped short upon entry and shot a nervous glance over towards the formidable examination chair, his eyes widening as they locked onto the stirrups that awaited him._

_Cat immediately picked up on his silent panic and pointed out the ‘guest’ chair in the corner instead._

_“Why don’t you have a seat over here while we go through the questions?”_

_The boy gratefully took her up on the offer, sitting down gingerly on the hard plastic, and Cat pulled up a second chair across from him while Raphael stood sentry in front of the door._

_Cat settled in, placing Alec’s chart on her lap and extracting the pen from the clip._

_“Alright, kiddo. We’ve already addressed your family history and allergies, so that ticks off a large portion of the paperwork. Just a few more basics to cover. For starters, are you currently on any medication?”_

_Alec shook his head._

_“Have you ever been severely ill or undergone any surgical procedures?”_

_Again, he shook his head._

_“Do you smoke, drink or take drugs on a regular basis?”_

_"No. I’ve never taken drugs or smoked, and I hardly ever drink.”_

_“What about earlier tonight then? Were you drinking at the club?”_

_“I had a few,” Alec admitted sheepishly. “Crowded places aren’t really my thing,” he offered in his defense, massaging the back of his neck as he blushed._

_“I understand, believe me. No judgment here, kiddo.” She consulted Izzy’s summary of events once more so Alec could help to verify the facts. “Looks like your sister believes something you drank may have been laced?”_

_“Yeah, uh... The guy, he... He bought me a drink. Some kind of fruity shot with whipped cream on it. Tasted really sweet, but had kind of a bitter aftertaste.”_

_“And what effect did this drink have on you?”_

_“At first, I thought the alcohol was just hitting harder than I anticipated. The room started to spin, the sounds were too loud, the colors too bright... _

_“It was like sensory overload, and yet, everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion. Like I was underwater. I just wanted to get out of the club so I could breathe again.”_

_“Sounds like there may have been some form of hallucinogenic in it. Possibly GHB. Is there anything else you can tell us that might help narrow it down?”_

_“No, I...” Alec’s voice drifted off, another piece of memory slowly resurfacing from the back of his mind._

“Easy now... Don’t fight it, Alec. You’re only making it harder on yourself. Just let the yin fen run its course.” 

_“...Wait.”_

_Cat paused mid-scribble on Alec’s chart, glancing back up at him in question._

_“I think he called it... yin fen?”_

_The doctor nodded solemnly in understanding._

_“That would certainly explain the short-term memory loss, as well as the hallucinogenic symptoms you experienced. And that drug has grown in popularity lately around the club scene, so it’s pretty easy to come by. Surprising you remember anything at all, to be honest._

_“Raphael, would you please call down to the labs and-”_

_“-and have them put a rush on the yin fen test? Already on it, boss,” Raphael replied, slipping back out the door._

_“Great. This is all a huge help, Alec. Just a few more questions geared towards your personal medical history, and I need you to answer them as honestly as you can, alright?”_

_Alec nodded in resignation. “Sure.”_

_“Excellent. Are you currently sexually active?”_

_The boy’s blush deepened and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “No.”_

_“So no other sexual intercourse of any kind within the past seventy-two hours?”_

_Alec shook his head. “No.”_

_Not in the past __twenty-six years__ in fact, but she didn’t need to know _everything _about him..._

_“Excellent. That means any samples we collect that don’t match your DNA should be the perps. Makes things a bit easier all around!”_

_Cat moved on to the next section of the questionnaire with the heading of “_Between the assault and the present, has the patient:_” and checked off the boxes next to “vomited” and “urinated” without having to put Alec through the added embarrassment of confirming what she already knew to be true._

_Thankfully, since he was brought straight to the hospital right after the assault, she knew he hadn’t had the chance to bathe or shower, change his clothes, brush his teeth, or eat anything before coming to her, so she left those boxes unchecked._

_She also filled out the date and approximate time of the assault, according to Izzy’s intake report._

_“Okay, Alec. The rest of the questions have to do with the assault itself. I understand that you don’t remember most of it, but I still have to ask, and if any details come back to you, they’ll really help. If not, I can mark the answer as “unsure”, alright?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Okay. First question for this section... Was there only one offender involved?”_

_Alec swallowed hard. He hadn’t even _considered _that there may have been others present. “I... I think so.”_

_“But you’re not sure?”_

_He shook his head, biting his bottom lip anxiously._

_Jace had said something about Victor having had thugs for protection. He didn’t remember seeing them, but they must have been close by from the very start. For all he knew, they could’ve been participants in the whole debacle._

_“That’s alright, sweetie. We should be able to give you some more answers after the exam and when the lab results come back. _

_“From what I’ve seen so far, there’s reason to suspect both oral and anal penetration. Does that sound accurate to you?”_

_The boy’s jaw flexed a few times before he nodded with a sniff._

_Cat checked off the affirmative box next to “_Did patient bleed as a result?_” The evidence was on the back of Alec’s boxer shorts, on its way down to the labs._

_“Any idea if the offender used a condom or some form of lubricant?”_

_Alec shook his head again, looking like he was close to tears._

_“No, you have no idea? Or no, he didn’t use either?”_

_“I don’t know,” the boy mumbled dejectedly._

_“Did he insert any foreign objects anywhere?”_

_Had Alec’s stomach not already been emptied, he was sure he would’ve thrown up at the thought alone._

_“I don’t know,” he repeated quietly. “I told you before, I only remember a few scattered pieces of the night, and most of them don’t make much sense.”_

_“Can you tell me what you _do _remember?”_

_Alec was silent for a while, then he drew in a shaky breath._

_“I remember him helping me outside cause I felt like I was gonna throw up. Then he shoved me against the brick building and started kissing me. I tried to fight him off, but he was stronger.”_

_The disappointment in himself was obvious in the way he slumped his shoulders and stared at the floor._

_“You were also under the influence of drugs and alcohol, Alec. Not to mention you were more than likely in shock at the time.”_

_Alec shrugged off her words. “Whatever the excuses, I couldn’t fight back. Not enough to make him stop. But when I tried to, he beat me for it.”_

_“Is that how you ended up with those markings on your back?”_

_“Yeah. I think... I’m pretty sure he used his belt as a whip.”_

_“And it looks like maybe he wrapped that belt around your neck at some point as well?”_

_Alec’s hand rose automatically to prod at the deep bruising that circled his throat. He nodded wearily._

_Cat gave him a moment before encouraging him to continue. “What else, Alec?”_

_“He uh... He kept touching me. Trying to get me to enjoy it too.”_

_“Where was he touching you?”_

_Alec broadly indicated his midriff and crotch regions._

_“Was he wearing gloves of any kind?”_

_“No.”_

_Cat jotted down a note reminding herself to try and collect what was referred to as “_Touch DNA_”, meaning skin cells that may have been left on Alec’s body from the assailant due to the rough handling and physical contact._

_Then she looked back up at the boy to gauge his next response. In her experience, males were typically tempted to lie for this question out of a sense of shame._

_“Do you remember if you ejaculated at any point during these events?”_

_Alec’s cheeks instantly burned bright again, but he answered as honestly as he could. “I don’t think so.”_

_“Did he ask you to reciprocate by touching him in return?”_

_Alec’s hands clenched reflexively in his lap. “No. Not that I can remember.”_

_“Okay. Keep going, sweetie. You’re doing really well.”_

_Alec brushed a stray tear from his face, then cleared his throat._

_“Next thing I remember, he had his fingers in my mouth. And then he... He made me...”_

_The boy bit back a sob, the rest of his words getting lost between one breath and the next._

_“That’s when the oral sex occurred?” Cat prompted gently, and Alec nodded, staring down at his trembling hands. “Would you like to take a break now, kiddo?”_

_Alec leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and dropped his face into his hands, pressing his palms harshly against his red eyes. _

_After a few seconds, he shook his head. “No. ‘m sorry, but that’s all I remember.”_

_“Okay. That’s alright, Alec. You’ve been a huge help already. I can fill out the rest of the form as we go through the physical exam. And unless you have any objections, we can get that started as soon as Raphael returns.”_

_Before Alec could respond, there was a knock on the door, followed by Raphael announcing himself. Cat let him back in and Alec could feel his anxiety rising again._

_Even after all this time, he still wasn’t prepared for what was coming._

_“Lab says they should know within the hour if Alec has any yin fen in his bloodstream,” Raphael informed them._

_“Perfect. We should be just about wrapped up by then! So what do you say, Alec? Ready to get this done?”_

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **additional warnings:**   
_mention and description of past sexual assault, medical writing, panic attacks._
> 
> We hope you're still enjoying our story!  
Stay safe out there and until next week.
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH


	17. DREad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of Alec's exam pushes him to the verge of breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place entirely in the past during Alec's assault exam.
> 
> See additional warnings at the end of the chapter.

_June 16, 2019- Continued _

_Alec understood that he had final say in the matter, but he still didn’t feel like he had any real choice. He needed to have the exam done; not just because his siblings demanded it, but for his own peace of mind as well. _

_“I’m ready,” he mumbled, eyeing the exam chair again warily. _

_“Excellent. How about you stay right in that seat and we’ll take care of the easy stuff first? Does that sound okay?” _

_Alec nodded gratefully. _

_“Alright. Raphael is going to get your basic vitals for me while I get everything else set up. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, just say the word and we’ll do our best to accommodate.” _

_Raphael carried Cat’s abandoned chair closer to Alec so he could sit and work instead of looming threateningly over the already nervous boy. _

_“Alright, hermano. How about we start with your blood pressure?” _

_Alec offered his upper left arm for Raphael to wrap the cuff around. The tight pinch around his bicep was never a pleasant sensation, but at least it was familiar. _

_As the cuff tightened, Raphael held the end of his stethoscope to Alec’s inner elbow, listening for arterial blood flow sounds. _

_He jotted down his notes, then removed the cuff and picked up a digital thermometer. He clipped a disposable tip over the end, then held it out to Alec. _

_“If you can just slide this under your tongue for me... Perfect. Just like that.” _

_And while the thermometer heated up to the boy’s body temperature, Raphael took hold of Alec’s inner wrist and began counting his beats per minute. _

_At the sound of the electronic signal, Raphael retrieved the thermometer, and finished marking down his stats. “Little bit of a fever there, but nothing to be too concerned about.” _

_In fact, all of Alec’s numbers were off. But that was to be expected under the circumstances. His stress levels were through the roof. _

_The boy didn’t even seem to hear his words though. He was too busy watching Cat reset the exam chair into a flat table, then line up her instruments on a rolling tray. _

_Raphael rested a hand gently on Alec’s jittery knee, feeling him jump beneath the touch before regaining his attention. “Hey, you doin’ alright so far?” _

_Alec quickly dropped his gaze in embarrassment. “Yeah. Sorry.” _

_Cat returned to the boys with the dreaded kit in her hands. _

_“Alright, sweetie. Next part of the process would be fingernail swabs and clippings to collect any evidence that may be hidden beneath them. Should only take a few minutes. Is that okay with you?” _

_“Sure.” _

_Down to one-word responses... The poor boy was definitely nervous again. Cat knew she had to get as much of the exam done as possible before Alec decided to put an end to it. _

_She held a gloved hand out to him and Alec offered up his left hand first. Cat quickly checked the skin of his knuckles and palm for any damage while Raphael lightly sprayed two fresh swabs with sterile saline to moisten them. _

_Alec’s nails were too short to clip, so the swabs would have to do. _

_More to the point, many of the nails were bloodied and jaggedly broken as if he had clawed at an abrasive surface, most likely an asphalt road if the small flecks of gravel and dirt beneath what remained of the free edges were any indicators. _

_Cat made quick work of the process and was as gentle as possible, using one swab per hand before giving them back to Raphael to dry, bag, and label. _

_Alec curled his throbbing fingers into loose fists and rested them in his lap the second Cat relinquished her grip on them. _

_“Okay, kiddo. If it’s alright with you, we’re going to continue with the non-invasive swabs and evidence collection. We’ll start with your upper body by sliding your arms out of the gown, and then we’ll shut off the overhead lights and use _this_ little toy-” _

_Cat accepted a small fluorescent lamp from Raphael and held it up for Alec to see. _

_“-to pick up on any DNA traces that may be found on your person.” _

_Alec bit his bottom lip in thought, then plucked lightly at the front of the gown. _

_“I have to take this off again?” he asked timidly. _

_“Not all the way, sweetie. We’ll leave it tied around your waist for now. And once we’re finished with your torso and put some salve on that back of yours, we’ll get you a scrub top to put on instead. Does that sound more comfortable?” _

_Alec nodded, then struggled to his feet with Cat’s help. She led him to the center of the room and assisted him with sliding the top of the gown off his shoulders to drape loosely at his waist. _

_Cat turned on the special bulb, then Raphael hit the light switch by the door. Alec blinked repeatedly as his eyes slowly adjusted to the blueish-purple glow. He gaped down at himself when his skin began to light up like a Christmas tree. _

_“What... What is that?” he asked in a shaky voice. _

_“It’s an indicator for bruising, blood, and bodily fluids,” Cat replied honestly. “Each one reacts differently under the light so we know how to process them.” _

_And Alec thought he had wanted a shower before... _

_He had to look away in order to keep his stomach under control, staring off into the far corner of the room as Cat ran the light slowly across his body. _

_Raphael brought over a box of already prepared swabs, then Cat got to work. _

_Starting with the collection of saliva stains, she lightly brushed a set of swabs around the outer edges of Alec’s mouth, another set along the left side of his neck where he appeared to have been licked and bitten, and one more across a suction mark over his left clavicle. _

_The light revealed the dark bruising across his cheek, the dried blood from his split lip, the extensive damage around his throat, as well as marks around his wrists, both from fingerholds and an abrasive restraint of some sort; likely a belt. _

_She swabbed each of these areas to be filed away in the “Touch DNA” section of the kit. “You’re doing great, Alec. I’m going to take a look at your back now...” _

_After a slight nod of assent, Cat circled around him and had to let out a steadying breath when the true depth of the whip marks was revealed by the light. _

_The bruising was extensive. No way was she going to make him lay on his back for the final part of the exam. _

_As much as she hated to put him into such a compromising position, bending over the table would be his best option, but she would discuss that with him when the time came for such measures. She mentally returned to the task at hand. _

_Since the whip marks were clearly not a result of direct contact with the offender’s skin, she continued her search and was relieved to find nothing else that required swabbing. _

_With a nod to Raphael, he went and turned the light back on and Cat set the UV wand aside. She switched out her gloves, staying behind Alec. _

_“I’m going to touch your neck and throat now, okay? Look straight ahead for me.” _

_Cat reached up and felt across the deep bruising from back to front, feeling Alec tense as her fingers wrapped their way around his tender skin from behind. _

_“Does it hurt to swallow or breathe?” she asked, prompting him to stay in the present as she checked his larynx for any fractures. _

_“A little,” he admitted hoarsely. “Mostly just when I talk though.” _

_Cat felt the vibrations in his throat as he responded, then shifted her pressure down a bit lower, triggering his reflex to swallow. _

_He flinched back a little, but she already had her answers. _

_“No serious damage done,” she reported. “The bruising should clear up in a few weeks. Drink lots of fluids until then. It’ll ease the soreness.” _

_Alec nodded his understanding. _

_“As for your back, there are areas where the impact broke the skin, but it doesn’t look like any of the wounds are deep enough to require stitches.” _

_Alec shivered at her words, trying to crane his neck to look over his shoulder in wide-eyed surprise, as if he hadn’t even considered stitches to be a possibility. _

_Cat smiled comfortingly at him. _

_“Like I said. No need, sweetie. I’m just going to apply an antibiotic cream to keep these wounds from getting infected, and also to help numb the pain a bit, alright?” _

_Alec shrugged, then nodded again. As much as he didn’t want hands all over him, especially where he couldn’t see, a bit of cream was way better than stitches. _

_Cat took the tube of antibiotic ointment from Raphael and began applying it liberally to the boy’s damaged skin. “This will feel cold at first.” _

_Alec hissed at the icy contact, shuddering as he instinctively arched away. _

_Raphael put a steadying hand on his shoulder to help him stay in place. “Easy, buddy...” _

_Cat smoothed the cream over his tender and heated skin, starting high and working her way lower. And while some places stung at first, Alec gradually felt his whole back going blissfully numb. _

_He sighed in relief and felt some of his pent-up tension bleeding out of his sore muscles once Cat finished. “Does that feel better?” she inquired. _

_“Yeah. Thanks.” _

_“Good. I’m going to put a temporary gauze patch over the worst of it so you can take it off easily to shower when you get home. But have someone reapply the cream and a fresh patch before you go to bed, alright?” _

_“Sure.” _

_Cat taped the gauze in place, then moved back in front of him to finish filling out the forms while Raphael dug a scrub shirt out from a cabinet across the room. As he helped the boy pull it on, he noticed the tremors coursing through his thin frame. _

_“Do you want to sit down for a bit, Alec?” he asked in concern, wondering if he was suffering from fatigue or increased fear at this point. “Need to take a break?” _

_Alec’s tired eyes shifted over to the exam table again before dropping quickly to the floor. “No. I just... How much longer is this gonna take?” _

_“We’re almost done, sweetie,” Cat assured him as she donned yet another fresh pair of gloves. Alec couldn’t help but wonder how many boxes the hospital went through on a daily basis. _

_Cat stepped directly in front of him with an apologetic expression on her face, and Alec knew what was coming next. He couldn’t look her in the eye when he sullenly asked, “Do I have to take the rest of the gown off now?” _

_“Not necessarily. If you prefer, you can just lift the cloth up to your stomach and hold it there for me until we’re finished.” _

_Alec’s heart was thundering in his chest and his palms were getting sweaty even though the rest of him felt chilled to the bone. _

_Up until this point, he had been able to maintain a modicum of modesty. Of _privacy_. But now... Now the full truth of what had happened to him was going to be on display, and there would be no disputing the evidence found. _

_He wasn’t ready to face that reality yet; Wasn’t ready to have someone touching him in intimate areas again. What if his body started to respond to the stimulation just as it had done under Victor’s rough hands? He’d be mortified if that happened. _

_“Alec? Talk to me, kiddo... ‘No’, what?” _

_Alec hadn’t realized he was shaking his head in denial until Cat snapped him out of his panicked trance. “Huh?” _

_“Have you decided not to continue?” she pressed gently for clarification. _

_Never in his life had he wanted to say “yes” so badly. But if he left now, the remaining unanswered questions would inevitably keep him awake at night. _

_And although there was a small window of opportunity where he could change his mind and return to finish the collection process, he knew that he’d never willingly do so. Once he walked out that door, that would be the end of it. _

_He had to finish this, here and now. Before his nerves got the better of him. _

_“Alec?” _

_“Sorry, I uh... I just needed a minute. I think I’ll hold the cloth up if that’s okay.” At least that would leave him with an ounce of control over the situation. _

_“That’s perfectly fine, sweetie. Take your time, and we’ll get started whenever you’re ready.” _

_Alec let out a slow breath, then lifted his chin a little higher in a show of resolution. “Let’s just get it done.” _

_Cat nodded in acceptance and pulled the plastic chair over to sit in front of him. The boy only hesitated for a moment longer, then he hiked the bottom of the gown up to his midriff and held his breath as the doctor leaned closer. _

_“Okay, Alec... Visual inspection shows some deep bruising in your genital region. Did you have any difficulty or pain going to the bathroom earlier?” _

_Alec flushed at the reminder, even though Cat had chosen her words very carefully to spare him as much humiliation as possible. _

_“I... I don’t think so. I don’t really remember.” _

_In all honesty, he hadn’t even realized that he had urinated at the time until he felt the warm dampness in his jeans. Any details of the act itself were a complete blur. _

_“Alright. I’m going to start the physical exam portion, and I’ll explain everything I’m going to do before I do it. I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can, okay? You’re going to feel my hands now, and a little bit of pressure.” _

_She took hold of his member with her fingertips, inspecting it for any other outward signs of damage, then palpated the shaft to make sure it was smooth, somewhat firm, and untender. _

_Alec’s thighs jumped and he gasped when she pressed against one of the darker, finger-shaped bruises towards the base. His hands curled tighter around the fabric of the gown until his knuckles turned white and his breath stuttered out. _

_“Sorry, sweetie,” Cat apologized sincerely. “I can get you some ice when we’re done to help with any swelling if you’d like.” _

_“N-no. I’m good, thanks.” _

_While the area was certainly tender to the touch, it was rather low on his list of intolerable injuries. Besides, if he really needed to, he could always ice it when he got back home. He desperately hoped it didn’t come to that though. _

_Cat moved on to check the foreskin and glans before compressing the tip gently in order to inspect the urethral opening. _

_Alec found himself mentally reciting legal definitions he had memorized for his final exams not so long ago as he stared up at the ceiling, trying hard not to flinch away. _

_Much to his relief, his body didn’t react to Cat’s ministrations. He remained blessedly flaccid as she continued to poke and prod at him in a purely clinical manner. _

_“Everything appears to be in working order here. No major signs of trauma,” she dictated to Raphael who was keeping notes of her observations. _

_Alec’s attention snapped back to Cat as she switched to examining his scrotum, palpating the testis and pressing in while asking him to cough in order to check for hernias. Cat frowned when Alec grimaced. “Does that hurt?” she inquired. _

_"Only in my throat,” he rasped, coughing again to clear it and easing Cat’s concern. _

_Raphael brought him another cup of water which Alec cautiously checked before taking a small sip and returning the cup to the man with gratitude. _

_Cat moved on to pressing against Alec’s pubic region, and then along the creases where his hips met his legs, checking for any abrasions or tenderness. Finding none, she straightened up and consulted the kit again. _

_Hoping the frontal part of the exam was done, Alec started to drop the gown back into place, but much to his chagrin, Cat caught it for him and lifted it up again. _

_“Almost, kiddo. Next on the list is a pubic hair combing, and the purpose of this is to collect hairs that are foreign to you, meaning they may have been transferred from the offender. If you can just spread your feet a bit further apart for me... Excellent.” _

_Alec’s face burned brightly as Cat held a small collection envelope between his upper thighs to catch any debris, then she ran the small comb from the kit through the short black hairs adorning his groin, covering every inch from left to right. _

_Once she finished, she placed the comb into the envelope, sealed it up, and handed it to Raphael for logging. _

_“Very good, Alec. I’m going to start with the collection swabs. Is that alright?” _

_“Yeah, I guess,” he huffed, having conveniently forgotten about that part till now. _

_“Great. Raphael, if you could get the UV light again please? We’ll check for any ‘Touch DNA’ or dried secretion specimens before moving on to the genital swabs.” _

_The light revealed handprint bruises along Alec’s hips and groin, as well as dried sperm and blood on the insides of his thighs. _

_She took samples of all three before having Raphael turn the overhead lights back on. He returned to her side with another box from the kit. _

_Cat took the first two prepared swabs from it and showed them to Alec. _

_“First set, I’m going to take swabs of your scrotum, groin, shaft, and glans. Then I’ll repeat with a second set.” _

_Alec gave her a nod, then stared fixedly at a point beyond Cat’s shoulder while the damp and cool cotton tips glided over his sensitive skin. _

_“Second set now,” Cat stated before following the same pattern. Once she was finished, she gave Raphael the tubes to be bagged and tagged. “Swabs are done, Alec. How do you feel about documenting these bruises with a few more photos?” _

_“No,” he stated adamantly, looking Cat in the eye again to make sure she understood that there was no room for debate on this. “No more photos.” _

_He would be mortified if those kinds of pictures ever saw the light of day. He had to draw the line somewhere, and part of him also wanted to see if Cat would hold to her promise that he had final decision on these matters. _

_Relief flooded his tight chest when Cat nodded in acceptance. _

_“Understood. Then we’re all set here. You can cover yourself back up now, kiddo.” _

_Alec didn’t have to be told twice. He dropped the gown back into place and stared longingly at the pair of scrub pants that Raphael had put aside for him earlier. _

_Cat followed his gaze as she removed her gloves yet again, then gave his elbow a gentle squeeze. “Just the DRE, or digital rectal exam left, and then you can finish getting dressed.” _

_The DRE; The part he had been dreading most. _

_Alec shifted nervously on his feet, eyeing the exam table that awaited him. _

_The pain he was still feeling was raw enough that he seriously considered putting an end to the exam. But it was also the reason he knew he had to keep going. _

_If there was significant damage done, it was best to find out sooner rather than later so he could get it treated properly before it got any worse. The last thing he needed was to add an infection on top of everything else. _

_The rationality behind it didn’t make the exam any easier to face though. _

_“There are a few different positions we could try to keep you as comfortable as possible,” Cat continued, watching him carefully. “Due to the injuries on your back, we won’t be using the stirrups. I don’t think kneeling is a good idea either, so I’d recommend either laying on your side, or leaning over the table.” _

_While curling up in the fetal position until it was over sounded very tempting, climbing up onto the exam table did not. Getting back down wouldn’t be easy either, and he was planning to be out that door as soon as the exam was concluded. _

_So as much as he hated the concept, bending over the table was his best option. Unwilling to say the words out loud, he mimicked his choice with a hand motion and slowly approached the reclined exam chair, resting his forearms on it tentatively. _

_“All the way down, kiddo,” Cat encouraged, coming up beside him to place a guiding hand on his shoulder. “Rest your upper body on the table. You’ll need to relax your muscles so we can make this as painless as possible.” _

_Alec let out a slow breath as he eased himself down, resting his left cheek against the soft padding of the table and curling his hands around the far side for support. _

_Cat slid her hand from his shoulder to the upper middle of Alec’s back and just rubbed it in soothing circles for a moment, waiting for some of the tension to ease. _

_Once he was relatively pliant beneath her touch, she drew back again. _

_“Okay, sweetie... I’m going to open the gown now and just start by taking a look.” _

_Alec shivered as the meager cloth was parted and the cool air of the room brushed against his exposed backside. His fists gripped the table tighter as he braced himself, burying his flushed face against his bicep. _

_“You’re going to feel my hands now,” Cat warned before she separated the two firm globes of his buttocks with her thumbs and fingertips, then inspected the entire length of the crease for signs of abuse. Sadly, they weren’t hard to find. _

_Most of the blood from his rectum had already dried and crusted over, acting as a form of glue, and Alec cringed at the feeling of his sensitive skin being pried apart. Thankfully, it was more disgusting than painful. _

_That is, until Cat followed the crease down and prodded lightly at the rim of his abused hole, gingerly smoothing out the anal folds as she searched for fissures. _

_Alec hissed as he instinctively jerked forward, his already bruised hips colliding harshly with the edge of the metal table, which wasn’t nearly as padded as the top. _

_“Gah!” _

_“Easy, kiddo. It’s alright. I’ve got you. Just breathe for a minute.” _

_Cat caught his waist to brace him, then eased him back into position once his locked muscles slowly started to unfurl again. He was shaking violently now in her grasp. _

_“Alec... I know you’re against the use of drugs, but I really think it would be best if you let me give you something for the pain before we...” _

_“N-no,” Alec ground out between clenched teeth. “No drugs. Just... Just do what you have to do.” _

_“There are a lot of nerve endings in this area, and I can already see a few tears, not to mention significant bruising along the rim, without having to explore any deeper. The digital exam is going to be really painful for you without any meds.” _

_“Either we do it without drugs, or we don’t do it at all,” Alec replied stubbornly, then started to ease himself back up into a standing position, preparing to walk out. _

_He froze when Raphael stepped around the table in front of him and put his hands over the boy’s; not holding him in place, but as a sign of solidarity. _

_“He can handle it, Cat,” Raph stated confidently, earning a grateful nod from the boy. “Just focus on me, hermano. It’ll all be over soon.” _

_Alec reluctantly settled back down onto the table and forced his muscles to relax. _

_Cat sighed and retrieved the first two swabs from the anal kit. “Let’s start with the external swabs then. Just around the edges, then right at the entrance, okay?” _

_She moistened the two swabs herself since Raphael was busy keeping Alec distracted, then began wide and circled her way in towards the center, applying light pressure the entire time. _

_When she reached the small opening, she increased the pressure just enough for the two tips to slide in, then rotated them to get a proper sample. _

_Alec ground his teeth together in discomfort, but as quickly as it had started, it stopped. Cat bagged the swabs, then grabbed a wet wipe. _

_“Good, Alec. I’m just going to clean you up a bit so I can see if there are any external abrasions and hopefully get you more comfortable as well. This will be a little cold...” she informed him, then proceeded to cleanse the whole area. _

_Alec knew he should feel humiliated at being wiped as if he were a young child, but the cool lotion was soothing to his chafed skin and it was a relief to have the blood, sweat, urine, and... And whatever else washed away. _

_Cat even used a second wipe to bathe his inner thighs, freeing his irritated skin of the caked-on fluids that made him nauseous to think about. When she was done, he felt almost human again and felt himself relaxing further in relief. _

_The doctor inspected the newly revealed skin and was both relieved and concerned to find that all of that blood had come from his anal canal and nowhere else. _

_She grabbed the lube packet from the kit, choosing the one that had an analgesic mixed in. It wouldn’t be of much help against any broken skin, but it was better than nothing. “Moving on to the internal exam now.” _

_She coated her index finger, then rested it gently against his opening. She kept up a steady monologue of explanation as promised while she gently massaged the tightly puckered muscle, giving the pain reliever some time to kick in. _

_“Okay, Alec... I need you to take a deep breath and bear down a little if you can.” _

_The strain made the boy break out in sweat as he obeyed, his inner muscles protesting painfully at the shift in pressure. _

_“Great. Now exhale and relax again.” _

_As he reluctantly followed her instructions, Cat slid her fingertip in and stopped just after the first knuckle, giving Alec a moment to acclimate. _

_He grunted at the intrusion, pulling his right hand free of Raphael’s and gripping the man’s forearm instead as he fought to breathe through the pain. _

_“Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth,” the man coached in a low and gentle voice. “And feel free to squeeze my arm as tightly as you want.” _

_Once Cat felt the resistance ease, she slowly rotated her finger back and forth, spreading the lube around his inner walls and checking for fissures as she went. _

_Alec grunted and tensed every time she brushed against another internal tear. Then Cat would have to stop and wait for him to unclench again. It was slow going, but eventually, he was loose enough to continue. _

_“Going in just a little further, kiddo...” Cat warned before introducing the rest of her finger as far as she could reach. _

_Alec whimpered and tried to jerk away, but there was no room left for escape. He was already pinned quite firmly against the cot, having been subtly edging forward every time the pressure felt like more than he could take. _

_And as Cat’s finger slid deeper, Alec found himself transported back to that alleyway, glimpsing a forgotten flash of himself being shoved face-down over a filthy loading dock behind Taki’s, jeans around his ankles, and arms pinned to the rotted wood by multiple sets of hands. _

“Hold ‘im steady, lads. Thought you were gonna get away from me, did ya, mate?” 

_“W-wait!” he gasped out, and Cat immediately froze but didn’t extricate herself. She didn’t want to have to start all over again if he just needed some more time to adjust. _

_She looked to Raphael for answers who leaned down to Alec’s height and brushed the sweaty bangs away from the boy’s tear-filled eyes. _

_“Alec? Talk to me, buddy. What’s your pain level on a scale of one to ten?” _

_Alec almost blurted out ‘eleven’, but he had a feeling that would simply lead to further humiliation and painful probing, so instead, he stuttered, “S-seven.” _

_In all fairness, it was more the discomfort and unexpected flashback that had upset him rather than the actual pain. _

_“Okay, sweetie. One last half turn, and then I’ll withdraw, alright?” _

_The boy nodded with a tense jerk of his head and braced himself the best he could. _

_Raphael took to running his free hand through Alec’s tousled hair soothingly. “It’s almost over,” he promised quietly. _

_As Cat rotated her finger in the counter-clockwise direction, she ended up brushing against Alec’s bruised and swollen prostate. _

_He yelped and his knees buckled as the pain ricocheted throughout his midriff. _

_Had he not been resting the majority of his weight on the table already, he would’ve dropped to the floor like a brick. Instead, he tightened his grip on the far side of the metal and dug his forehead into the padding, fighting back the urge to vomit again. _

_“It’s done, Alec. It’s done.” _

_Cat’s free hand returned to Alec’s left hip which she rubbed soothingly as she began to retract her index finger. The boy let out a high-pitched keening sound that broke Cat’s heart as she finally pulled free. _

_She was beyond dismayed- although not particularly surprised- to discover blood coating her gloved finger. Alec was going to hate her for even suggesting it, but she needed to take a look inside to be sure he didn’t require surgical intervention. _

_Cat tossed away her gloves and draped the gown back over Alec to give him some security and time to recover. Then she stepped around the table to Raphael’s side, putting a hand on Alec’s tense forearm as she crouched down to his height. _

_Raphael was still stroking the boy's hair gently when Alec’s dazed eyes slowly tracked their way to Cat’s face as she entered into his view. _

_She rubbed his arm soothingly, preparing to break the bad news to him as delicately as possible. _

_“Hey, kiddo... I think we need to talk.” _

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **additional warnings:**   
_Mentions and minor flashbacks of past sexual assault, medical writing, and panic attacks._
> 
> A/N: Hi everyone! Unfortunately, we have just about caught up to what we have pre-written. We will continue to write and post as often as possible, but this will most likely be the last weekly posting.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your incredible support through these past few months of craziness, and we hope our expedited updates helped to entertain if nothing else! 
> 
> Stay safe, stay sane, and stay connected. We'll post again as soon as we can! xoxo
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann


	18. Visual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is still dealing with some intense medical situations, both in the past and in the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday, everyone! We're back with the next installment! And to thank you all for your patience between the last update and this one, we made this chapter a bit longer than our typical posts ;)
> 
> As for the timeline, we start in the present at Magnus', then cut back to the post-rape medical exam (which includes a few flashbacks of the rape itself), and then we end back at Magnus'. Hope it doesn't get too confusing!

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night 

Alec’s gaze shifted nervously between Magnus and Cat as they waited patiently for his response regarding the imaging scanner. 

He really didn’t want to allow more testing for fear that Cat would find something else she needed to do to him, but a non-invasive scan sounded a hell of a lot better than stitches. 

He knew he was only putting off the inevitable, but he was scared and desperate, so he nodded his consent. Cat beamed at him, then proceeded to extract more equipment from her bag. 

Alec raised his head again, despite his protesting abdomen, and brought his right knee up to act as a counterweight. 

Feeling incredibly vulnerable in his prone position and still unable to see what Cat was doing, he levered himself up even higher with his right elbow for a better view, grunting in pain as the new angle aggravated his injuries. 

Magnus was quick to move the hand that had been on Alec’s chest to the nape of his neck, supporting him as best he could to take some of the strain off his muscles. 

“Easy there, grasshopper. Don’t overexert yourself more than you already have.” 

Alec flinched at the initial touch, afraid that Magnus was going to try to restrain him or force him back down against his will, but he was flooded with gratitude once he realized that the man was only trying to aid him in his endeavor. 

Alec watched as Cat unfurled the portable sonogram next to him and adjusted the dials, then he frowned in confusion. 

“Wait... Isn’t that... like a baby monitoring thing?” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Cat chuckled as the boy blushed. 

“It can be used for that, sure. But ultimately, it’s designed to emit sound waves that translate back to this monitor as images of the organs and structures of the body. It has all kinds of purposes. Lay down flat again and I’ll show you how it works.” 

To Alec, that pitch sounded terrifyingly similar to ‘get in the van and I’ll give you candy’, but nevertheless, he had already agreed to this. Hoping he wouldn’t regret it, he eased himself back to the floor with a hiss and Magnus’s guiding help. 

“Alright, kiddo. First thing’s first. I’m going to squirt some gel onto your stomach as we use that to get a clearer image. Just to warn you, it might be cold.” 

Alec was still half numb from being out in the crisp autumn weather after being submerged in freezing water, so he barely felt the difference in the gel’s temperature as Cat left a dollop of it on the icy skin of his upper belly, just below his ribs. 

She dipped the transducer into the gel, then reached across his body to start with his right side, pressing in gently to get a reading of his liver and right kidney. 

It only took her a few seconds to find the proper positioning and get the image focused. Apparently, she liked what she saw because she gave a brief nod, then dipped into the gel again and moved on to his left side. 

“What are you looking for?” Alec inquired, watching her face for any telling reactions as she studied the monitor. 

“Something we call ‘free fluids’. Basically, any liquids that are registering in areas they shouldn’t be. Right now, I’m looking at your spleen and left kidney. So far, all looks good! Going to take a quick look at your heart now...” 

Once again, she dipped the transducer into the gel, then placed it just below his left nipple, rocking and tilting the probe minutely until she had it aligned. 

At the correct angle, she was able to evaluate all four chambers of the heart, as well as the two valves that separated the ventricles from the atria. 

His heart was still beating rather fast for someone in stasis mode, so Cat glanced back down at his face and noticed that he was staring nervously at the monitor in her hand. “Would you like to see?” she offered, and he nodded. 

She turned the screen towards him and gave him a brief explanation for what she was evaluating in the black and white grainy image, reassuring Alec that all was well. 

The boy relaxed slightly after being included, and Cat was pleased to see his heartbeat slowing back down marginally. 

“Take a deep breath and hold it for me, sweetie...” She moved the transducer to where the majority of the gel still remained and pressed in and up, just below his sternum to check the pericardium, or the membrane that encased the heart. 

Alec did as he was told, trying to stay relaxed so that he didn’t disrupt her scan. She had to press a bit harder to see properly and he winced, but it only lasted about ten seconds before she pulled back and told him he could breathe normally again. 

Next, she checked each lung for a pneumothorax. He had been breathing just fine on his own since the accident, but better safe than sorry. By placing the transducer just below each collarbone, she had clear readings in under twenty seconds. 

Cat scooped up the last bit of extra gel from his stomach and moved down to his pelvis. “Last one, Alec. I just need to lower the waistline of your sweatpants another inch or two so I can check around your bladder. Is that alright?” 

Alec would’ve felt more comfortable doing it himself, but he didn’t think his bad shoulder would appreciate the added jostling. Instead, he reluctantly raised his hips off the floor just enough so Cat could slide the material down and out of her way. 

As promised, she merely exposed the upper curves of his hip bones, leaving everything else securely hidden. Then she centered the probe vertically between Alec’s naval and pubic bone. 

The pressure of the probe against his bladder was uncomfortable and made him painfully aware that he hadn’t emptied it in quite a while. But once again, Cat was quick to find the appropriate angle and she was done within thirty seconds. 

“Everything is intact and functioning normally,” she announced happily before handing Alec a wet wipe with which to wash off the gel while she began cleaning and packing her equipment away. “Guess you dodged the proverbial bullet.” 

Alec tried to sit up again so that he could see what he was doing, but his strength was spent and the cut in his abdomen was throbbing fiercely. 

He dropped back to the floor with a pained and frustrated groan, clenching his eyes shut as the room began to spin once more. 

“Careful, Alexander. You’re going to reopen your wound. As much as I appreciate the view, now is hardly the time to show off your abs. Lie still and let me help you.” 

The wipe was tugged out of his hand, then Magnus took it upon himself to clear the gel from Alec’s exhausted body. 

Alec didn’t even have the energy to panic when the man finished with his abdomen and began carefully washing away the gel coating his pubic region, but he forced his eyes back open to watch Magnus’s face intently. 

Any remaining tension left his muscles when he felt his pants being tugged back up onto his waist where they belonged. 

“There we go. All better.” Magnus smiled at him and gently patted the boy’s chest in a maternal gesture that made Alec feel truly safe for the first time since he had left Izzy’s house. 

“...Th’nks,” he mumbled out sluggishly, then let his eyes drift closed again. 

He really felt like crap. In fact, if the pain hadn't been keeping him awake, he was sure he would’ve passed out by now. There was only so much punishment the mind and body could handle in one night, and he had reached his limit. 

Cat’s soft hand cradled his right cheek as she leaned over him. “Hey, kiddo? You still with us?” 

Alec gave her a weary nod, the majority of his mental focus locked on the feeling of Magnus steadily rubbing circles across his chest, the boy’s icy skin desperately trying to absorb the heat emanating from the man’s comforting touch. 

He shivered at the conflicting temperatures. 

“Think you can stand so we can get you moved over onto the couch?” Cat queried. 

“’s it over?” Alec slurred, cracking his eyes open to glance blearily up at her in hope. “I... I gotta get home...” 

She gave him a sad smile, brushing the bangs back from his forehead under the guise of checking his temperature. In truth, the situation reminded her of their last encounter, and how young the boy truly was. 

“Just about, sweetie,” she replied quietly, increasing the sense of déjà vu as she attempted to keep him calm. “I need to take care of one more thing first...” 

_June 16, 2019- Continued _

_“Is it over?” Alec croaked past a tight throat as he blinked slowly up at the doctor from his awkward position bent over the table. “Can I go home now?” _

_Cat smiled sadly at him, giving his arm a supportive squeeze. “Just about, sweetie. There’s something I need to discuss with you first though. During the exam, I found a few small tears, and enough fresh blood to cause some concern. _

_“I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to hear right now, but I need to take a look inside to see where that blood is coming from.” _

_Alec frowned warily at her in confusion. “What do you mean, ‘take a look inside’?” _

_Cat picked up a clear plastic bullet-shaped instrument from the nearby tray, around four inches long and roughly the circumference of a quarter, then showed it to Alec. _

_“This is called an anoscope. It’ll allow me to get a clear visual once inserted.” _

_The blush that had been coloring his cheeks during the digital exam quickly disappeared as the blood drained from his face, leaving him ghostly pale. _

_“Is that... Is that really necessary?” _

_“Most minor tears will heal on their own with time, but if the fissures are more serious, then surgery might be required to fix the damage. I know it sounds scary, but it’s a quick procedure and I’ll be able to give you a more definitive answer once it’s done.” _

_Alec bit into his bottom lip nervously, wishing he had never gone out that night. Had never given Victor the time of day. Never agreed to having any part of this exam... _

_“We’ve got you, hermano,” Raphael consoled, moving his hand down from Alec’s hair to his shoulder blade, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “Trust us.” _

_Famous last words... _

_With his heart in his throat, Alec gave a short nod, then lifted his head and tried to follow Cat as she disappeared behind him again, his nerves getting the better of him. _

_“Relax and breathe, kiddo,” Cat reminded him as she returned to her seat, then placed a grounding hand against his left hip, her thumb massaging gently. _

_Alec reluctantly dropped his head and settled back into position, widening his stance a bit more at Cat’s request. He tried to fight down the panic but was clearly failing. _

_Raphael’s hand returned to stroking his hair and Alec couldn’t help but lean into it, seeking any comfort he could find. He squeezed his eyes shut when Cat opened the gown and exposed him again. _

_She warned him before carefully prodding at his sphincter with a finger to make sure he was still loose enough from the digital exam and didn’t require further prepping. _

_“Okay, Alec. Just like before, I need you to bear down a bit.” _

_Cat kept his buttocks spread with one hand and ran the lubricated device over the boy’s entrance with the other, waiting for him to flex against her. The second he relaxed, she pressed the anoscope in smoothly and firmly, all the way to the hilt. _

_Alec cried out and his inner muscles instantly clenched around the hard plastic, trying to stop its advance, but it was already too late. The instrument was buried deep inside his anal canal and Cat was holding it in place. _

_“It’s in, sweetie. The worst is over. Just give me one more minute to take a quick look, then I’ll ease it back out, alright? Focus on your breathing...” _

_She used a penlight to illuminate the tube and inspected the inner lining while Alec squeezed Raphael’s wrist hard enough to leave bruises. The man began talking to Alec to keep him distracted, voice low so only the boy could hear. _

_But Alec could only hear Victor’s voice in his ears. Taunting him. Degrading him. ...Praising him. _

“Jesus... I can barely get my fingers inside. Guess I should’ve just sta’ted with one, eh?” The man laughed as he continued to rock two of his saliva-slicked fingers in and out of Alec. “You’ve never done this before, have you, mate? So damned tight!” 

“P-please...! Gah! Stop! I... I can’t...!” 

“Uh uh uh... Let me clue you in on a little secret, dah’ling. The more you fight, the more it’ll hurt. This is gonna happen either way, so it’s really in your best interest to just relax and take it. That’s more like it... There's a good lad. Open up for me.” 

And then a third finger, practically dry, joined the first two. 

_The pain of the blunt force... God, the incessant pressure and friction of the stretch, tearing him apart from the inside... _

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! _

_“Fissures at twelve o’clock, four o’clock, and seven o’clock,” Cat noted out loud before recording the numbers down. “Two are relatively minor. The third is the culprit for the majority of the bleeding. I need a better visual though. Rotating...” _

_Cat shifted the scope around slightly to get a clearer angle, making Alec squeak in distress. Victor’s fingers... They had shifted inside of him too._

“Must be around here somewhere,” Victor muttered to himself, feeling along the silky walls of the boy’s inner channel, thrusting his fingers as deeply as he could reach. 

Alec jerked with a shout as what felt like a bolt of electricity raced up his spine and through his guts, pooling in his groin. He gasped in surprise and pain. 

“Ah-ha!” the man exclaimed with glee. “There it is! And so responsive too. Knew you were made for this since the moment I laid eyes on you, bruv.” 

_Nonononono... _

_It was all coming back to Alec; the memories of the rape that had be hiding just beyond the thin veil of the drugs. If he focused enough, he was sure he’d be able to remember everything. But he didn’t want that. He wasn’t ready to face it all yet. _

_He whimpered so softly that Raphael barely heard him. The man leaned closer and cradled the back of Alec’s head tenderly. _

_“How’re you doin’, buddy?” _

Victor continued to rub against Alec’s prostate, laughing as he reached around and discovered that the boy’s body was beginning to respond to his persistent prodding. 

“Such a good boy for me. Oh, the things I’d teach you if we only had more time...” 

_Alec squirmed on the table, desperate to find some relief from the unforgiving pressure inside him. He ground his teeth together at the painful stretch that made his inner muscles throb and the cuts along them burn. _

_When Alec didn’t respond, Raphael took to rubbing the boy’s back soothingly. “Wrap it up, Cat,” he stated, drawing the doctor’s attention who broadened her focus to the boy’s shaking form. Alec couldn’t take much more without mentally breaking. _

_“Almost done,” she replied as she quickly did the final swabs- two long sets of two cotton tips, inserted through the anoscope to the back wall of his rectum where traces of semen remained, unadulterated by the lube. Or Alec’s blood. _

_Cat sincerely hoped that all the evidence they had collected that night would help the cops catch the bastard who did this and put him away for decades to come. _

_Alec felt the swabs rubbing against his insides, deeper than anything had any right to be, and he couldn’t restrain himself any longer. “Stop! P-please!” he simpered. _

_“Okay, kiddo. It’s done. Taking the scope out now,” Cat informed her patient, then began easing the device from the boy's body. _

_Alec bit back a sob as the plastic was carefully extricated, then collapsed limply against the table-top, his abused body finally surrendering to exhaustion, small tremors still coursing through his sweat-drenched frame. _

_“Are you alright, sweetie?” Cat checked as she disposed of the anoscope in the small receptacle next to her. “Can we get you anything?” _

_After all the probing, Alec’s sphincter muscles still felt uncomfortably loose and as if he had to go to the bathroom. He couldn’t help but clench down against the phantom intrusion, the aggravated fissures stinging like he shoved a cactus up his rectum. _

_He was completely exposed; his insides loosened and vulnerable, just waiting for someone like Victor to take advantage again. _

_“Alec?” Cat prompted when the boy stayed stubbornly silent. _

_“...Hurts,” he eventually managed to choke out as Cat gently used a few tissues to wipe the area clean of blood and lube. _

_“I know, kiddo,” she sympathized. “I’m going to apply some cream to the cuts right now to help relax the muscles and numb the...” _

_Alec tensed again instantly. “N-no.” _

_He had been compliant long enough. If the exam was over, then he wanted out. No more poking and prodding. Especially not there. _

_“It’ll only take a second, I promise,” Cat consoled. “And you’ll hardly feel it after the anoscopy.” _

_“I said no. I’m done.” _

_Alec struggled into an upright position, though he was still hunched over a bit to protect his throbbing midsection. He did his best to close the back of the gown one-handed as he turned to face Cat. _

_“Please. I... I just wanna go home. You said I could end this whenever I wanted, and... And I want to end it now.” _

_Cat could see the wet streaks down his face and the remaining tears brimming in his eyes, just waiting to be shed. But beneath the hurt and fear, she saw his defiance. His determination to take back control. And he needed her to give it to him. _

_“Okay, sweetie. I’ll put together a bag of supplies for you to bring home instead, along with a list of instructions.” _

_The relief emanating off the boy was palpable. “Thanks,” he breathed out shakily. _

_“There’s just one more thing before you go, kiddo...” _

_Alec opened his mouth to object, but Cat quickly cut him off. “It’s not part of the assault kit. Just the general exam. According to your immunization records, you’re overdue for a tetanus shot.” _

_“W-wait... A shot? Why?” _

_“It’s mainly a precautionary measure, considering the location in which you were attacked,” Cat explained. “Raphael can grab that for us right now, and then you’ll be all set.” _

_“I’ll see if your sister has returned with your clothes while I’m at it. Going to need my arm back first though...” the man stated apologetically as he stood next to Alec, and only then did the boy realize he was still clinging to his wrist like a security blanket. _

_The blush quickly returned to his cheeks as he released Raphael and saw the red marks he had left behind that would no doubt turn black and blue shortly. _

_“Shit... I’m so sorry, man.” _

_Raphael clapped him on the shoulder jovially as he passed, stating, “Don’t worry about it, hermano. I’ve had worse. Just sit tight, and I’ll be right back.” _

_Cat used the time to fill Alec in on the rest of his care package and how best to keep the wounds clean and healing properly. _

_“The damaged tissue is very regenerative and should resolve itself on its own in 4-6 weeks, but I’m going to give you some items to help make it easier such as stool softeners, the cream which will need to be applied daily, and a special additive you should use during sitting baths to keep the area clean and relaxed. _

_“Any friction against the fissures could reopen them, so you should use water instead of toilet paper for the next 3-4 weeks, and I’ll give you some sanitary towels to place into your boxers so the blood doesn’t ruin your clothes. Should the pain not improve, or if it gets worse, you need to come by the hospital again, understand?” _

_Dead silence. _

_Cat glanced back up at him after consulting her checklist to properly conclude the exam. The boy had retreated a few steps and was still horribly pale, sweat glistening along his brow. _

_He didn’t appear to have heard a single word that Cat had just told him. _

_“Alec?” she tried again, taking a moment to really observe the boy now that they were alone. _

_His nervous energy was palpable, and he kept looking to the door as if he were preparing to bolt for it at any second. Her brows drew together in concern. _

_“There are no drugs involved in immunizations, so you shouldn’t have any major side-effects if that’s what you’re worried about.” _

_Oddly enough, this did nothing to calm the boy’s fear. That’s when Cat realized it wasn’t just the drugs that scared him. _

_“Are you afraid of needles, Alec?” _

_“Not afraid,” he shot back guardedly. “I just don’t like them.” _

_“You’ve been through a lot tonight, kiddo. The shot will be a piece of cake in comparison. You’ll see.” _

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night 

“Magnus, help me get him over to the couch. I need a better vantage, and more light to close up that wound.” 

“I’ve got him,” Magnus replied, and then to Alec’s utter surprise, the man gathered him into his arms and lifted him like he was as light as a pillow. 

Alec was no wafer. He was 6’ 3”, and primarily made of muscle. Apparently, so was Magnus. The guy’s biceps bulged and flexed as he settled Alec comfortably against his chest, then stood with relative ease. 

The confusing feelings stirred back up in Alec’s gut, but all he could manage to do was grab a fistful of the man’s vest hoodie and hold on for dear life. 

Magnus eased him down onto the couch, taking care to lay the boy's head comfortably on one of the plush pillows. When he went to move out of Cat’s way, he was yanked back to Alec’s side by the boy’s tight grip which refused to release him. 

He was about to make a lewd comment about the unexpected clinginess, but the joke died in his throat when he glanced up and saw the unadulterated fear on Alec’s face. 

Following his wide-eyed gaze, Magnus took in the sight of Cat preparing a two-inch long needle before placing it on a tray that already contained a curved sewing needle, a needle holder, toothed forceps, a small pair of scissors, and other odds and ends that were required for such a task. 

When she picked up the tray and began to approach them, Alec’s fight or flight instincts returned, giving him just enough of an adrenaline boost to try and curl up into a small enough ball to hide behind Magnus, using the man's body as a shield. 

“P-please...” he whimpered out. “I don’t wanna do this...” 

“It’s gonna be alright, kiddo,” Cat soothed. “I know it looks scary, but you’ll barely feel it, I promise. I’ll numb the whole area before we get started, and it’ll be over before you know it. Come on. Lay back down for me.” 

She placed a hand on Alec’s raised knees, encouraging him to lower the biological wall he had erected so that she could access his wound unhindered. But if anything, he pulled them tighter to his chest. 

Alec had only gotten stitches once before in his life, and he was still traumatized by the memory. He had been in grade school when it happened. Very book-smart, always quiet, and small for his age before he finally hit his growth spurt. 

The local bullies had found him to be an easy target, and they reminded him of that frequently. He had tried his best to avoid them, outsmarting them every chance he could to avoid getting caught. But inevitably, they tracked him down. 

Thanks to Robert, Alec had grown accustomed to taking a beating. In fact, he was still harboring some longer-lasting bruises from his father when the bullies struck. 

Alec did what he could to fight back, but he was outnumbered, and those boys were twice his size. He protected himself the best he could when the blows started raining down on him, and when he glimpsed a small opening between two of the older kids, he went for it. 

Just when he thought he had managed to escape, the tallest of the bunch snagged Alec’s hoodie, jerking him to a halt, and when he turned back around to try and break free, he was met with a hardcovered textbook across the side of his face. 

He collapsed instantly onto his hands and knees, his head spinning and his ears ringing. His eyebrow had split open and began gushing blood that ran into his left eye and down his cheek. 

Terrified of what they’d do now that he was on the ground and vulnerable, Alec curled into a ball and braced himself. But the hits didn’t come. 

In fact, it sounded like the other boys had started fighting amongst each other, forgetting about him entirely. 

When he chanced a glance up and blinked away the red haze coating his vision, he saw something that made his heart stutter in his chest, then swell with pride. 

Jace, the boy who had come to live with them less than a week ago, had joined the fray. The blond was also small for his age, but strong, brave, and incredibly scrappy. He took on all three bullies at once, and he won. 

Alec had never been more awestruck in his entire life. Jace was a damned good fighter, and truly a sight to behold. 

The younger boy brushed the long blond strands of loose hair away from his face as he watched the bullies take off across the parking lot. And only once he was sure there wouldn’t be any reprisals, he crouched down by Alec’s side to check him over. 

“Hey, dude... You alright?” 

Jace winced when he saw the gash just above Alec’s eye, gently pulled him to his feet, and helped him limp to the nurse’s office. She called Robert, and next thing Alec knew, all three Lightwood males were sitting in the ER, and Alec was terrified. 

After a painful and awkward exam, during which the bruises from Robert were discovered and pawned off on a prior encounter with the school bullies, Alec was informed that he would need a few stitches. 

Alec had cried and begged for them to just put a bandage over it, but Robert, who had final say in the matter, told the doctor to get it done properly, and not to bother with numbing it first for three measly little stitches. 

His boy could handle a bit of pain, and he didn’t have all day to wait around. 

Robert and an orderly were tasked with keeping Alec pinned down while the doctor worked, and Alec could do nothing but watch as the intimidating tools flashed directly over his face. 

Alec had felt the pinch of the needle stabbing into his already tender skin, the burn as the metal hooked through his wound, the slide of the thread as it was drawn through both sides of split flesh followed by the tightening tug of the knot, and he was sure he was going to throw up. 

He screamed, struggled and yelled at the top of his lungs, desperate to get away. And that’s when Jace, who had been told to wait outside the room, came barreling in and saved him for the second time that day. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” he had demanded. “Get off of him! Let him go!” 

He shoved the orderly away and squared off with him when the man looked like he was about to bodily remove Jace from the premises, but the doctor told him to stand down. 

Jace was allowed to stay, as long as he helped instead of hindered the process. 

He immediately went to Alec’s side and took his hand into his own, squeezing it until his brother looked over at him, covered in blood, sweat and tears. 

“I’ve got you, Alec,” he stated, the sincerity in his multi-colored eyes forcing more tears to spill down the older boy’s blotchy face. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise. And look at the bright side... You’ll have a kickass scar to brag about when this is all over.” 

That brought a small, quivering smile to Alec’s lips as he huffed out a pained laugh. The blond continued to keep him distracted while the doctor placed the last two stitches. 

The area around Alec's bruised and swollen eye burned fiercely as the three Lightwoods left the hospital, but when Jace flung an arm around his shoulders and winked at him, Alec found he didn’t much care about the pain anymore. 

He had a brother now, and that was all that mattered. 

The bond between them had grown exponentially- and unconditionally- over the years, and Alec realized with a tightening in his gut that even now, he would still follow Jace into the depths of Hell if the blond boy asked it of him. 

As much as he didn’t approve of the subterfuge when it came to slipping him sedatives, now that the initial sting of the betrayal had faded and he was able to look at the situation with an outsider’s perspective, he understood why Jace had done it. 

His brother had never meant him any ill-will. Alec had been in a terrible state after the rape. He hadn’t been sleeping, he wasn’t eating, and he wasn’t talking or accepting help from those who offered. 

He was on a dangerous path and steady decline as far as his mental and physical health were concerned, and Jace had resorted to the only weapon he had left in his arsenal. 

Alec knew now that the blond hadn’t wanted to do it; that he was fully aware of how Alec felt about being drugged. And the older boy realized how desperate his brother must have been to resort to such measures. 

He had seen how weary the blond had become over the months; how hard he was trying to keep it together, how the nightshifts drained every ounce of energy he possessed, how he still managed to come home and cook Alec healthy meals, which Alec in turn had refused to eat... 

Jace had tried to get him to go to therapy repeatedly, and Alec had continuously refused. And on the nights where Alec was so exhausted that his body shut down without his permission, he’d wake up screaming from nightmares. 

Jace would come running, then he’d stay with him for the remainder of the night, sacrificing his own much-needed sleep to protect his brother. 

They both would have burned out months ago if something hadn’t given, and the drugs were never meant to cause him any harm; just give him a decent night of sleep for once. The kind of sleep where Victor couldn’t reach him. 

Sure, part of Alec was still pissed that Jace never talked to him about it first. But realistically, he knew he would’ve declined if given the choice. 

Jace had done what he had thought was best, and Alec couldn’t find it within himself to harbor that anger anymore. 

Thinking about Jace made Alec wish that his brother was there beside him now, protecting him and telling him everything would be alright. Or taking him home where he could recover in peace. 

After everything he had been through that night, the secret sedatives no longer seemed like such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. 

He would forgive his brother. He always did. Because he knew Jace only had his best interests at heart. And the sooner he got home to tell him that, the better. 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Additional warnings:**   
_Very detailed medical procedures (anal examination, stitches, use of needles), and explicit descriptions of non-consensual sexual actions._
> 
> We will do our best to post again by the end of this month. Please comment if you've got the time as we love to hear your thoughts! And as always, stay safe, stay sane, and stay connected. xoxo
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann


	19. Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gets tended to and finally finds a moment of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back again with another chapter! This is the last of the medical scenes for now. As such, there are no trigger warnings to report aside from a mild panic attack.
> 
> We hope you enjoy the read, and happy 4th to those who are celebrating it this weekend! Stay safe, stay strong, and stay connected.
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night 

Seconds after the thought of his brother had calmed him, Alec’s blood had run cold. Jace was probably worried sick. 

Alec had stormed out of Izzy’s place hours ago and disappeared without a word. Even right after the rape, when his mood swings were constantly fluctuating between gut-wrenching despair and volatile anger, he hadn’t done anything quite so drastic. 

There were plenty of instances where he had been having trouble coping and just needed to be alone to clear his head. His family had understood that and they had given him his space (eventually), allowing him to venture out once he was healthy enough to do so unattended, but only if he kept in touch so they knew he was alright. 

They had reached an unspoken agreement that in return for this freedom, he needed to let them know where he was at all times, for his own protection as well as for their peace of mind. And Alec had never failed to uphold his end of the bargain. 

At least, not until now. 

He had been gone for half the night already and hadn’t checked in with them once. He hadn’t gone back to Izzy’s or made it home to his own apartment; hadn’t messaged Jace just to say he was fine but needed more time alone. 

He had simply vanished. 

His siblings were probably out looking for him at this very moment, or worse... had called the cops and reported him missing after he didn’t respond to any of their calls or texts. In fact, _no one_ knew where he was right now, including himself. 

He had been in shock and borderline hypothermic when Magnus had taken him to his penthouse. Alec couldn’t remember if it was five minutes from the scene of the crash or five miles. 

He had run from his family, totaled his car, nearly drowned, and then wandered off with a complete stranger. Jace was going to be so pissed at Alec’s recklessness when he found out... And there was no denying that he _would_ find out. 

Alec couldn’t keep a secret from his brother even if his life depended on it. 

But what if Jace came to the conclusion that Alec had crashed into the Hudson on purpose? That this was all just another attempt at self-harm, and that Alec needed more therapy or to be committed and/or drugged into a stupor for his own safety? 

What if they sent him back to Dr. Spencer? 

Crap. The room was spinning again. 

“Alec? You’re working yourself up into a panic attack, kiddo. I need you to calm down and breathe. Can you do that for me?” Cat asked. 

The boy had turned as white as a sheet of paper, his breaths rasping out in shallow pants. His wide eyes were flitting around the room, seeing everything but taking nothing in. He appeared to be searching for something. 

“Where’s my phone? I need my phone...” 

He had to clear things up with Jace before it was too late. 

Magnus shared a worried look with Cat. 

“Alexander... You didn’t have your phone on you when I pulled you out of the car. It’s most likely water-logged and at the bottom of the Hudson. But here. You can use mine.” 

Alec held out his shaky left hand to receive the offering and automatically dialed in the area code with his right forefinger. Then he froze. 

He couldn’t remember the rest of the numbers. 

Sure, he used speed dial as much as any other millennial these days, but his brother’s number had been branded into his brain from day one. 

Jace was his emergency contact. Alec needed to be able to rattle it off under the worst of circumstances, and typically he could recite it in his sleep. But right now, his mind was failing him. 

Was it a three next? Or maybe a six? No... That was the second number, wasn’t it? 

“Alexander?” Magnus prompted when the boy stopped dialing and his skin tone was quickly morphing from white to green. “What’s wrong?” 

“I... I don’t remember,” Alec croaked out. “I don’t remember his number.” 

That certainly did not help his anxiety levels. His vision was swimming in and out of focus and he had to blink hard to clear it. He couldn’t inhale enough oxygen to satisfy his burning lungs, no matter how quickly he gasped in air. 

He was pretty sure he was on the verge of a heart attack. Or going to throw up. Probably both. 

“Alec, it’s alright. It’ll come back to you, I promise. But for now, I need you to relax.” 

Cat didn’t want to sedate the boy if it could be avoided. She knew full-well how he felt about drugs. But if he didn’t want any medical intervention, then he needed to calm down. If anything, he seemed to be working himself up even more instead. 

“No, I... I have to... call my... brother. He needs... to know... I’m okay. Why can’t I... remember?” 

Alec reached up with his right hand and cradled the side of his throbbing head. 

“Somethin’s wrong. I d-don't-” 

His hand fisted tightly in his hair and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on the damned numbers that continued to elude him. Was it five-two-six-three? Five-two-six-eight? Or was that Izzy’s? Yep. Definitely going to throw up. 

Cat’s hand encircled Alec’s left wrist, pressing two fingers against his racing pulse, then she sighed. He was clearly getting worse, not better. 

“Magnus, help me get him flat on his back before he passes out.” 

She took hold of the boy's raised knees while Magnus stepped in behind Alec and- avoiding the kid’s bad shoulder- he cradled the sides of his ribs. 

Together, they lifted Alec and slid him towards the center of the sofa and away from the armrest he was using for support. Alec’s eyes sprung back open in surprise as his weight left the couch and his equilibrium abandoned him. 

The hand he had tangled into his hair moments before instinctively released its grip and shot out to clutch at the fabric on the back of the couch instead, clawing at it for purchase as he was manhandled into position. 

“Don’t! S-stop! What are you doing?!” he demanded as Magnus began guiding his torso down towards the cushions while Cat lifted his ankles and stuffed a bunch of pillows beneath his calves, keeping his legs raised. 

“You need to lie still, sweetie. Just take a minute to catch your breath, okay?” 

Ignoring her words, Alec struggled harder against them, trying to shove their restraining hands away and sit back up. Distantly, he was aware of the sharp pain in his side from the wound as he twisted to try and free himself. 

The wound was the least of his problems though. If he couldn’t call Jace to explain, then he needed to get back home to him and do it in person instead. He had to leave. _Now_. Why couldn't they understand that? 

“He’s not calming down... Magnus, I need you to hold him steady.” 

“I’m not sure restraining him is going to help with his stress, Cat.” 

“Probably not, but it’s his wound I’m most concerned about right now. Just keep his hands out of my way and talk to him until I can decide on the best course of action.” 

“I’ll try my best...” 

Alec was overcome with a desperate fear when the phone was suddenly pried out of his clenched hand and his wrists were gently but firmly gathered up and crossed against his upper chest, effectively keeping him pinned to the cushions. 

“N-No, wait! Please!” 

He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. 

Magnus leaned over him from above, his strong hands keeping Alec’s upper body subdued, his face etched in concern. 

“It’s alright, Alexander. Everything is going to work itself out. Just please... Stay still.” 

The more they asked that of him, the harder it was to obey. Alec didn’t like feeling powerless. Trapped. Weak. Vulnerable. 

_Can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe... _

“I have to get... to my brother!” he panted out desperately. “He needs to know... that I’m okay! Argh! Let me... _go_!” 

“Alec, you're not in any state to leave right now. You have to calm down before you hurt yourself even more.” 

Cat slid onto the couch next to his hip, using her left arm and the side of her body to keep his knees trapped in place on the pillows, freeing up her right hand which then pressed some sort of cloth against his wound. 

The pressure burned fiercely and he yelped, but it did nothing to deter him from trying to get free. If anything, the pain spurred him into fighting back even harder. 

But he couldn’t get enough leverage to sit upright again from this position, and no matter how hard his exhausted body struggled, he couldn’t free himself from their restrictive grasps. Alec breathed heavily and clenched his teeth in frustration. 

“You can’t... do this,” he bit out angrily. “You can’t... keep me here... against my will!” 

“Sweetie, I need you to stop and listen to me,” Cat stated in her authoritative voice. “You’re losing a lot of blood, and between the concussion, repeated adrenaline spikes, and the shock of the initial trauma, you’re not thinking clearly.” 

Alec had every intention of protesting, but then his eyes locked onto her blood-coated hand as she repositioned the cloth against his wound now that he had stopped shifting around. 

With a hitch of his breath, he raised his head just high enough to see that his whole left side was bathed in crimson red. 

His head swam at the sight of all the blood and he dropped back against the cushions limply, swallowing reflexively against the bile rising up the back of his tight throat. 

“This has to be my priority, Alec. And if you fight me on that, I’ll have no choice but to sedate you.” 

Alec shook his head pleadingly. “No...” 

“Then I need you to cooperate and let me close up this wound before it gets any worse. But once that's done, I’ll drive you back home myself, okay?” Cat consoled in a gentle voice. “Then we can explain to your brother what happened. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. But you have to let me help you first. Deal?” 

Alec was too stressed out to give her any form of consent, but he was no longer struggling, so Cat took that as a sign of acceptance. 

She grabbed the two-inch needle off the tray, uncapped it, and squirt some of the fluid out the top to remove any air bubbles. 

Alec let out a small whimper of fear at the sight. He didn’t want that thing anywhere near his skin in general, let alone anywhere near the slice that was already pulsating to the beat of his racing heart. 

“Alexander, don’t focus on the needle. Focus on me.” 

Magnus adjusted his grip to encompass both of the boy’s hands with one of his own and used his newly freed hand to caress the side of Alec’s sweaty face. 

When Alec refused to lose sight of the needle, Magnus shifted his fingertips under the boy’s chin and gently tilted his head back until Alec had no choice but to look up at him instead. 

And once their eyes met, barely a foot of distance left between them, Alec’s breath caught in his throat. 

The genuine affection he saw reflecting back at him from the depths of those charcoal-outlined orbs made his next breath ghost out of his chest in a shuddery exhale. 

“That’s it, darling... I’m right here. Just breathe, Alexander.” 

Alec watched the man’s soft, plush lips as the comforting words spilled from them. He couldn’t help but dart his tongue out briefly to wet his own now that his whole mouth had gone dry. 

Magnus’ gaze was now locked on Alec’s lips in return, and it made the boy feel very self-conscious. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing uncomfortably since his head was tilted back at an awkward angle. 

But he couldn’t look away from Magnus’ face. 

The man’s thumb was stroking along his cheek, and unless Alec was very much mistaken, he could’ve sworn that Magnus was leaning closer, little by little... 

Alec stopped breathing entirely when the man was close enough that Alec could feel his warm breath ghosting across his face, and time stood still. 

His mouth opened and closed wordlessly, his mind drawing a complete blank as Magnus continued talking to him. 

“Everything is going to be alright. Just stay with me...” 

And for a brief moment, Alec found himself wondering what it would feel like if their lips were to meet. After all, he had only been kissed by one other person, and it had been far from consensual. But maybe with Magnus, it wouldn’t be so bad... 

Magnus’ left hand glided gently up the bridge of Alec’s nose, the boy’s long eyelashes tickling his palm when he blinked, before smoothing Alec’s damp bangs back. 

Alec let his eyes drift closed at the contact, but only for a moment. They reopened as Magnus’ palm came to a stop on his forehead and he stared up at the man in wonder. 

“You have incredibly beautiful eyes, Alexander. Did you know that?” 

Alec blushed at the compliment. 

"I... Gah!" He jolted as Cat slid the anesthetic needle under his skin alongside his wound before he could do anything to stop her. 

He tried to sit up and see what she was doing, but Magnus’ muscles locked tightly, keeping his head and upper chest effectively pinned down. 

“Easy, easy... Just breathe through it, Alexander. Don’t look.” 

As Cat slowly pressed down on the plunger while retracting the needle, a burning sensation followed in its wake. 

Alec grimaced as the burning continued to spread just below his skin, and he instinctively tried to struggle his way free again, but Magnus kept a firm grip on his wrists, waiting him out so he couldn’t meddle with the needle. 

The boy whined and clenched his watery eyes shut when he felt the second stab on the other side of his wound. 

“Shh... It’s almost over. Hang in there a few more seconds...” 

By the time Cat had withdrawn the needle again, the wound was already going blissfully numb. Alec breathed out a sigh of relief and surrendered the fight. Then he glared up at Magnus petulantly for having distracted him. 

The older man smirked cockily and winked as he straightened up a bit, rubbing his thumb lightly over Alec’s trapped wrists while the other hand began stroking through his hair in earnest, very reminiscent to what Raphael had done back at the hospital. 

Much to Alec’s disgruntle, the act settled him almost immediately. 

"You're welcome, darling. The worst is over now, so just sit back and relax while Cat works her magic." 

Alec wanted to be pissed at the subterfuge, but all he could think about now was Magnus’ lips as they grinned down at him smugly. 

He felt his cheeks heat up again in embarrassment at how easily he had been drawn in; how ready he was to throw caution to the wind and take his chances with a total stranger for a second time. Would he never learn? 

If he was _that_ easy to manipulate, then maybe he deserved what he got from Victor. 

His thoughts were a spiraling mess that kept him so preoccupied, that he was stunned when Cat smoothed a bandage over his wound and declared him all set. 

He hadn’t felt a damned thing after the lidocaine injections had kicked in. 

Alec’s body went boneless as the tension finally left him. He couldn't remember ever being more physically exhausted or mentally drained in his entire life. 

Cat finished cleaning him up, then removed her stained gloves before carefully zipping up Alec's borrowed sweatshirt so that he could start preserving heat again. 

Magnus finally released Alec in favor of tucking the hot water bottles all around his torso. The warmth was blissful, and Alec sank further into the soft cushions. 

He didn’t even mind it when Cat moved up and cleaned the wound on his temple before applying butterfly bandages. At least he didn’t have to deal with getting stitches near his eye again. Hard pass on that one. 

As Cat stood and backed off, Alec felt the absence of their hands touching him and it left him feeling untethered. The sensation was disorienting to say the least. 

His head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, and the thought of moving even a single muscle seemed like a daunting task. 

He struggled to stay awake as Cat leaned over him, cupping his cheek gently to regain his attention. “You did great, sweetie. Just relax for a few minutes while I go talk to Magnus, and then I’ll take you home, alright?” 

Alec nodded sluggishly. _Home_... No greater word existed in the entire history of vocabulary. 

_June 16, 2019- Continued _

_The only way Alec was able to sit still and allow Cat to give him the tetanus injection was by reminding himself that once it was over, he could finally go home. _

__

__

_The sharp pinch of metal entering his arm nearly had him scrambling for the sink, but he managed to contain himself and not vomit all over Cat’s shoes. _

_Seconds after she smoothed a bandaid over the small puncture wound, Alec was sliding himself off the edge of the examination table he had tentatively perched himself upon when Raphael had returned with the shot and his clothes. _

_“Good news from the blood lab, Alec,” Raphael interjected as he began properly sealing the completed kit to preserve the evidence collected. “Apparently you were given a watered-down dose of yin fen. _

_“Whoever cooked it was trying to get more bang for their buck. Still packs a punch at first, but we’re hopeful you’ll regain all of your missing memories with time.” _

_Alec wasn’t sure if that was actually good news or not. _

_“Nice to know,” he mumbled in response. _

_“Cat and I can talk to the cop in the waiting room and explain the situation. Should buy you some time to decide if you want to talk to them and file a report later or not. I’m sure he’s already gotten statements from your siblings, but he’ll need your account too for the record.” _

_“...Right.”_

_Alec stiffly made his way over to the neatly folded pile of clothing and gingerly slid his fresh pair of boxers on underneath the flimsy gown. He had just settled them on his waist when Cat caught his elbow before silently holding out a sanitary pad. _

_He only knew what it was because he had a sister who wasn’t shy in the least, not even when it came to feminine products. _

_If it were up to him, he’d rather bleed all over the leather car seat than be caught dead wearing one of those things, but it wasn’t _his_ car that would be transporting him home. It was Izzy’s. _

__

__

_Convincing himself that no one else needed to know about it, he reluctantly took the offering and nodded his gratitude. There was no doubt in his mind that he was still sluggishly bleeding back there, and if using the pad saved him from the further embarrassment of staining yet another pair of jeans, then he would suffer through it. _

_“Raphael and I will give you some privacy to finish changing. Just knock on the door if you need any assistance and one of us will come back in to help. Other than that, you’re all set for now. _

_“I’m going to give you some antibiotics to take at home which will protect you from the broad spectrum of STDs, and you’ll have to do some follow-up bloodwork in three months to re-test for HIV and Hepatitis. _

_“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to fill your siblings in on the basic instructions for home care, and you can always call the hospital or your PCP if you have any additional questions.” _

_Alec was barely listening again. _

_He just wanted them to leave so he could finish getting dressed. He nodded once more to appease the doctor and waited tensely for her and Raphael to walk out and close the door behind themselves. _

_Then he applied the pad to his boxers and reached for his jeans. _

_It took about five minutes for him to get his aching body properly covered, but he managed to do it by himself. _

_He didn’t bother with the socks. Getting the jeans on was arduous enough. Instead, he just slipped his bare feet into his sneakers and gathered up his remaining things. _

_When he opened the door, he found his siblings clustered around Cat, listening intently as she informed them of what needed to be done while he was in their care. _

_The eldest Lightwood felt the heat rising in his face yet again as Cat held up the tube of ointment to explain the proper application process. Jace and Izzy were hanging on her every word, not even remotely perturbed by the abundance of information. _

_Alec didn’t need to stick around for this. _

_They all looked over at him as he limped past, mumbling “I’ll wait in the car,” before he headed down the hall and towards the exit with as much speed as he could muster. _

_Izzy looked to Jace who jerked his head towards Alec’s retreating back. “Go with him. I’ll be out in a minute.” _

_She didn’t need any further prompting and quickly jogged to catch up with her older brother. Jace turned back to Cat, his mind absorbing her instructions while his heart was outside with his siblings. _

_By the time Alec stepped out into the fresh air, it was early dawn, the sun just starting to brighten the night sky. He wandered the parking lot aimlessly at first, but it didn’t take him long to zero in on Izzy’s familiar car, particularly due to her poor park job. _

_Parking and cooking were basically the only skills she had yet to master, no matter how often Alec and Jace tried to teach her. _

_He shook his head with a bemused huff, then limped over to the vehicle, realizing belatedly that he should’ve asked his sister for the keys before fleeing the building. _

_He was just starting to consider if it would be tolerable to sit on the hood and wait when the car lights flashed and the vehicle suddenly unlocked, startling him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Izzy jogging across the parking lot. _

_“It’s open!” she called to him, and with a relieved exhale, he eased himself into the passenger seat, closing and locking his door behind him for the added security. _

_Izzy slid into the driver’s side and eyed him critically, wanting to draw him into a hug or ask how the exam had gone, but she was afraid to overstep their unspoken boundaries. _

_“Are you alright?” she asked instead. _

_Alec blew out a slow breath, then shook his head. “Not really,” he admitted quietly. “But I will be.” That was the best he could offer for now. _

_Izzy accepted his honest response with a sad nod, then they watched in silence as the sun came up over the horizon, its rays glaring off the dirty windshield, and with it came a flicker of hope that the worst was over. _

_He was finally going home, and he prayed to whomever was listening that someday he’d be able to leave the past in the past and learn how to move beyond it. _

November 28, 2019- Thanksgiving Night 

Alec could hear the murmured voices of Cat and Magnus as they discussed their next course of action in the kitchen. 

It didn’t take long for their distant conversation to fade into white noise, and no matter how hard Alec fought against it, he fell asleep within minutes. 

When the pair returned shortly after, they discovered him snoring softly on the couch which brought a fond smile to Magnus’ lips. 

Cat moved towards the boy, intending to wake him up, but Magnus caught her hand and drew her up short. At her questioning glance, he whispered, “Let him sleep. He needs it. I’ll take him home first thing in the morning.” 

The doctor hesitated for a moment, reluctant to go back on her promise of delivering Alec home to his siblings. But the boy was clearly exhausted. A few hours of sleep couldn’t hurt. 

“Alright,” she acquiesced. “I’ll head back to the hospital and pull up his original medical records, then text you his address and give his brother a call so he knows that Alec is alright and will be home tomorrow. I’m pretty sure Jace’s information was listed as Alec’s emergency contact.” 

“You always go above and beyond the call of duty, Catarina. Thank you for sacrificing your Thanksgiving evening for a house call.” 

Cat pulled her best friend into a tight hug as she reached the elevator doors. “As if there’s anyone else in the world with whom I’d rather spend the holiday...” 

She glanced back at Alec worriedly. 

“Keep an eye on him, Magnus. I don’t like where his head’s at.” 

“Don’t worry. It will be my pleasure to keep _both_ eyes on him. He’s certainly not hard to look at.” 

Cat smirked as she turned her attention back to Magnus. 

“Didn’t think you’d complain. Just... Promise me you’ll be careful, okay?” 

“He doesn’t exactly scream ‘violent criminal’ to me, Cat. I think I can handle him.” 

“That’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it. When you take people under your wing, you give them your whole heart. I’ve always admired you for that, but Alec... He’s broken, and he’ll hurt you if that’s what it takes to protect himself. So try not to get too attached or let your guard down, alright?” 

Magnus nodded, but he knew that ship had already sailed. This boy clearly needed some compassion in his life, and Magnus was full-willing to extend a helping hand, regardless of how many times Alec might slap it away. 

Cat leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. 

“Thank you. Let me know if his stats start to deteriorate overnight. I’ll text you his address from the hospital.” 

“Drive safely.” 

After Cat left, Magnus walked over to the sleeping figure on his couch, picked up the blanket from the floor, and draped it gently over Alec, taking a moment to listen to his quiet little snores. 

The boy looked so peaceful in his sleep. And too damned young to be carrying the burdens that laid so heavily on his shoulders. 

Magnus instinctively reached out his hand, feeling the urge to touch Alec’s face again, but stopped with the tips of his fingers hovering over the boy’s flushed cheek. 

The magnetic need to close that small gap and caress Alec's freshly heated skin was overwhelming, but Magnus didn’t want to risk waking him. 

Instead, he reluctantly drew back and settled in on the couch opposite Alec’s, his phone resting on his knee so he’d feel the vibration if it went off. 

As promised, Cat’s text arrived about thirty minutes later and Magnus spent some time Googling the address and plotting out his route to return Alec to his home in the morning. 

He couldn’t help but feel a pang of sorrow at the idea that he might never see the boy again. He hoped that wouldn’t be the case. He was too invested in Alec now to just let him slip away. 

Then Magnus reached for the cup of cold tea on the side table and sat vigil over the boy, lost in his thoughts as the sky began to lighten from jet black to a soft shade of blue, announcing the arrival of early morning. 

It had been a long day for Magnus too, and the stress of it all took its toll on him as the peaceful atmosphere drew on. 

Checking on Alec once more to ensure that he wasn’t in need of anything, Magnus laid his head back and let himself relax into the plush couch, his eyelids getting heavier until he eventually drifted off to sleep. 

To be continued.


	20. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finally goes home, and is surprised by the reception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the massive delay on this chapter! We've both been really busy over the past few weeks, but we haven't given up on this story and finally managed to cobble a new update together for you all :) And as a thank you for your incredible patience, we made this one a bit longer than most. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> No major trigger warnings for this one, but there are some brief mentions of previous child abuse and self-harm towards the end.
> 
> Timeline-wise, this chapter takes place entirely in the present.

November 29, 2019- The Morning After Thanksgiving 

Alec shifted groggily as he slowly returned to consciousness, the bright rays of sunshine piercing through his closed eyelids and instigating a headache. 

He attempted to roll away from the light so that he could return to the blissful darkness, but the movement ignited a cacophony of protests throughout his limbs. 

He froze halfway through the turn, releasing a pained groan as he gave his tired brain a moment to catalog all the areas of his body that ached before he dared to move another muscle. 

The reasons for those aches and pains took a bit longer to catch up to his muddled mind, but when they did, his eyes shot open in fear, and instead of finding the small expanse of his own bedroom, he came face-to-face with the back of an unfamiliar couch. 

It didn’t take a genius to realize that he had fallen asleep at Magnus’s after Cat had patched him up, and he had never made it home to his brother like he had planned. 

Shit. 

The clatter of a metallic tray being set down on a wooden table startled Alec and he craned his head around to see Magnus straightening back up a few feet away. 

The man glanced over and beamed at him. 

“Oh, good. You’re awake. Cream or sugar?” he prompted with a smile, pointing at the two mugs of coffee sitting on the tray. 

Alec sat up with a grimace, ignoring Magnus’s question. “I can’t believe I fell asleep...” 

“We both did,” Magnus admitted as he sat down beside Alec, but when the boy practically leapt to his feet in distress, he quickly added, “on separate couches, never fear.” 

Alec hissed, placing a protective hand over the stitches in his side as they pulled tight at the abrupt movement. 

“You really should take it slow, Alexander. If you tear open Cat’s handiwork, she’s not going to be happy.” 

“Pretty sure Dr. Loss is the least of my problems,” Alec muttered, searching the room for his boots before spotting them by the door. “Jace is going to kill me.” 

“Oh, I very much doubt that. Cat gave your brother a call last night to explain what happened and she told him you were safe.” 

Alec’s head snapped around so violently that Magnus winced at the sound of his neck cracking. “She did _what_?!” 

“Don’t worry. She didn’t give him any unnecessary details.” 

“But... How?” 

“Apparently she had his number on file at the hospital. Should buy you some time to get your affairs in order today. You’re welcome to take a shower here if you’d like, and I insist you stay for breakfast. I can conjure up a mean Belgian waffle...” 

“No. I have to get home. Now.” 

Alec glanced down at himself, suddenly remembering that he didn’t own a blue zip-up hoodie or the comfiest sweatpants in the world, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to wear another man’s outfit back to his apartment after having disappeared for the whole night. 

“Where are my clothes?” 

“Tumbling in the dryer. Your shirt was a lost cause obviously, but the rest are practically good as new. You’re welcome to keep my-” 

“My own clothes will be fine. Thank you,” Alec replied quickly, blushing. 

“Of course. You already know where the bathroom is, so help yourself. And when you’re ready, I’ll take you home.” 

Alec dropped his gaze and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. 

“You don’t have to do that. I can just take the subway. It’s not that far.” 

“Nonsense. I promised Cat I’d get you home safely, and I intend to keep that promise. I’ll be heading in your direction anyway. It’s no hardship, I assure you.” 

“Okay, then... I guess I’ll just...” 

Alec thumbed over his shoulder towards the hallway and at Magnus’s nod of approval, he quickly disappeared into the bathroom. 

The sooner he got changed, the sooner he’d make it home. But priorities first. His bladder wasn’t going to wait much longer. 

After finally relieving himself (and what a relief it was), he pulled his ratty clothes from the fancy dryer and got dressed. 

The overshirt was too loose and thin without his standard t-shirt underneath it, but the best he could do for now was button it up to hide his chest and change into something more comfortable once he had access to his wardrobe again. 

Pulling on his tight jeans was an unpleasant affair. And while it was an equally painful struggle, he even managed to pull on his warm, dry socks. He folded the clothes he had borrowed from Magnus and left the small pile on the countertop. 

A quick glance up at the decorative mirror proved that his appearance still left a lot to be desired, but at least he felt more like himself in his own attire. 

He raked his fingers through his mop of hair a few times, then glumly accepted the fact that he’d have permanent bedhead until he had a chance to properly shower. 

When he stepped back out into the main area, he found Magnus waiting for him by the elevator. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you with breakfast first? Eggs, bacon... Perhaps a chocolate milk?” 

Alec’s lips quirked up with an amused smile. “I’m good, thanks.” 

Magnus looked rather disappointed by the rejection, and Alec didn’t like feeling responsible for having put that expression on his otherwise jovial face, so he found himself elaborating. 

“Maybe some other time though.” 

Before he could panic and backtrack his way out of the unintended invitation, Magnus beamed at him and the flustered words died in the boy’s throat. 

“I’m going to hold you to that, Alexander.” 

Just as Alec opened his mouth and attempted to respond, the elevator dinged and the doors parted. Magnus motioned Alec forward with a wave of his hand. 

“Shall we?” 

They both stepped in without another word. 

The drive to Alec’s apartment took less than twenty minutes, and that included the typical morning traffic and construction obstacles. He had been embarrassingly close to home before his car had gone off the road. 

His car... Alec mentally reminded himself that he had to call Luke soon so he could get the vehicle fished out of the river. But first, Alec had to face his brother. And then ask to borrow his cellphone. He wasn’t looking forward to either one. 

There were no street parking spots available in front of his building, so Magnus pulled around to the side and found a spot about a block away. Alec could double-back easily enough. That is... If he ever gathered enough courage to leave the car. 

Magnus could tell that Alec was stalling and didn’t attempt to rush him along. He did find it curious though. 

For someone who had been dead set on getting home ASAP, Alec's urgency seemed to have suddenly dissipated now that his apartment was literally right around the corner. 

So instead of saying their goodbyes and going their separate ways, they simply sat together in companionable silence for a while before the boy summoned his courage and reluctantly reached for the door handle. 

The hesitancy was starting to worry Magnus. 

“Are you going to be alright? I could come with you if you’d like,” he offered earnestly. “Perhaps I could provide a buffer, or help explain my part in last night’s fiasco?” 

Alec was appalled by how badly he wanted to say yes. But this was his battle, and Magnus didn’t deserve to be dragged into it. He shook his head in response. 

“Trust me, you don’t want any part of this. Besides, you’ve done more than enough already.” 

“It’s been my pleasure, Alexander. And I hope we get to do this again sometime.” 

At Alec’s raised eyebrow, Magnus clarified. 

“I mean the getting to know each other bit. Not the death-defying stunts. Unless of course you’re into that sort of thing, in which case we could always go hang-gliding, or bungee jumping, or...” 

Alec snorted. 

“I think I’ve had enough excitement to last me a while, thanks.” 

“Very well. Then if you ever just want to talk, or perhaps vent some frustration on a heavy bag-” 

Magnus pulled a business card from his wallet and handed it over to Alec. 

“-This is the address to my gym, ‘Bane’s Domain’. It’s basically my second home, and all are welcome; no membership required. You'll find my cell number on the back. Don’t hesitate to call. Any day or time is fine by me. In fact, the sooner the better.” 

He winked at Alec whose cheeks pinked slightly as he dropped his head, but it was a far cry from the mortified look he had given Magnus the night before. The boy was already growing accustomed to his incessant flirting. 

Good. Magnus was systematically breaking through his defenses. Maybe if he played his cards right, he’d actually get the boy to laugh instead of squirm. 

“You’ve got this, Alexander. But should you need any backup, I’m just a phone call away.” 

There it was... The shy smile that melted Magnus’s heart every time he was lucky enough to see it. 

Alec held the card up with a flick of his wrist in silent gratitude. Then with a bit more confidence than before, he finally opened the car door. 

“I’ll see you around, Magnus.” 

“Indeed, you shall.” 

And if Magnus enjoyed the sight of Alec walking away via his rearview mirror, who could blame him? Those jeans were truly a gift from the gods. He waited until Alec had turned the corner, then he drove off to spend the day with “his kids” at the gym. 

As Alec neared the front door of his apartment, he could hear his brother’s raised voice coming from inside. Jace sounded like he was arguing with someone, and he was definitely pissed. 

_“For the last time, I don’t give a crap what she said! As far as I’m concerned, Alec is still missing until I hear from him directly. So either get out there and do your job or get the hell out of my way cause I’m not gonna stop searching until I find him!”_

With a resigned sigh, Alec eased the door open and tried to prepare himself for the onslaught that he assumed would soon be headed in his direction. 

Jace’s tirade came to an abrupt halt as Alec timidly stepped inside. The blond gaped at him as if he thought Alec might just be a hallucination. 

Alec took the small opportunity of silence to try and say his peace first. 

“Jace, about last night... I was-” 

Alec flinched back instinctively as Jace suddenly strode across the room and descended on him, then blinked stupidly in surprise when the younger boy threw his arms around him in a firm but loving embrace. 

“Thank the Angel...” Jace whispered near Alec’s ear, holding him close. “You scared the hell outta me, man. Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” the older brother confirmed past a tight throat as he slowly returned the hug. “I’m fine.” But when Jace’s grip tightened just a little bit more, Alec hissed in pain and sheepishly had to amend his statement with a “...More or less.” 

Jace drew back carefully and took in Alec’s rough appearance. His short-lived relief at his brother’s return quickly morphed into worry as Alec cradled his left elbow with a grimace, supporting his upper arm. 

“You don’t look fine, Alec. How bad is it?” 

Alec shrugged off Jace’s concern with his good shoulder. 

“Just swollen, really. It’ll be fine in a couple days.” 

The blond reached up and gently gripped Alec’s chin, tilting his head slightly to take in the bruising along his left cheekbone and the butterfly bandages above his eye. 

“Is all this from the accident?” Jace inquired, his guilt rising by the second as his gaze continued downward for a full visual exam, cataloguing all the obvious injuries he could find. “I got a call last night from Dr. Loss saying your car went off the road...” 

Alec winced, but it wasn’t due to his injuries. 

“Yeah, about that... I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner. My phone got destroyed, and I-” 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” the blond croaked out, sounding as if he were on the verge of tears. “This is all on me, Alec. What you heard at Izzy’s place... We never meant to hurt you, buddy. 

“It’s just, you kept having these awful nightmares back then and you weren’t sleeping properly, and we were afraid that if we didn’t do something to help, you were just going to keep getting worse. But it was only a few times, and really low doses. You were already exhausted. It didn’t require much to put you into a dreamless sleep. 

“And I wasn’t gonna use the sedatives this time around, I swear. Not without your permission. I just figured it might be good to have them on hand in case the nightmares started to come back, but we can flush the pills down the toilet right this second if you’d...” 

“Jace, take a breath,” Alec insisted, alarmed at how red in the face his brother had become as the boy's thoughts tumbled out of his mouth in a desperate bid for forgiveness. 

After running his own visual once-over, Alec concluded that his brother had been up the entire night. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. 

Had he been crying? Or was he just exhausted from the lack of sleep and heightened stress from all the recent turmoil? 

Part of Alec felt vindicated that Jace had suffered last night for his previous transgressions, but mostly he just felt bad for making his brother worry. 

He reminded himself that regardless of how inexcusable his siblings’ actions had been in the past, they had meant well, and had only done what they thought was best for him. 

Of course, that didn’t mean Alec wasn’t still harboring some resentment over the whole drugging situation, but he hadn’t planned to use last night’s accident as some form of retribution or punishment against Jace. He wasn’t _that_ petty. 

“I’m so sorry for how we handled things, and for how you found out about it. We should’ve been straight with you from the start. I just... I didn’t know what else to do. Please don’t hate me, Alec,” Jace begged, his desperate eyes pleading. 

Alec let out his own breath, then replied, “I don’t _hate_ you, Jace. I don’t think I could _ever_ hate you. But after what you and Izzy did... I don’t know if I can _trust_ you either. At least, not like I used to.” 

There was nothing Alec wanted more than to erase this mental barrier between them and go back to the way things were, but he knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. 

His brother had betrayed him, and well-intentioned or not, it had left a gaping wound that would require time to heal fully, assuming it ever could. Alec really hoped he wouldn’t have to add another permanent scar to his abundant collection. 

“I think we can get past it though,” he offered as an olive branch. “I _want_ to forgive you and move on, Jace. I just... I’m not there yet. I need more time.” 

The blond was clearly hurt by the declaration, but he fought hard to hide it. He knew Alec’s words were justified, and quite frankly, the response had been more than generous. 

“I get it. And I’ll do whatever it takes to earn back your trust. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. I won’t let you down again, I promise.” 

“I’d like to second that, if I may,” came a tentative voice from the living room, just beyond Alec’s viewpoint. 

Alec had completely forgotten that he had overheard Jace arguing with someone before he had come inside. And seconds later, their guest stepped into view. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” 

Alec’s mouth instantly went dry. 

“...Luke.” 

“Hey, Alec. It’s been a long time.” 

“Sure has.” 

Alec knew that Luke had been in charge of his assault investigation since the night of the incident, but Jace had been handling all the correspondence back then, trying his best to keep the police from hounding his brother for information. 

Too ashamed to reach out in his time of need, Alec hadn’t personally seen or spoken to the man since the night he had confronted Robert, back when Alec was eleven. 

Oddly enough, the cop looked exactly as he remembered him, though perhaps with a bit more salt and pepper around his temples and the edges of his beard. 

He also seemed worn down, as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. And his eyes... 

They were darker than they used to be. More haunted. As if he had witnessed too many horrors over the years to hold onto anything remotely resembling hope or innocence. 

Alec could certainly relate to that. 

As much as he wanted to welcome the family friend back with a hug and some reminiscing of the ‘good ol’ days’, there were more pressing issues at hand. 

“What are you doing here?” he inquired instead, more bluntly than he had intended. 

“I uh... I got a few calls last night from witnesses who said they saw a car go off the road and into the river. I was on my way to investigate when Jace reached out and told me you had run off. 

“I had really hoped the two events weren’t related, but once we dredged your car out of the Hudson... I’ve gotta say my heart was in my stomach until the divers confirmed that the vehicle was abandoned. I had my men check the surrounding area, but you were nowhere to be found.” 

Alec swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Luke. I know you’re not supposed to leave the scene of an accident, but I didn’t really have any choice. It was freezing, and I was soaked, and my phone... It was-” 

“Don’t worry about all that. I’m just glad you’re okay, kiddo. Judging by what’s left of your vehicle, you’re lucky to be alive.” 

“Yeah. I guess I am.” _Thanks to Magnus. _

Jace was practically vibrating next to him with his need to pepper Alec with questions, but he held them all back. And for that, Alec was grateful. He wasn’t ready to discuss his benevolent savior with his brother just yet. 

“Now that this is no longer a missing persons case, I do need you to fill out an accident report if you’re up to it.” 

Alec wasn’t, but he knew Luke was only trying to do his job. And after worrying the man and leaving him to deal with a frantic Jace all night, the least he could do was sign some documents. 

“...Sure.” 

“Great. I’ve got my clipboard out in the truck.” 

Jace’s phone began to ring, interrupting the conversation. He retrieved it from his back pocket and blew out a breath. 

“It’s Izzy, for the hundredth time this morning. I’ll handle her, you go do what you’ve gotta do, and let me know if you need anything.” 

At Alec’s brief nod, Jace answered the call and strode off towards the kitchen for privacy so he could fill their sister in on Alec’s safe return. 

Now alone with Luke, Alec felt the atmosphere quickly shift into a somber, more uncomfortable vibe. 

His eyes drifted down the hall, longing to disappear behind the safety of the bathroom door. 

He considered asking Luke to just leave the forms on the counter so Alec could fill them out when he was ready and drop them off at the station later or mail them in, but then Luke spoke again. 

“Walk with me, Alec. I want to talk to you before I head back to the precinct.” 

Luke opened the front door and held it for Alec, watching him expectantly. 

Damn. 

Alec really wasn’t in the mood for an interrogation. But it was clear from his mannerisms that Luke wasn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer. 

Resignedly, Alec nodded, then stepped back outside into the bright sunshine. 

The door had barely closed behind them when Luke asked, “You sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m fine. Just bumps and bruises mostly.” 

Luke nodded in thought. “You’re a tough kid. Always have been, from what I remember.” 

Alec squinted off into the distance, trying hard not to think about the past. He should’ve known that Luke would want to discuss Robert. That whole situation remained unresolved between them for fifteen years. 

“Alec...” 

“Luke, can we please not talk about this right now? It’s been a really long night, and I just want to take a shower and crash.” 

At Luke’s raised eyebrow, Alec rolled his eyes. 

“Poor choice of words. My bad.” 

“...Was it though?” 

“What?” 

“The crash. Was it really an accident?” 

Alec shook his head in disbelief. “Wow. I expected that from Jace, not from you.” 

“I’m a cop, kiddo. It’s my job to ask the tough questions. And while your brother was pacing the apartment all night, he let a few things slip.” 

Alec sighed heavily. “He never _could_ handle his coffee...” 

Luke chuckled. “That kid is spun so tightly, I’m surprised the first cup didn’t have him doing cartwheels through the kitchen. By the end of the night, he drank eight. I’m amazed he can still string two words together. You seriously had him worried, Alec.” 

The boy winced and looked away. “That wasn’t my intention. And yes, for the sake of clearing the air, it really _was_ an accident.” 

Luke watched him intently for a moment, searching for any hint of a lie. He relaxed a bit when he didn’t find one. “I’m relieved to hear that. You must’ve been driving at a pretty fast clip to do the amount of damage I saw.” 

“I just needed to get away for a while. Took my eyes off the road for two seconds, and then there was this guy crossing the street right in front of me. 

“I tried to stop, but the brakes must’ve busted. I turned the wheel hard and ended up going down the embankment. The airbag didn’t deploy either as it flipped. Honestly, the whole car was falling apart. It’s a miracle it lasted as long as it did.” 

“It used to be your father’s car, am I right?” 

“You already know that it was, so why are you asking? I’ve had it for years, so it’s not like he tampered with it or anything. I don’t think he hates me _that_ much. It just got old, and I didn’t take very good care of it.” 

“Yeah, well... He didn’t take very good care of you either.” 

Alec looked nervously over his shoulder towards the front door as if he expected to find his brother standing there, listening in. 

“I don’t want to talk about him, Luke. So if that’s why you asked me to come out here, I’m-” 

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to dredge up the past or kick you when you’re down. I just... I never got the chance to tell you what happened after that night.” 

There was no doubt in Alec’s mind as to which night Luke was referring. 

“Don’t worry about it. That’s all ancient history now.” 

“Alec, please. Listen to me. After your dad hurt you, I begged Maryse to report him. But she not-so-subtly implied that doing so would only make things worse for you.” 

Alec shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his chest as a protective barrier for his aching heart. “Luke, seriously. Forget about it.” 

“I can’t. That night has haunted me for years, kiddo. Cause regardless of what Maryse said, I couldn’t just ignore what I saw. I didn’t heed her warning, and I took it to my superior. Turns out, your dad had friends in high places.” 

Alec scoffed. “Perks of being a highly respected lawyer. He probably defended half the cops in your precinct for one thing or another.” 

“I was still a rookie cop back then, so he certainly had more alliances than I did. I was told that if I kept pursuing the matter, I’d lose my job and Robert would sue me for every penny I had and call it slander. Not to mention he could press charges and send me to jail for giving him a taste of his own medicine... Anyway, I panicked, and I dropped the issue officially, but I still kept an eye on you for as long as I could. 

“If he slipped up again, I didn’t care what it would do to my career. I wasn’t gonna leave you in that house to deal with him alone. I also reached out to a few of your teachers and asked them to report any unexplained injuries directly to me. They claimed they didn’t see fresh bruises on you after that night, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t just leaving them where no one would see.” 

Luke gave him a pointed look and Alec shook his head as he stared at his shoes, the verbal denial getting stuck in his throat. He couldn’t outright lie to Luke. 

The cop clenched his jaw and took a minute to get his anger back under control before continuing. 

“About a year later, your parents adopted Jace, social services got involved, and Robert seemed like he became a totally different person.” 

“He did,” Alec answered honestly. “He couldn’t risk social services finding out and taking us all away. That would’ve destroyed his perfectly manicured reputation.” 

“I figured that might be the case, but I wanted to know for sure, so I tried to visit you after school one day. Robert was there to pick you and Jace up because apparently you both had gotten into a fight and the principal called him in. 

“He saw me waiting in the parking lot, and he threatened to file a restraining order against me if I didn’t keep my distance. I was out of moves, and I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life.” 

Alec smirked wryly. “Yeah. He has that effect on people.” 

“He certainly does. Anyway... I got back in my car and started to drive off, but then I saw you and Jace come out of the school together. You were a bloodied mess and I nearly turned back around, but even through the rearview mirror, I could see from Jace's body language how protective he already was over you.” 

Alec couldn’t deny that. Considering Jace’s own horror story of abuse, it didn’t come as a surprise that he dedicated the rest of his life to defending the underdogs such as Alec to make sure they didn’t endure the kind of pain that Jace had. 

Alec felt a pang in his chest over the loss of their seemingly unbreakable bond. 

Before last night, he would’ve followed Jace to the ends of the Earth or jumped into a fiery pit full of demonic snakes if his brother asked him to do so, because he trusted blindly and implicitly that Jace would have a good reason for it. 

But now... Now he couldn’t even accept a glass of water from him without getting suspicious, and he longed for the days of blissful ignorance. 

He shook himself out of his thoughts when he realized that Luke was still talking. 

“He probably doesn’t remember this, but Jace was my first official child abuse case. I had spent hours poring over the photographic evidence of what his father had put him through, and it was despicable. 

“I’m not a religious man by any means. I believe in science and forensic facts. But the truth of the matter is, I can’t help but think that it was fate that brought the two of you together when you both needed it most. Some sort of divine intervention. And somehow, I knew you were going to be okay, now that you weren’t alone anymore.” 

Alec sniffed and quickly wiped a stray tear from his cheek with his good shoulder. “Sounds like I never was.” 

Luke gave him a watery smile, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders; A burden he had been carrying for fifteen years. 

“You’re damned right. And you’re not alone _now_ either. Jace told me why you took off on him last night.” 

Alec’s eyes shot back up to meet Luke’s in surprise. 

“While I can’t condone what he did or blame you for being upset, there’s one thing I know for certain. That kid loves you more than life itself. He made a bad decision, but I truly believe it was with the best of intentions. I hope you boys can find a way to move past it because you deserve to have that support system, now more than ever.” 

“I told you, I’m fine, Luke.” 

“You’re _not_ fine. You’ve been through Hell and back, Alec. You’ve faced more monsters than anyone should ever have to face, including your own inner demons.” 

With that, Luke jutted his chin towards the bandage that Magnus had reapplied to the cut on his wrist which was peeking out from underneath the edge of Alec’s long sleeve. 

The boy quickly dropped his crossed arms and clasped his hands behind his back instead to keep them from trembling. 

“Hey, I’m not here to judge. I wanna help you, kiddo. Whatever you need, just say the word. Give me a chance to earn back your trust, and I swear to you I won’t abuse it again.” 

Alec’s mind was racing a mile a minute. There was so much Luke already knew, and so much that Alec still wanted to tell him. But there was also a lot he knew he couldn’t say without putting everyone he loved in jeopardy. 

He settled for another small nod of acceptance. “Thanks, Luke.” 

The cop reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, then slid a business card out of it. 

“I know your brother already has one of these, but this is my direct line at the precinct. If you decide you want to move forward with your case and press charges, I’ll help you through the process and keep you safe. Maybe then you’ll be able to get a proper night’s rest knowing he’s off the streets.” 

He handed the card to Alec who added it to the one Magnus had given him in his back pocket. At this rate, he’d be able to start his own collection by the end of the day. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Then another thought struck Alec. “Hey, Luke... You didn’t give my brother the business card of a Doctor Spencer back at the hospital, did you?” 

Luke frowned in confusion. “Doctor Spencer? Never heard of him. What’s his specialty?” 

“He uh... He’s a therapist. One that was recommended to Jace when I was discharged. I was just curious who he got the info from.” 

“I see. Well, it wasn’t me. By the time I got to the hospital, you guys had already left. I was still collecting evidence at the scene, but I sent Theo ahead to start the initial questioning if you felt up for it. Maybe Jace spoke to him?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Did you end up going to see the doc?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I did.” 

“Did it help at all?” 

“...It wasn’t really what I had expected.” 

“How so?” 

“Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but something wasn’t right with him. You might want to look into that, but keep my name out of it.” 

Luke’s eyes narrowed in concern. “Thanks for the anonymous tip. I’ll see what I can turn up. In the meantime, my cell number hasn’t changed. You call me if anyone gives you a hard time, or if you need a ride somewhere. Or heck, if you want me to slap a pair of cuffs on Jace to give him a bit of a scare, just give me a shout, alright?” 

Alec huffed out a laugh. “Sounds good.” 

Afraid of pushing his luck or making Alec feel more uncomfortable than he already did, Luke held out a hand for the boy to shake. 

“Take care of yourself, Alec.” 

The boy took his hand tentatively, then stepped closer and pulled Luke into a hug which the man happily returned. 

“I love you, kiddo. Say hi to Isabelle for me next time you see her.” 

“I will.” 

When they pulled apart, Luke gave his good shoulder one final squeeze of affection, then got into his car and started it up. That’s when it occurred to Alec... 

“Luke, wait!” 

The man rolled down his window. 

“What about the accident report you wanted me to fill out?” 

Luke laughed heartily. “You’ve already told me everything I needed to know. I’ll take care of it when I get back to the precinct. Go get cleaned up and let me handle the rest. You’ve got enough on your plate already without adding this to the load.” 

Alec waved as the cop car pulled away and watched it disappear down the street. 

Feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time, he made his way back inside, slid past Jace who was still on the phone with Izzy, gathered up some fresh clothes from his closet, and finally turned on the shower. 

As he stripped his clothes off and prepared to get in, he caught sight of the gauze bandages that still remained. 

He peeled off the one around his already healing wrist first, then tossed it in the trash below the mirror before switching his focus to the one on his side. 

That one was a bit more painful to remove as the tape pulled at the tender skin surrounding his stitches. 

He inspected the wound carefully, and while seeing the sutures there made him vaguely nauseous, he was relieved to see the wound didn’t look as bad as it felt. 

He reached up and opened the mirror cabinet, extracting the items he’d need to re-bandage the wounds once he was done with the shower. 

He lined the supplies up on the counter and shut the mirror door, inadvertently making eye contact with himself. 

Alec still vaguely resembled roadkill, but he had to admit he looked a hell of a lot better than he did last time he was in this position... During the early morning hours the day after he was raped. 

He didn’t remember much of the ride home from the hospital. His brain had been too distracted at the time to focus on the drive. 

But the second he had gotten home, he limped his way into the bathroom and locked himself inside with the supplies Cat had given to Jace. 

Stripping had been a painful affair, as was the shower itself. Every drop of water felt like a needle against his sensitized skin. Nevertheless, he stayed under that scalding hot water until it turned ice cold. 

Feeling numb both mentally and physically, he was startled out of his stupor by Jace knocking on the door, asking if he was okay. Reluctantly, he had shut off the water and stepped out, then leafed through the products. 

He set aside the pain killers, refusing to take them if he could avoid it. But he couldn’t ignore the antibiotics or STD prevention pills. Under those, he found more sanitary pads and... And the cream he was supposed to apply twice a day. 

Alec tried. Truly, he did. But he couldn’t bring himself to insert the nozzle into the one place that felt most violated. 

Frustrated with himself and with his current circumstances, he had thrown the tube into the trash, slid down the wall in a move that his throbbing body vehemently protested, and pulled his knees to his chest before dissolving into a fit of sobs as the events of the night hit him all at once. 

That wasn’t going to happen today though. Alec was in much higher spirits than he had been that morning, and he had a strange suspicion that his mood had a lot to do with Magnus. 

Even after everything that had gone down the night before, he didn’t have a single urge to reopen the cut in his wrist or add a fresh one beside it. 

He didn’t feel the desire to smash the mirror with his fist, or have a breakdown on the cold, ceramic floor... 

In fact, all he really wanted to do was _smile_. And at that realization, he was hard-pressed to keep one off his face as he stepped under the spray. 

For the next twenty minutes, he wanted to think about nothing but how the hot water felt against his skin, soothing away the grime and aches from the night before. 

And as he rested his chin against his chest and let the water pressure work its magic on his stiff neck, shoulders and back, his goal seemed surprisingly attainable for the first time in months. 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with us, and we'll post again as soon as we can! 
> 
> Please comment if you've got the time as we love to hear your thoughts! And as always, stay safe, stay sane, and stay connected. xoxo
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann <3


	21. Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy arrives at the apartment and Alec goes to visit Magnus's gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! We finally finished another chapter and got it posted! Haha Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> No major trigger warnings for this one, but there are some brief mentions of previous child abuse, thoughts of suicide, and self-harm scattered throughout.
> 
> This chapter starts in the present, then includes a flashback, then returns to the present for the remainder of the post.

November 29, 2019- The Morning After Thanksgiving 

While Alec let any remaining tension from the previous day wash down the drain, Jace’s tension was increasing by the minute as he finished his call with Izzy and took to pacing outside the bathroom door. 

He too remembered the early morning hours after his brother was assaulted. Just like now, he had wanted to give Alec his space, and yet keep him in his sights at all times. It was quite the conundrum. 

_June 16, 2019 _

_Once they made it home from the hospital, Jace did his best to stay out of the way while Alec gathered his things and disappeared into the bathroom. As tired and hungry as they both were, he knew Alec’s first and only priority would be to shower. _

_Jace told himself he’d maintain his distance unless he heard Alec collapse or call for help. After half an hour, the blond sat down against the opposite wall, his own exhaustion taking its toll on his waning energy. _

_After an hour, his concern was getting the better of him. The water had to have been ice cold by now. He winced as he forced his stiffened muscles to bear his weight again and knocked audibly on the door. _

_“Alec? You okay, buddy?” _

_He thought he heard a muffled sniffle, then the water finally shut off. _

_“Be out in a minute,” came the monotone reply shortly after. _

_Now that he knew Alec was safely out of the shower, Jace considered going to sit on the couch and waiting for his brother in the living room. But he couldn’t bring himself to walk away. If anything, he leaned closer, listening intently. _

_There were some hisses of pain, the shuffling of the products on the counter that Jace had set out for him while Alec was retrieving fresh clothes from his bedroom, the rattling of pill bottles, and then a long silence followed by a soft whimper. _

_The loud thud of something solid being thrown into the waste basket startled Jace a moment later and he pulled back slightly from the door with a flinch. _

_That’s when the heart-wrenching sobbing began, and Jace was done trying to play it cool. He tested the knob only to find it locked. He let out a frustrated breath. _

_“I need you to open the door, buddy... Alec?” _

_There was no response. _

_Jace looked up at the doorframe and found the small lockpick that came with the apartment in case of young children. It took him two seconds to pop the button. _

_“I’m coming in, Alec,” he announced, then hesitated just long enough for the older boy to protest should he chose to do so before he turned the knob and entered. _

_What he found nearly destroyed him. _

_His strong, sarcastic, and fiercely loyal brother was curled up on the floor, broken and defeated. His face was hidden against his raised knees, but there was no concealing the fact that he was falling apart. _

_Jace swallowed back his own tears, grabbed the soft towel from the floor, wrapped it firmly around Alec’s shuddering shoulders, and sat down beside him. _

_He didn’t know what to say. Any words of comfort seemed empty and untrue. Any questions seemed pointless and insensitive. _

_He already knew the answers. No, Alec wasn’t fine. And no, there was nothing Jace could do to fix it. So, he did the only thing that felt natural. He carefully tugged Alec into his arms and told him the one fact he knew to be true. _

_“I’m right here, buddy. I’ve got you.” _

_Alec didn’t even try to resist. He leaned into Jace’s warmth and comfort, letting his brother take the weight off his shoulders, just for a little while, and let all his defenses come tumbling down. _

_Jace held him for what felt like hours; till Alec was completely spent and his tears were nothing more than streaks of dried salt on his cheeks. _

_Then eventually, Alec shifted on the cold, hard floor, stiffened, and much to Jace’s surprise, he huffed out a small, incredulous laugh. _

_“What?” he inquired, as Alec continued to chuckle, a bit hysterically. “What’s so funny?” _

_“My ass is numb,” Alec stated, wiping at his raw eyes with the back of his hand. “Doesn’t really hurt anymore. At least one good thing came out of this meltdown...” _

_Jace didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that, but as Alec continued to giggle to himself, the younger boy couldn’t help but join in. _

_“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Jace informed his brother as he wiped at his own glistening eyes. _

_“Part of my charm.” _

_“Hey, Alec?” _

_“Yeah?” _

_“If it’s any consolation... I can’t feel mine either.” _

_Alec barked out a loud laugh, then covered his mouth with a hand to contain it. After that, they were both lost again to fits of giggles and tears alike. _

November 29, 2019- The Morning After Thanksgiving 

Back then, Jace had hoped his brother’s prevailing sense of humor had been a good sign that he was on the mend. That everything would be okay with a bit of time. 

There was no possible way for him to comprehend the scope of Alec’s struggles or how much worse it could all get, but the truth hit him hard over the grueling months that followed. 

There were days where Alec was downright jovial as if nothing had ever happened. 

And then there were the days where he was consumed by his inner pain, and as Jace had discovered long after the fact, those days tended to involve causing external pain in order to maintain the balance. 

After yesterday’s events, Jace had no idea which version of his brother was on the other side of the bathroom door. And that thought terrified him more than anything else. 

He was immensely relieved when the shower turned off within twenty minutes. The hot water was probably used up, but at least his brother wasn’t standing beneath an icy spray for an additional forty minutes this time around. 

Jace was debating on lurking again- just in case things were worse than they seemed- when he heard a key unlocking the front door. Izzy had arrived. 

“Where is he?” she demanded as she stormed down the hallway towards him. Jace held up a hand to try and ward her off. 

“He just got out of the shower, Iz, but everything seems to be- Izzy!” 

He was aghast when their sister shoved him aside and barged into the bathroom unannounced. 

Alec, who had thankfully managed to pull on his jeans already, spun around in surprise and dropped the bandage he had been about to apply to the wound in his side. 

“What the hell, Isabelle?!” he exclaimed, rubbing absently at his bare chest as his heart threatened to hammer its way out of his ribcage. 

“My sentiments exactly, big brother. When Luke sent me that picture of your car to verify that it was yours... God, Alec. I thought they were going to find your body floating upstream!” 

“Well they didn’t, and I’m fine, so relax.” 

“Relax?! Fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes. That’s how long you were missing. No calls, no texts...” 

“My phone was at the bottom of the Hudson, Iz.” 

“Then send a freakin’ carrier pigeon for all I care! It would’ve had plenty of time to reach us! Simon and Jace were out all night looking for you, making _me_ stay at home in case you happened to double-back or call the house. Fat lot of good _that_ did...” 

“I get that you’re pissed, but can you just-” 

“And then when we _do_ finally hear news, it’s not from you, but from the hospital, saying you’ve been injured in a crash but refused to be admitted!” 

Alec rolled his eyes, then carefully squatted down to retrieve the bandage he had dropped earlier. “You know how I feel about hospitals.” 

“But you drove your car into the freakin’ Hudson, Alec! I mean, _look_ at you! What the hell happened?!” 

His left shoulder was mottled with deep bruising from the impact and subsequent dislocation, as was his hip just above his low-riding jeans and a diagonal strip across his chest where his seatbelt must have been. 

The left side of his face was decorated with diverse hues of blues and greens, and butterfly bandages held the gash above his temple closed. 

Scratches from the broken glass littered his pale skin. But worst of all was the wound he had been in the process of rebandaging when Izzy had busted in on him. 

She stepped closer, reaching out to inspect the stitches in his abdomen, but he stepped back and knocked her hand aside. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” 

“Dr. Loss had to stitch you up in some undisclosed location that probably wasn’t even sterile! You could get an infection, or tetanus, or-” 

“Tetanus _is_ an infection,” Alec retorted. 

“Yeah, I know, Alec! That’s not the point! You should’ve gone to the hospital and gotten it properly taken care of!” 

“It’s not like she stitched me up on the side of the road using pine needles, Izzy. I was in a house, on a couch.” 

“Whose couch?” 

Alec hesitated. 

“Does it matter? She had everything she needed, including a portable ultrasound. And she gave me yet another bag of crap for self-care. But before you get too excited, no, there aren’t any sedatives in this package.” 

That quip certainly stung, but it was obviously meant to. Isabelle deflated a little at her brother’s accusation. 

“I’m sorry, Alec.” 

“Sorry for what you did? Or sorry you got caught?” he shot back, tossing the fallen bandage into the trash and retrieving a fresh one from the doctor’s kit. 

“I know what you want me to say here, but I’m not sorry for what we did. You were in a bad way back then, Alec. And you refused to listen to reason or seek out help. You were just spiraling while the two of us had to stand by and watch it happen.” 

“Must’ve been hard for you...” Alec replied sarcastically. 

“It was,” Izzy stated defiantly. “Alec, Jace and I love you. Your pain is our pain, and to see the toll it was taking on you... We couldn’t bear it anymore. So hate us all you want, but those few nights of sleep we gave you are probably the only reasons you’re still alive today.” 

Alec huffed out a heavy sigh as he carefully pressed the bandage into place. “Don’t be so dramatic.” 

“I’m not. Can you honestly stand there and tell me that you never hit such a low in these past five months that you considered taking your own life? That you were never so depressed that you’d do anything to make the pain go away? 

“That you were never so exhausted that you just wanted it all to end so you wouldn’t have to think about it anymore?” 

Alec clenched his jaw, refusing to give his sister the satisfaction of an honest answer as he carefully pulled a long-sleeved t-shirt on over his head. 

“I’ve seen the scars, Alec. You don’t have to hide the truth from me anymore.” 

At that, Alec had heard enough. He whirled around to face her, eyes ablaze with anger. 

“You want to talk about hiding the truth?! Do you even grasp the irony in that statement?! The two of you have been lying to me for _months_. And now you think you can stand there and judge me for not baring my soul to you?!” 

He yanked his sleeve up and shoved his wrist in Izzy’s face. 

“These scars had nothing to do with wanting to die, alright?! On the contrary! I wanted to _live_. To _feel_ something. _Anything_ aside from the constant emptiness. It was a coping mechanism, Izzy, not a suicide attempt.” 

“Then what about the crash tonight? Was that a coping mechanism too?” 

“Honestly? The crash was the best thing that’s happened to me since June. Not that you’d bother to notice or care.” 

With that, he stormed out of the bathroom, past a flabbergasted Jace, and down the hall to the front door where he donned his boots and leather jacket. 

The blond finally found his tongue as Alec reached for the doorknob. 

“Alec, wait! Where are you going?!” 

“...Somewhere safe.” 

And with that, he was gone. 

He wandered aimlessly at first, just needing to stay in motion in order to clear his head. It didn’t matter where he was going, as long as it was away from his apartment. Away from his siblings until he could get himself back under control. 

He felt antsy, his skin itching and crawling with the need to strike out at something. Anything. He clenched his hands to stop them from shaking. 

Alec had been bottling up so much lately that his chest felt fit to burst and he was desperate for an outlet; for a safe place where he could let his walls down and stop trying to be what everyone else expected him to be. 

And much to his bewilderment, the word “safe” had taken on a new connotation; a new image in his mind’s eye. One of spiked hair and heavy eyeliner. 

As much as he wanted to deny it, there was only one place he wanted to go. And the next time he looked up, he found himself standing outside of “Bane’s Domain”, a gym he frequently drove past over the years but never felt the urge to enter. Till now. 

He hardly knew Magnus, and yet he felt strangely drawn to him. The man had made him feel more welcomed and at home within the short time they had spent together than anyone else in his life ever had. 

And that feeling of security was exactly what he needed right now. 

Ignoring the inner voices that told him to turn back and leave before he made a fool of himself, he strode up to the front door and pulled it open. 

The sounds hit him first, followed closely by the flurry of activity that seemed to permeate every inch of the place. There were grunts, loud thuds of heavy impact kicks and punches, the clicking of jump ropes against the hard floor... 

The gym was in full swing, filled with trainees of all ages working with the diverse equipment and sparring with partners. Some were clearly beginners, while others looked like they could tear Alec’s limbs off without breaking a sweat. 

Alec had inched his way in a few feet, gaping at the place in awe, before he started second-guessing himself again. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. He turned to head back towards the door when a familiar voice caught him completely off guard. 

“Alec?” 

He spun back around to find none other than Raphael coming up behind him, wearing boxing shorts, training gloves, and a sleeveless ring vest. There was a towel draped around his neck to catch the sweat, and a gym bag in his hand. 

He had clearly been on his way out when he spotted the taller boy. 

“Don’t tell me the smell of testosterone poisoning is scaring you away already,” he joked, a friendly smile on his face. 

Alec chuckled nervously. 

“It’s not that. I was just... Hell, I don’t know what I was doing. I’m not really a gym kind of person. Not that there’s anything wrong with it!” he felt compelled to add for fear of offending the other man. 

Raphael laughed cheerfully. 

“I get it, man. Lifting weights and doing chin-ups aren’t for everyone. But that’s the beauty of this place. There’s a little something for anyone who walks through those doors. You just have to find what works best for you.” 

Alec’s gaze flitted around the room again, this time taking in all the different stations that were set up rather than the surplus of people milling about. Raphael wasn’t kidding. There really were a ton of options from which to choose. 

The big guy who had intimidated Alec at first sight glanced over, then broke out into a smile and waved jovially at him. Alec waved back politely, and that’s when the other sounds broke through his defenses; the laughter, the playful goading, the cheering. 

All in all, the place seemed to host a rather friendly and supportive atmosphere that made him feel welcome. And the longer he stood there, adjusting to the sights and the sounds, the calmer he felt. Suddenly, he could breathe again. 

“So, what brings you to our humble neck of the woods?” Raphael asked conversationally, setting his bag down and blotting his face dry with the edge of the towel. 

“I was just...” Alec was saved from having to invent a reason when the _real_ reason began walking their way from across the room, having just caught sight of him. 

“Alexander! This is a pleasant surprise! I must confess, I hadn’t expected to see you again so soon.” 

Alec blushed, realizing how needy this must make him look. They had only parted an hour or two ago, and here he was already seeking Magnus out again. 

“Oh. I uh... Sorry. I can leave if you want...” 

“Nonsense! I’m delighted you came!” He reached them, then clapped Alec and Raphael on their shoulders. “I see you’ve already met Raphael?” 

Before Alec could panic, the shorter man held out a steady hand. 

“Not officially. Hi, I’m Raphael, and I’m one of the self-defense trainers here. Pleasure to meet you... Alexander, is it?” 

Stunned, it took a moment for Alec to comprehend that Raphael was saving him from having to explain their history in front of Magnus. He returned the handshake with a grateful smile. 

“Uh, it’s just Alec, actually. And likewise.” 

Raphael gave him a conspiratorial wink that Magnus couldn’t see, then he retrieved his bag from the floor. 

“Well, I’ve got to get to work, Alec, so I’ll let Magnus give you the grand tour. Hope to see you around here more often!” 

Alec looked away shyly, his gaze coming to rest on Magnus. “Thanks. I have a feeling that you will,” he replied. 

Magnus’ pride was palpable as his hand shifted to the middle of Alec’s back, sending a chill up the boy’s spine. “Come with me, darling. I’ll show you around.” 

The older man guided him up and down the stations, pointing each one out and explaining the benefits of the machines and how they worked. He introduced him to a few of the regulars as well, all of whom were happy to make his acquaintance. 

Much to his relief, not a single person asked about the bruising on his face. Not even Raphael. Then he started to notice why. Many of the members of this gym sported bruises of their own. 

Instead of being embarrassed by the imperfections and trying to hide his face as he would in any other public location to avoid drawing attention, Alec began to relax and wear his bruises like badges he had earned, ones that made him part of this new club. 

He wasn’t an outsider here. He wasn’t pitied or avoided. He was acknowledged and accepted. The more people to whom he spoke, the more confident he became. He even found himself smiling and laughing with them, much to Magnus’s delight. 

The whole experience was invigorating. Empowering. 

It was the best Alec had felt in a long time. 

The last stop on the tour was Magnus’ office, and the older man ushered him inside, then gestured towards a chair. 

“Have a seat!” 

Alec took it gratefully, the pain from his bruised hip starting to make itself known again after all the walking he had done since leaving his apartment. 

Magnus sat on the edge of the desk in front of him instead of sitting in his own chair on the other side of it, not wanting to create a barrier between them. 

“So? What do you think?” 

“I think this place is amazing, Magnus. You run the whole gym by yourself?” 

“Well, I may own it, but running it has always been a collaborative effort. All the trainers here donate their time to teach others how to protect themselves in difficult situations. I wouldn’t be able to keep these doors open without their dedicated support.” 

“That’s pretty admirable of them.” 

“I agree. But I’m guessing you didn’t come here to sign up for boxing lessons, am I right? At least, not until that shoulder of yours heals and the stitches are gone.” 

Alec swallowed thickly, then shook his head. 

In all honesty, he wasn’t really sure _why_ he had come here. Or how this man whom he had only met the night before was somehow always in his thoughts now and wouldn’t leave him alone. 

Magnus eyed him critically, searching for the answers Alec wasn’t readily giving. 

“How did things go with your brother earlier? Was he upset when you got home?” 

Alec shrugged, fiddling with his fingers in his lap as he searched for the right words. 

“Not really. At least, not at me.” 

“Glad to hear it.” 

“My sister, on the other hand...” 

“Ah. If it’s not one, it’s usually the other, yes?” 

Alec huffed out a laugh, then peered up at Magnus. “Got that right. Are you speaking from experience?” 

“No, I’m afraid not. Just stories that I hear from the local kids. Truth be told, I always wanted siblings, but my father wasn’t really fit to handle children. Or to be a husband, for that matter.” 

Alec dropped his eyes again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-” 

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Alexander. I made peace with my past long ago, and it doesn’t bother me to talk about it anymore. Feel free to ask whatever you’d like.” 

Alec hesitated, wondering if the offer was genuine or just an attempt at keeping the peace. “Did he... Did he ever hurt you?” he forced out timidly. 

Magnus smiled sadly at him as if he had anticipated the question. 

“He did, from time to time. Though my mother took the brunt of it when I was too young to intervene. The man clearly loved his alcohol more than his family.” 

“I know how that feels. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” 

“As am I, darling. Am I right in assuming that your father was abusive too?” Magnus pressed, trying to understand the boy better. Alec nodded glumly. 

It sure explained a lot about why he was so jumpy around men. Magnus waited patiently, and sure enough, Alec began to elaborate. 

“He was pretty strict when we were growing up, back before my parents adopted Jace. After that, things got better though. He couldn’t risk getting caught by the CPS. They were watching our family closely since Jace’s dad was an even bigger asshole and they wanted to make sure he had found a good home.” 

"Better late than never, I suppose. But even after the abuse stops, the scars still remain.” 

Alec rubbed at his neck uncomfortably, leaving Magnus to wonder if this was the first time he had ever talked about his past with someone. Before he could enquire about it, Alec beat him to the punch with a question of his own. 

“What did you do, Magnus? To make your dad stop.” 

“Honestly? I made him my first collar as a bounty hunter and put him behind bars where he belonged.” 

Alec gaped at him. “You’re kidding...” 

Magnus laughed at his dumbfounded expression. “I’m not, I assure you.” 

“What happened?” 

“Well, he had recently lost a fair amount of money in the stock market crash of 2008. I had just finished my training and received my license, which normally would’ve been cause for celebration. 

“Except, that’s when I got a call from the hospital that my mother had been beaten into a coma, and our neighbor had called the police regarding a noise complaint. My father was arrested on the spot, and his bail was set at one million dollars.” 

Alec choked on his own spit. “That’s insane! You’re telling me he not only paid that kind of money, but then skipped out on it when it came time for the trial?” 

“His side of the family is notoriously rich. I doubt they even batted an eye. My grandparents posted the bail the minute it was set, and then he was right back out on the streets, free to harm whomever he pleased. So when he didn’t show up at the trial, I saw my chance to flip the tables, so to speak. 

“He didn’t exactly want to come quietly, and I’m not proud of the amount of unnecessary force I used to get him to comply, but I was just so angry... I wanted him to hurt as much as he had hurt us. And the damage I did was extensive. 

“But the last thing I wanted to do was let my father turn me into a monster like him. So, to make amends with myself for what I had done, I used the 20% of the bail money I earned to open this place and teach others how to channel their pain and anger into healthier outlets.” 

Alec was blatantly staring by the end of Magnus’ story. And before he could stop himself, he blurted, “You’re pretty incredible, you know that?” 

Magnus smiled warmly. 

“It’s a harsh world out there, Alexander. People are suffering, day in and day out. I’ve lost track of how many innocent kids have walked through that door with stories much darker than mine. But what many of them don’t realize is that they are not alone. _You_ are not alone. 

“We, as human beings, have an obligation to help each other get through the worst of days. Because if we turn a blind eye to someone else’s pain, then we’re just another part of the problem instead of being a part of the solution. 

“And I get that we barely know each other, but I need you to believe that I will always be around if you ever want to talk, or have someone to spar with if words aren’t enough. Whatever you need. This place has been a safe haven to me and many others for years, and I do hope that someday you’ll be able to see it as-” 

Alec wasn’t even aware that he had moved until his lips were pressed against Magnus’s. The man was startled at the sudden turn of events, frozen in place, not even daring to breathe. 

When Alec pulled back, his lips were tingling and he was lightheaded. He had never kissed a man before, Victor’s messy attempts at dominating him aside. In fact, he had never kissed _anyone_ before, and the experience was electrifying. Intoxicating. 

But also mortifying. What had he just done? Magnus had merely been extending a hand to him in friendship, and Alec had ruined everything by taking advantage of the moment. Taking advantage of the man himself, just as Victor had done to Alec. 

How could he do such a thing? He instantly felt sick. 

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have... I should go.” 

Alec turned to bolt for the door when a gentle but firm grip latched onto his elbow and spun him back around. 

He opened his mouth to beg for forgiveness- desperate to avoid the punch to the face he no doubt deserved- only for Magnus’s other hand to cup the back of his neck and pull him down until their moistened lips reconnected. 

The hand that was on his elbow glided around his waist to find the small of his back and he urged Alec to move a half step closer, deepening the kiss. 

Alec’s wide eyes eventually drifted shut and he relaxed into the hold, clutching at the front of Magnus’s sleeveless shirt for dear life. 

He could feel the heat emanating between their bodies, the soft glide of Magnus’s tongue along his bottom lip, exploring but not entering, and his strong left fingers kneading the nape of his neck while the others rubbed soothingly up and down his back. It seemed like his hands were everywhere at once. Like they were magic. 

Alec felt entirely consumed, wrapped in a cocoon that smelled pleasantly of sandalwood, mint and aftershave. And he never wanted to leave it. 

When they finally broke apart again, they were both breathless, and Alec was trembling. With need, with fear, with confusion, with relief...? He didn’t know. 

Magnus cradled the side of his face and looked into his lost eyes, his own expression one of concern. 

“Alexander... Are you alright?” 

“Yes? No. I-I’m not sure.” 

“Would you like to sit back down?” Magnus offered, afraid the boy’s jelly legs wouldn’t support him for much longer. 

Alec sank back into his chair without another word, dropping his head into his hands in distress. Magnus knelt down in front of him but didn’t touch him. 

“What’s wrong, Alec? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Alec shook his head, then fisted his hair on both sides in frustration. 

“I don’t think so. I just... All of this, it’s confusing me.” 

Magnus took a shot in the dark. 

“Alexander… Was that your first time kissing a male?” The boy glanced up at him through his fingers, prompting Magnus to guess, “Your first kiss in general?” 

Alec ground the palms of his hands harshly against his eyes, his face burning with embarrassment. 

Comprehending that Alec’s upset was being caused by his own repression and not anything he had personally done, Magnus reached for him and eased Alec’s wrists away from his face. 

“It’s alright, darling. You don’t have to be embarrassed. Confusion is part of it. That’s how you find out if something’s there. Emotions are never black and white. They’re more like... symptoms.” 

Alec’s watery gaze met Magnus’s. “I’m not supposed to want this,” he practically whispered. 

“Says who?” Magnus challenged. But he had a guess, and the thought sickened him. “Did your father know you were gay, Alexander? Is that why he hurt you?” 

“What? No. He, I wasn’t... I mean, he might've guessed, but...” He let out a frustrated groan and dropped his head again in defeat. “You don’t understand.” 

Of course he didn’t. How could he? Magnus didn’t know what Alec had endured back in June. He didn’t know that Alec had sworn off physical relationships of all kinds after being abused by Victor. And Alec didn’t _want_ him to know. 

He liked having Magnus around too much to drop a bomb like that on him. And the last thing he wanted was for the man to feel obligated to be around him out of pity. 

But the truth of the matter was that women didn’t interest him, and men scared him. Sex and intimacy scared him. Being vulnerable again scared him. 

The best thing he could do for himself was remain single and celibate till the day he died. And yet... Being single hadn’t protected him from Victor in the least. Hadn’t kept him from being targeted. Hadn’t kept him from being hurt. 

Alec’s head was spinning again and he was sure he was going to throw up. 

Magnus slowly lifted Alec’s face using a finger beneath his chin. He waited till their eyes met, then spoke calmly and clearly. 

“Alexander, breathe. I swear to you that this is a safe place. You can talk to me if you’d like, and I will not judge. Or you can tell me to leave and I will give you your space. But I need to know you’ll be alright first.” 

There wasn’t much that Alec understood about himself or his life, but there was one thing he knew he needed right now to keep him from spiraling into the abyss of self-doubt. 

“Please, don’t leave...” 

A tear escaped from Alec’s eye and Magnus tenderly brushed it away from his cheek. 

“If that's what you want, then I’m not going anywhere.” 

Magnus recaptured Alec’s wrists and began running his thumbs soothingly back and forth across his pulse points. He wasn’t bothered in the least by the rows of parallel scars. 

“I like you, Alexander. And I think you might like me too. But you don’t need to make any decisions right now, okay? There’s no pressure here. We can take it slow, get to know each other as friends if you prefer. 

“It’s not easy to silence those hateful voices that have been drilled into you over time; the ones that say being different is wrong. But you deserve the chance to be happy, darling. And I hope that at some point, you’ll be able to follow your heart instead of your head.” 

Alec was pretty sure he already knew what he wanted. He was just afraid to go after it. 

But before he could settle on what to say in return, his phone buzzed in his back pocket and he jerked away from Magnus in surprise before realizing what was happening. 

"...Sorry."

"No need to apologize. By all means."

Magnus leaned back to give him space as Alec fumbled for his phone, only to find yet another new text from Jace; the fourth one he had received and ignored since he had left his apartment that morning. 

“Is everything okay?” Magnus checked, gauging Alec’s grim expression. 

The boy let out a heavy sigh. 

“Not really. Things are still pretty tense at home, so apparently my brother has offered to host a family dinner tonight. Me, my siblings, and my sister’s husband, Simon. A chance for us all to clear the air, I guess.” 

“And that’s a bad thing?” 

Alec shot him a look. “You’ve clearly never met Simon before.” 

Magnus chuckled. “I take it you’re not a fan of the brother-in-law.” 

Alec shrugged. 

“He’s a decent enough guy... But incredibly annoying. I think I’ll just decline and bring some takeout home after they’ve all gone to bed.” 

“Nonsense. ‘Annoying’ isn’t reason enough to turn down a perfectly good home-cooked meal, Alexander.” 

Alec huffed out a laugh. 

“It’s not just Simon I want to avoid. With the way things have been going with Jace and Izzy lately, I don’t think I can deal with all three of them in the same room right now, demanding answers from me. My head’s spinning enough as it is...” 

“Understandable. But what if you had a buffer?” 

“Huh?” 

“If they’re plotting an intervention of sorts, surely they’ll think twice if you brought someone new to the table. I happen to be quite proficient with icebreakers.” 

That, and he really wanted to see what Alec’s home life entailed. 

It was no secret that the abusive gene could be passed on to future generations, and he didn’t feel comfortable letting Alec return to his siblings again without first making sure he’d be safe with them. 

“You... You want to come to my family dinner?” Alec asked, perplexed. 

“Only if I'm not overstepping. If you think it’s a bad idea, I won’t be offended.” 

“No, I-I just... I don’t want to put you in the middle of all our drama.” 

"Oh, darling, I live for drama. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

Quite a bit, actually. Jace probably wouldn’t be too thrilled. Come to think of it, Izzy might not be either if she was looking to pick up where they had left off earlier. 

Alec chewed on his lower lip in thought for a moment, trying to imagine how it would all play out. How his siblings would react to him bringing home a stranger after everything that had been going on the past few months. 

And then he realized, he didn’t really _care_ what they thought. This was what _he_ wanted. Mind made up, he stood and held out a hand to help Magnus up as well. 

“Alright, then. Let's do it. Magnus, would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight?” 

The man smiled from ear to ear. “It would be my honor, Alexander.” 

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with us again through the lengthy delay, and we'll post again as soon as we can!
> 
> Please comment if you've got the time as we love to hear your thoughts! And as always, stay safe, stay sane, and stay connected. xoxo
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann <3


	22. Family Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We present: the belated Lightwood Family Thanksgiving Dinner.   
There is a lot more SHTWSPNSH than Sandmann in this chapter, so I would like to take a moment to thank my co-writer and partner in crime for giving this chapter so much of her time and energy when I didn’t have a lot of that to give. 
> 
> This is a day early, but we decided to post it as a Thanksgiving present to everyone.  
We hope you'll all be able to spend some time with your loved ones, despite the still ongoing pandemic.   
Whether you are celebrating or not, we wish you all a happy Thanksgiving!  
Stay healthy, stay sane. 
> 
> Sandmann & SHTWSPNSH
> 
> Trigger warnings:   
Mentions of child abuse

November 29, 2019- The Day After Thanksgiving

Alec spent the rest of the afternoon at the gym with Magnus, watching him make his rounds and even step in on occasion to offer his advice or correct the form of his customers as they trained. He was very attentive and clearly knew his craft.

Seeing him in his element, doing what he loved so flawlessly and helping those in need... He was a sight to behold, and Alec couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

When Magnus glanced over and caught him staring, he winked playfully, bringing that deep red blush back to Alec’s cheeks. But the boy didn’t look away this time. He just gave the man a sheepish smile and earned a broad grin in return for his efforts.

By the time the sun had begun to set, Alec had completely forgotten about the dreaded dinner plans with his family. 

That is, until Magnus eventually walked back over, clapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Just let me go shower and change, then we can hit the road!”

Alec nodded numbly and sat down on one of the chairs next to the window in the training room, watching as the last few rays of light were swallowed by the darkness as he tried to keep his rising anxiety at bay.

While he was past caring what his siblings would think about their uninvited guest, he was getting increasingly nervous about what could slip out in conversation that he didn’t want Magnus to hear.

Was he really prepared to merge his two worlds already? The fallout could easily be catastrophic. What if his siblings mentioned Victor or how they knew Cat? What if Magnus mentioned the two kisses they had shared earlier in his office? What if...?

He was so lost in his thoughts that he startled when Magnus called his name from a few feet away. He whipped around and his tightly pressed lips parted in awe at the sight of the man standing before him.

Magnus was now adorned in form-fitting black jeans and a tight maroon shirt with lavish golden embroidery that left nothing to the imagination.

The shirt wasn’t buttoned all the way, leaving an expanse of bronzed and flawless skin visible beneath the two matching gold necklaces that brought the whole ensemble together.

And that wasn’t even including the dark eyeliner that Alec was growing more fond of by the minute, or what appeared to be golden glitter that made Magnus’s spiked hair sparkle like fresh snow beneath the fluorescent lights whenever he moved.

“What do you think?” Magnus asked, holding his arms out to give Alec an unimpeded view from top to bottom.

It wasn’t necessarily excessive for the occasion, but it sure wasn’t subtle either.

Alec mouthed silently for a few seconds before snapping out of his trance. He cleared his throat and swallowed dryly, then croaked out, “That’s... I mean, you look...”

“At a loss for words, Alexander? I’ll take that as a compliment,” Magnus stated smugly.

“It is. At least, it was meant to be. You didn’t have to go through all that trouble though, Magnus. It’s just my siblings and some leftovers from last night’s Thanksgiving meal. Sweatpants and a t-shirt would’ve been just as acceptable.”

“Nonsense. I don’t do ‘acceptable’, darling. And there is no second chance for a first impression.”

Alec certainly wasn’t going to complain or argue the point. Magnus could wear whatever he damned well pleased. And honestly, he was enjoying the view.

As they exited the door, Alec paused and was surprised when Magnus kept going into the parking lot. The other man turned back with a quirked eyebrow.

“Something wrong?”

“Aren’t you gonna lock up?” Alec asked, pointing towards the large front doors.

“Ah. Those doors are never locked, Alexander. The gym is always open to anyone who needs it, at any time.”

“But... Aren’t you worried someone will break in and steal stuff?”

“Like what? A dumbbell? If they need it that desperately, then they’re welcome to it. Everything in there is easily replaceable. What’s priceless is having a safe place to go when you feel like the rest of the world is against you.”

Alec could only dream of what it would’ve been like to have a refuge like this to run to when he was growing up under Robert’s roof.

Magnus held out his hand, and after a brief hesitation to glance around the empty parking lot, Alec took it. Then Magnus led him to his car, and off they went.

When they arrived at Alec’s apartment and parked, Alec hesitated again. Magnus was mentally keeping a list of what seemed to make the boy uncomfortable, and going into his own home appeared to be a persistent one.

“We don’t have to go in if you’d rather not,” Magnus offered, once more entertaining the idea that Alec was being abused by his family members.

“Huh? Oh.” Alec shifted agitatedly in his seat but made no move for the handle. “We’re already here, so we might as well make the most of it, right?”

Still, the boy stayed where he was.

“Have you changed your mind about inviting me?” Magnus pressed gently, trying to get to the bottom of Alec’s discomfort. “It’s alright if you did.”

“No. No, it’s not that. It’s just... I’m not sure how they’re gonna react.”

“Alexander... Is it your siblings meeting _me _that worries you? Or is it the other way around?”

“I dunno. Both, maybe? I guess I’m just nervous about how tonight is going to go in general. My brother can be a bit... abrasive at times. Especially when he thinks he’s protecting me.”

“Don’t worry. I can handle abrasive, and I applaud his instincts to keep you safe, as long as it doesn’t hold you back from living your own life.

“And as for me, I’ll follow your lead to the letter. If there’s something you’d rather not discuss, then I’ll change the topic. Simple as that. , I’ll have you know. I take direction quite well.”

Alec huffed out a laugh. “If only my siblings were so accommodating...”

Magnus chuckled, then patted Alec on the shoulder. “There’s nothing they could say or do that would scare me away from you, Alexander. Never fear.”

Alec really hoped that were true. But logically, there was only one way to find out. Preparing himself for the worst, he opened his door and stepped out.

He took the lead as they approached the front stairs, then reached for the knob only to have the door yanked open from the inside before he could touch it.

“Alec, thank god...”

Next thing he knew, Izzy was wrapped around his waist, squeezing him tightly. Her emotions were so up and down lately, it was giving him whiplash.

“I’m sorry I went off on you before. I was just really worried after the conversation we had last night and then you took off before we could sort things out, then the whole crash situation and the call from the hospital, along with the lack of sleep and... Alec, who is that behind you?”

Magnus smiled and gave her a polite wave from a few steps down, not yet close enough to proffer his hand in greeting.

“You asked me earlier whose couch I slept on last night. Well, here's your answer. Magnus, this is my sister, Isabelle. Izzy, Magnus. I invited him to dinner to return the hospitality.”

Izzy blinked in stupefaction but recovered quickly. 

“Any friend of Alec’s is a friend of mine. It’s freezing out there. Come on inside, both of you.”

Once the door closed behind them, Izzy held out her hand and Magnus took it, then lifted it to his lips to place a gentle kiss on her skin.

“Thank you for being so accommodating, my dear,” he stated sincerely.

“Aren’t you a charming one...” she gushed, giving Alec an approving look which he steadfastly ignored.

“Who’s charming?” Jace asked, coming around the corner with a whisk in hand and an apron tied around his torso. “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t realize we had company.”

“And that would be my brother, Jace,” Alec concluded. “Jace, meet Magnus.”

This was the introduction he had been most nervous about. 

His brother’s protective streak had only grown stronger since Alec was raped, and he fully expected the blond to assert his dominance around any strangers who showed the slightest interest in Alec.

What he did _not _expect was for Jace’s eyes to widen in shock, his body going rigid like he had just seen a ghost.

“It’s you...” he breathed out so quietly, the words almost went unheard. _Almost_.

Alec’s brows drew together in confusion as he looked between his brother and Magnus, hoping someone would explain Jace’s reaction.

Magnus looked just as perplexed. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“Once. A long time ago.”

Magnus frowned and took a step closer to the blond, scrutinizing the younger boy’s face, looking for any familiar details he could find. His gaze settled on Jace’s unique eyes, and his own suddenly filled with surprised recognition.

“You’re Valentine Morgenstern’s son,” he practically whispered, awe in his voice.

Jace shot him a sad and humorless smirk, hiding his true emotions behind his bravado. “The one and only. 

“Can someone please explain to me what’s going on here?” Alec butted in, no longer content with being kept in the dark, especially after hearing Valentine’s name.

“You first,” Jace countered, moving past his initial surprise and into the realm of suspicion. “Care to fill us in on why you brought a bounty hunter to family dinner?”

Alec’s eyes narrowed.

“Wait, how did you know he was-?”

“Your brother and I share a bit of history,” Magnus proffered, then paused, looking to Jace for permission to continue. At the blond’s short nod, he added, “His father was one of my first collars. After my own father, of course. I'm ashamed to admit that the results were rather similar.”

Alec gaped at him. Jace didn’t talk about his dad much, or the abuse he had suffered at his hands. He preferred to leave it all in the past, long buried.

Alec knew Valentine was an alcoholic and that he was a violent sonofabitch. He even knew that the man had been in and out of jail for DUIs and public indecency, amongst dozens of other violations. 

He was a repeat offender. And unlike Alec’s father, Robert, Valentine never worried about getting caught for his actions. If anything, he seemed proud of the reputation he had garnered through his faults and indecency.

Robert and Valentine had been friends since before either of their sons had been born, and Robert had represented him in court more times than Alec could count, trying his best to keep the man out of prison.

But the thought of Magnus being sent after Valentine for one of his many offenses would have never even crossed Alec's mind. The timing seemed impossible.

“That had to have been over ten years ago...” he marveled.

“Eleven, actually,” Jace corrected flatly. “I was only a kid at the time, but I remember it like it was yesterday. You certainly left quite an impression.”

Magnus dropped his gaze, suddenly looking remorseful.

“I was rather young at the time as well. Barely twenty, with a head full of steam. What I did that day was inexcusable, and I’m sorry you had to witness it.”

Jace flexed his jaw with tension and crossed his arms over his chest, barricading himself from the memories that still haunted him.

“I’m not. That old bastard got exactly what he deserved. Honestly, it was probably the best day of my life, aside from when the Lightwoods decided to take me in.”

If Jace had only known that he had traded one abusive father for another...

Alec bit his tongue. What the blond didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“I’m not saying Valentine didn’t deserve it,” Magnus replied coolly. “I’m just sorry I didn’t think to spare you from having to watch.”

The man's typically care-free eyes darkened as he remembered with stark clarity the sight of the bloodied and terrified boy he had found when he kicked in Jace's door all those years ago. After that, most of the confrontation with Valentine was a blur.

For the first time since meeting Magnus, Alec was intimidated by the fierce power he exuded. While the man seemed to be good spirited for the most part, he clearly had a darkness inside him that could shrivel paint right off the walls.

Alec shrank back a step without even realizing he had done it. 

Magnus didn’t miss the move though, and he quickly forced his anger back down, giving the boy an apologetic smile and a comforting caress along his upper arm that ended with a gentle squeeze around his elbow.

“My apologies, Alexander. I didn’t come here to bring down the mood and put a damper on your family dinner.”

“So what _are _you doing here then?” Jace pressed, keeping a close eye on Magnus’ interactions with his brother. 

His protective instincts were on high alert now that the man had laid a hand on Alec, and he was prepared to intervene should the older boy require it. 

Jace had personally seen what those hands were capable of, and he’d be damned if he let his brother feel their sting in any way, shape, or form.

“Magnus is the one who helped rescue Alec after the crash,” Izzy supplied, never one to be left out of a conversation for long.

“And... What? You’re hoping to collect some sort of reward now?”

Alec groaned inwardly at his brother’s lack of tact.

“Jace...” he warned under his breath.

“What? It’s a valid question.” 

“It’s okay, Alexander. He has every right to ask. If you recall, you posed a similar question once the chaos of last night abated, and I assured you- as I hope to assure your brother- that I want nothing in return.”

Magnus shifted his focus back to Jace, addressing him directly.

“In fact, the way I see it, Alec and I are even now. After all, I was the one crossing the road in the relative darkness and caused him to jerk the wheel in the first place. So technically, he saved _my _life first. The least I could do was return the favor.”

Jace thought it over, then nodded his acceptance.

“Fair enough. I guess that makes _me _the one still in debt then, doesn’t it? I never got the chance to thank you for what you did that night.”

Magnus shook his head. 

“That isn’t necessary, dear boy. I was simply doing my job.”

“We both know it was more than that. But if it helps, allow me to thank you for savin’ my brother instead.”

Jace uncrossed his arms and switched the whisk to his left hand before offering their guest his right.

“Welcome to our home, Magnus.”

Alec felt lightheaded with relief as Magnus gratefully shook the blond's hand. Maybe the night wasn’t going to be a complete disaster after all.

“Thank you, Jace. It’s an honor to be invited. Whatever you’re cooking in there smells incredible.”

“Unfortunately, I'm just reheating last night’s turkey dinner, but hopefully it won’t suck too badly. Had I known we were going to have distinguished guests, I would’ve cooked something more fitting.”

Alec bit his bottom lip, properly chastised even though there was no heat behind Jace’s words. 

In fact, his brother smirked and clapped him jovially on the shoulder as he inserted himself between Alec and Magnus, then began steering them towards the kitchen.

“Good news is we’ve got plenty of food to go around, so I hope you both brought your appetites.”

Alec _was _hungry, despite the nerves that had been twisting his stomach into knots ever since he and Magnus had left the gym. 

Now that he thought about it, he realized he hadn’t eaten anything in the past two days; Not since the dinner he had shared with Jace the night before Thanksgiving, and he had thrown that up later on, so even _that _hadn't really counted. 

He’d have to take it slow tonight, or he’d risk throwing this meal up too.

Realizing belatedly that the apartment was suspiciously quiet, Alec looked around in confusion before inquiring, “Hang on, where’s...?”

Then the doorbell rang.

“That would be Simon!” Izzy exclaimed before hurrying back to the front entrance.

Alec sighed in disappointment and felt Jace give his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“Sorry, buddy,” the blond muttered under his breath. “It wasn’t _my _idea, trust me. Prepare yourself for the caffeine-driven barrage...”

Seconds later, Izzy returned, holding her husband’s hand. The bespectacled boy smiled from ear to ear as he entered the kitchen. And as anticipated, the verbal diarrhea began instantly.

“Hey, guys! Alec, my man! I’m so glad you made it tonight! Izzy told me about the accident. You alright, bro? That cut looks pretty painful...” he grimaced, pointing to the butterfly bandages and deep bruising over Alec’s left temple.

“I’m fine,” Alec responded reflexively, fighting the urge to hide the wound with his hand. The pride he had felt at the gym over the proof of his survival had quickly reverted back to embarrassment now that it had been singled out so blatantly.

“Good, good. I thought Izzy was going to throttle me when I came home empty-handed after driving around last night looking for you. It's so weird. I must’ve drove right past you a couple times, but I never thought to look in the Hudson.”

“Not many would,” Alec replied dryly, earning a bark of laughter from Simon.

“I suppose, right?! You had us all pretty worried, what with everything that’s been going on lately... I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but Izzy and Jace were arguing on the phone when I got home. Sounded like things got pretty intense last night, huh?”

Alec was clearly getting uncomfortable with the conversation, so Magnus took it upon himself to step in, slipping around Jace and moving closer to Alec before placing a supportive hand on the small of his back. 

“Thankfully, it all worked out in the end. Perhaps even for the better.”

Jace tensed at Magnus’ subtle move, afraid it was going to trigger Alec in some way. The older boy didn’t typically like being touched by anyone other than direct family, and even then, it wasn’t always welcomed, depending on the circumstances.

This was the second time in as many minutes that Magnus had dared to cross that line, and yet, his brother didn’t flinch away from the man's hand. If anything, he appeared to relax into it. Odd for him to take to a complete stranger so easily...

Jace wasn’t going to say anything unless Alec gave him an indication that he needed a rescue, but he was definitely going to be keeping a closer eye on their guest and his interactions with his brother for the rest of the night.

“After all,” Magnus continued, “if our paths hadn’t crossed, I wouldn’t be here tonight, sharing a wonderful meal with you fine folk!”

As predicted, Simon’s attention shifted to Magnus rather than Alec, acknowledging his presence for the first time as he nudged his glasses higher up on his nose to get a better look.

“Oh, wow! I dig the outfit, man! I tried the whole glitter thing once, but it seemed to attract the wrong kind of attention... Looks fantastic on you though! Anyway, I don’t believe I've had the pleasure. I’m Simon, Izzy’s husband. And you are...?”

“Sorry you came yet?” Alec muttered near Magnus’s ear, prompting a humorous sparkle to glint in the man's eye as he held out his hand one more time in greeting.

“Magnus Bane. A recent acquaintance of Alexander’s.”

They shook hands and Alec stepped away to put some distance between himself and Simon’s constant babbling, coming to stand alongside his brother instead to watch from a safe vantage point. 

Simon was too focused on the conversation at hand to notice the blatant brush-off.

“Wait, Bane like the bad guy from Batman?”

Simon did a truly horrific impression that sounded more like Yoda and hurt Alec’s ears enough to make him wince. Magnus chuckled politely.

“I certainly hope not. Bane like Bane’s Domain, the gym that’s a few blocks away.”

“Oh, cool! Rock on, man! I’ve actually been thinking about getting a gym membership lately. Maybe even a personal trainer. What do you think? Could you make me look as buff as those two handsome brutes?” he smirked, jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards his brothers-in-law.

Jace scoffed at the concept, but Alec’s eyes widened in horror and he shook his head emphatically behind Simon’s back.

As promised, Magnus smoothly followed his lead, using straight facts to try and dissuade the ambitious boy.

“I have no doubt that you’ve got the potential to match these two strapping lads if you put your mind to it. But I have to warn you, muscle development takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice. No more sweets, no more alcohol...”

“That’s not so bad. Never been much of a drinker in the first place, and sweets give me a stomachache, not to mention they rot your teeth. I reckon I could give it a go.”

Alec could feel his chest tightening. He was already starting to see Magnus’ gym as the haven it was meant to be, but if Simon started attending too, that safety net would instantly be destroyed. 

He needn’t have worried though. Magnus was a pro at reading people and quickly upped his game.

“Excellent! I have an opening at 5am on Mondays and Wednesdays. When would you like to begin?”

Simon gaped at him for a moment before finding his tongue.

“Oh, uh... You know, I should probably think about it more first before doing any committing. With the late-night band practices and gigs, I’m not much of an early riser. And now that I really think about it, I’m not so sure I’m ready to give up on my Cheetos just yet.”

“Ah. I understand. Should you change your mind, you know where to find me. I also have connections at other local gyms that might have a schedule better suited to your needs. I’d be happy to reach out on your behalf.”

“Thanks, Chief! That would be great! Speaking of Cheetos though, I’m starving... Is anyone else hungry enough to eat a horse? It just smells so fantastic in here. Truly, Jace. You’ve outdone yourself, as always.”

While Simon wandered towards the table, picking at the finger-foods, Magnus and Alec converged again long enough for Alec to whisper a “Thank you,” to Magnus as he passed.

“Anytime, darling,” Magnus whispered back with a warm smile, and then they parted to take their seats. Izzy had kindly added a place setting directly across from Alec’s while the boys had been talking.

The meal itself passed pleasantly enough, mainly because everyone was too busy stuffing food into their mouths to continue any conversations. 

And thankfully, Alec’s siblings didn’t dare to bring up any sensitive subjects with Simon and Magnus present.

By the time they started on the desserts, Alec was feeling sluggish from the tryptophan and verging on uncomfortably stuffed now that his stomach was fit to burst. That didn’t stop him from enjoying a slice of chocolate pudding pie though.

So much for taking it slow... He couldn’t remember the last time he had devoured his meal that quickly, or managed to clear his whole plate twice over.

And as he forced the last bite down his throat, he was ready to curl up and take a nap right then and there at the table.

Now that the eating had slowed, the conversations were picking back up again, but Alec let the mix of voices disappear into the background as he zoned out. As far as he could tell, no one was addressing him directly anyway.

He caught bits of pieces, like Magnus exchanging cooking tips with Jace, and Simon telling Magnus about his band while peppering him with questions about being a bounty hunter.

At this point, everyone had thrown in the towel except for Izzy. She was working her way through a slice of squash pie with one hand while the other fed her bites of brownie in between.

Jace shook his head and laughed at her. “I can’t believe you’re still going.”

“Well, she _is _eating for two...” Simon stated nonchalantly, and _that _snapped Alec back to reality faster than a gunshot.

“She’s _what_?!” he demanded, looking between the two for an explanation.

Izzy smacked Simon in the shoulder with the back of her hand. “Way to ruin the surprise, babe!”

“Crap! I’m so sorry, Iz! I thought you told them last night!”

“I was going to, but things didn’t exactly work out according to plan.”

“Hang on,” Jace cut in. “Back up. Are you tryin’ to say that-?”

“I’m pregnant,” Izzy announced, beaming with pride.

“That actually explains a lot...” the blond teased and Izzy chucked the last few bites of her brownie at him. “Hey! I’m just saying, you’ve been a little bipolar lately.”

“She’s not bipolar, she’s hormonal,” Simon corrected, earning an eyeroll from Jace.

“Regardless of the cause, I’m glad you’re the only one who has to live with her for the next few months.”

“Shut up, you’re ruining my moment,” Izzy scolded, then she turned to her older brother sitting beside her, covering his hand with her own. “Alec?”

He blinked down at their combined hands before looking up at Izzy, still in a state of shock at the news.

“I know things have been a little rocky between us lately, but it would mean the world to me if you would consider being our child’s godparent. You don’t have to decide right now, but-”

“Yes,” Alec blurted out, finally finding his voice. “Yes, of course. It would be my honor, Izzy. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ll be an incredible mom.”

Her eyes instantly filled with tears and she pulled him into another tight hug.

“Thank you,” she breathed out, just loud enough for him to hear and he returned the embrace before placing a kiss on her cheek as they parted.

She wiped away the tears with an elated laugh and Jace clapped Simon on the back. Magnus smiled proudly at the lot of them.

It was nice to see a family moving past their differences and coming together for the sake of a celebration.

“I believe congratulations are in order!” he exclaimed, holding up his glass of wine. “To the happy couple. May this new adventure lead to a lifetime of blessings.”

Everyone echoed the sentiment and drank to their good fortune, though Alec and Izzy were the only ones not drinking alcohol. 

Magnus made a mental note to ask Alec about his apparent aversion someday. He found himself wondering if Alec’s father had an affinity for booze, just as Jace’s had.

When the night finally came to a close, Alec felt lighter than he had in months. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy.

And had he been a gambling man, he would’ve bet that a large portion of his happiness was thanks to Magnus’ presence. 

Any doubts about having invited him to the family dinner were gone. Asking him to join had been the best decision Alec had ever made.

After saying his goodbyes to Simon and Izzy, he walked Magnus back to his car while Jace began washing the dishes. 

Before he could find a way to put his gratitude into words, Magnus took the lead.

“I had a wonderful time tonight, Alexander. Thank you for allowing me to join.”

“Thank you for coming. Seriously, Magnus. I don’t think I could’ve made it through dinner without you.”

Magnus reached up and cradled the side of Alec’s face, running his thumb soothingly along his cheekbone.

“I think you have a lot more strength than you give yourself credit for, darling.”

Feeling a bit drunk on life and emboldened by Magnus’s touch, Alec threw caution to the wind and leaned forward, pressing his lips against the other man’s. Truth be told, he hadn’t been able to think of much else since their first kiss in the gym’s office.

Magnus let out a soft groan of approval, making Alec feel giddy. He couldn’t help but smile, and knew Magnus felt it because he returned the sentiment.

"Three kisses in one day... You're going to spoil me at this rate, Alexander."

“I’d say you more than earned it,” Alec replied, their foreheads resting against each other, neither of them willing to part just yet.

Alec was elated- not to mention relieved- that kissing didn’t scare him or turn his stomach. At least, kissing _Magnus _didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t completely broken after all. Maybe they could make this work, if they really wanted...

“Well then, I guess I'll just have to keep coming to the family dinners if a kiss is my reward.”

“We could do other things too,” Alec blurted, then realized how it sounded and jerked away, breaking the spell between them. “O-other than family dinners, I mean! We could go for walks, or I could visit you at the gym, or-”

“Or maybe we could have dinner together sometime? Just the two of us?” Magnus offered, trying to calm the skittish boy back down again. “We could go to a fancy restaurant, or if you’re not ready to face the public yet, perhaps you’d allow me to cook for you?”

He watched the tension bleed out of Alec’s body as quickly as it had come, and the boy gave him that affectionate smile Magnus loved to see on his gentle face.

“That sounds really nice.”

“Wonderful. It’s a date then.”

“I... Yeah, I guess it would be, huh?”

Alec scratched the back of his neck, realizing for the first time how different his life was going to be if they decided to move forward.

Sure, he had always presumed he was gay, but he had never acted on it before. And after Victor, he thought he never would.

He had been content to live his life in solitude and take his secret with him to the grave. That way, he would’ve never had to face the world’s judgments or disapproval.

But then Magnus entered his life and single-handedly changed everything within the span of one day. The idea seemed ludicrous to Alec, but it was true.

He didn’t want to be alone anymore. And he didn’t want to keep living a lie. He liked who he liked, and with Magnus, he didn’t feel ashamed of that.

In this respect, he knew his siblings would support him. They would want him to be happy. As for the rest of the world, Alec found he didn’t much care.

He was ready to give true happiness a chance.

With a bit of bounce in his step, Alec returned to the apartment to find Jace still in the kitchen, though he had progressed to the drying phase.

Without saying a word, Alec picked up a dish towel and began to help. They worked in companionable silence for a while, then Alec caught his brother smirking at him.

“What?”

“Magnus, huh?”

“What about him?”

“You like him.”

Alec shrugged, trying to play it cool. “He’s a good guy.”

“...And?”

“And _what_, Jace?”

“Nothing. It just seems like you two are moving pretty quickly, considering you only met last night. He must be a hell of a kisser.”

Alec gaped at him. “Were you _watching _us?!” he demanded indignantly.

Jace snorted. “Gross, dude. Do I _look _like a voyeur to you?”

“Then how’d-?”

“You’ve got glitter all over your face.”

Alec held up a metal spoon to see his reflection, and sure enough, golden sparkles reflected back at him. His cheeks burned bright with embarrassment as he tried to rub the small flecks off his skin.

“Great... I knew that was going to backfire somehow.”

Jace reached over and ruffled his hair affectionately. “Don’t sweat it, man. I’m happy for you. Really. I just... Be careful, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Magnus would never hurt me,” Alec stated with confidence, giving up on the glitter and surrendering the spoon to Jace so he could put it with the others.

“I wanna believe that too. But he’s no angel, Alec. I’ve seen his darker side, up close and personal.”

Alec let out of slow breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted the answer, but he knew he had to ask.

“Jace... What happened back then? The first time you met Magnus?” 

From what Alec had pieced together from his brother’s reactions earlier, whatever had gone down between Magnus and Valentine had to have been pretty brutal.

Jace shrugged it off but Alec could see the tension returning to every muscle in his body. “Don’t worry about it. That’s a story for another day.”

He turned to go and retrieve the tablecloth to throw it in the laundry, but Alec grabbed his elbow as he attempted to pass.

“Please, Jace. I need to know what I’m getting into here.”

The blond sighed, then turned back to face him stoically. 

“You're right. You do. But if we have to go there, I'm gonna need another beer first.”

Alec released him and Jace went to the fridge, then came back with a beer for himself in one hand and a soda in the other for Alec.

Jace cracked open his can of Bud, took a few swigs, and leaned back casually against the counter, trying to figure out how best to begin.

Alec placed his soda down on the table and sat in a chair silently, giving his brother time to think. Eventually, Jace started to tell his story.

“I was ten years old when I decided I had had enough of Valentine’s shit. I remember that distinctly, because it was my birthday and he had forgotten it, yet again. 

“He was gone the whole day, which was never a good sign. Eventually, he stumbled home from the bar, wasted as usual. I asked him why he bothered coming home at all, and he laid into me hard. Still got some of the scars to show for it.”

Alec nodded sadly. He had seen those scars plenty of times over the years. 

And sure, Robert had knocked Alec around a few times when his rage got the better of him, but how a father could inflict such physical damage on his own son was a concept he would never be able to grasp.

Robert was an asshole, but Valentine was a monster.

“Eventually, he passed out on the couch and I called the police. They came to arrest him, and I hid in the closet so they couldn’t take me away too.”

Alec’s frown deepened.

“You hid from the cops? But wouldn’t they have needed your testimony? Or some sort of evidence to prove he had been abusing you?”

“Obviously I hadn’t really thought it through. I was a cocky little bastard,” Jace scoffed. “Thought I had it all figured out. That I’d be able to stay at the trailer and live however I wanted without any adult supervision. I was foolish enough to think I'd never see his ugly face again, but I was wrong.”

Jace took a moment to down half his beer before continuing.

“He liquidated his assets and posted bail, then he was back out on the street, just like nothing had ever happened. When he came through that door the next morning... I was sure he was gonna kill me.”

Alec felt his hands clench into fists at the very thought of Valentine laying hands on his brother. He could hardly judge Magnus for literally beating him to the punch.

“Valentine knew I was the one who had reported him, and he wasn’t about to make that same mistake again. He broke my hand to teach me a lesson, then zip-tied my wrist to the bed frame so I couldn’t get to the phone.

“He left me like that for a week, tossing morsels of food my way when he remembered, until he couldn’t stand the smell anymore. Let me tell you, trying to clean that mess with a broken hand was no picnic.”

“God, Jace...” Alec muttered, swallowing back his nausea.

Jace ran his fingers through his hair, a nervous tick he had always had, as far back as Alec could remember.

“Anyway... I’ll spare you the rest of the gory details. Long story short, he was home for thirty-two days and six hours before it was time for him to face trial. Those days were absolute Hell, and counting them down was the only thing that kept me going. 

“But when the big day finally came, he had drunk himself into a stupor again and didn’t bother to show up for court. I couldn’t handle the thought of having to put up with him for another minute, so I... I went and got the handgun out of his closet.”

Alec’s eyes widened, but his brother didn’t notice. Jace was staring off into space, lightyears away as he got caught up in his past.

“I held the gun to his head with my good hand, and I pulled the trigger.” 

The blond let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. 

“But the sonofabitch had forgotten to reload it after shooting cans out back two nights before. Just my luck, right?”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that, so he remained quiet while Jace finished off his beer.

“The click of the empty chamber woke him up and he nearly broke my other hand wrestling the gun away from me. He hit me with the butt of it at least three times before Magnus came knockin’. 

“He must’ve heard me crying, maybe even screaming, cause next thing I knew, he had kicked the door down and was tackling Valentine away from me.”

“I’m guessing he didn’t go quietly,” Alec prompted when Jace’s story trailed off into silence. His brother blinked, then look over at him.

“Not in the least.”

“...What did Magnus do?”

Jace dropped his gaze again, his knuckles turning white as he crushed the beer can in his hand.

“He gave Valentine a taste of his own medicine.”

To be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We tried to give the chapter a happier note, we really did, but it took a rather dark turn in the end...  
We hope you still enjoyed reading it and would love to hear your thoughts in the comments! 
> 
> We'll try to be back with the next chapter around Christmas!


	23. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec struggles with his decision regarding Magnus, and he gets a surprise visit that changes his perspective on things. (No, it's not Santa)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! We did it! Haha Just under the wire too... Phew! But here is the latest chapter, and a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you and all your families! May they be filled with joy, despite the current circumstances of the world. xoxo
> 
> This chapter takes place primarily in the present, though there is a section of italics in the middle that represents a flashback scene.
> 
> SHTWSPNSH & Sandmann

Trigger warnings: Mentions of past child abuse 

November 29, 2019 

Alec swallowed hard, asking himself if he should quit while he was ahead, or hear the story through to the end. His curiosity eventually won out. 

“So, Magnus hit Valentine,” he stated succinctly. 

Jace scoffed. “He didn’t just hit him, man. He_ wailed _on him. He completely lost it. I’ve never seen that much rage in a person before, not even in my own father.” 

From what Alec was able to surmise from the brief time he had gotten to know Magnus, the guy wouldn’t turn to violence without extreme provocation. And confronting a child abuser was a pretty damned good excuse as far as Alec was concerned. 

“He was just trying to protect you, Jace,” he rationalized. “I can’t fault him for that.” 

The blond shook his head as if his brother were missing the point. 

“Alec, I’m not saying I blame Magnus for what he did. Far from it. I’m grateful he got involved, and I would’ve done the same had I been in his shoes. 

“But that look I saw in his eyes? It scared me more than Valentine ever could, and that’s saying something. He’s clearly got some skeletons of his own. I just want to make sure you don’t become one of ‘em.” 

Alec nodded glumly. He had a lot to process, that was for sure. 

He cared deeply for Magnus, and the man had made it clear that those feelings were mutual. But did Alec want his first official relationship to be with a guy who had personally admitted that he was prone to violence? 

What if Alec did something that pissed him off? What if Magnus couldn’t control his anger as well as he pretended he could? 

What if Alec said no or stop, and Magnus chose not to listen? 

Alec had lived most of his life in the hands of abusers. Did he really want to get involved with someone who had an equally dark past? 

It wasn’t exactly the fresh start he had been anticipating. 

On the other hand, people could change, and Magnus had shown him nothing but kindness so far. Granted, he had only known the man for a day, but when they were together, Alec was happier than he had been in years. 

He felt understood and accepted in an unconditional way. He could be himself, and that was a huge step forward from the closet in which he had been living. 

Besides, who was he to judge? Did he have any right to hold Magnus’ past against him when he himself had a list of past regrets a mile long? 

Alec’s head was beginning to throb. 

This wasn’t a decision he could make lightly. He needed to sleep on it at the very least. Maybe by morning, he’d be able to see things more clearly and reach a resolution. 

He let out a tired sigh and rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. 

“It’s been a really long day, Jace. I think I’m gonna call it a night.” 

He stood wearily, then paused when his brother didn’t react. 

Glancing over at him, Alec noticed his eyes were darting back and forth as if he were watching a play unfold, but one that only he could see. His gaze was distant, lost in his own memories. 

The older boy took a cautious step closer. 

“Jace? Hey...” 

Again, no acknowledgment. 

Alec crossed the small gap between them, then snapped his fingers in front of his brother’s blank face. 

Jace jumped at the sound, having been caught completely off guard. 

“Huh?” he asked ineloquently, realizing that Alec had been trying to talk to him. 

“I said I’m going to bed. You gonna be okay?” 

Alec's brow furrowed, knowing that delving into his painful past couldn’t have been easy for Jace. 

The blond quickly buried his demons and shrugged off Alec's concern with a forced smirk. “I’m always okay. Go ahead to bed. I'll finish cleaning up, then call it a night too.” When Alec still hesitated, Jace rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Seriously, dude. I'm fine."

Alec knew better of course, which is why he stayed awake long after his brother had retired to his bedroom, just in case. 

When the silence of the apartment stretched on for an additional hour, he finally allowed his own eyes to close and he drifted off to sleep. 

Unfortunately, the peaceful atmosphere didn’t last long. Shortly after 2am, Alec was startled awake.

At first, he wasn’t sure what had woken him, but after straining his ears for a clue, Jace cried out again and Alec leapt from his bed between one heartbeat and the next. 

He burst into Jace’s room and flicked on the light to find the blond tossing and turning, tangled up in his sheets and fighting an invisible adversary that was plaguing his dreams. 

Alec made his way over to the bedside and after a brief hesitation, he reached out and gripped Jace’s shoulder, shaking him gently. 

“Jace, wake up.” 

The blond whimpered at the touch, curling in on himself in distress. 

“Don’t, please...” Jace whined. “’m sorry. Won’t do it again...” 

Alec clenched his jaw, then tried a second time. 

“Jace, come on, man. It’s just a dream. Open your eyes.” 

“...Dad, no!” 

The younger boy suddenly bolted upright, drenched in sweat and eyes wide with fear. Once he registered the hand on his arm, he broke free of his brother’s grip and scrambled away, nearly falling off the far end of the mattress. 

“Stay away from me, you bastard!” he shouted furiously, fists raised in defense as he masked his terror with anger. 

Alec held his hands up placatingly and kept his distance. 

“Jace, it’s alright. You’re okay. It’s just me.” 

It took a few more seconds to sink in, but then Jace finally looked at Alec-_ really _looked at him- and tears welled up in his eyes, rendering him unable to speak. 

He mouthed wordlessly for a moment, then shuddered as the tears escaped and began to slip down his flushed cheeks. 

“...’m sorry,” he eventually croaked out, the emotion in his eyes painfully sincere and full of regret. 

Whether he meant for waking him or for his reaction when he first came to, Alec didn’t know. But either way, there was certainly nothing to forgive. 

Alec slowly maneuvered around the bed and sat down beside the blond who had yet to move another inch, seemingly frozen in shock by what had just transpired. 

Jace’s eyes stayed fixed towards the doorway instead of tracking his brother’s progress. His breathing was quick and shallow, and his muscles were tightly coiled, ready to fight or flight thanks to the adrenaline rush coursing through his system. 

Alec wasn’t even sure if his brother was fully cognizant yet, or if he had one foot in reality and the other still firmly embedded in the past, dreading the moment his father would come striding through that door to pick up the beating where he had left off. 

“Look at me, Jace,” Alec commanded. 

When the boy failed to execute the order, he reached out and gently turned Jace's chin until their eyes finally locked again. 

“He’s gone, buddy,” Alec stated softly, knowing from experience how to handle his brother in this type of situation. 

Jace had suffered from nightmares for years after he had moved in with the Lightwoods, and only Alec and Maryse had the ability to calm him. 

“He can never hurt you again.” 

For a moment, Jace looked like the scared little boy who had shown up on their doorstep eleven years ago. But as Alec's words sank in, his eyes hardened and the ever-present stoic mask was back in place. 

The blond let out a shuddering breath, then sniffed and brusquely wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. 

“I know,” he admitted quietly, but it didn’t sound particularly convincing. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, then began rubbing absently at an old scar marring the corner of his left eyebrow. "I didn't think he'd still have this much affect on me. Crazy how one event can impact the rest of your life, huh?"

Alec knew exactly how he felt. And he wished he could deny it or share some words of comfort, but he had none to give. How can you console someone with promises of a peaceful future when you were still struggling with your own traumas that refused to heal?

And it sure didn't help when there were physical scars to remind you on a daily basis how much you had to endure in order to survive.

If Alec were to hazard a guess, knowing more of the story than he had before, he’d say that scar on Jace's forehead had been the result of being pistol-whipped by the gun after his father had wrestled it away from him. 

There was no doubt in Alec’s mind now that his brother had been dreaming about the night he had almost shot Valentine. How do you reconcile with something like that?

His stomach clenched with guilt at having made Jace recount those memories earlier, only for them to torment him anew as he slept. 

Sometimes the past should stay in the past. But now that the can of worms had been reopened... 

“You wanna talk about it?” Alec offered, even though he already knew the answer. 

“Definitely not,” Jace muttered tiredly, closing his eyes and running a hand through his unruly hair while his pounding heart started returning to a more natural pace. 

From his close proximity, Alec could tell that Jace was trembling as he came back down from his adrenaline high. 

He wanted nothing more than to pull the boy into a comforting hug, but when his brother got like this, it was best to give him his space. 

Alec had learned the hard way that Jace had a tendency to come up swinging after a nightmare. Any physical contact, apart from the initial waking, was ill-advised. 

Apparently, the same thought must have occurred to Jace then because his eyes flew back open and raked over Alec’s body. 

“Shit... I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, sounding worried. 

Alec shook his head, quick to assuage his brother’s unfounded guilt. 

“Not at all. You sure showed that pillow who’s boss though,” he teased, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit as he motioned behind Jace who turned and grimaced at the sight that greeted him. 

Jace must have clawed at the thing in his sleep because feathers were haphazardly sticking out of the torn seams. 

Neither of the boys had any skills in the stitching department so they’d have to send it over to Izzy’s so she could patch it up for him, if it was even worth salvaging. 

“Better it than you,” Jace replied, the corners of his lips tugging upward in a poor attempt at humor. Unfortunately, the joke fell flat when a straggling tear fell from the corner of his eye and he had to wipe at his face again. 

Alec hated seeing him like this and feeling completely useless to fix what was broken. 

It gave him a new level of respect for Jace when he realized how often he had put his brother in this very same position over the last few months as Alec slowly came to terms with what had happened to him that fateful night in June. 

Jace had done his best to take care of him through his darkest of days, and now Alec was finally getting the chance to return the favor. 

“What can I do to help?” he asked. 

Jace smiled sadly at him. 

“You’re already doing it,” he responded. 

Alec nodded in understanding. All Jace needed was a distraction until he could build his walls back up again. Alec knew the drill all too well. 

He couldn’t help but think back on the time their situations had been reversed; when it had been Alec waking in a desperate panic and Jace who had been there to calm him. 

It was the morning after his stay in the hospital. 

A shower had been his first and only priority, but his consequential breakdown in the bathroom had left him completely depleted of energy. 

The last thing he had wanted to do was sleep after that for fear of nightmares, but his body had demanded it. 

So Jace had rebandaged his wounds for him, then helped him to bed. Even though he was half out of it by that point, Alec still remembered most of what had transpired. 

_ June 16, 2019 _

_ Alec’s body was throbbing mercilessly, despite the antibiotic ointment Jace had reapplied for him to sooth the whip marks on his back. _

_ Every muscle he possessed was crying out for relief now that the initial shock had worn off and only his wounds remained__. _ _ The aches were bone-deep, and thanks to the stress of the physical exam he had endured, it was a miracle he was still conscious. _

_ The sun was already up__,__ and the new day had begun. It gleamed through his bedroom windows mockingly until Jace made his way over to shut the curtains, plunging the room into a merciful darkness. _

_ Alec stared dubiously at his bed, wanting to collapse on it but not too keen on the thoughts of sitting or lying down on his back. He would have to lay on his stomach if he planned to get any rest. _

_ Jace winced in sympathy as he watched his brother haltingly lower himself onto the mattress before sinking into his pillow with an exhausted groan. _

_ The blond had bumped up the heat so Alec could sleep comfortably on top of his sheets wearing just his boxer shorts, saving him the frustration and pain of struggling into yet another t-shirt that would aggravate his wounds. _

_ Alec didn’t want anything touching his back aside from the gauze bandages if he could help it. But being so exposed in such a vulnerable position wasn’t helping his anxiety in the least, regardless of the fact that he was safe and sound inside his own bedroom. _

_ Jace easily picked up on his renewed tension and he sat down on the other side of the bed, taking precautions so as not to jostle his injured brother. _

_ Alec blinked up at him blearily. _

_ “Can I get you anything?” Jace offered, wondering if Alec preferred his company or his absence._

_“Nah, ‘m good,” Alec mumbled dejectedly into his pillow. _

_ “...Alright.” _

_ Jace desperately wanted to put his hand on his brother’s shoulder in comfort, but he was afraid the touch might cause him added pain or stress, so he kept his hands interlocked in his lap instead. _

_ “Get some sleep if you can. I’ll be just across the hall if you-” _

_ As he started to stand up, Alec’s hand shot out and gripped his wrist. _

_ “Wait, don’t leave!” the other boy pleaded, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment at how pathetic he sounded. “At least, not till after I fall asleep, okay?” _

_ Jace’s frown deepened with worry over his brother’s mental state. But he certainly didn’t need to be asked twice. He sat back down, relieved that he got to keep Alec in his sights for a while longer. _

_ “Sure. I’ll stay as long as you want me to.” _

_ When Alec’s grip didn’t loosen in the least, Jace made a point of reclining back against the headboard__, settling__ in for the long-haul. _

_ “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Alec. I promise.” _

_ Only after the added reassurance did the older boy release Jace’s wrist and slump back into his pillow. Scared or not, his body couldn’t take __any more__ and he succumbed to his exhaustion a minute later. _

_ For a while, everything seemed to be going smoothly. But then__, _ _ as he had predicted, the nightmares hit. _

_ Jace had been on the verge of drifting off himself, having worked a double before going clubbing with his siblings, when a small whimper snapped him out of his light doze. _

_ Glancing down at Alec, he saw that the boy’s brow was furrowed in his sleep and his hands were fisted around his pillow. _

_ “Alec, it’s okay,” Jace called out to him softly, hoping to ease him back into a deeper, dreamless sleep rather than wake him up completely. “You’re safe now.” _

_ But his brother was getting more agitated by the second, so Jace had to up his game. He stroked his fingers softly through Alec’s mop of hair, still too afraid to touch his back. _

_ “Hey, buddy... Can you hear me?” _

_ Alec woke with a terrified start and instinctively moved to roll away from the potential threat, but someone caught his forearm, holding him in place. _

_ His traumatized brain instantly jumped to one conclusion; his rescue had been nothing more than a wishful dream, and he was still in that back alley with Victor. _

_ He had __to __get away. _ _ Had to fight back__ before the man finished what he had started. _

_ But when __Alec__ tried to move again, pain shot through his entire body and he cried out, his muscles seizing with the shock of it. _

_ The realization that he wasn’t strong enough to save himself sent his panic through the roof. He needed someone to find him. He needed his brother. _

_ “Gah! Jace!” he managed to yell past a tight throat__. _

_ Blood was pounding loudly in Alec's ears as he tried to make sense of everything, but after a few frantic seconds, a familiar voice finally penetrated through the __brain __fog. _

_ “ _ _ Shh... _ _ Take it easy, Alec. You’re okay. I’m right here.” _

_ The older boy practically sobbed with relief__. _ _ Jace __had found__ him. _

_ Only then did he discover that he wasn’t in the alley after all. He was in his own bedroom, and a quick glance around confirmed that Victor was nowhere to be found. _

_ The rescue _had _been real. The ordeal was over. He tried his best to take comfort from that so his heart would stop trying to beat its way out of his chest. _

_ He was alive. He was safe. He was- _

_ “You’ve gotta stay still or you’re gonna hurt yourself again,” the blond continued. “Just try to relax.” _

_ Those last four words... He had heard them before, but with a thick British accent. The brief flashback hit him with vivid detail as the words triggered his memory. _

_ And those words were followed by pain. So much pain... _

_ He squeezed his eyes shut against it, a small whimper escaping him as he __tried to force__ the images away. He wasn’t ready to face them yet. _

_ Hell, he would never be ready to face them. _

_ “He’s not here, buddy,” Jace continued reassuringly. “It’s just you and me. You’re safe now. It was only a nightmare.” _

_ Alec _wished _it had only been a nightmare. _

_ But judging by the wounds on his body and the nausea that was building in his stomach, he had a horrible feeling that the glimpses he had seen in his dream were his repressed memories trying to get his attention now that the yin fen had passed from his system. _

_ He could still hear Victor’s voice in his ear, feel his hands all over his skin, smell his sickeningly sweet cologne and the stench of the alleyway... _

_ His thoughts were spiraling out of control, and even though he didn’t think he had any tears left to shed, he was mortified to find his face was already wet with them. _

_ It was all real. It had happened. And denying it to himself wasn’t going to change that fact. _

_ He had been violated in every sense of the word, and he would have to learn to live with that for the rest of his life. _

_ Painful or not, he had to move __or he__ was going to __throw up on his bed__. _

_ “J-Jace...” he warned, and then bless his brother, the blond instinctively grabbed the trashcan by Alec’s bedside and held it up just in time for Alec to start dry heaving. _

_ There was nothing left in his aching stomach to bring up aside from bile and acid, and it __burned. _ _ God, did it __burn. _

_ Fresh tears were streaming down his face by the time he collapsed limply against the mattress, energy expended and pain overwhelming. _

_ He just wanted it all to end. _

_ “Everything hurts,” he gasped out weakly, gripping his brother’s thigh to ground himself. _

_ Jace set the trashcan aside and resumed his soothing strokes through Alec’s tousled hair. _

_ “I know, buddy. Can I get you some of the pain meds the doctor prescribed?” _

_ Alec tensed at the thought. _

_ Drugs made him vulnerable and docile. They kept him from fighting back. They kept him at the mercy of others. _

_ “No. No more drugs.” _

_ Jace nodded in acceptance, having expected as much. _ _ “Alright. Then how about some ice packs for your back?” _

_ Alec took a moment to consider it. The idea wasn’t particularly appealing, but any relief that didn’t include pills would be welcomed. _

_ The problem was Jace would have to leave to go get them, and Alec couldn’t handle that. He wasn’t ready to be left alone with his thoughts. _

_ His grip tightened on Jace’s thigh. “Don’t leave. Just... Just keep talking, okay?” _

_ Maybe if he heard his brother’s voice, it would help him to remember that it wasn’t Victor sitting beside him. _

_ The blond placed his free hand over Alec’s, gripping it gently where his brother could see. His other hand brushed away the tears from Alec’s ruddy upturned cheek and gauged his forehead for fever, then went back to petting his hair. _

_ He thought about what he could say that would make any difference to Alec, but he didn’t think discussing the weather or news would help in the least. _

_ Then an idea occurred to him, and instead of talking, he began to sing. _

_ It was a song he remembered from childhood; one that __Maryse __used to sing to him when he woke from nightmares of his own. It never failed to calm him and put him back to sleep, and he hoped it would do the same for his brother. _

_ Alec stilled at the sound, his panting breaths gradually slowing as he listened. _

_ It was such a rarity to hear Jace’s angelic lilt. He never believed he was any good at it, so he only _ _ sang _ _ when he was drunk and didn’t care, or when he thought no one was around to listen. _

_ But he had the power to chase the demons away and instill a calm in Alec that settled his nerves more effectively than any narcotic__. _

_ He listened for as long as he could, and then the melody carried him off to a blessedly dreamless sleep. _

November 30, 2019 

Alec wished he could return the favor for Jace, but sadly, he hadn’t inherited his mother’s beautiful voice. He was essentially tone deaf, like his father. 

He could offer the next best thing though. 

“Scoot over,” Alec instructed, and the blond blinked at him in surprise. 

“Alec, it’s fine. Really. You don’t have to-” 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” the older boy interjected, mirroring his brother’s words from five months ago. 

Jace’s eyes widened a bit as he made the connection to the past as well. Then without further protest, he shifted himself back over to his normal side of the bed. 

Alec shut off the overhead light, then slid under the blankets on the far side of the mattress to escape the chill of the room. He easily found a comfortable position and settled in for the remainder of the night. 

Jace, on the other hand, had tensed again at the darkness and the prospect of going back to sleep. Had Alec not decided to stay, Jace had been planning to listen to music and pace the room in order to stay awake until the sun came up. 

But now, he’d have to find a much more subtle way of remaining conscious so as not to worry or disturb his brother. 

He was halfway through a mental inventory of the bar when Alec rolled onto his side to face him. 

“Jace, you’re thinking too loudly. Close your eyes and try to get some more sleep. The second it looks like you’re having another nightmare, I will wake you up again before anything bad happens.” 

Jace considered his proposal for a moment. “...Promise?” 

Alec gazed back resolutely. 

“I promise. If anyone even _thinks _about disturbing your dreams again, they’ll have to contend with _ me _first.” 

The younger boy huffed out a quiet laugh. 

The statement was obviously meant to be absurd, but it had its intended affect and, despite himself, Jace felt the tension slowly start to bleed from his muscles. 

The silence stretched on between them for a while as they both waited for the adrenaline to dissipate from their systems. Then-- 

“Thank you, Alec,” Jace whispered into the dark. 

“No need,” his brother replied. “You’ve done the same for me.” 

With that, Jace finally allowed his eyes to close, and after a while, his breathing evened out as he surrendered himself to sleep once more, under the watchful gaze of Alec. 

The next morning, Alec woke to find that he had wrapped an arm around his peacefully sleeping brother at some point during the night. 

Mortified, he quickly- but carefully- extracted himself and escaped to the kitchen to make some coffee. He and Jace were both going to need it to survive the day. 

While the beverage was brewing, his new cell phone (a gift from Jace) began to ring loudly on the counter. He hadn't quite gotten around to fixing all the settings just yet.

Afraid it would wake his brother, Alec lunged for the phone and answered it without bothering to look at the caller-ID. 

“Hello?” he rasped, not having spoken yet so his voice was still thick with sleep. 

_ “Alexander?” _ came the concerned response. _“__I didn’t wake you, did I?” _

Realizing who was on the other end, Alec cleared his throat and shuffled his feet uncomfortably against the tiled floor. “Uh, no, not at all. My brother is still asleep though.” 

_ “I see.” _ There was a pregnant pause as Magnus read between the lines. _“How is he doing after our little trip down memory lane?” _

“It was a bit of a rough night, but he'll be okay.” 

_ “I’m sorry that my presence was the catalyst for opening up old scars.” _

“It’s not your fault, Magnus. The past never stays buried for long.” 

_ “It does seem to take pleasure in rearing its ugly head at the worst of times though...” _

Alec huffed out a laugh. “You’re not wrong.” 

_ “Truth is, I called in hopes of discussing the future with you. More particularly, to see if you were still interested in joining me for dinner, say tonight at my place around seven?” _

“Umm... Look, Magnus, I-” 

_ "Uh oh. Here it comes. Let me guess, our intertwined history has managed to scare you off already?” _

“Yeah. I mean, no! Ugh, I don’t know. It’s just, it’s a complication I hadn’t anticipated. I’m still trying to figure things out.” 

_ “I understand. There’s a lot to process. Take all the time you need. I won’t be going anywhere. From what I’ve learned so far, you’re worth the wait.” _

Alec didn’t know what to say to that, but he was saved from having to come up with a response when the doorbell rang. 

“Magnus, I have to go. Someone’s at the door. But I’ll call you back later, okay?” 

He hung up as he strode intently to the front door and yanked it open before the person on the other side could push the bell again. 

Their visitor took him completely by surprise. 

“M-Mom?” he choked out. “What are you doing here?” 

Maryse’s eyebrows drew together as she took in the injuries and bandages on the left side of Alec’s head. 

“Better question... What on earth happened to your face?” 

She reached for him, but Alec drew back instinctively. 

“Nothing. It’s fine.” 

“You don’t_ look _fine.” 

“It was just a minor car accident. No big de-” 

“A car accident?! Why didn’t anyone bother to tell me?!” 

“Because we knew you’d overreact?” Alec suggested, earning Maryse’s patented glare. “Seriously, Mom. I’m okay. Just a few bumps and bruises.” 

“And your car? I didn't see it parked on the street.” 

“Uhh... It’s in the shop.” 

He really didn't want to have to explain that he totalled it if he could avoid having that conversation.

“Well, you should report the accident to Luke so he can file a proper report.” 

Alec tensed, wondering if this were a trap and the family friend had already talked to Maryse behind his back. That could explain her unannounced visit... 

“It’s being taken care of, I promise,” he hedged delicately. 

She nodded her approval, letting Luke off the hook. “Good. Now are you going to invite me inside, or are we going to continue our discussion out here in the cold?” 

“Right, of course. Please...” Alec stepped to the side and waved her in. 

“Thank you.” 

Alec led the way into the kitchen and poured them both a mug of coffee, then pulled out a chair for his mother to take and sat across from her, fidgeting nervously with his hands in his lap. 

He always felt like he was on trial when she was around. 

“Is your brother home as well?” Maryse asked, glancing around the small apartment. 

“He’s still asleep,” Alec replied, keeping his voice low and entreating her to do the same. 

“Oh. I was hoping to speak to both of you, but perhaps it’s best you and I speak alone first.” 

Now his mother looked uncomfortable, and that put Alec more on edge. 

“What’s going on, Mom? I thought you were staying with Dad and Max till the end of the weekend?” 

“I_ was _with your father. That is, until his secretary arrived to share in the family dinner.” 

“You’re kidding me...” Alec groaned at his father’s blatant stupidity and disregard for anyone aside from himself. 

“That bastard.” 

Alec whirled around to find Jace standing in the doorway to the kitchen, arms crossed and face livid. He was certainly never one to mince his words. 

Maryse smiled sadly at the boy. “Jonathan. You're awake. Come. Join us.” 

Jace looked like he’d rather drive to their childhood home and throttle Robert instead, but after a moment, he reluctantly sat down at the kitchen table and tried to reign his anger back in. 

Maryse took a sip of her coffee, then folded her hands on top of the table while she tried to get her thoughts in order. Alec placed a hand over hers, regaining her attention. 

“Mom, I know you’re worried about keeping up appearances, but you can’t keep letting him get away with this crap. No one would look down on you for leaving him after what he's put you through.” 

“That’s actually what I came here to tell you boys. I had hoped the separation would be temporary and that we’d manage to work things out, but it’s quite clear he has no intentions of fixing what’s been broken. So as of yesterday, I decided it was finally time to file for divorce.” 

Jace gave her a comforting smile. 

“Good. You’re doing the right thing, Maryse. I’m proud of you.” 

“Thank you, sweetheart. I must confess, I was a bit worried about how the two of you would react.” 

“Why?” Alec asked bluntly. “I wanted you to leave him months ago. Hell, even years ago.” 

“I know. But he’s still your father.” 

“He was never really a father, and you know it.” 

Jace frowned in confusion and looked between Alec and Maryse, hoping someone would elaborate on that statement, but neither did. 

“Robert’s... _faults _have put a lot of strain on this family for longer than I care to admit. I truly hope that from this moment on, the rest of us can repair the damage he has done and get back to being a real family again. That is, if you’ll still have me.” 

“Of course,” Jace responded easily. “You know you’re always welcome here.” 

Maryse reached over and cupped the blond’s cheek in a motherly gesture. Then she looked to Alec for his thoughts on the matter. 

“Does Dad know yet?” he asked softly. 

Maryse bit her lip for a moment in hesitation, before confessing, “Not yet. I don’t know how he’s going to handle it, so I wanted to speak to you boys first. I can’t imagine he’ll take the news well.” 

“If you’re worried he’s going to try to turn us against you, there’s no chance in hell,” Jace reassured. 

But Alec knew exactly to what Maryse was alluding, and he sat up a bit straighter, his eyes hardening. “Everything’s going to be fine, Mom. I promise. And you have our full support, whatever you need.” 

Maryse gave him a watery smile, then pulled him a bit closer by his good shoulder to kiss him on the forehead. Afterwards, she did the same to Jace. 

“Thank you, _both_ of you, for being so understanding.” 

“Have you told Izzy?” Alec inquired. 

“Not yet. I didn't think it was an appropriate conversation to have over the phone, so I’m heading to her place next and we’ll discuss it over lunch. Maybe we can all get together for Christmas this year and catch up on lost time. I want to know everything you boys have been up to over the past few months.” 

Alec and Jace exchanged a quick glance.

“That umm... That sounds nice, Mom. We’ll set something up soon.” 

“Wonderful.” She stood, and her sons followed suit. “Alright, boys. Sorry I can’t stay longer, but I don't want to be late for lunch and I promised to pick up some things on my way.” 

She gave Alec and Jace hugs, then started towards the door. 

“Mom, wait!” Alec lengthened his stride to catch up while Jace stayed in the kitchen, giving them a moment alone. “You’re not going back to Dad’s, right?” 

“No. I think it’s best I keep my distance from now on.” 

“I agree. Do you have somewhere else to stay?” 

“I do. Luke was kind enough to offer me his second bedroom. It’s just temporary until I can find a place of my own, but I would be foolish to pass up such a generous offer.” 

Alec raised his eyebrows at her. “Luke, huh?” 

Maryse shrugged, a playful smile on her lips. 

“We recently got back in touch. Honestly, I thought too much had come between us over the years, but seeing him again... It was like no time had passed at all. He’s been very supportive, especially of the divorce.” 

Alec scoffed. “I bet he has.” Shifting uncomfortably, he added, “You guys don’t talk about _us_, do you?” 

Luke knew a lot of secrets regarding Alec that he didn’t want passed along to his mother. 

“Well of course we do, silly! What kind of mother doesn’t brag about her kids to everyone she knows?” Maryse laughed lightly. 

Alec paled and swayed on his feet, feeling a bit nauseous as his anxiety skyrocketed. If she had to find out about his past, he’d prefer it came from him. But he certainly wasn’t ready to discuss it with her at that very moment. He'd have to reach out to Luke again and make sure he kept quiet.

Noting the change in his demeanor, Maryse gripped her son’s bicep gently to steady him, a flicker of doubt crossing her features. “Alec? What is it? Do you think this is a mistake? If I started seeing more of him, would it cause problems between you and me? Because if that's the case, I won't do it." 

Shaking off his flash of panic, Alec focused on the topic at hand and knew his mother needed his reassurance. 

"No, Mom. It's not that, I promise."

"Then what's wrong? Is it too soon? I don’t want Robert to think Luke and I have been seeing each other behind his back...”

“It doesn’t matter what he believes. You’ve spent enough time being miserable on Dad’s behalf. Luke is a good man, and if he makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. Don’t waste another minute on the social politics. Just do what feels right.” 

Maryse beamed warmly at him. “When did you become so wise, huh?” 

“I dunno. Must’ve inherited it from my mom.” He forced a smile for her benefit. 

She studied him for a moment longer, noticing that the humor didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Seems like that’s not the only thing you inherited from me... I can recognize a mask when I see one.” 

Alec instantly dropped his gaze, kicking himself for being so transparent. 

“Something’s changed since the last time I saw you,” Maryse pushed. “You look lost, sweetheart. Like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. What’s troubling you?” 

Alec pursed his lips and shook his head. “It’s nothing.” 

Maryse crossed her arms and quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“That line might work on your siblings, but not on me,” she chastised gently. “Something is clearly bothering you, so spill it. Maybe I can help.” 

He sighed heavily, then figured she wouldn’t give up unless he tossed her a bone. 

“...Okay. Fine. I uh... I met someone recently.” 

“Oh? Is it serious?” 

“I dunno. I think it’s still too early to tell. It’s only been a couple days.” 

“But you like him?” 

“Yeah. I do. I...” Then Alec’s brain caught up with the conversation and his head jerked back up in surprise. How the hell did everyone know he was gay before he did?! 

Maryse laughed at his dumbfounded expression. 

“I’m your mother, Alexander. I know I haven’t been the most attentive one, but I'm not completely oblivious. So, what’s this lucky man’s name?” 

Alec briefly considered making up a name, but then thought better of it and he gave her an honest response. 

“Magnus. His name is Magnus.” 

“That’s a very powerful name. Is he a good person?” 

“I think so. It’s just... It’s complicated. I don’t know if us being together is such a good idea.” 

“It’s natural to have doubts at the start of a new relationship, sweetheart. Commitment is an intimidating concept. But does he make you happy?” 

“...Yes. Very much so.” 

“And I’m guessing your feelings for him are returned?” 

Alec scuffed his foot on the floor, feeling the blush heating his cheeks. “He’s made that pretty clear, yeah.” 

“Then I see no problem. Don’t be afraid to be true to yourself, Alec. And don’t be afraid to follow your heart. Like a wise man once said, ‘just do what feels right.’ The rest will take care of itself.” 

Maryse winked at him. 

Alec gave her a genuine smile and a grateful kiss on the cheek. 

“See? Told you I got my wisdom from my mom.”

After saying their goodbyes, Maryse left and Alec took some time to think over what she had just said. Then he pulled his cellphone from his back pocket and placed a call before he could change his mind again. The other end picked up almost instantly. 

_ “Alexander? Is everything okay?” _

“Yeah. I uh... I was just wondering... Did you still want to have dinner with me tonight?” 

To be continued. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shoutout to SHTWSPNSH for working relentlessly on this chapter and making sure it was ready before Christmas. Had it been just me- you probably would have had to wait till the new year for this update... 🙈🙈


	24. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus share a dinner date, then go for a walk together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loyal readers! First, I would like to apologize for the major delay on getting this chapter written and posted. In my defense, I've had two major losses in my family within the past week, but they were both hard, drawn out processes that lasted half a month and repeatedly drained my energy and creativity. That being said, I find solace in writing so it was a relief getting back into Adrift, and I do hope you enjoy our new chapter! Thank you all for your continued support for our story, and for your generous patience! xoxo
> 
> SHTWSPNSH

Alec paced back and forth in front of Magnus’ building for a good twenty minutes before he finally summoned enough courage to ring the bell. 

He was immediately greeted by the elevator doors opening and rode the ornate contraption all the way up to the penthouse floor. 

He could smell whatever Magnus was cooking from two floors down, and the aroma was incredible. His stomach growled in anticipation, reminding him that he had been too nervous to eat lunch earlier. 

Right after he had hung up with Magnus that afternoon, he had realized that he’d never been on an actual date before, and that’s when the anxiety had set in. 

What was he supposed to wear? Should he offer to bring something? What if the whole night ended up being small talk? He was terrible with that sort of thing... 

He even had a moment of panic when he considered that “dinner at my place” was actually code for something far more physical, but then he realized he was spiraling and put an end to it by chastising himself. 

Magnus wasn’t like all the other guys. He wasn’t just looking for sex. Alec was safe with him. He had proven that many times over already. 

And the man was blessed with the gift of gab, so even if Alec got tongue-tied or drew a blank, he was sure Magnus would easily fill the dead air and keep the night from getting too awkward. 

He could do this. 

When the elevator stopped, Alec cautiously stepped into the empty living room, looking around for his host. 

The place looked exactly as it had the first time Alec had entered it. Much to his relief, there were no tapered candles on the table, the lights weren’t dimmed to set the ambiance, and there was no Barry White playing on the radio. 

In fact, there seemed to be some sort of Italian opera echoing throughout the apartment, but judging by the smell of marinara sauce, it was meant to be cooking inspiration rather than an attempt to set a romantic mood. 

“Magnus?” he called out tentatively, just loud enough to be heard over the crescendo. 

“In the kitchen!” came the distant response. 

Alec made his way into the aforementioned room, amazed by the size of it. He hadn’t seen the kitchen during his last visit, but it was certainly a sight to behold. As was the man who owned it. 

Magnus was clearly in his element, hovering over the island countertop, slicing and dicing a wide assortment of herbs and peppers with a practiced ease. 

Alec couldn’t even name the majority of the ingredients, let alone have any idea how to use them to create something edible. 

The entire room was being put to use in what Alec would consider organized chaos. It was intimidating as hell, but Magnus seemed fully in control and hadn’t even broken a sweat whereas Alec was feeling his stress levels rising just by being present. 

Magnus glanced up as Alec approached and smiled broadly at him. 

“Alexander! Perfect timing! I was beginning to wonder how long you were going to stand out there in the cold.” 

Alec felt the heated blush on his cheeks that only Magnus seemed to be able to provoke. 

“I uh... I was just...” 

Magnus laughed easily. 

“No need to explain, darling. I was doing a bit of pacing earlier as well to get the first date jitters out. But now that you’re here, would you mind stirring the pot on the stove?” 

Alec blinked at him, then turned his focus to the stovetop where he found not one but _four_ vastly different pots and pans, all serving their own purposes. 

“Which one?” he inquired as he nervously made his way over. 

“Front left. The rest are just simmering.” 

“Right...” Whatever _that_ meant. 

Alec picked up the long-handled spoon that had been resting on the counter next to said pot and poked at the top layer of sauce tentatively. He wasn’t used to being allowed to help out in the kitchen, and because of that, he was severely out of his depth. 

Magnus glanced behind him and did a double-take at Alec’s clueless efforts. 

He suppressed a laugh and came up behind the boy, wiping his hands on his apron and taking care to telegraph his every intention so as not to startle his guest. 

Alec did tense when Magnus first reached out for him, but it only lasted for a moment, much to Magnus’s relief. 

The boy was clearly fighting his instincts, and Magnus hoped it was because Alec was choosing to trust him; something Magnus would never take for granted. 

“You’re going to want to go a bit deeper than that, darling... Here, let me show you.” 

He placed his hand over Alec’s on the spoon and pressed down gently until half of the utensil disappeared into the sauce and the wooden tip scraped the bottom of the metal. 

“The goal is to keep the sauce from sticking to the base so it doesn’t burn. See? Then just slow and steady circles, like this...” 

He guided Alec’s hand until the boy felt confident enough to continue on his own, then Magnus backed off with a proud smile on his face. 

“Look at that. You’re a natural.” 

Alec shifted uncomfortably at the compliment and stared intently at the contents of the pot while he kept stirring, already missing Magnus’s warm touch on his hand. 

“Pretty sure my brother would disagree with that,” he offered by way of making conversation. 

“Oh, I think your brother might underestimate your talents.” 

Alec looked up and smiled timidly at Magnus. “I haven’t set the kitchen on fire yet like Izzy did, but let’s just say that my expertise lies with ordering food, not making it.” 

“Perhaps you just haven’t had the right teacher then. Join me for more dinner ventures, and I promise I will make an honest chef out of you yet, Alexander.” 

“That sounds nice,” Alec stated quietly before a smirk pulled at the corners of his lips. “Assuming we survive this venture, of course.” 

“Of course.” Magnus beamed at him, then returned to his herbs. 

Alec found he actually enjoyed helping in the kitchen and learning the ins and outs from Magnus. They made a pretty awesome team, and the tasks kept him too busy to worry about small talk or panic over personal space whenever it was breached. 

Magnus came over to check on him and show him new techniques so often that Alec eventually became desensitized to his guiding touches and encouraging pats on the shoulder. Hell, towards the end, he was honestly looking forward to them. 

Even his siblings were afraid to trigger his panic attacks these days and mainly gave him a wide berth. For the longest time, he thought that was exactly what he had wanted. Physical contact stressed him out. 

But now, he was realizing how touch-starved he truly was after all these months of unintentional neglect. 

By the time they started dishing out their plates, Alec was grinning ear to ear and feeling surprisingly accomplished. 

Magnus nudged him playfully, shoulder to shoulder as he handed over the breadbasket, its freshly baked buns still hot out of the oven. 

“That’s a good look on you,” he stated with his own grin. 

Alec brushed his wayward bangs away from his eyes with the back of his hand, wondering if he had somehow managed to get sauce on his face. 

He couldn’t tell if Magnus was teasing him or not, so he asked, “What is?” 

“Confidence, happiness, contentment... Whatever is responsible for that charming smile.” 

Alec scoffed self-deprecatingly but couldn’t keep said smile from growing all the wider at the man’s words. 

The dinner itself passed pleasantly enough. They were both too busy indulging themselves to keep up much of a conversation, but what little passed between them was light-hearted and pleasant. 

If Magnus was strategically avoiding trigger subjects, he was doing so effortlessly. He didn’t ask about Alec’s career, or his parents, or how he knew Cat. 

He didn’t even offer any alcoholic beverages or subject Alec to his typical flirty jokes that made the boy blush and stammer. 

They talked about hobbies, and what it was like to run a gym, and their favorite foods, presumably so they could have a full menu of options to pull from on their next dine-in night together. 

Alec mentioned that he used to love taking archery lessons as a school elective, and Magnus promised to bring him to the shooting range soon to test out his skills. 

Even though Magnus hated guns, he was well-versed in them due to his job. 

“It’s not just about knowing how to shoot. If you know how to properly hold a weapon and use it, then you can also learn how to disarm someone who tries to use one against you.” 

“You might have to teach me how to do that someday.” 

“It would be my pleasure. And maybe in return, you could teach me how to shoot a bow?” 

“Deal.” 

Alec ate as much as he could but only managed to polish off about half of his plate, a fact that Magnus was cognizant of but smart enough to reserve judgment on. 

There was no denying that the boy was unusually thin for his build, but he was hardly the first person Magnus had ever come across with an eating disorder. He added it to his mental list of curiosities concerning his mysterious guest. 

There was still so much he wanted to know, but the answers would have to come with time. He wouldn’t risk scaring Alec off with a million questions during their first date. 

For now, he was content to see the boy eating and smiling; two things that unfortunately seemed to be rarities for the black-haired beauty. 

After they finished cleaning up together, Alec felt the first vague stirrings of discomfort. He had only been invited for dinner, and the meal was now done. 

It was most likely time to leave so he didn’t overstay his welcome, but he was having such a pleasant time. 

He wasn’t ready for their night to end, but what more was there to do? 

The obvious answer to that was what had put the boy on edge and prompted him to speak up before things could escalate beyond his control. 

“I uh... I guess I should probably get going,” he blurted out awkwardly, edging his way towards the elevator with his hands buried in his pockets. 

Magnus gave him a calculating look and it didn’t take long for him to see straight through the boy to determine the cause of his suddenly antsy behavior. 

Perhaps staying pent up in the apartment wasn’t the right way to go until Alec was more comfortable with the idea of starting a physical relationship. The last thing Magnus wanted to do was pressure him in any way. 

Still... That didn’t mean their date had to end just yet. 

“It’s a beautiful night for a walk, don’t you think? I happen to know a wonderful bakery a few blocks down if I can interest you in some company and dessert on the way home.” 

The relief that hit Alec surprised him. Not just because he wasn't ready to leave Magnus’s side, but because the thought of walking home alone put a pit of anxiety in his stomach. 

He hadn’t thought much about it on his way to Magnus’ place, too distracted by the date itself to worry about the threats that lurked around every corner. But now it was dark outside, and the shadows were far more terrifying. 

He had actually been considering wasting money on a cab just so he wouldn’t have to venture down the city streets alone and tempt fate, but he’d take Magnus’ company over a stranger’s any day. 

“I'd like that,” he stated, the smile creeping back onto his face. 

“It’s settled then!” 

Magnus clapped him on the shoulder as he passed to retrieve their coats and scarves from the entryway. 

“I love taking walks this time of year. Now that Thanksgiving is over, the Christmas decorations will be up, the twinkling lights casting their warm glow on passersby, merriment in every heart, and the smell of snow in the air...” 

“Sounds nice when you put it like that.” 

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. “And how would you describe it?” 

Alec shrugged. “I dunno... Frigid, dark, gloomy... Terrifying?” 

The man laughed. “Come now! Where is your Christmas spirit, Alexander?!” 

“It usually emerges around Christmas Eve,” Alec answered absently as he struggled to tuck his scarf underneath the collar of his jacket. He left out the _if it emerges at all..._

Magnus shook his head in disappointment as he reached forward and helped Alec get his clothes situated. “I still have so much to teach you, young pup.” 

Alec’s nose bunched up in distaste and Magnus laughed, finishing with the collar before smoothing the lapels and patting him on the chest. 

“Don’t worry, there are plenty more pet names where that came from. I’ll find one eventually that suits you.” 

Alec was skeptical at best, but he didn’t argue the matter as Magnus turned him around and escorted him into the awaiting elevator. 

As they stepped out onto the bustling city street, Alec shivered; partially from the cold night air, and partially from the anxiety of being out in public after dark. 

But with Magnus’s warmth and calming demeanor by his side, he felt his nerves start to drift away. 

Before he could overthink it too much, he reached out and took Magnus’s hand. 

The man looked at him in surprise, then smiled fondly and gave Alec’s hand a gentle squeeze for support. He recognized that this was a big step for the boy, and he mentally applauded him for it. 

“Shall we?” he prompted, waving his other hand toward the open road ahead, and then they were off. 

Magnus had been right. The streets _had_ already been decorated for Christmas, something Alec hadn’t bothered to notice on his way over. That wasn’t particularly surprising though since he had never been a big fan of Christmas in the first place. 

For him, the holidays usually meant loads of family drama, and he didn’t look forward to those annual disasters. He just kept his head down and hoped to survive them. 

But here and now, he was seeing the world with a whole new perspective, and he had to admit that it was quite beautiful. 

Everywhere he looked he saw giant ornaments, ice sculptures, Christmas trees bedecked with strings of bright lights and shiny garlands, and there were even festive wreaths hung on every lamppost. 

The entire city was aglow, and it reflected back at him from the distant water of the Hudson. 

Any other night and the sight of that dark, murky river would’ve sent chills down his spine, knowing it had nearly taken his life a mere two days ago. 

He could still feel the bite of the icy water as it sank into his skin; feel the tight seatbelt pinning him inside the metal death trap as it pulled him down into the pitch-black abyss. 

But tonight, the Hudson was a river of rainbows, twinkling at him like the night sky above. Not that he ever got to see the stars, considering all the light pollution in the city, but still... 

“Are you alright?” Magnus asked, startling Alec out of his trance. 

He realized he had brought them to a stop and was staring at the river long enough to worry his walking companion. 

“Yeah, sorry. Just taking in the sights is all. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out after dark.” 

Alec winced at how the words came out, wondering how it must have sounded to Magnus. The man was sharp and there was no doubt in Alec’s mind that every little clue he let slip was another piece of the puzzle Magnus was putting together. 

At this rate, he wouldn’t have to tell Magnus what had happened to him last June. He will have figured it out all on his own. 

“Afraid you’ll turn into a pumpkin?” the man jested, but if it was supposed to mean something, it went right over Alec’s head. 

He quirked an eyebrow at the man. “Huh?” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of Cinderella...” 

If anything, Alec looked even more confused. “No, why? Is she a famous singer or something?” 

“Oh, darling...” 

Alec instantly knew that he had given the wrong answer and he felt the sudden urge to apologize for being ignorant in this matter, but then Magnus stepped closer and gave him a light peck on the cheek. 

“Perhaps next time, we should have a movie night then and I’ll show you what you’ve been missing out on all these years.” 

“Ah. So, Cinderella is an actress then,” Alec hedged, thinking he could dig himself out of the hole a bit. 

Judging by Magnus’ pitying expression though, he had failed miserably once again. Alec scuffed his boot against the ground and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

“Sorry. We uh... We didn’t get to watch a lot of TV when we were growing up.” 

Magnus nodded in understanding. 

“My family was the same way. But in my opinion, you’re never too old to watch Disney classics.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” 

Magnus let the conversation drop and gave Alec’s hand a light tug. 

“Come on. Bakery is right over here.” 

It was still early enough that there was a sizable line for the handcrafted desserts and a constant stream of people passing them on the street; usually couples or small families who were heading home from dinner or getting an early start on their Christmas shopping, arms laden with bags and boxes of all sizes, shapes and colors. 

They were laughing, joking, smiling, holding doors for one another, greeting strangers as they went, and it was a whole new side of New York that Alec had been missing out on all these years. 

Magnus flawlessly engaged a few of them in random conversation, not in the least bit worried about disrupting the status quo of avoiding eye contact and keeping to himself. 

Alec wished he could be that trusting and outgoing. But for now, he was content to hide in Magnus’ shadow and let him take the brunt of the socializing. 

Eventually, they made it to the front of the line and placed their orders. They wandered down the street a bit further until they found an empty park bench. 

Magnus sat down but Alec chose to remain standing, uncomfortable with the idea of putting his back to the dark stretch of Central Park a few feet beyond them. 

He faced Magnus under the pretense of continuing their conversation, but he couldn’t help glancing up through the ominous trees and pathways behind him. 

On one such occasion, his eyes were drawn to a sudden movement in the shadows. 

Alec squinted, trying to get a clearer visual before he let his guard down again, all the while trying to convince himself it was just young lovers taking advantage of the darkness and solitude. 

At first, he didn’t see anything. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him. Maybe there were animals chasing each other on one of the tree limbs, making it rustle and shake. He widened his search a bit further, but still nothing. 

His heartrate was just starting to slow back down again when it suddenly froze in his chest and skipped a few beats entirely. As his gaze drifted to the right, he caught sight of a lone hooded figure standing directly underneath one of the lampposts. 

The man was staring directly back at him, a dangerous smirk on his barely lit face promising nightmares and pain in Alec’s near future. 

It was Victor. He was sure of it. 

Alec dropped the second half of his cupcake in shock, his mouth instantly dry and his throat too tight to breathe. 

Magnus had just finished his last bite of brownie when he saw Alec’s dessert hit the ground in front of him. He glanced up to find that the boy had gone horribly pale and looked like he was on the verge of passing out from fear. 

Alarmed for his wellbeing, Magnus rose to his feet and reached for him. 

“Alexander? What’s wrong?” 

Alec reeled back at the contact, nearly stepping off the sidewalk and out into the busy street. Magnus leapt forward and caught him by the arm, drawing him to a halt just in time as a cab shot past, blaring its horn at them. 

“Alec!” 

The boy blinked in surprise and finally made eye contact with Magnus, his entire body trembling. Magnus urged him to step forward again, trying to get more distance between the terrified boy and the passing traffic behind him. 

“Talk to me. What’s going on?” he pressed. 

“He’s here,” Alec whimpered, his eyes darting over to the light post again, and this time, Magnus’s gaze followed, searching for answers, but finding none. 

Magnus looked back at Alec to see a painful mixture of horror, shock, confusion and defeat on his face. 

“Who’s here? What did you see?” he asked quietly, dismayed when a tear trickled its way down the boy’s cheek. 

“I-I...” Alec stuttered, trying to get his frozen lungs and numb tongue to cooperate. 

“Okay. It’s okay. Come here.” 

Magnus gently tugged Alec into his outstretched arms and held him close in hopes of staving off the shock before it overwhelmed the boy. 

Alec was shaking badly and at first, he stayed stiff, his joints locked in place. But after a few moments of Magnus murmuring words of comfort in his ear, he eventually got his hands to respond. 

They slowly wrapped around Magnus, returning the hug, and clenched fistfuls of the man’s coat while he struggled to breathe. 

A million thoughts were flashing through Alec’s head at the speed of lightning bursts. 

Had he really just seen Victor, or had it been a contrivance of his imagination? Was the man still following him? Still threatening him? Was being out with Magnus putting a bullseye on his back as well? Was his past going to haunt him for the rest of his life? 

Alec felt dizzy and disoriented. He swayed heavily in Magnus’s arms, and if it hadn’t been for the other man’s firm grip on him, he would’ve collapsed onto the sidewalk minutes ago. 

“Easy, easy...” Magnus cooed. “I’ve got you. Just breathe...” 

Once the initial shock had passed, the fear took over again and reminded Alec that hanging around here probably wasn’t in their best interest. 

“W-We should go,” he forced out, then pulled back far enough to see Magnus’s concerned face. 

The man reached up and wiped the tear track from Alec’s cold cheek with his thumb before cupping the side of his face and reading Alec’s dazed eyes. 

Something had clearly spooked him, badly. Maybe it _would_ be best if they relocated in case the threat happened to still be in the area. 

“Alright. Are you okay to walk?” 

Alec nodded weakly but Magnus wasn’t about to take the chance of letting him go. He kept a firm grip around Alec’s waist and began guiding him towards the boy’s apartment. It was closer than Magnus’s and hopefully a place Alec still felt safe. 

It took a good twenty minutes for them to reach the front door, and by that time, Alec seemed to have settled back down enough to walk on his own. Nevertheless, Magnus matched him step-for-step in case he faltered. 

His hands were still shaking slightly when Alec attempted to unlock the door, so Magnus gently extracted the keys from him and opened it himself, ushering the boy inside. 

He guided Alec over to a plush couch and eased him down onto it before taking a seat beside him. 

“Alec... Can you tell me what happened back there?” 

The boy let out a shaky breath and ran his trembling fingers through his hair. 

“I dunno,” he mumbled after a minute. “I thought I saw someone I knew, but it happened so fast... I’m not really sure if it was him or not.” 

“Who did you see? Or think you saw?” 

Alec’s eyes glazed over at the question, lost in thought and traumatic memories as he clammed up. 

Magnus tried a new approach, resting his hand on Alec’s knee to ground him in the present. Alec jumped at the touch, then forced himself to calm down. 

“Why were you so scared back there, Alexander? Has this person hurt you before?” 

The obvious answer was yes, but Alec was in no mood to elaborate on the details. He was too focused on trying to stave off the panic attack that was threatening to send him into a downward spiral. 

What were the chances that Victor would still give a crap about him after all this time? Surely he had better things to do than follow Alec around, keeping tabs on him... 

Maybe Alec’s mind was just playing tricks. Maybe he saw a regular guy standing there, waiting for someone to come out of a store. Alec hadn’t really been close enough to get a good look at his shadowed face or pick out any defining details. 

Odds were pretty good that he just had a major meltdown in front of Magnus for no reason whatsoever. And at that realization, he went from terrified to mortified. 

Victor had more than likely moved on by now. It was Alec who was still stuck in the past; still living with the fear and shame of it all. 

He dropped his head into his hands with a drawn-out exhale. 

“I’m so sorry, Magnus,” he mumbled through his fingers. “We were having such a nice night, and then I had to go and ruin it all.” 

“Nonsense, darling. Are you feeling better now? Can I get you anything?” 

Alec shook his head and straightened back up again, looking over at the other man. “I’m good. Just tired, I guess. The past few days have been pretty overwhelming.” 

“Then you should get some sleep. I can stay with you if you’d like...” 

“That’s okay. Jace will be home any minute. You don’t have to babysit me.” 

In truth, it would be at least another two hours before his brother came home from work, but Magnus didn’t need to know that. Alec wanted some time alone to help clear his head. 

“I really don’t mind,” the older man assured. 

“I’m fine, Magnus. Seriously. You should get home before it gets super late. Wouldn’t want you to turn into a giant gourd or anything.” 

Alec attempted a smirk to lighten the mood but fell just shy of one. Magnus chuckled anyway for his sake and patted Alec’s knee before standing. 

“That certainly would be tragic... Orange really isn’t my color. Although, I hear it’s the new black.” 

Alec was too exhausted to make any sense out of that statement, so he just nodded in agreement and forced himself back up onto his feet. 

“Do me a favor and take a cab home, okay?” 

Magnus smiled warmly at him. “I’m a bounty hunter, darling. I assure you, I can take care of myself.” 

“I’m sure you can, but just humor me, please? And let me know when you’ve made it back to your place safely. I won’t be able to sleep otherwise.” 

“Then for the sake of your rest and peace of mind, I will take a cab and get home sooner rather than later.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to wait here until Jace arrives?” 

Part of Alec desperately wanted to say yes, but most of him feared that the longer Magnus stayed, the more Alec was potentially putting him at risk, assuming Victor was still keeping an eye on Alec’s apartment. And that was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. 

“No, no... That’s not necessary. I’m good now, promise.” 

“...Alright. Then I will take my leave. But if you need to get a restraining order against someone, I do have connections that could help. Just say the word.” 

Alec was pretty sure Victor wouldn’t give a damn about a restraining order, but he gave Magnus a grateful smile regardless. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

He escorted Magnus back over to the front door, fiddling with his hands behind his back as the jitters started to return. 

“I’ll text you as soon as I get out of the elevator at my place, okay? Make sure you lock this door behind me.” 

“I will.” 

“And if you need anything at all, I’m only a phone call away. I don’t care what time it is. Don’t hesitate for a second.” 

Alec nodded and Magnus leaned in to give him another quick kiss on the cheek, then headed out into the night. 

Alec locked the door behind him and watched out the window with bated breath until Magnus flagged down a cab, got in, and disappeared from sight. 

The eldest Lightwood continued to watch the street for a good ten minutes after that, but if Victor really was out there, he was well-hidden. 

Alec startled when his phone buzzed in his pocket, announcing the arrival of Magnus’ confirmation text, and only then was he able to breathe deeply again. 

But shortly after the relief came the renewed tension. His brain went into overdrive as he tried to process what had happened that evening and the potential repercussions. 

If that really _had_ been Victor, why show up now after all this time? And why do it in person rather than sending his thugs after Alec again? 

Was it meant to be a threat? A reminder that he was still out there and any attempts to involve the authorities would end in tragedy? Or had he been following Alec all this time and hadn’t meant to get caught doing so? 

The implications were downright terrifying. Alec didn’t believe in coincidences. There was no way that their paths just happened to cross again after all this time. 

If Victor was going to make another move on him, it was going to be soon. 

Feeling restless, Alec spent the next half hour pacing around the apartment, afraid that if he sat down, his exhaustion would carry him off to sleep. And if he fell asleep while he was still this worked up, he’d have relentless nightmares of Victor. 

Best to just keep moving. 

His plan was to stay awake until Jace _did_ actually make it home from work, but his exhausted body had other plans. 

The adrenaline had worn off mid-circuit, leaving him feeling depleted and bone-weary as he crossed from the living room into the kitchen for the umpteenth time. 

Unable to go any further, he leaned back against the nearest wall, resting his burning eyes for a moment. Next thing he knew, his knees had given way and he had slid down onto the floor. 

As long as he remained uncomfortable though, he was sure he could stay awake, even if he couldn’t stay on his feet. But his biggest mistake was resting his head back and closing his eyes again. That brief reprieve was all he needed. 

Before he knew what was happening, his exhaustion carried him off into a restless sleep. 

To be continued.


	25. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec struggles with the idea that Victor may still be keeping tabs on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I wanted to thank you all personally for your inspiring comments and supportive well-wishes on that last chapter. It meant the world to me and got my muse going again, so really, you all have yourselves to thank for this early update! Haha ;) Hope you all enjoy, and please continue to share your thoughts! They're always much appreciated!
> 
> SHTWSPNSH
> 
> *****
> 
> This chapter was brought to you so quickly mainly thanks to SHTWSPNSH. Yet again, she did an amazing job! 💖
> 
> Sandmann
> 
> _ See notes at the end of the chapter for additional trigger warnings _

Alec jerked awake to the sound of the front doorknob being jostled. 

Jace was home. _Finally_. 

Realizing he was still curled up on the floor, Alec stiffly rose to his feet and stretched out a few kinks, preparing to greet his brother as soon as he came in. 

Except, he still hadn’t opened the door...

Alec groaned inwardly, wondering if Jace had helped himself to a few drinks at work and was now having trouble negotiating the key into the locking mechanism. 

But the more he thought about it, the less likely that seemed. 

Jace hadn’t had more than one drink at a time since Alec had been attacked. The blond preferred to stay clear-headed and alert, just in case anything happened. 

Maybe he went shopping late and was juggling some groceries? Alec was pretty sure he had just gone to the store yesterday though. 

Even so, he began making his way towards the door on the off chance his brother needed help bringing stuff inside. 

But as he turned the corner into the main hallway, he caught a glimpse of a shadow stooping down and moving from one side of the doorway to the other as if looking for a hideaway key or something. 

They had never owned one. It was too risky that someone else would find it and let themselves in. Jace obviously knew that. 

Alec shook himself mentally. Maybe his brother had simply dropped something. Maybe he had dropped his _actual _key. 

But that wasn’t much like him either. At least, not after he had stopped coming home tipsy after work. 

Jace was a very agile person with excellent dexterity and reflexes when uninhibited. Alec had seen him catch falling bottles of booze in midair after they had been knocked off the bar by overly served patrons. 

He had saved that bar hundreds, if not _thousands_ of dollars over the years with his talent. 

In fact, the only time Jace had ever really bobbled something was a few years back when he had broken his wrist while attempting to impress some girl on an ice-skating date. 

Adjusting to the cast hadn’t been easy, and his grip was weak for a while afterwards before the rehab brought back his strength. So, pending a serious injury... 

Alec's blood went cold at the thought that Jace might be hurt. 

Had Victor still been lurking outside after all? Had he seen Jace coming home and attacked him to send Alec a message? Was Jace desperately trying to get in before he lost consciousness or Victor caught back up with him? 

And then an even worse thought hit Alec right in the gut... Maybe it wasn’t Jace at all. 

Maybe someone was trying to break in. 

He froze right there in the middle of the hallway, his heart pounding painfully in his throat. 

The figure stood back up to its full height, and it was at least a foot taller than Jace. Definitely_ not _his brother then. 

Alec couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. 

And then the person drew back its arm and swung forward, smashing a sizable rock through the small decorative window beside the door. 

Alec watched in shock as the rock was dropped unceremoniously to the floor, then a thick arm snaked through the hole and reached for the doorknob, undoing the locks from the inside. 

Thankfully, that’s when Alec’s survival instincts kicked into gear. 

He forced his unsteady legs to carry him out of sight and tore up the stairs just as he heard the front door creak open. 

He stumbled into his bedroom and locked the door, then dove for the bathroom and locked that one too. Only as he backed away from it as far as the small room would allow did he kick himself for not grabbing a decent weapon along the way. 

All he had in here was a half empty shampoo bottle. He didn’t even have his razor anymore, thanks to his proactive paranoia. 

He had just started to consider going back out to his bedroom to grab the baseball bat on the far side of his bed when he heard large footsteps stomping down the hall towards his room. 

Alec silently stepped into the shower and closed the curtain, then sank down into the tub and covered his mouth with his hands to muffle the terrified panting breaths he couldn’t control. 

The man pounded on his bedroom door for a moment, then stepped back and kicked it in with force, sending what was left of the splintered wood into the adjacent wall hard enough to crack the plaster. 

Alec startled at the loud sound but managed to avoid shouting out in fear, mainly because his throat was too tight for air to pass through his larynx. 

“Come out, come out, wherever you are...” the man taunted, tossing Alec’s bedroom as he searched for him. “The boss saw you talkin’ to that bounty hunter earlier. He says all bets are off now, which makes you fair game, sweet cheeks.” 

Alec swallowed hard, wondering if he should risk pulling the cell from his back pocket and making a call or if he should just stay silent and hope the man would give up. 

Maybe someone had seen the stranger break in and called the cops already. Maybe Alec could make the call and put the phone on mute so they could track the signal without giving away his position... 

Before he could make a decision, the bathroom door was kicked open too, and seconds later, the curtain was yanked aside. 

“Ha! Found ya!” 

The beefy man, who Alec recognized as one of Victor’s thugs from the park, grinned at him wolfishly before leaning down and bodily dragging Alec up and out of the tub. 

Alec kicked and struggled, trying to break free but to no avail. The guy had at least a hundred pounds on him, and most of it was muscle. 

He was lifted by the collar of his shirt and tossed haphazardly onto his bed, bouncing on the spring-loaded mattress twice due to the force of the shove before coming to a stop. 

By then, the man was already crawling over him, pinning his flailing arms above his head with one hand while the other yanked at the front of Alec’s jeans, wrestling the baggy waistband down his narrow hips without even bothering to undo them. 

“From what I've heard, you’re a hell of a lay, kid. I’ve been waitin’ a long time for this.” 

“N-no... Please! D-don't!” 

“You should know by now that the more you struggle, the more it’ll hurt. Do yourself a favor, and just accept that this is gonna happen, whether you want it to or not.” 

The man switched focus to undoing his own belt and fly. 

Alec caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eyes and was convinced he was going to die here and now if the other thug had joined them as well when the rock from downstairs connected with the back of the big guy's head. 

The thug immediately went limp, toppling onto Alec and keeping him pinned to the bed with his significant weight. 

Alec blinked up in shock to find Magnus tossing the bloodied rock aside. 

“Alexander! Are you alright?!” 

He reached down and shoved the unconscious body off of the boy. 

Words failed Alec completely, so he simply lurched forward once he was freed and threw his arms around Magnus’s neck, overcome by the shock of it all. 

“Shh... It’s okay. You’re safe now. I’ve got you.” 

“H-how...? How did you-?” 

“I’ve been trying to collar this guy for weeks. Luckily, I happened to spot his van outside while I was waiting for the taxi to arrive. I circled back just to be sure and saw the broken window. I’m so sorry I didn’t get here s-” 

** _ BANG! _ **

Alec jumped at what sounded like an explosion going off in the hallway. 

Magnus tensed in his arms. 

“A-Alec...” he grunted out, causing the boy to loosen his grip and lean back to see what had happened. 

He gaped in horror as he watched the small red stain on Magnus’s shirt grow exponentially by the second. 

Magnus had been shot through the back, the exit wound gaping grizzly in the center of his chest. The bullet must have missed Alec by centimeters. The shock of it all stole his breath away.

Magnus clawed at Alec’s t-shirt as he struggled to form words, blood starting to leak out of his mouth as well, garbling anything the man tried to say. 

He started to go limp in Alec’s grip so the boy quickly turned them and eased him down onto the mattress beside the thug, tears in his eyes as he tried to put pressure against the fatal wound. 

“Magnus... Stay with me, okay? I’m so sorry...” he sobbed, watching as his hands quickly became stained with the older man’s blood. 

And then the shooter entered the room, gun still held at the ready. 

It was Victor, and he was now pointing the gun at Alec. 

“I warned you to keep your trap shut, bruv. You’ve got no one to blame for this but yourself...” 

Alec’s instincts told him to raise his hands in surrender, but he refused to take the pressure off of Magnus’ wound. 

Victor began to squeeze the trigger a second time, and Alec clenched his eyes shut, waiting for the pain to hit. 

** _ BANG! _ **

Alec jerked upright with a shout, his limbs flailing in panic as he tried to understand what had just happened. 

Someone latched onto his swinging wrists and he was prepared to fight to the death if necessary, but then- 

“Easy, easy! You’re alright, Alec! It was just a dream!” 

Alec’s wide eyes landed on a shock of blond hair and a concerned expression. 

Jace was kneeling in front of him, containing his wrists until Alec regained his bearings so he wouldn’t hurt either of them. 

Alec’s gaze darted around the room, but it took a moment for his traumatized brain to catch up. He was still sitting on the floor in his apartment, and Jace must have just gotten home from work to find him there. 

The glass by the door wasn’t shattered. No one had broken in. 

He looked down at his chest but didn’t find any bullet holes or blood. And Magnus was nowhere to be found. 

It had all just been a terrible nightmare. 

Alec let out a shuddering breath of relief and sagged forward, resting his sweaty forehead against Jace’s collarbone as tears dripped down his face to soak into his brother’s shirt. 

“Must’ve been one hell of a dream, huh?” Jace asked quietly, releasing Alec’s arms in favor of hugging him to his chest, rubbing one palm soothingly up and down the older boy’s trembling back while the other cradled his head. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Alec just shook his head weakly and clung to his brother, still too shaken to form words. 

“Okay. Wanna tell me what you’re doing on the floor then?” Jace pressed, trying and failing to fill in the blanks on his own. 

Alec thought back on his date with Magnus earlier, which reminded him of the man’s grim demise in the dream. He tensed up again and pulled back. 

“Magnus...” he breathed out, the only word he had managed so far. 

Jace’s eyes narrowed dangerously. 

“What _about_ Magnus? Did he... Did he hurt you, Alec?” Judging by Jace’s tone, he was about to start calling his closest friends to ask them for help in burying a body. “What happened? What did he do?” 

Realizing what his brother must have been thinking, Alec quickly tried to explain. 

“No! No, he_ saved _me, Jace!” 

“Saved you? From what?” The blond was beyond baffled. 

“These guys, they broke in, a-and one of them chased me upstairs.” 

Jace glanced around the apartment in alarm but saw no obvious signs of intruders. 

“What are you talking about? Who are ‘they’?” 

“They thought I was talking to the cops, so Magnus tried to stop them, and then... Jace, they killed him for it!” 

“Slow down, man. Are you telling me Magnus is_ dead_?!” 

Alec shook his head in frustration. “No! At least, I don’t think so. I need to call him. I need to call him right now... Where’s my phone?” 

He started patting his pockets in search of said phone when Jace cradled Alec’s face and made him look up again. 

“Alec, take a breath. No one broke in, okay? It’s just us here. You were having a nightmare.” 

“I know that! But he saw us together, Jace! He_ knows _now, and he’s gonna send his thugs after him, first chance he gets! I have to warn Magnus!” 

“Listen to me, if you call him in this state, you’re gonna scare the hell out of the guy, alright? I’m sure he’s just fine and you can check on him in a sec, but first thing’s first... Are you hurt?” 

“No.” 

Jace gave him a skeptical look and Alec realized he had been absently rubbing at his chest to chase away the phantom pain of the bullet. He dropped his hand to his lap with a huff. 

“I’m fine. Really. Heart’s just racing a bit.” 

“I bet. Why are you on the floor instead of in bed?” 

“I... I was trying to stay awake until you got home.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I think I saw him again tonight, Jace.” 

“Who, Magnus?” 

“No. _Victor_.” 

Jace froze. “Where?” he practically growled. 

“In the park.” 

“You went out alone?” He tried not to make it sound accusatory but fell a bit shy of his goal. 

“No! I went to see Magnus earlier and he walked me home afterward. We stopped at a bakery for dessert and Victor was just standing there under one of the streetlamps, watching us.” 

Jace ran a hand through his hair, brushing back the bangs that had fallen into his eyes. “It’s been_ months_, Alec. The chances of him happening to cross paths with you again are pretty slim. Are you sure this wasn’t just part of the nightmare?” 

“Yes!” But the more he thought about it, the more the details blurred and he became less sure of himself. “No... God, I don’t know...” 

Alec let out a shuddering breath, then sighed and dropped his head back against the wall with a weary thunk. 

“The walk was real. Magnus can vouch for that. And_ someone _was standing under that lamppost. But it all happened so fast... I’m honestly not sure now if it was really Victor or not. 

“I suppose it could’ve just been a guy of similar build. It was dark and he was mostly in shadow. I dunno, maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me.” 

“Did Magnus see anything?” 

“...No. By the time he looked, the guy was already gone.” 

“And I’m guessing you haven’t told him about that night?” 

Alec shot him a scathing look. 

“It’s not exactly first date material, Jace.” 

“Yeah, I get that. But still... He_ is _a bounty hunter, and one hell of a fighter from what I’ve seen. Maybe there’s something he can do to help. At the very least, he can track Victor down and see if it’s even plausible for him to have been spotted in the area. If that asshole had half a brain, he’d be on a different continent by now.” 

Alec shook his head again and wiped away a stray tear that was tickling his cheek as it slid down his face. “Magnus can never know what happened.” 

“Why not?” 

Alec stared up at him as if the answer should have been obvious. And in hindsight, Jace guessed it was. If he had been in Alec’s shoes, he wouldn’t want someone he was interested in seeing him as damaged goods. 

“Look, Alec... I might not know him well, but I don’t think Magnus is the kind of guy to hold your past against you. Glass houses, and all that.” 

“It doesn’t matter, cause it’s not worth the risk. Even if Victor is gone, he has people everywhere. If I talk, he’ll find out eventually. And he said that if I didn’t keep my mouth shut, he’d come after everyone I cared about, starting with you and Izzy.” 

“When the hell did he say that?” 

Alec bit his bottom lip for a moment in thought, then decided it was time to come clean. 

“He found me again, Jace. The night before I was going to file a report with Luke. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I went for a walk to clear my head while you were sleeping. His thugs caught up to me in the park and dragged me to a van where Victor was waiting.” 

“That sonofabitch... I’m calling Luke. He needs to know what’s going on. Maybe he can get you a restraining order or something, just to be safe.” 

Jace started to stand but Alec’s hand shot out and gripped his jacket, pulling him back down. 

“Don’t. That was_ months _ago, Jace. No judge would issue a restraining order now, or without any new physical evidence. Besides, Victor said he had resources high up, and that he could get to anyone at any time. For all we know, he could have judges in his pocket too and we’d just end up making a bad situation worse.” 

“He was probably just bluffing to keep you quiet.” 

“He wasn’t. Think about it, man. The only way he could’ve known that I was gonna talk to Luke was if he had someone working for him in the precinct. Someone tipped him off. That’s why no one else has ever come forward against him. He’s untouchable.” 

“Maybe in the eyes of the law, but the man is only human. I assure you, he’s not untouchable. If you ever see him again, you tell me immediately, alright? If the cops won’t handle it, then I will.” 

Alec rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, because_ you _going to jail for assault or murder is going to fix things... 

"Besides, it's not just the cops. I know this probably sounds like total paranoia at this point, but I’m pretty sure Dr. Spencer was working for Victor too. I overheard him on the phone talking to a ‘Vic’ about repaying a debt he owed him.” 

Jace sat back on his heels, stunned. “That’s why you wanted to get out of there so badly?” 

Alec snorted. “That, amongst other reasons... But now that you know about him, who gave you Spencer’s card at the hospital? I’ve been wanting to ask you for ages. It wasn’t Dr. Loss, was it?” 

“No. It was a cop who was hoping to grill you for details before you were discharged. I don’t remember his name, but I think I’d recognize him if I ever saw him again. He was pretty insistent about it, but I told him to back off till you were ready to talk.” 

Alec dropped his head into his hands in defeat. 

“See what I mean? This is so much bigger than just Victor now. I think it’s safe to say we can trust Luke, but I don’t want him going after Victor alone, and we can’t trust anyone else at the precinct. If I try to file a report, Victor will find out, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep himself out of jail.” 

“But we can’t let him get away with this, Alec. He’s never gonna stop until someone makes him. So maybe going to the police isn’t the right move, but Magnus isn’t a cop. He could hunt Victor down, off the radar, and no one would be any the wiser.” 

“I said _no_, Jace. I don’t want Magnus to get involved. Promise me you’ll never say anything to him about this.” 

“Alec, I...” 

“Promise me. Please?” 

“...Okay.” Jace gripped Alec’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I won’t tell Magnus about any of it, but I think_ you _should. We need as many people on our side as we can get.” 

“I won’t take that chance. He’s done enough for me already, and he doesn’t deserve to have a target painted on his back just for being affiliated with me.” 

Alec finally located his phone in his back pocket and pulled it out. 

“What are you doing?” Jace asked quietly. 

“I’m gonna call to make sure he’s alright. Then tell him I need some space.” 

Jace took the phone from his hand. 

“Alec, I know you’re scared, but you can’t keep letting Victor control your life, okay? If being with Magnus makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. You trust him, right?” 

“More than anyone,” Alec replied instantly without thinking. 

Jace winced at the admission but then nodded his understanding. 

Just because Alec didn’t hate him anymore for the drugging incident, that didn’t mean he had completely forgiven his betrayal either. 

Out of all the people in his life, Magnus was the only one who hadn’t broken Alec's trust;_ yet_. 

“Good. Grab your coat then.” 

Alec looked up at him, perplexed. “Why?” 

“Cause we’re going to Magnus’s.” 

“What? Jace, no. I just-” 

“Do you really think you’ll be able to go back to sleep without seeing him with your own eyes and knowing he’s okay?” 

Alec didn’t bother responding. They both knew the answer was an emphatic ‘no’. 

He didn’t think he’d _ ever _be able to sleep again after that nightmare. 

“Besides, if you’re serious about severing ties with him, that’s a conversation that needs to happen face-to-face, not over the phone. Come on.” 

Jace stood and held out a hand, then pulled Alec to his feet. 

The older boy was still trembling, his eyes casting about the apartment for any signs that what he had dreamed could’ve been real. It sure as hell had _felt _real. 

His skin was crawling just from being in the same location, so he took the coat Jace handed to him without any further argument, and off they went. 

The cold, fresh air helped to calm his nerves and slow his breathing. It also helped to clear his head so he could think more clearly. That didn’t ease his tension though. 

He kept a wary eye on their surroundings as they made their way to Jace’s car, and he continued his vigilance during the short ride to Magnus’, watching every person they drove past on the street. 

Alec fed Jace the directions, and it was nearing 1am by the time they parked a few spots down from the penthouse. 

As trepid as he had been earlier about coming here, now that they had officially arrived, Alec nearly fell out of the car in his haste to get to the elevator door. 

Jace had been right. He needed to _ see _Magnus before the pit in his chest could disappear. 

Jace followed him to the door, hanging back slightly to give Alec space but remaining within arm’s reach should anything unexpected happen. 

Regardless of the hour, Alec didn’t hesitate in pushing the call button. Not this time. 

But nothing happened. 

After a moment of confusion, Alec remembered that a keycard was needed past 9pm. He reached for his wallet and pulled out the one that Magnus had gifted to him earlier, then swiped it against the reader. 

He was pretty sure the card was only meant to be used in emergency situations, but as far as he was concerned, this definitely counted. 

Jace raised an eyebrow at the fact that his brother already had a key to the guy’s apartment, but he didn’t say a word as they both rode the elevator up, then stepped out into the palatial entrance. 

The blond gaped at the decor, having never been to such an extravagant place before. But Alec’s gaze zeroed in on the man who was approaching them, looking surprised. 

“Alexander?” 

“Magnus... Thank god.” 

Alec met him halfway and wrapped his arms around the man, the relief of seeing him alive and well overwhelming him. 

“Sorry for the late intrusion,” Jace stated when Magnus eyed him curiously. “Hope we didn’t wake you.” 

“Not at all. In fact, I was just reading Sun Tzu in the living room when I heard the elevator chime and thought maybe Cat had come over to share a cup of tea with me after work. Is everything alright?” 

“It is now,” Alec whispered next to his ear before easing back so he could see Magnus’s face. 

It helped that there was no blood pouring out of his mouth; no ghastly hole through his chest. 

“I’ll uh... I’ll let you two talk,” Jace offered, then wandered into the adjoining kitchen to take a seat at the table. 

Magnus took Alec’s hand and led him into the opposing living room so they could speak privately. He walked them over to the couch and they sat side by side. 

He could tell from the boy’s pent-up anxiety that something was off. 

“Alexander, what’s wrong? Did something happen tonight after I left?” 

“Not really,” Alec mumbled lamely. “I just... I drifted off while I was waiting for Jace to get home and had a nightmare that you got hurt because of me.” 

“Oh, darling...” 

Magnus reached up and cradled Alec’s cheek. The boy leaned into the warmth instinctively. 

“I assure you, I’m perfectly fine. Better than that, even. I’ve been thinking about our dinner date ever since I got home. Can’t keep the smile from my face. And_ that_, my dear boy, is _entirely _because of you.” 

Alec smiled tightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I had fun too. It was the best night I’ve had in a long time. But Magnus... There’s still so much you don’t know about me...” 

“Well of course! And you, me. We can hardly expect to learn each other’s entire biographies in one night,” he chuckled. “But I’m so looking forward to getting to know more about you, day by day.” 

“That’s just it though. I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” 

“Alexander... Whatever you think you need to keep hidden, I assure you, I've seen and heard it all. You won’t scare me away that easily.” 

“It’s not_ me _you need to be afraid of.” 

_ That _certainly caught Magnus’s attention. He leaned closer to Alec, taking one of his hands into both of his own and resting all three on the boy’s knee. 

“Does this have something to do with what happened outside the park earlier? Has someone been threatening you?” 

“It’s a lot more complicated than that.” 

Magnus smirked playfully. “I do love a challenge...” 

Alec pulled his hand free, clenching it into a fist before rubbing it with his other hand, absently trying to replace the lost warmth himself. 

“Magnus, this isn’t a joke, okay? If something ever happened to you and it was my fault... I’d never forgive myself.” 

The genuine pain in his eyes sobered Magnus immediately. 

“Alexander, I know all top ten of the martial arts styles from around the world, plus six others that are lesser known. If someone is hassling you, I'd be happy to have a word with them about it.” 

“No. I don’t want you getting involved. That’s what I'm trying to explain here.” He held the keycard out to Magnus with a heavy heart. “I think it’s best if we-” 

Magnus glanced at the offering but didn’t take it. 

“Do I make you happy, Alexander?” 

“I... Yeah, you do, but-” 

“And do you feel safe here?” 

How could he not? The place was a fortress. 

The only way to get in was through the elevator, which required the special keycard. No one would be breaking any windows to gain access to the door locks in_ this _apartment... 

And Magnus was about as far from threatening as you could get. 

“Of course I feel safe here, but that’s not the p-” 

Magnus pushed his keycard back towards Alec, then patted the boy’s hand affectionately. 

“Then my door will always be open to you, whether we’re an official couple or not. Same goes for the gym. If a relationship is out of the question, then I would happily settle for being your friend. Or even just a personal trainer. Whatever it is you need. 

“Just, please, don’t cut me out of your life entirely. Especially if the distance is only bred out of fear. We could overcome that together, if you’ll permit me to intercede.” 

Magnus’ heart broke as tears began to flow freely from the boy’s beautiful eyes. 

“You have no idea how much I want that,” Alec whispered as if saying it out loud would summon a lightning bolt to strike him down. “But I’m scared, Magnus.” 

“I can protect you, Alexander.” 

Alec shook his head sadly, staring dejectedly down into his lap where he continued to fidget with his hands. “It’s not_ me _I’m worried about. It’s _you_, and Jace, and Izzy...” 

Magnus covered Alec’s hands with one of his own to still them. His other hand reached for the boy’s chin, tilting it up and towards himself until they made eye contact again. 

“Who is threatening you, darling?” 

Alec pulled away and dropped his gaze again, curling into himself. 

“I can’t tell you that.” 

“...Has he hurt you before?” 

Alec hesitated, then reluctantly nodded, giving Magnus the confirmation he had failed to give him earlier whilst suffering from his panic attack during their walk together. 

“Have you informed the police?” 

Alec shook his head. 

“Because he warned you not to?” Magnus guessed. 

Alec nodded again. 

“What can I do to help?” 

The boy considered the question, then decided that since he was already here, there was no harm in seeking the comfort he craved. 

He leaned sideways until his temple came to rest on Magnus’s shoulder. The man’s arm instantly came up and enveloped him while his cheek nuzzled against Alec’s hair. 

“We can play this out any way you want, Alexander. But I’m not going to give up on us so easily. If you need time and some form of closure from this other person first, then I will wait for you. However long it takes.” 

“I just want this all to be over,” Alec murmured tiredly. “I don’t think I can keep living like this for much longer.” 

Magnus didn’t like the sound of that. He had seen Alec’s scars. Depression and self-harm were a dangerous combination. 

He pulled Alec in tighter, wishing he could wrap him in a protective bubble where no one could ever hurt him again, not even himself. 

He watched a few more tears drip off the boy’s chin and absorb into the fabric of his pants where they landed. Then he twisted slightly and brought Alec to rest against his chest rather than his bony shoulder. 

The tension in the younger man’s body slowly dissipated as he listened to Magnus’s strong heartbeat, the soothing sound lulling him into a sense of contentment. 

Magnus began gently rocking Alec in his arms until the tears finally stopped, and his breathing evened out. 

The boy had fallen asleep, one of his hands wrapped loosely around Magnus’ bicep as the man stroked his fingers through Alec’s soft hair. 

Now that Alec’s immediate needs had been met, Magnus took a moment to reflect on the conversation they had just shared. 

One thing was clear; someone was threatening the boy. And judging by his constant skittish behavior, the threats had been going on for quite some time. Long enough to damage his psyche, possibly even permanently. 

The thought sent a flare of rage through Magnus; something he hadn’t felt in many years. If he ever found out who had hurt this poor, innocent boy... 

“You really care about him, don’t you,” came a quiet voice from the doorway. 

Magnus craned his neck to see the blond leaning against the jam, hands shoved into his jeans’ pockets casually. 

Magnus had completely forgotten that Jace had been in the other room. He looked down at the boy sleeping in his arms as he contemplated the question. 

“More than I thought was possible, considering we’ve only known each other for a few days,” he responded honestly, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Alec. 

“Then he’s going to need you in his life, regardless of whatever he told you tonight.” 

“I will do everything in my power to keep Alexander safe. You have my word.” 

Jace nodded his acceptance, then fell silent, just watching his brother rest peacefully. 

Magnus broke the stillness first. 

“Do you know who hurt your brother?” he asked, unapologetically. 

“Yeah. I do,” Jace replied, a hint of anger in his tone that Magnus mentally applauded. 

“Was it an ex-boyfriend? Another family member?” he pressed, still leaning towards the idea that Alec had an abusive, homophobic father for a parent. 

“That’s not for me to say,” the blond muttered. “But I do hope he’ll tell you himself someday.” 

Jace pushed off the doorframe with a stifled yawn and stepped into the room. 

“We should probably get going.” 

“Nonsense. You boys are both exhausted. Stay the night. There’s plenty of space here.” 

“I can’t ask you to-” 

“You’re not. I’m offering. In fact, I’m_ insisting_.” 

Magnus gently extricated himself from the couch and laid Alec down on the pillows. He unlaced and removed the boy’s boots, placing them beside the couch before covering him with a throw blanket. 

Alec made a soft noise of protest in the back of his throat as he was maneuvered, but then he settled into the soft blanket and his lips parted slightly, resulting in the most adorable little snores that brought a warm smile to Magnus’ face. 

He brushed Alec’s bangs away from his eyes, marveling at how much younger the boy looked when he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

That haunted look had been passed back to the blond who was continuing to keep a watchful eye on his brother in case the nightmares started up again, not quite ready to relinquish his guard duty yet. But the kid looked dead on his feet. 

Magnus approached him nonthreateningly and took hold of his shoulders, turning him towards a neighboring room. 

“He’ll be fine, Jace. Come. I have a comfortable bed waiting for you just through that door ahead. Let’s get you settled, shall we?” 

Jace didn’t have the energy left to put up any resistance so he let Magnus guide him into the bedroom, then he sank gratefully onto the edge of the soft mattress, rubbing at his tired eyes. 

“There are spare clothes in the closet, and guest toiletries on the sink in the bathroom. Is there anything else I can get you? Water, tea, warm milk?” 

“Nah, I’m good, thanks. You’ve already done a lot for me, and for my brother, Magnus. I really appreciate it.” 

Magnus sat down on the bed beside Jace and took a good look at the man he had become. A lot had changed since they had first met eleven years ago, but there was still a sense of boyish insecurity about him that was common in abuse victims. 

He would always be wondering if he would ever be good enough. Ever be_ worthy _enough. Ever be _doing _enough to make a difference. 

The confidence he exuded around other people was nothing more than a mask. 

From what Magnus had gathered during their previous interactions, the blond had made Alec’s wellbeing his priority, pushing his own painful past to the back of his mind so he could focus on being there for his brother. 

But inside, he was terrified that no matter what he did, it would be too little, too late. 

Magnus had seen that look more times than he cared to admit. He had even felt those same crippling waves of self-doubt himself. But he respected the hell out of the kid for not giving up, and for putting someone else’s turmoil before his own. 

The strain of caring for another person around the clock was clearly taking its toll though. He was bone-weary, his once brilliantly blue eyes had dulled to a drab grey, and he was borderline malnourished. 

“How are you holding up, Jace?” Magnus questioned, keeping a close eye on the boy to gauge his reaction. 

Jace frowned at him in confusion as if no one had ever bothered to ask him such a thing before. 

“’m fine. Why?” 

Magnus had expected such an answer. The boy probably hadn’t opened up to anybody in a long time, let alone someone he barely knew. 

“I’ve seen a lot of bad in this world,” Magnus stated, Jace’s father being high up on that list. “That kind of darkness and hatred... It leaves scars.” 

Jace scoffed, rubbing at the scar on his forehead again without realizing what he was doing. “Sure does.” 

“I don’t mean the visible kind. I mean that ache in your chest that never really goes away; that voice in the back of your mind that tells you to check and double-check all the doors and windows before you can sleep; the vivid memories and dreams that never seem to fade...” 

Magnus knew the blond understood what he was talking about when he tensed slightly, then tried to play it off as shifting around for a more comfortable position. 

“Sounds like it must suck,” Jace replied calmly. 

“It does. But we don’t have to let the past control us.” 

“I keep trying to tell that to Alec, but-” 

“I’m not talking about Alec. Not directly, anyway.” 

Jace swallowed hard, staring straight ahead to avoid making eye contact. 

“You’ve endured your own crucible, Jace. Perhaps even a few of them. Surviving abuse is bad enough, but seeing the ones you love suffering from something that’s beyond your ability to fix? That’s probably the hardest thing human beings can be forced to endure.” 

“...I don’t need your pity, Magnus. I told you, I’m fine.” 

“It’s not pity. It’s sympathy. I’ve been in your shoes before. I know the weight you carry, day in and day out. And I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” 

Throat too tight for words, Jace simply nodded. 

Magnus gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“Rest, Jace. You’re both safe here. My room is right across the hall if you need anything. Don’t be afraid to ask. I don’t care what time it is.” 

With that, he stood and left the boy to pass out. 

Jace sluggishly stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers, then slid into the bed, marveling at how comfortable it truly was. But sleep still wasn’t easy to come by, not in unfamiliar surroundings. 

When he was a boy, he relied on knowing every inch of the place he slept in. 

He knew where the best exits were, how many steps it would take to reach the window, what objects in the room could be used as weapons should his drunken father pay him another visit in the middle of the night... 

They were survival strategies that had kept him alive, and those ingrained habits were hard to break. He caught himself mentally measuring the distance from the bed to the door. Being up so many floors, the windows were not a feasible option. 

That left one way in and one way out, and that never sat well with him. 

Regardless, he tried to ignore his fight or flight instincts in hopes of finally getting some much-needed sleep. 

Unfortunately, he just couldn’t let his guard down when every creak of the old floorboards had him tensing for a fight. 

And every time he closed his eyes, he saw his brother- bloodied and beaten- laying on the disgusting ground of the alleyway while his abusers got away. 

What if Alec really_ had _seen Victor in the park? What if the man had been keeping tabs on him this whole time, waiting for the right moment to strike again? 

How could he keep Alec safe if his brother wasn’t willing to press charges and get the guy and his thugs thrown into jail where they belonged? 

Jace lost track of time as he tossed and turned, then stared blankly up at the ceiling. This wasn’t going to work. 

With a heavy sigh, Jace got out of bed and did some pacing in the sizable room, counting distances as he went, but he still felt caged. Still felt helpless. 

Still felt_ useless_. 

Mind made up, he grabbed a pillow and blanket from the bed and made his way back towards the living room as quietly as possible. 

He froze in the doorway, surprised to see Magnus sitting in a rocking chair across from the couch, sleeping soundly. 

Apparently, Jace hadn’t been the only one who had been worried about Alec. 

He checked on his brother to find him still sleeping peacefully, and the relief finally allowed him to let some of his pent-up tension go. 

He formed a makeshift bed on the comfortable rug a few feet away from the couch, and then- and _only _then- was he able to fall asleep. 

**** 

Magnus was the first to wake in the morning. He stretched out the kinks in his neck and back with a yawn, then glanced over at the couch to check on Alec. 

The boy was still in the exact same position he had left him in the night before, snoring contentedly. 

The older man rose to his feet quietly, intending to go check on Jace next, only to find him curled up on the floor between the rocking chair and the couch. 

These boys... Their bond truly was something special. 

Magnus slipped silently into the kitchen and began brewing a pot of coffee. They would all need it after the night they had endured. 

He was in the process of pouring himself a mugful when a sleepy Alec appeared at the door. His hair was adorably tousled as he padded barefoot into the kitchen and took a seat at the bar. 

“Good morning, darling,” Magnus greeted him cheerfully, delighted by the domesticity of it all. “How did you sleep?” 

Alec scratched at the back of his head in thought. “Better than I have in a long time,” he admitted honestly. 

Magnus beamed at him. “Glad to hear it! Would you like a cup?” he asked, raising the coffee pot as an offering. 

“Oh, god, yes.” 

“Is your brother still passed out on the living room floor?” 

“Last I saw, he was. I can’t believe he slept like that all night... I guess old habits die hard.” 

“That sounds like an interesting tale,” Magnus prodded as he handed over a steaming mug to Alec. 

The boy shrugged. 

“He’s just... He’s always been really protective, you know? Whenever I had nightmares, he’d bring his pillow and a blanket into my room and camp out on the floor so he could wake me up if I started dreaming again. 

“But just knowing he was there... It was enough to keep the nightmares at bay.” 

“I’m glad you two found each other when you did.” 

“Yeah. Me too. And in the morning, he always made this huge plateful of blueberry pancakes to celebrate a decent night of sleep.” 

Alec sipped at his coffee for a moment, reminiscing. Then an idea occurred to him. 

“Hey, Magnus... Can I ask you for one more favor?” 

“Of course, darling. Name it.” 

“...Can you teach me how to make pancakes?” 

To be continued. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Mentions of attempted non-con and self-harm, but nothing too graphic (for a change... ;) )


End file.
